A Mindstate Shift

[loving]

I'm at a point where I can feel a new paradigm emerging to my personality. I feel new things and see things in different ways, that I have never felt before, or seen only glimpses of through other people bringing them out in me, or through their actions. Right now as I write this I am feeling sort of down, I think it is important to say that this may affect how I write, but I am hoping that just posting my general (not current, down) frame of mind will boost me back up. Regardless, I will take some time after clearing my head of the contents of this thread to make myself feel good again.

Anyway, my intent here is to receive feedback from you guys about what of my current mindstate is good, what is on its way to becoming good, and what needs to be completely changed into something good. I hope you can provide me with your wisdom and insight. On with it:

I'm finally beginning to see women in abundance. The scarcity mindset is still somewhat with me, and I recognize it is the cause of all AA and generally misrepresented views towards women. I see hundreds of women a day, a lot of which are hot and some of which I feel attraction to. It's starting to sink in just how much choice one really has. I also see hundreds of guys too. I am not gay, however I do recognize good looking men when I see them, and there's also just some things about some guys where you look at them and say 'they're cool'. So I see how much choice women have too.

I've heard women get approached X amounts of times a day or whatever, but honestly I have seen very few approaches being done, and have no real way of knowing that anyway. I still have AA. I asked myself today, why? Why are you so afraid of talking to a girl? There's millions in this city, billions on this planet. They're people like your buddies and your parents. I couldn't think of an answer. "But obviously there's a reason you are afraid," I told myself, "otherwise you wouldn't be thinking this and you would go." And I was stunned. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't make myself go and do something I so clearly wanted to do. Its like when I see that beauty in front of me and just take a moment to bask there in its awe, it scares me the **** away and I just want to avoid it.

I know myself and as I am now, I do not want to invest in the experience of women. I don't think I'll have enough to offer. I don't think I am enough. I don't know what will make me enough. And, I haven't even tried to make myself enough. So often in my day my mind is filled with garbage. Why am I thinking half of it? I try to stop, and it works for a little, then even more random, and less relevant stuff comes up into my head. I don't like this obsession I've got with past and future. Worrying about outcomes and dwelling over mistakes. Its not getting me anywhere, but I have no idea what to replace it with.

Shutting off my mind is hard! When I do what Eckhart says and just try to become more present, feel my body and focus on deep breating, I succeed somewhat, with practice I've been able to do it for longer, but where is the threshold? I don't hit that state that I've experienced as satori before, and in the end for all my effort I am left worn out and it feels like all this time has been spent and for it I am worse in my present situation. It does not bode well for relating to people, as I often have to call another state, which admittedly is not all that effective anyway, but better socially than just being there so relaxed I don't want to speak.

I over think things in the heat of the moment. I am afraid of going for what I want, and will plan infinitely before it is time for me to take action. The seldom times I do take some course of action, I am in my normally fuzzy and unlikable (Even by me) state of being, and do not do much to improve the girls state or add value. If by rare chance I do achieve such a state, I let anxiety creep in and again begin to over-analyze. Not in a way that controls how I am, but in a way that justifies all the negative beliefs I have about how her actions equal something bad in that context. She could never really like me.

Did something I say resonate with you, have you moved up from it and know the solution? Please help me move on up too. God bless

 

[floydtheater07]

Do you have a career/goal you love? Because, it may seem unrelated, but it is important.

My paradigm has recently shifted. Last winter, I became depressed. Now, I have a history of depression, and I am prone to seasonal affective disorder, so it wasn't a big deal to me. It usually passes by the time spring rolls around. It didn't. It got severe. I would spend entire weekends in my dorm room, going out only for meals and possibly a brief walk. I was convinced that my friends only stuck around out of loyalty. I had no interest in girls because I thought they would have no reason to be interested in me (and, as I was so depressed, I was probably right...at the time). I considered going back to therapy. The depression lasted up until a couple of months ago. Until then, I had nearly zero "good days". I became one of those cynics who is convinced that depression is the natural state of life. And none of this helped the girl situation.

All this time, I'd been studying at college to be an English teacher. I love literature, have a skill for explaining things to people, and think it is admirable to be a positive influence on the lives of young people. I didn't consider that this could be making me unhappy.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, the thought occurred to me.."What about law?" It was like the depression simply dissolved. I immediately realized my merits: I am intelligent, and am earning excellent grades here at college. I can get into a number of esteemed law schools. I find that I am most happy with my life when I am busy, and the study and profession of law would fulfill this need. It'll be difficult, and there will be times when I curse the decision, but it makes me feel like a man, to put forth great effort into my life. And as a teacher, I couldn't hope to make a lot of money. I moped around, depressed, convinced that making an impact on my students' lives would be reward enough. And for some people it is. But I suddenly accepted myself, and knew it was ok to desire money. And there's no guarantee that I'll be a financially successful lawyer, but there's the goal. Something to put myself into.

Now, my paradigm is different. I find myself realizing "I am awesome. I am smart, dedicated, hard-working, and have the potential to be successful." I go out to parties. I see girls and know I am one of those "cool guys" you mentioned. I am rediscovering my other passions, like writing. I see a world of options, and girls are part of that.

This all was much longer than I intended, and it may not seem to relate to your post, but it does. I see your way of thinking and it reminds me of how I was. You are so clearly on the right track, but there's always going to be room for improvement. And my advice would be to find some major goal to strive towards. It might be tough to find at first, but you'll discover it if you search enough. It might not even be a career. For all I know, you're very happy with a job right now. But there should be something you can dedicate yourself to. Find that, and you'll find your mind shifting towards a more positive outlook. You won't need to shut off your mind, you'll just find that you're focusing so much energy on whatever your goal is, that there's not much left over for negative thoughts. Trust me, it works.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

 

[Dannyrt34]

you know, i used to have a hard time talking to people. I rarely went out with a lack of friends and such. But, eventually the chips fell into place. I forced myself into social situations, eventually, it felt natural. Now I have friends and always have something to do, so i'm always in social situations. And basically It's hard to think how something so simple was so frustrating for me at one point. The only way out of this is to push yourself, bud.

 

[macallik]

The feeling of never being enough happens to all of us at times I think. I think your feelings never being enough for a woman are myths that are reinforced due to the lack of female interaction in your life. If you only encounter women in passing: dressed impeccably, strutting through the mall in a model-esque fashion rejecting men left and right, then of course they seem impenetrable and simply unattainable. But at the end of the day, when yout take away all the glitz and glamour they are all desire the same thing. To paraphrase Notting Hill, once you get away from the celebrity-esque demeanour and hard exterior, they are still just girls standing in front of a boys asking to be loved. When you see their weaknesses and doubts, their failures and their successes alike, all the feelings of intimidation are whisked away

I too have tried the NLP breathing patterns and anchoring happy feelings to touching my ear and rubbing my belly and blah blah blah. I'm not at liberty to say whether they helped or not because I do not know and that is beside the point. What I came to realize that may be affecting you is that: the more I read and the less I did... the more daunting the simplest tasks became. After reading how easy others approach and internalizing it to an extent, when I would go in the field and not approach it hurt twice as bad. You have to look at it like walking, to a lot of people it is 2nd nature, but to a the man in rehab it is a monumental task. Eventually it will become 2nd nature to them in time, but until then, do not listen to the others who chide you for being in pain while walking because it comes naturally to them. The fact you need to realize is that approaching is NOT yet 2nd nature to you and you need to revel in every approach you do and push your limits until it becomes 2nd nature and THEN focus on another task equally as strenuous to you.

It is about setting attainable goals. While it is not impossible for you to get laid every night, it is highly unlikely for you to go from 0-100 in the snap of a finger. What is possible for you to do is to try. For some people, trying is as simple as going out on nights you would stay in and play videogames, for some people it is talking to women where you would normally avoid them, for other it is going for the kiss where you would normally say good night, etc etc.

As time goes on, you will have to reevaluate your goals and likely set them higher, but just remember to go at a pace that is achievable yet at the same time constantly tearing apart and rebuilding your comfort zone.

Everyone here tends ot highlight their successes and 'forget' to talk of their failures and as a result, rejection is subconsciously seen as a sign of weakness. If you want to see someone who deals with lots of rejection and yet has the heart to keep on trucking, take a look at Jayer's journal...

He had an attainable goal set up and pushed until he achieved it. Rejection and flakes happen on EVERY page of his journal and sometimes he gets down on himself but some community members always pick him up or he snaps out of it and gets back on the horse. He is by no means an excellent seducer but he is wellon his way to becoming one. His dedication and overcoming of adversity shows that he has what it takes to be extremely good at seduction if he keeps learning and experimenting. This might happen overnight for the few, but for the lucky ones, it doesn't..