Always the same 5hit...

[Desdinova]

So I'm not gonna lie... I like being in a LTR. I prefer to progress with one woman rather than sleep with a bunch of them. I don't want to get married again nor even live with one, I just wanna keep them around for a while.

That being said, I keep slamming into the same problems with women. They usually end up in one of those "we need to talk" moments (like tonight) and the issues are always the same. They want kids and marriage, I don't. The first post-marriage LTR brought it up and I just told her that I'm currently not at a point in my life where I want those things. After that, she wanted to hang onto me harder.

The next LTR brought it up and I told her that maybe sometime down the road I will, but I'd like to wait at least another year before discussing those issues. Then she broke up with me.

This one (whom I'm not in a LTR with) has begun to bring up these issues. I haven't given her answers yet, but I'm thinking to go with what I said to the first one, telling her that I'm not at a point in my life where I want that stuff.

Usually this stuff is only words, and we know how a woman's words are just by-products of how she's currently feeling. Any ideas on how to handle this 5hit?

 

[dasein]

Have experienced the same thing several times. I blame lots of this on wussy men who shack up, give way too much time, and start declaring love in the first months. Then the GFs of these gloat in their social network (despite that she will be bored to death and running to get away from "schmo" in 3 months), and women dating normal guys who have a healthy restraint and attitude think they are being used or played. Chumps dating the BFFs of the women I end up dating have caused me untold misery in this respect. "Joe stays with Betty every night, you and I only see each other twice a week if that." ...and we've been dating all of two months. F you "Joe," you puss! LOL.

Of course another part of the problem is women have been told that they should get everything they want the exact instant they want it, that they "deserve" things without earning them, etc., and that contributes to totally unrealistic expectations. If you are the age your profile says, you are in the prime "tick-tock" years, so will likely have to either date younger or older women or get used to it until the culture shifts. Sorry couldn't be more helpful, as I've never figured out a strategy to address it. Maybe make fun of her friends who are all up each others ass in the early months in a preemptive way.

 

[Boilermaker]

My uncle, who was an unbelievable womanizer, used to advise me to tell the exact opposite to women in my life.

Always convey to them that you are going to marry them eventually.

Never, ever tell'em you are never going to marry them. That's like an HB9 telling you she will never ever sleep with you. It just disconnects the relationship instantly. That's why you're losing your LTRs. Always talk about a common future, marriage , create an illusion of a future together ...

This could be a temporary phase for her and you can just dodge the bullet.

Why are you telling them the truth and letting them break up with you?

Do this quickly before an idiot moralist comes an argues women have a right to know the truth ...

Yuck.

 

[samspade]

My uncle, who was an unbelievable womanizer, used to advise me to tell the exact opposite to women in my life.

Always convey to them that you are going to marry them eventually.

Never, ever tell'em you are never going to marry them. That's like an HB9 telling you she will never ever sleep with you. It just disconnects the relationship instantly. That's why you're losing your LTRs. Always talk about a common future, marriage , create an illusion of a future together ...

This could be a temporary phase for her and you can just dodge the bullet.

Why are you telling them the truth and letting them break up with you?

Do this quickly before an idiot moralist comes an argues women have a right to know the truth ...

Yuck.

I was gonna be the idiot moralist for a second. Not because I think she has a right to know, but so you can look yourself in the mirror and know you dealt with her openly. But Boilermaker has a point here. If you want to keep it moving a while longer, you'll have to at least commit a lie of omission. Sooner or later, all women who are serious about marriage/kids will make you fish or cut bait. But you can at least stretch out the LTR a while longer by not being so frank. Shyt, you might learn some good stuff about her based on what kind of wedding she envisions - if she'd rather travel the world with you than have a big expensive wedding she might be worth hanging onto longer than you think.

 

[floydb25]

Boiler has a good point, but there's too much assuming going on. Namely, that these girls are going to fall for these lies. As you get older and have more life experience - you tend to be able to spot this **** easier, and not fall prey to lies and manipulations... as they've already gone through it all, and been played, etc. This **** usually only works on younger, naive, less experienced folk. Only a dumbass would get strung along after age 25-28. As well, you become more impatient with wishy washy folk.

Then there's also the moral question of if you are willing to lie and string girls along with false hope. Some people are selfish and don't give a ****, so who knows.

As it stands, it sounds like you're ****ed. Not many bishes are going to be down with this grey area. They either want to just **** / be FWB's and remain single while having someone around (ie, be their safety net), or get married and blah blah.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Des,
" I like being in a LTR. I prefer to progress with one woman rather than sleep with a bunch of them. I don't want to get married again nor even live with one, I just wanna keep them around for a while."....At your age,this is the only way to go...
Sam,thought about moralising but like me judged that a Mans Morals are his alone,and not for others to alter....However it is always interesting to look at "the lives of others".....At about 37 I started a LTR....About 7 Years into it,my partner about 30 at that time,got a strong urge to have Children she promised never to push me into marriage,but wanted Kids.....None the Less five years and two daughters later she held a gun at my head,took the kids away and said she wouldn't come back unless I married her!...Difficult huh?...and so eventually she jumped the fence and ran off with two Lesbians,the daughters are very close to me,when I had both my hips replaced,they were real stalwarts...but the episode cost me a cool million,you can have a lot of fun for that!....Would I do it again?probably not!

 

[backbreaker]

Here is the fallacy with that line of thinking samsade.


you are assuming that your position on marriage and kids is infallible. f

When I met my wife I didn't want a freaking wife. Or a kid. But I had the sense to say.. you know what.. give me a reason to want to. if you can't you weren't worth it anyway.

think about like this. think about 36 year old samsade. then think about 26 year old samsade. then think about 16 year old samadade. I can list 20 different things.. let's take 10


Religious views
political views
views on fiscal responsibility
views on sex and relationships
views on style and dress
views on hobbies
views on music


I guarantee you that more than half of those for everyone above have changed in the last 10 years. and from 10 years earlier it changed from then.


What am I trying to say? tell the woman the truth! this is a problem I seriously don't understand why most men don't see. it's very simple. just say "I don't know". I really don't. i'm not saying no. i'm ont saying yes.

my wife and I talk went like this pretty much. We were in Lexington, KY I took her on a trip with me to keeneland. I was hitting on some biches and she got mad and got her own hotel room. she didn't talk to me at all the next day. then the day after she found me and we had this talk and she was like backbreaker what do you want. seriously what do you want. don't waste my time. i'm 5 years older than you and I like you a lot and blah blah blah but I can't waste time while you play around. what's our future?

I respected her feelings enough where I told her I didn't want to shoot from the hip and sound like a used car salesman, so I told her to give me a few hours to concenplate my thoughts. then I sat her down and told her look, I really like you. Do I want to marry you right now? no I don't. Will I want o marry you in the future? I don't know but that's really up to you not me. I told you I would stop seeing other girls if you gave me a reason to and I did (We were dating at this point, about 3 weeks). Now I am telling you that if you give me a reason to want to marry you, I probably will. I Don't want kids but I've never dated a woman worth having kids with. I don't want to be married but I've never met a woman worth wanting to marry.

that's all It took. i'm not saying it never was an issue in the future and she couldn't get a little insecure at times but she never ever put the screws to me again I gave her the blueprint and left her to follow it.

but stop with the definitive stands, I don't know what I am going to want 10 years from now honestly. 6 years ago I didn't want a kid. 3 years ago I was praying for the day my son could be self sufficient. now **** I want another lol.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Any ideas on how to handle this 5hit?

Vasectomy?

 

[Desdinova]

Vasectomy?

I have one a few years back

Always convey to them that you are going to marry them eventually.

Never, ever tell'em you are never going to marry them. That's like an HB9 telling you she will never ever sleep with you. It just disconnects the relationship instantly. That's why you're losing your LTRs. Always talk about a common future, marriage , create an illusion of a future together ...

I'm such a hard-ass about what I DON'T want in my life, and I've never really thought about it that way. I guess it's one of those things where you have to let the woman have her fantasies about you and her together, and even encourage it.

I think I know how to respond to her now: portray the fact that while I'm currently not thinking about marriage, I am very open to falling in love, being committed to someone, and even willing to consider reversing the vasectomy.

 

[zekko]

Always convey to them that you are going to marry them eventually.

Even I don't rule it out entirely. I figure if I ever got a terminal disease, I could marry my girlfriend just to make sure she wouldn't have to pay a huge tax bill from inheriting my stuff.

I know women are really into the marriage and children thing. I've been noticing lately how sooooo many girls have kids. And they like marriage because then they feel they're getting something for the time they're "investing" in you. That way they know they are legally entitled to some of your stuff once they get tired of you and divorce you.

So I'm not gonna lie... I like being in a LTR. I prefer to progress with one woman rather than sleep with a bunch of them.

Frankly, I prefer this also. You're not alone. I've been through my plate spinning days. So don't let them call you a beta faggot. :trouble:

 

[Desdinova]

Frankly, I prefer this also. You're not alone. I've been through my plate spinning days. So don't let them call you a beta faggot. :trouble:

I have no problem spinning plates, but I just get tired of the same old fvcking routine. It's like traveling down a bunch of different roads and then hitting a roadblock on each of them. I never get to see where those roads go.

I've been dating this girl for about a month and a half. Her best quality is that she lives on her own and maintains all her 5hit by herself. The other girls I've dated who are like that had issues from day one. I'm not seeing anything like that with her yet, so I'm cool with going a little further. I'm guessing this is the point where she wants to become "official". I like the idea, but I still barely know this girl. However, I know that ALL women need to either become official or move on when they're seeing a guy, and it's usually at this point in time.

I've got one other plate spinning as well, but she lives out of town. I'm seeing her tonight at a social and guessing that this is the last time I'll be seeing her. That's fine too. I'm more interested in using her as a pivot to see if I can find something else. Anything can happen.

 

[Demodulate]

My uncle, who was an unbelievable womanizer, used to advise me to tell the exact opposite to women in my life.

Always convey to them that you are going to marry them eventually.

Never, ever tell'em you are never going to marry them. That's like an HB9 telling you she will never ever sleep with you. It just disconnects the relationship instantly. That's why you're losing your LTRs. Always talk about a common future, marriage , create an illusion of a future together ...

This could be a temporary phase for her and you can just dodge the bullet.

Why are you telling them the truth and letting them break up with you?

Do this quickly before an idiot moralist comes an argues women have a right to know the truth ...

Yuck.

this post was just a major ah-ha moment for me...

I have always tried to be upfront and honest with my woman... and all the good ones I could possible see myself with long term leave around 6 months... its like clockwork... why? I am never willing to commit to them at that point in time, and I have lost some really sweet girls because of it...

 

[Colossus]

Cue PlayHerMan calling everyone who likes LTRs beta faggots....


Seriously though, this is a fact of life. Something I reconciled a long time ago in my mind is that ALL women want marriage and/or children eventually. I rarely make absolute statements but you can really take this one to the bank. Some more than others, obviously.

I think, and this is just my opinion, that you can find a middle ground between being brutally honest and leading them on a bit. I would just tell them "Listen, at this point in my life I really don't want to be married. I like you a lot, and in a few years who knows, I may change my tune. But for now this isn't something I can envision happening anytime soon. Also, I've had my kid(s), so I had a vasectomy. Reversals are risky and that's just not something I'm interested in right now."

That way you give them a little hope to hang on to, but you are effectively shelving it for the time being. She will definitely bring it up again, but this is probably the best way to buy time without being completely dishonest.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Cue PlayHerMan calling everyone who likes LTRs beta faggots....

Lol.. I guess its getting annoying huh? Sorry but I say it for GOOD REASON.

Take the OP's situation for example. Something he sees as a "problem" is really not a problem. If the girl wants marriage and kids but you don't.. a little word call NEXT comes to mind.

So what's the problem? --> Oneitis. The man gets attached to the woman and is scared of saying, doing, or believing the wrong thing and thus "losing her". :nervous:

The OP is frustrated because he wants to KEEP these women.. he just doesn't want to marry or reproduce with them. Not a realistic outlook.

Once men understand that any relationship that benefits THEM will be at the woman's expense and vice versa.. they will stop trying to KEEP women and learn to enjoy them. There is no win-win in romantic relationships. SOMEONE has to sacrifice.. and its usually the man. Modern women are far too selfish and entitled (in most cases) to take the short end of the stick.

You see.. the only way to KEEP a woman long-term is to eventually submit to her. This is beta.. thus the term "beta fag" comes to mind.

So while I may say offensive things.. there is logic and thought behind my words. I'm not just talking out of my ass.

 

[Desdinova]

Take the OP's situation for example. Something he sees as a "problem" is really not a problem. If the girl wants marriage and kids but you don't.. a little word call NEXT comes to mind.

I find it totally unnecessary to NEXT a woman based on her desire to be a wife and mother. They've been conditioned to be this way since childhood. The truth of the matter is women never mean what they say, they follow what their emotions are telling them. They change their mind when their emotions change. That's the nature of woman and I'd be celibate if I were to next a woman based on her desire to commit.

The man gets attached to the woman and is scared of saying, doing, or believing the wrong thing and thus "losing her"

This entire website promotes saying, doing, and believing things to attract women, so why not do it to keep them as well?

Once men understand that any relationship that benefits THEM will be at the woman's expense and vice versa.. they will stop trying to KEEP women and learn to enjoy them.

The purpose of keeping a woman is to enjoy her for a longer period of time.

the only way to KEEP a woman long-term is to eventually submit to her.

Disagree. The "jerk" does not submit to her and she will constantly keep going back to him.

Des--what makes you want to keep a woman around yet not marry one?

I've already done the marriage thing. The money put into it and the legal 5hit isn't worth it. I enjoy the progression of the relationship, and a legally binding contract is not necessary to progress.

If she wants a wedding, I'm cool with a pseudo one. We can have a huge party, invite family, have a ceremony, but there would be no signing of legal documents. She gets to be princess for a day, and we don't have to deal with a retarded legal document.

 

[zekko]

I find it totally unnecessary to NEXT a woman based on her desire to be a wife and mother. They've been conditioned to be this way since childhood. The truth of the matter is women never mean what they say, they follow what their emotions are telling them. They change their mind when their emotions change. That's the nature of woman and I'd be celibate if I were to next a woman based on her desire to commit.

Right, it's almost a red flag if they don't want to commit. Because what's the alternative then? That they aspire to be a slvt riding the c0ck carousel for life?

This entire website promotes saying, doing, and believing things to attract women, so why not do it to keep them as well?

Yeah, it doesn't really make sense to attract someone just so you can show them the door (unless she deserves it). It's like reading a book on making money just so you can throw the money in the street after you've made it. I know there's the whole "She's just a hole" way of thinking, but I don't buy into it. If that's all there is to it, you'd be better off just buying a blow up doll, or a pocket pvssy.

You see.. the only way to KEEP a woman long-term is to eventually submit to her.

I can't disagree with this strongly enough. It defeats the whole point of the male/female relationship, which is one in which the male leads and the female submits. I'd say you have a better chance of keeping the woman if you play the strong masculine role, that's what they're wired to respond to. Why woud you play the feminine role when you are a man?

 

[PlayHer Man]

I can't disagree with this strongly enough. It defeats the whole point of the male/female relationship, which is one in which the male leads and the female submits. I'd say you have a better chance of keeping the woman if you play the strong masculine role, that's what they're wired to respond to. Why woud you play the feminine role when you are a man?

The vast majority of married men are playing the feminine role --> Committing to a woman. Monogamy is feminine to begin with. :crackup:

"Monogamy is by it’s nature exploitive of males. A basic fact of sexual reproduction (at least of the kind that mammals employ) is that reproductive resources are not evenly distributed, and the supply and demand ratio favors the female.

This enables the female to demand something “extra” in exchange for her resources. This is true even in the majority of species where neither of them gets pregnant or lays giant eggs but simply ejaculates their cells into the water or into a cavity or something – eggs are fewer than sperm.

The nuclear family arrived with agriculture as a way of creating efficient work units to increase production. Thus the Kingdom joined with women in imposing burdens on men and getting them to “be useful”.

Useful to who?

To someone who derives benefits from our efforts in exchange for nothing basically. Women need men to have children, we don’t owe them anything, they aren’t doing it for anyone other than themselves, they’re simply demanding tribute, along with the Kingdom, because they can.
Just say no."

 

[sodbuster]

I usually don't make it that far. It usually ends when she figures out I don't think she's smart enough to run my life...

 

[Boilermaker]

In a few weeks from now, PlayHerMan will declare, in a colorful post, intercourse with a woman is ultimately a feminine and cowardly act because you are, at the end of the day, he'll argue, submitting your penis into the vagina on the woman's terms. Since, at any given point during the process of copulation, she bears the legal right to not consent to further action, forbidding your alpha semen from being ejaculated, he'll add, consolidating his theories with the field of evolutionary psychology; we are at the mercy of those evil cvnts in a very vulnerable state with erect penises that could (God Forbid) bring our demise as mankind in the next decade or so ... This is unacceptable, gents. We must abstain yesterday, no exceptions!

Relationship are already unacceptable, as some of you may have got the memo, and you have to sarge the streets night and day; like rabid dogs when the times call for it, so be it, and rape,if required, under destitute circumstances, to avoid the poor man's diease: LTR with a woman, and to maintain your alpha-tude.

Understood, faggots ?

 

[Zunder]

Well, she wants her day in white, and then for you to follow that up with being a sperm donor. You are just a side issue.

A woman who is deep into you will sacrifice just about everything to keep her man happy, and that means no kids and no marriage if that what it takes to keep your alpha azz by her side.

Playerman mentioned soemthing about someone has to sacrifice. In the good old days both parties sacrificed-- the man would go to and to work and bust his azz for 8-12 hours a day, and the women stayed home, cooked, cleaned, and looked after the kids--usually four or more little ankle biters.

This all worked quite well for many decadese, men and women both knew their place -- then along came the feminazi kuntfaces who fvcked it all up. Th govt didn't mind as all this "equal" shyt meant more tax take if women were out their working too.--fuvck the social consequences of both parents working...

Why in the fvkcing world would a man want to get married these days is beyond my comprehension.

If she wants to be with you -- she will be, no matter what. If she leaves you over non-mariiage and non kids--then she can fvck off because she saw you as a walking sperm bank -- that's it.