Hello gentlemen,
I am David and I have a few words of unsolicited advice.
Workout and start now. You will wish you had every day. My life would have been drastically different by now. Yours can be. You will never look back and see it as time wasted, unlike 95% of other things in life. Learn delayed gratification and mature as a man.
That is the most important. What I really want to talk about is how your situation is not unique. Yes, this is hard to believe and might be harsh, but do not go through what I have. So many posts on sosuave spell out the details of why your situation is different from the thousands of others. I am guilty of this flawed thinking myself and see it every day from others.
Half the posts here have to do with a woman you barely know and have no real connection to at all. These are easy, no matter how hot or how good the first few interactions were. If it's going so poorly that you need to post about it here, you need to move on to the next one. It just isn't that complicated yet.
The more complicated and insidious matter at hand belong to those of us who deal with a relationship that had real time and depth. First, I'll share my thought process. I was more in love with a girl and we shared more than you could imagine. It was a depth that others just don't understand. What I had/feel is the real deal. It can't fail. It isn't the shallow bull**** everyone else talks about. She is the love of my life and I'll do anything to hold on/win her back. She loved me too, so there's hope. I'll selectively ignore replies that aren't what I want to hear.
Here is the truth. Your situation is not unique. I guarantee I have been where you are. I've tried everything you can imagine. I have embarrassed myself in ways you wouldn't believe. I have stood my ground and been hard to get. I have gone no contact and I have tried confident persistence. I have loved someone far more than myself and I have hated to the depth of possibility. I am no expert though. I have only had experiences of trial and mostly error.
My point is, I know how you feel. I have sought and found advice. I have refused to "give up" on a true love. But you know what? Most of the casual "move on" type advice is right. Most guys won't tell you the back story of how they got to be that way. It's always painful and often embarrassing. It seemed to me to be cold hearted and defeatist. How would that mentality ever win someone worth being with?
Here's the thing. If your girlfriend or ex was as great as you have made her out to be, you wouldn't be here. If you're like me, you're willing and actively want to improve yourself and image to be with her. Self improvement is great and I encourage it, it is too late with the girl you are currently wanting so badly.
She has seen you and decided it's not what she wants. Either by cheating, being disrespectful, or not showing interest like she used to. Yes. She is gone. No matter what you do, her mind was made up long before she clued you in.
It hurts. I know.
The only thing to do is to "give up" on her and move on. Yep. It's giving up the chance things will turn around. But that's an illusion. It's not a real chance. She gave up but won't own it. You don't have a chance with her. The sooner you detach and remove the shred of relationship you think you have left, the sooner your only real chance returns. Go work on yourself. You must find someone else. Maybe when you are someone else, she'll want to know the new you. But chances are, you won't want the old her. In short, it is scary as hell to give up a person you love. They'll probably find someone else and move on. If you absolutely know you were meant to be with her, you really do have to let her go completely. It is a long shot, but everything else is a slow death while she finds someone else anyway.
I am David and I have a few words of unsolicited advice.
Workout and start now. You will wish you had every day. My life would have been drastically different by now. Yours can be. You will never look back and see it as time wasted, unlike 95% of other things in life. Learn delayed gratification and mature as a man.
That is the most important. What I really want to talk about is how your situation is not unique. Yes, this is hard to believe and might be harsh, but do not go through what I have. So many posts on sosuave spell out the details of why your situation is different from the thousands of others. I am guilty of this flawed thinking myself and see it every day from others.
Half the posts here have to do with a woman you barely know and have no real connection to at all. These are easy, no matter how hot or how good the first few interactions were. If it's going so poorly that you need to post about it here, you need to move on to the next one. It just isn't that complicated yet.
The more complicated and insidious matter at hand belong to those of us who deal with a relationship that had real time and depth. First, I'll share my thought process. I was more in love with a girl and we shared more than you could imagine. It was a depth that others just don't understand. What I had/feel is the real deal. It can't fail. It isn't the shallow bull**** everyone else talks about. She is the love of my life and I'll do anything to hold on/win her back. She loved me too, so there's hope. I'll selectively ignore replies that aren't what I want to hear.
Here is the truth. Your situation is not unique. I guarantee I have been where you are. I've tried everything you can imagine. I have embarrassed myself in ways you wouldn't believe. I have stood my ground and been hard to get. I have gone no contact and I have tried confident persistence. I have loved someone far more than myself and I have hated to the depth of possibility. I am no expert though. I have only had experiences of trial and mostly error.
My point is, I know how you feel. I have sought and found advice. I have refused to "give up" on a true love. But you know what? Most of the casual "move on" type advice is right. Most guys won't tell you the back story of how they got to be that way. It's always painful and often embarrassing. It seemed to me to be cold hearted and defeatist. How would that mentality ever win someone worth being with?
Here's the thing. If your girlfriend or ex was as great as you have made her out to be, you wouldn't be here. If you're like me, you're willing and actively want to improve yourself and image to be with her. Self improvement is great and I encourage it, it is too late with the girl you are currently wanting so badly.
She has seen you and decided it's not what she wants. Either by cheating, being disrespectful, or not showing interest like she used to. Yes. She is gone. No matter what you do, her mind was made up long before she clued you in.
It hurts. I know.
The only thing to do is to "give up" on her and move on. Yep. It's giving up the chance things will turn around. But that's an illusion. It's not a real chance. She gave up but won't own it. You don't have a chance with her. The sooner you detach and remove the shred of relationship you think you have left, the sooner your only real chance returns. Go work on yourself. You must find someone else. Maybe when you are someone else, she'll want to know the new you. But chances are, you won't want the old her. In short, it is scary as hell to give up a person you love. They'll probably find someone else and move on. If you absolutely know you were meant to be with her, you really do have to let her go completely. It is a long shot, but everything else is a slow death while she finds someone else anyway.
