After the second date: "I have a boyfriend."

[ChesterB]

She's the "sick girl" if you have read my previous post: http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=47437
This thread is also about her:
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=48480 Briefly described, on our first date, there was not much physical action, but I really enjoyed and she obviously, too. Similarly, the second date. Though I took her hand when we met and she reacted a bit strange then, so I let go. At the end of date #2 she said "See you soon."

Anyway, one day later she sent me an SMS: "Hi ChesterB! I really enjoyed yesterday and I urgently have to tell you something. I've got a boyfriend. Anyway, I'd be pleased if we could meet again soon."

Now what's this? Does she really have a boyfriend? Why did she give me her number then???

This sucks!

 

[Chewy Bagel]

You could ask her how this changes things between you two.

I think she's indirectly trying to give you the LJBF line.

It seems like she'll keep you around to stroke her ego, but unless she is talking about dumping her bf, you're not the guy she wants to date.

Meh, anyhoo, you can keep her on the back burner, keep her around for social proof, call her late at night when you're drunk looking for play, but I would consider her 'plan b' and keep looking for other girls.

CB

 

[Omega]

SMS her back saying:

"I thought we were just friends. I wasn't aware you wanted to that sort of relationship.."

Bust her.


EDIT: Just to add, if she asks "What do you mean?" just say something like "Well from your SMS, it sounded liek you wanted to dump your bf for me and I thought we were just friends.."

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

She knows you like her and want more than ljbf - so don't see her again! Tell her, "when ypu no longer have a b/f, give me a call!!"

 

[JohnJones]

Originally posted by R3N3GAD3
SMS her back saying:

"I thought we were just friends. I wasn't aware you wanted to that sort of relationship.."

Bust her.

Good one.

 

[c-note]

I have to give props on that one! "I wasn't aware that you wanted that type of relationship" thats clever as hell. Thats why I love this site!

 

[legolas]

Look ChesterB,

The thing about the bf could mean many, many different things. Even if you did know exactly what it "really" meant, it wouldn't do you much good because you'd be acting based on circumstance rather than based on who you are and what you want. What I'm trying to get at is this:

Let's say that you assume that by "I have a bf" she means "let's just be friends" How would you act? You might say "okay, let's be friends" Now let's say that in fact she really meant "you're moving too fast" or "I'm insecure and have problems with commitment, so I'm saying this to push you away" Would you act any differently? Why?

The problem ocurrs later on when she's saying things and doing things as she feels them but you're in your head thinking "Damn what should I do next? What should I say now?" I get myself in this type of problem a lot. This is dealing with issues on a situational basis, of course based on what she says or what she does. It almost feels like she's doing what she feels like doing while you are chasing after her. Let me ask you, Who's in control?

Now if you had a pretty good idea of who you are and what you really want, you'd be acting the way you wanted and have her chase after you. Let's say if you wanted a relationshiip with this girl, and had a good handle on your needs, you'd be pretty much calling her BS, if indeed it is BS, without having to think. For example:

You know you want a relationship and are pretty much not attached to this girl like a lifesaver, you'd naturally say "Well I'm sorry to hear that, I was looking for a single girl so I guess we'd have to remain friends" Or if your personality was not so friendly you'd say "I'm sorry to hear that, but i"m looking for a single girl at the moment" and leave it at that.

Do you see where this is going?

 

[ChesterB]

If you're curious: I did as PuertoRican_Lover wrote. I like it, because
a) it fits my style. What R3N3GAD3 wrote is good, but it doesn't fit me.
b) it's ambiguous. If she really has a boyfriend, it means "Call me when you dumped him." If she doesn't, it means "Call me when you changed your mind. / got over your problems."

But, to be realistic: I don't think I'll ever hear from her again and I'm not going to call her.

Legolas, thanks for your analysis. I don't think, I was moving too fast - holding hands on the second date isn't fast, is it? Can't you read on this site that you should kiss a girl on the first date, which I didn't?
Well, everything you wrote is possible and I will never know.

Does anyone have another explanation?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I take it, you said it in an unaffected, no big deal kind of way.

 

[Paradox]

Originally posted by Chewy Bagel
You could ask her how this changes things between you two.

I think she's indirectly trying to give you the LJBF line.

It seems like she'll keep you around to stroke her ego, but unless she is talking about dumping her bf, you're not the guy she wants to date.

Meh, anyhoo, you can keep her on the back burner, keep her around for social proof, call her late at night when you're drunk looking for play, but I would consider her 'plan b' and keep looking for other girls.

CB

Is "I've got a boyfriend" the new LJBF line or is it that she is being truthful?

 

[Reto]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
She knows you like her and want more than ljbf - so don't see her again! Tell her, "when ypu no longer have a b/f, give me a call!!"

I completely agree.

You asked her out. She accepted. By her not telling you up front, means she played you. I'd be p!ssed!

The BF excuse may be a lame excuse just to blow you off. There may not even be a BF. Who knows? Still, I'd be pissed for wasting my valuable time if she does...

Either way, I wouldn't see her again...

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Originally posted by Paradox
Is "I've got a boyfriend" the new LJBF line or is it that she is being truthful?

I have seen immature girls use the "I've got a boyfriend" line to reject guys just like alot of women use LJBF to reject guys. What I meant was that she was possibly using the boyfriend excuse to reject him..

If she was being truthful, then good for her, but I told him that I would use her as a 'plan b' and keep looking for more girls.

I don't belive that whole philosophy that women don't lie and men don't listen. Girls lie alot (but so do guys).

 

[isotope]

she still wants to see you so maybe she is thinking of trading in the bf.

if you think she digs you, she may be picking you

 

[DreamerZZ35]

WFT???

Tell me Chester, do you like pain? This female has treated you like dung. She is immature, lack integrity and plays games with you. What the HECK is wrong with you?

Why are you bothering with some BIMBO who messes around with other men while she has a boy friend? That means the c*nt lacks integrity She fools around on him, she'll fool around on you.
Quit being such a pvssy, dump this loser and go meet some new girls who arent so messed up in the head!!!!!!!!

I cant even believe you are still wondering or worrying about this female.... WHY???????????

 

[NaturallySelected]

I really enjoyed yesterday and I urgently have to tell you something. I've got a boyfriend. Anyway, I'd be pleased if we could meet again soon."

Now what's this? Does she really have a boyfriend? Why did she give me her number then???

This sucks! [/B]

Annoying, isn't it? Damn I hate it when women\girls\ladies do this. Sorry dude but I don't think she's interested, the hand-holding freaked her out and she tells you she has a boyfriend so you know she's "off-limits" . The part about being "please if we could meet again soon" is just a way of turning you down nicely. Walk away knowing you gave it your best shot and go find another lady. As far as this one goes tell her you're purely interested in "just being friends", I got some action after I told a girl with a BF this

Regards
NaturallySelected