Advice wanted - when is it 'being bold and making a move' and when is it 'chasing'?

[Garand]

Hi all,

I'm relatively new to this whole scene and have identified one common stumbling block I often seem to run into with some girls.

I'm generally quite good at the whole push-pull c&f thing to build initial attraction; I'm confident enough that I don't really mind talking to girls and am comfortable in most social situations and often find this yielding initial results from girls in the form of interest in me but I find I have difficulty reconciling the two schools of thought I read about on these forums.

The paradox, as we all know, is that actively pursuing a girl leads to a decrease in her interest in you and is directly counter-productive. I find I often get myself to the level where I'm thinking "OK, this is going fairly well, she's giving me good signs... I'm gonna start increasing the flirting level with her." but the second I start actively making efforts to pursue her (such as increasing kino) her interest level plummets pretty rapidly.

I'm generally unsure how to proceed, one part of me is thinking I should just be bold, 'be the man!' and show her i'm not afraid to display my attraction for her but whenever I do it seems to backfire, should I be making her chase me for longer to build more attraction first?

Basically, how do I get her to chase me WHILST keeping the escalation momentum in the relationship up? How do you judge when to be bold and make moves and when to hold back and make her want to chase you?

Thanks for any advice I receive.

 

[Garand]

Thanks oldschooler,

what's anti-dump's machine? I already do the whole talking to other girls thing in front of them and generally think I'm being relatively patient and I don't think I come across as needy mainly because I'm not a needy person anyway.

I'm considering trying something like whenever I begin to escalate, say I start using more intimate kino, I 'balance' it by verbalising an IOD, possibly a false-disqualifier or just generally teasing them so they aren't sure if I'm actually hitting on them or just messing around - what do people think to this?

 

[Yahooey]

Anti-Dump was an active member a few years back. Another well known poster, Pook, presented his philosophy in a compilation of his posts in a series called Anti-Dump's Machine (search the forums).

This is Anti-Dump's MACHINE. Anti-Dump was interested in filtering out the non-interested chicks and finding the one he wanted.

I'm considering trying something like whenever I begin to escalate, say I start using more intimate kino, I 'balance' it by verbalising an IOD, possibly a false-disqualifier or just generally teasing them so they aren't sure if I'm actually hitting on them or just messing around - what do people think to this?

This is the right way to avoid appearing too responsive/eager to IOI's. Test.

 

[Mavrick]

You pursue the girls that want you, and you chase the girls that don't want you.

Easy as pie!

 

[Garand]

You pursue the girls that want you, and you chase the girls that don't want you.

Easy as pie!

Indeed! But when you pursue the girls that do want you I find they can quite quickly turn into the girls that don't want you because you're no longer a challenge, however if I don't pursue them then I suffer from inaction and the relationship never progresses - it feels a tad paradoxical! How do you strike the right balance?

 

[Mavrick]

Indeed! But when you pursue the girls that do want you I find they can quite quickly turn into the girls that don't want you because you're no longer a challenge, however if I don't pursue them then I suffer from inaction and the relationship never progresses - it feels a tad paradoxical! How do you strike the right balance?

That's why you need to learn to attract women instead of pursuing them. They want what they can't have, and loathe that which they can get easily.

 

[Thatfeel21]

i think the key is to just have a lot of ish to do..if ure generally busy then you honestly dont got the time to really pursue

 

[Maxtro]

Anti-Dump is only used when you are considering turning a girl you are dating into a long term relationship. It has no use in trying to build attraction or trying to start dating somebody.

Being a challenge basically means don't be too nice and go out of your way to please her. Also, never being too available.

Getting girls to chase you is something that I have had little success with and when the girls do chase me, they are far below my standards.

As for perusing them. Are you trying to get their number and or make plans with them or are you just flirting?

 

[Garand]

After considering the situation very closely I noticed that every time I mess up is when I consciously change mindset. I say to myself 'ok she likes me, attraction work is done, time to chase her' and that's what's killing it. In fact, the less hard I try the better I do so I'm now focusing all my effort on not trying to impress or chase.

I feel like I've finally achieved the paradigm shift needed whereby it all comes naturally by just not worrying about if I'm impressing them or not. That's it. No chasing, no tactics, nothing. I just focus all my effort on not caring. So much of this site seems totally pointless when you have the right mindset because all the micro-management everyone seems to be trying to do is completely useless and actually damaging to your chances; the moment you start worrying about trying to do everything right is the moment you've stepped into the wrong mindset and women will pick up on this easily.

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - FDR wasn't on about women, but he might as well have been.

Anyway this has turned into a bit of a rant, but I feel like I've only just opened my eyes to the whole girl thing and am wondering what I found hard in the first place. Now it's time to go out and turn this into some results

Thank you to everyone who replied to my problem, I appreciate it.