Adapting to single life...and 'chasing' a 10.

northern_rock

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Good afternoon!

Firstly, just found this forum and it makes for a truly interesting read. Thanks in advance for taking the time to read/respond!

A little about me, I'm 26, emigrated from England 4 years ago with my common-law spouse and our daughter. We now have 2 little girls though are now separated. Things are amicable.

So a lot changed between being an eligible bachelor at 20 and 26. I had no idea what to expect. I've always done OK, better than OK actually, with the opposite sex. But the accent and old-school gentlemanly mannerisms I obtained from serving my apprenticeship in the UK have served me phenomenally well and I've not been too hung up on any one femme in particular. Until now.

I work in a College, though I'm not an instructor. This girl is a student, same age, single mom. She approached me when I first went through my separation though I felt like I was compromising my integrity and didn't want to be s4itting where I eat, so things didn't go very far. She's absolutely stunning, and I was genuinely tempted, but followed my gut. We didn't talk for months, though we'd see eachother on campus often.
A month ago she messaged me on facebook. She gave me her new cell number and said she'd 'missed' talking to me and asked if we could be friends (she graduates in 3 weeks). We talked a bit over the next few days and scheduled a date that next weekend. She came to my place, I made her dinner, and before I had chance to tidy the dishes away we were making out on the couch like teenagers, she stood up, led me to the bedroom, and we did the naughty dance. It was unbelievable.
She cabbed home, and texted me in the morning proclaiming how amazing the night was, that she'd thoroughly enjoyed everything that happened, especially the sex, and that she'd like to see me again. She came to my place Monday morning, I drove her home (via my place) Wednesday, and we spent all afternoon together Thursday, doing lunch before returning to...you guessed it.
We didn't see eachother this past weekend, I had my daughters, and it was nice to take a step back from the whirlwind, though I did think about her. We spoke on the phone last night and made plans for this (Good) Friday and she intends to stay over. The main thing that concerns me though is this girl NEVER initiates contact. She will reply to every text and answers most calls, but whereas I will text her the odd nicety, or inquire about her day, she rarely does the same. When we see eachother on campus it's like we're total strangers, which is obviously understandable.

But I'm starting to think (probably too much) about where she's coming from. We were supposed to get together this Monday morning but she said she had too much running around to do. I offered her a ride home today and she said she was going tanning. Though she did text me to say I looked handsome today and she liked my tie (?!). Which was in response to my texting I'd heard a song on the radio which made me think of her.
She has also said things such as 'you're starting to look like everything I've been looking for' and 'I feel sooo good with you' and apparently swears that the sex is the best she's ever had. Though I don't know quite how legitimate that may be...she certainly seems to enjoy it. Most of this was a few days ago, and though we've been in contact since, she's giving me fewer messages to feel really good about. She asked me Saturday If I'd accept a date offer from another girl, and I didn't quite know how to respond! I said I wouldn't know 'til it happened, though re-affirmed me enthusiasm to see how this goes.

Sorry this was so long but like I said I'm a newbie and still trying to adapt to these abbreviations and such haha. Do I have anything to worry about? I've not contacted her since yesterday and plan to resist doing so...

Thanks to all (any) who beared with me!
 

Iceberg

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It's probably going to be hard to do this, after being married and living with your wife and kids, etc....But, you gotta cut back on the texting and daily contact. Your life has to be bigger than relationships.

She might be a nice girl, and the sex is great, etc. But there has to be some sort of chase. We're humans...we thrive on accomplishment. If we didn't, we'd all still be living in the forests. You meeting this girl, and falling head over heels with daily contact is basically eliminating the accomplishment of getting to know you, and earning your time/love.

She'll get bored. You might get bored too. Even if she is saying stuff like "you're everything I've been looking for"...(and let's face it. That's a bit over the top for a sane, adult woman).
 

northern_rock

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I totally agree, and am aware, though unpracticed in terms of what to do about it. I've not pestered her, but am so used to regular contact with someone whom I 'connect' with that it seems almost uncomfortable to do the opposite.
Given, I've played the indifferent, blase, busy guy throughout my new single life, but this is the first girl I've genuinely wanted...and instead of thinking about contacting her, I find myself thinking about not-contacting her, if that even makes sense!
Our plans for Friday are still on ATM, so in the meantime I'm gonna back off. Though surely a sudden change of direction in terms of contact won't go unnoticed. She's already mentioned that she's 'falling for me' and is kinda spooked about how well things seem to flow when we're together. She comes across as a very un-needy, hard to attach, kind of girl but has said some things to the contrary. I realize it's all a game, but it's the first time I've prepped myself and consciously thought about how to win it, which is probably what's making me feel like I'm shooting myself in the foot.
 

Credos

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You're focussing to much on this one girl, dedicating your attention to her alone while she's probebly busy (with exams and other stuff perhaps?).
And this is your problem, she doesn't have time to constantly focus on you but you are constantly focussing on her. It gives off a wierd vibe and you might lose her if you keep that up.

You gotta cut it out, you're becoming too easy and sounding like you got nothing else to do... Dedicate time to other stuff, to keep your mind busy. Normally I'd even advice you to meet other women just to keep your constant attention off this one chick, but that's a choice you'll have to make yourself.



I also have to say this:
I don't like her quote "you're starting to look like everything I've been looking for"... feels to me like she's running from something, however I could be wrong considering I don't know how she said it.
 

northern_rock

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I appreciate the feedback. It's the first time I've really looked at the psychology of it all.
I've not contacted her today, though she texted me a :) a few hours ago, whatever that's supposed to mean. In a way this would be a much easier/more enjoyable scenario if we didn't have to see each other every day...though I guess she's finished soon. I was contacted twice this weekend by girls I've been on dates with in the past...though plowing fields that don't yield the crops I'm after isn't that appealing, tbh. And having my kids 3 nights a week doesn't allow for great networking possibilities, though it's something I'd never change.

If anything, this thread has encouraged me to wake the f*ck up and realize that although I'm a catch, I shouldn't allow myself to be caught so easily.:nono:
 

northern_rock

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So...since my last post I've contacted her once in reply to a message she sent (5 hours later) and things seem good. I walked past her in the computer lab today and placed a bottle of her favourite pop on the desk, without saying a word. She texted me to say thanks and next time we crossed paths at the College, she gave me 'the look'...the one that says she wishes we were alone.

so all things seem fine, Friday is still in the works, do I continue to not contact her? I've no plans to call her but she texted to ask how my tattoo session went (2nd session of my sleeve) and I've not replied yet...
 

Warrior74

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Everything she's looking for. single mom. What exactly IS she looking for? A family? Someone to help out? A dad for her kid? Hmmm? What is her end game? What is yours?
 

Warrior74

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Everything she's looking for. single mom. What exactly IS she looking for? A family? Someone to help out? A dad for her kid? Hmmm? What is her end game? What is yours?
 

northern_rock

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godsgifttowomen said:
I beseech you to mend your relationship with your wife. If not for your vows, do it for your daughters.

-GGTW
Err...are you for real?! How can you say that knowing NOTHING of the situation, history or exchanges surrounding the separation? Instead of blowing my top here I'm going to ignore Officer Morals and move on.
 
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