ADVICE ON HOW TO MAKE A BPD R/s WORK

[hungary1234]

Hey ....

I posted yesterday about my bpd exgf..

Just want to know if there's anyway I can treat her different than I did and make it work or at least work out longer in anyway next time!??

Thanks

 

[Father Joseph]

I do not have first-hand-experience on BDP girls as a GF but I would suggest you to run before it gets worse and she fvcks you over even more. Cut all contact, lift weights, eat healthy and date other girls. And stop making threads about her. She is not worth the time.



May God bless you

 

[Clooney4life]

Read your prior post.. I was with my BPD ex wife for over 10 years... It's a constant push/pull.. and I'm sorry but you my friend are not strong enough to deal with this creature.. Not an insult I wasn't either... If you keep trying it will cost you your health, money and any future of finding a positive relationship, that almost happened to me. You seem like you are suffering from low self esteem which is cat nip for a BPD. Not that they want to love you, more they want to see how much pain you can take while laughing about it. It's a sick perversion of attachment for the both of you.... Truthfully no contact at all, not even a text to explain will spark her interest.. So would going to the gym and improving yourself, and meeting other women of value.. She will see this as value. If you can do this for 6 months you may have a shot... But then again why would you want it...

 

[GS750]

Ignore, ignore, ignore. After 6 months you may find that you don't care anymore.

 

[hungary1234]

Ok cool thanks for your help...
Yeah she is a handful but like I said she has massive baggage and I know she will return one day to me maybe cos the life she had with me and her daughter had...
So what examples can you give on how to treat her if she does return and how should I be myself towards her..

 

[Clooney4life]

Take a second... If say a girl you know talked about how her SO said it was like walking on egg shells and she couldn't be herself, and it felt like constant mind games... You, being the decent chap you are would tell her she shouldn't be treated that way, that it seemed like she was being emotionally abused. Crank it up a notch and throw in the sexual instability with others... Now you would tell her she is risking her life since she is having unprotected sex and she doesn't know who all he is with.... Bottom line is this... there is no medication, no therapy, no known cure for BPD. It's an attachment disorder caused in the early stages of life... She will never see the world through the same lens as you and will justify cheating and breaking you down... If you treat her as strong, she will call you controlling and cheat. If you treat her as understanding, she will look at you like an emotional tampon and use you.. Oh and cheat... If you're serious then read this link at the bottom, otherwise you're spinning your wheels asking the same question 100 different ways... It's tough, you don't feel like you can go on, you seem like you're willing to give up you for her just to prove your love, then she'll thank you for all your sacrifice and love forever... She won't see it... I can't say it enough... better yourself... Be the prize... Then you can be yourself in any relationship you want.

http://gettinbetter.com/obsessed.html

 

[expos]

Ok cool thanks for your help...
Yeah she is a handful but like I said she has massive baggage and I know she will return one day to me maybe cos the life she had with me and her daughter had...
So what examples can you give on how to treat her if she does return and how should I be myself towards her..

Read in bold.

Why do you WANT a life with this piece of garbage? What is your issue? Do you like being a punching bag? You have no obligation at this point to take care of her daughter. That is her duty and the duty of the biological father (whether he is in the picture or not).

There is NO cure for BPD. BPD relationships are good for about 10 months tops and then the real person emerges. There are no success stories. Even high-functioning BPD's are nightmares to be with.

If she does have BPD, she never really loved you. They don't care about anyone but themselves and what they can get from you. It's all FAKE.

We've got a ton of BPD victims on this site and the stories are all the same.

No contact, no contact, no contact, no contact. Find an emotionally healthy woman!

 

[Soolaimon]

It will work for a while if you are a total narcissist.

Even if you are she can always do something out of revenge to bring you down.

Ask yourself why you would want a relationship with a woman who is a total nut?

Cause that is what she is.

How about having a solid relationship with a stable woman instead of a nut with her ups and downs?

I can't imagine anybody wanting to go through that after knowing what she is.

You should get your own head examined if you want a woman like that to be around.

 

[cfdagola]

i like how everybody says there's no help for a BPD chick when in fact there is. if they recocgnize they have an issue and seek out help from clinical psychologist those folks can and will help them. its a slow process but they can break the chains if they want to.

its the same reason why quitting smoking is impossible no matter if you're on the gum, e-cigs or the patch. none of it matters and it says so right on the packaging. "you need to WANT to stop smoking for this to work"

same thing with Viagra "you need to be sexually aroused and relaxed for this to work"

Nothing and nobody can help anybody if they don't want help or understand they have a problem. but enough said about that. the point is the COMMON man can't be tasked to deal with healing a BPD chick.

its best for you to make her a friend who you can talk to and give you ego boost and let her do her own thing. perhaps you can seed her mind full of small hints she needs to get help and grow as an individual but that's the only way you can "make it work"

and by "make it work" I mean you're in a stable relationship or whatever and you're helping your friend out.

 

[mikey2012]

BPD's work for around 10 months then they come out. There is no cure. Life will be miserable. There will not be a happy ending. You just need to get out. If you can't it could be the death of you.

 

[JohnnyStorm]

BPD doesn't strike me as patterns of behaviour that under no circumstances can be changed. But change however is difficult and change from a BPD to a "normal" would be even more so.

I think one of the difficulties can be in clinical psychologists often identifying BPD as PTSD, which apparently happens often. Possibly due to the difficulty of telling a patient they have a specific personality problem and then expecting them to come back for treatment.

OP there are many books on the subject, lots of people choose to stay with a BPD significant other and there are techniques to deal with their specific behaviours like gas lighting etc.

But I would suggest that if you don't have kids with this person or deep ties to this person then get out while you can before you are in deep of therapy yourself.

 

[expos]

BPD's work for around 10 months then they come out. There is no cure. Life will be miserable. There will not be a happy ending. You just need to get out. If you can't it could be the death of you.

Let me clarify, they work for as long as they are getting what they want. 10 months is usually a good prediction, but it the lousy behavior and true self appears once they LOSE control of the relationship or when true intimacy is created. While strongly desiring intimacy, people with BPD tend toward insecure, avoidant or ambivalent, or fearfully preoccupied attachment patterns in relationships.

So, what I'm saying is, once you get VERY close to them, thats when the trouble starts. A good indication of how you will be treated will be seen in the way they treat family members. They abuse them, then love them, then abuse them. I watched it happen with my ex. She would spend almost all of her time with her mom when we'd visit her parents and ignore me, then subsequently pick fights with her by the end of the week. It was Jekyll and Hyde behavior. She did the same things to her brother and her father.

You are in a world of pain and things will never be "normal" with any cluster B type. The question is, are you strong enough, smart enough, and love yourself enough to leave and seek a better relationship?