about approach convo in a club

[afc_2_dj]

Hi all,

Ok, I have been lurking for a while, this is a fantastic forum, I have searched the 'net for a while looking for real practical info, and this is a goldmine.

Going through the DJB, etc, I have made a number of changes to my "game", in terms of stance, body language, and must say _feel_ very confident, etc, etc in the club.

I find I now either take notice of oppertunities, etc that my have even existed before, I just [I admit] deliberatly ignored them out of fear.

This leads to my question, I find that despite having read the threads/djb/etc on convo, I find I don't approach primarily becuase I just cannot think of anything to say!! I then feel like an AFC for not approaching!! I'v come to realize the truth in what the say re: approaching immeditly rather than floating, later that oppertunit is gone.

I realize this is really a dynamic issue, with no real answer, basically take it on the fly as such, but I was hoping maybe the true DJ's on this site could give some additional pointers as to what to talk about when just making n approach?

To me, a whole "what do u do" thing is stupid and boring?!

 

[NorPacWolf]

Two Hints

Check out fastseduction.com and do a search for "short set" theory, or something like that, written by I believe Tyler Durden. In clubs, you can start off with very short convo's or greetings with a lot of people, rather than worrying about holding one target for a long time.

And check out mysterymethod.com. There's a ton of free readings, audio and video clips for beginners. You should have a few memorized openers if you are just a beginner.

Wolf

 

[Vulpine]

I've found that opening with a question just sux in general.

Instead, I open with a statement, an expression, or just gesture. Just be fun and funny.
You really just have to relax and go with it: stop thinking about the what if's.
Pay attention to your target and your environment. Don't let your brain get the best of you.


Here's some examples of alternative approaches: (this has happened to me before)

V: "Hi, my name's Vulpine. *drunk guy gets rowdy in background* Whoa! I'll have what he's having!"
HB: *LOL* "My name is HB."
V: "Are you having what he's having?" *point at her glass*
HB *LOL* "No, it's a Malibu and Coke. What are you drinking?"
V: "Nothing." *shakes empty glass - crinkled lime and straw bounce around*
HB *LOL* "OMG, Duh." *LOL*
...
....
(That one is easily converted when a chick bumps into you: Whoa! I'll have what YOU'RE having!)

This has also happened:

V: *Waves a girl over*
HB: *Starts coming over*
V: *Doesn't look at HB, continues to look where she was*
HB: *HB arrives next to me*
V: *motioning again, but to the open chair where HB just was*
HB: *Starts freaking out, thinking she wasn't the one I was waving to*
V: *Still not looking at HB, waves again*
HB: *starts to turn to leave*
V: *reaches up and grabs HB's arm, EC's* "HAHA I'm just kidding. Hi, I'm Vulpine.*
HB: "OMG. HAHA. *shakes hand* I was freaking out. Haha. Hi, my name's HB"
V: "I was trying to get your chair to come over, but it's ignoring me."
HB: *LOL*

Silly stuff. Fun stuff. Don't memorize lines. Go with the flow.

 

[afc_2_dj]

NorPackWolf, I will go check out those links tonight, that "short set" theory sounds good!

Vulpine, I like your approach! Thats very much where I would like to get to!

 

[rocky_mtn]

I'm not mr. smooth, but I've found that if you break the approach barrier and just go up and start talking it doesn't matter too much what you say, as long as you make the approach and then engage in conversation by asking open ended questions about her.

most of the time I'll go and confidently say, "Hi, I am rocky_mtn, how are you this evening?" If you get the short answer from her like "good", then comment about the music, the atmosphere, drink specials, and ask what here favorite one is or how she feels about it.

Another tip, act like you are long time friends with her, without saying that but show it in your mood, it will foster a fimiliar and friendly atmosphere.

Making observations about your surroundings is a way to break the ice and then relate it back to her. "Wow, this place is packed with people. You look like you're ready to party, what's the occasion" (let her talk)

Women go out to socialize, they like it when friendly guys come up to chat with them. Don't be afraid, give them what they want. Bold and smooth openers obviously work better and it takes practice, so just go up and talk. If they aren't receptive, just say that you're out to meet and talk to some fun and friendly people and then move on. Neg hit and graceful out all in one.


(6 months ago, I wouldn't talk to someone I didn't know even if the building caught on fire, now its difficult to stop me from talking to all the single pretty ladies at a club)

 

[jonwon]

I've found that opening with a question just sux in general.

Instead, I open with a statement, an expression, or just gesture. Just be fun and funny.
You really just have to relax and go with it: stop thinking about the what if's.
Pay attention to your target and your environment. Don't let your brain get the best of you.


Here's some examples of alternative approaches: (this has happened to me before)

V: "Hi, my name's Vulpine. *drunk guy gets rowdy in background* Whoa! I'll have what he's having!"
HB: *LOL* "My name is HB."
V: "Are you having what he's having?" *point at her glass*
HB *LOL* "No, it's a Malibu and Coke. What are you drinking?"
V: "Nothing." *shakes empty glass - crinkled lime and straw bounce around*
HB *LOL* "OMG, Duh." *LOL*
...
....
(That one is easily converted when a chick bumps into you: Whoa! I'll have what YOU'RE having!)

This has also happened:

V: *Waves a girl over*
HB: *Starts coming over*
V: *Doesn't look at HB, continues to look where she was*
HB: *HB arrives next to me*
V: *motioning again, but to the open chair where HB just was*
HB: *Starts freaking out, thinking she wasn't the one I was waving to*
V: *Still not looking at HB, waves again*
HB: *starts to turn to leave*
V: *reaches up and grabs HB's arm, EC's* "HAHA I'm just kidding. Hi, I'm Vulpine.*
HB: "OMG. HAHA. *shakes hand* I was freaking out. Haha. Hi, my name's HB"
V: "I was trying to get your chair to come over, but it's ignoring me."
HB: *LOL*

Silly stuff. Fun stuff. Don't memorize lines. Go with the flow.

very good stuf vulpine, i have read some more of your stuff and it is all great.

One area i need to focus on more, you should come up with more

 

[Vulpine]

That's just it... DON'T FOCUS!

Sure, think about stuff before you go out, and think about stuff after you go out, but don't have the technical stuff in the forefront of your brain WHILE you are out. The techniques will be in the back of your mind and will automatically implement themselves through repeated interactions. Thinking about rules and such will only make you nervous and distracted when it's game time.

At least, that's how I'm going about my reform. I'm a "hands on" learner. I think, for me, more development and improvement comes from the DOING (and failing) and after-action review than learn-as-you-go. Learn-as-you-go is tedious, boring, frustrating for me. So, let me do it at my own pace and, if I do it wrong, I'll figure out what I need to better and try it again.

Follow? Let me relate something for you guys...

Remember your first times having sex? You didn't consistently make women have an orgasm, did you? You might have once in a while, but it was luck, not skill. But you kept on practicing, right? Maybe you studied a little inbetween? But, when your face was buried in the snapper... how much of the technical stuff was actually going through your head? Very little. Watch her breathing, consistent pressure, speed/pressure increase with breathing increase... minor stuff was probably going through your head. Yep, that worked. So, you studied more tricks and added them to your arsenal. Perhaps you read up on build-up, G-spotting, anal play, simultaneous nipple work; but, when those things failed, you had a solid base to revert to and "get the job done". Here's the thing, you were still having sex and enjoying it! You didn't have to beat yourself up about not getting a girl off because, well, you did! *SpLAt!*

Guys lose sight of that.

HB: "So tell me Vulpine, what do you do for fun?"
V: "Talk to HB's."

Weeeee!

 

[MrCode]

Great advice Vulpine, and your last comment has inspired me to come up with a new (to me at least) C&F line:

HB: "So what do you do for fun?"
Me: "Talk to hot women...do you see any around?" *smirk*

Hehehe, or any variation thereof.

 

[jonwon]

That's just it... DON'T FOCUS!

Sure, think about stuff before you go out, and think about stuff after you go out, but don't have the technical stuff in the forefront of your brain WHILE you are out. The techniques will be in the back of your mind and will automatically implement themselves through repeated interactions. Thinking about rules and such will only make you nervous and distracted when it's game time.

At least, that's how I'm going about my reform. I'm a "hands on" learner. I think, for me, more development and improvement comes from the DOING (and failing) and after-action review than learn-as-you-go. Learn-as-you-go is tedious, boring, frustrating for me. So, let me do it at my own pace and, if I do it wrong, I'll figure out what I need to better and try it again.

Follow? Let me relate something for you guys...

Remember your first times having sex? You didn't consistently make women have an orgasm, did you? You might have once in a while, but it was luck, not skill. But you kept on practicing, right? Maybe you studied a little inbetween? But, when your face was buried in the snapper... how much of the technical stuff was actually going through your head? Very little. Watch her breathing, consistent pressure, speed/pressure increase with breathing increase... minor stuff was probably going through your head. Yep, that worked. So, you studied more tricks and added them to your arsenal. Perhaps you read up on build-up, G-spotting, anal play, simultaneous nipple work; but, when those things failed, you had a solid base to revert to and "get the job done". Here's the thing, you were still having sex and enjoying it! You didn't have to beat yourself up about not getting a girl off because, well, you did! *SpLAt!*

Guys lose sight of that.

HB: "So tell me Vulpine, what do you do for fun?"
V: "Talk to HB's."

Weeeee!

sweet man i can totally relate, the attitutde i am should i say trying to adopt, yeh i know how to get there and am pushing myself ever more.

To be natural and have fun is the true key!
But to get there needs a bit of work, all mental though, strange how we have to reframe out own thinking into more a more postive frame, why cant we just be natural 100%? It sites like this that do not show us anything new by defination just open the pages of a closed book that is already in us all! But we choose to ignore it or never read it, so when we see great advice it is like the book slowely starting to take shape and its just a ha-ha moment!

No one really thinks i cant, cos' deep down i think we all know what is right, its just now and again we need guidance to find it. This is where i am at the mo' guidance to strengthen my internal belief's

I believe every one is natural just we are taking advice from the wrong sources and it is messing with our true beliefs, then eventually we stumble across something that makes perfect sense.