A Different Kind of Confidence

icepick

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 22, 2002
Messages
650
Reaction score
3
Ah, confidence, the seemingly magical beast that will enhance your life for the better. But beware! At its best confidence is a self-love that empowers you to do things that you could never before imagine, at its worst it is a stubbornness that transforms your life into a downward spiral of non-acceptance and dorkism, where every criticism aimed at you is ignored, and you fail to see how much of a fool you really are.

What is this you say? Can confidence really be bad? YES!!! Confidence is bad when you are an overweight computer nerd, refusing to go out and party because you would rather play computer games all night long. My roommate at college was this poor soul. We would try to get him to go with us to have some fun, however he was so confident in his decision to not go, that he never went with us (and missed out on the booze and ladies I might add!) This man was a looser with a capitol-L, but he did not know it! When we brought chicks back to the dorms to hang out, he would talk and babble and act all hot shyt, but they hated him! We had to kick him out a few times! What this kid was missing was not confidence in the traditional sense (if he had less of it, it might have even helped him, he might have succumbed to peer pressure and went out and had a good time with us!) What this kid was missing was a life! (Or so we think!)

Is this confidence the stuff that we search after, the stuff that fuels our successes and allows us to shine, not only with girls—that is really not too hard, you just have to have balls—but with life in general? Does the nature of the confidence that we seek even allow us to settle into a rut and leave our life stagnant, with gut loads of unfulfilled potential? NO!!!


A Different Kind of Confidence


Imagine our hero again for a minute, that's right, our own imaginary overweight computer nerd. Now, suppose he gets used and abused by the girl of his dreams. He gets a hint and starts searching for information so it could never happen again, information that would let him control and manipulate the sexy entity that is woman. Of course, he finds our website! (Cheers heard all around.:D) Now, he reads all the information that he can take, and this opens up two possibilities for him:

possibility numero uno

He can take all this DJ mumbo jumbo and incorporate it into all of his dealings with women (since that is what he is here for, of course, is women! "show me dee weemon") and continue to live his life normally as if nothing happened, just a little "self-improvement."

possibility numero two-o

He can realize that he was living his life completely wrong! He can realize that his entire computer-game-driven existence was a product of a severely warped philosophy of life, and that he must become a man to further progress down the path of enlightenment. He embraces the take-what-you-want philosophy to the core, and by changing his thoughts about life he changes himself. Our old friend Mr.Computer-nerd is now dead, destroyed. He has transformed himself into a continually improving person, on a quest to fulfill his entire potential, and to find and conquer any challenges that lie ahead. This is what being a so-called "DJ" is all about. This is when you realize that, although it was women that brought you here (to this site), it is about something more than women.

self-improvement is masturbation; now, self-destruction…

Our hero follows the second scenario (of course) and starts on a quest to improve his life. He begins to crack out of his shell. His mindset is sound, he knows what he must do, but there is a problem…he must do it!

Come 3 PM, where is our buddy nerd boy? Oh look, he is hitting the weights! Squats! Wow, good man! We, as DJs, would take pride in our fellow man's accomplishment. He has the fortitude to take action and turn his life around. But others, people in real life, don't have that luxury that we do.

insults away!

"Hey look, that is the computer guy! Weights won't help you win your games bro!"

"Yeah, why don't you do some finger exercises or something!"

and so on and so on…


This happens in all aspects of his life. He will be insulted, toyed with, chastised, until he proves that he is a true DJ.

But we have come to a problem. He is improving himself in every way: looks, socially, professionally, but he is still being challenged by others that are confounded by his defiance of their image of him. (The psychologist might say that the other people laugh at him because they are threatened, but to the people in question, it is more of a gut-level type of reaction.) Now, what is to stop him from lashing out at those that are challenging him causing much malevolence and ill feelings? What will keep him from taking these insults to heart and keep him from quitting his metamorphosis? What will fuel him straight to the top of the world, never letting him settle for second best?

Confidence, just of a different type.

The confidence that is needed is a kind of self-love. An attitude that says: "I am one of the best, and I deserve the best treatment." Our former nerd boy will look in the mirror and say "Damn I am fine" (even though he is not that great), he will say "all these girls like me" (even thought they all don't—however, some will), he will say "they are just ripping on me because they don't know any better," (even though they might!) This attitude will keep his spirits up and let his personality shine bright to everyone (and he has a good personality—of course—because it is congruent with the DJ Bible!) And, after a while, the world will start to reflect what our hero is thinking in his mind. He will become fine. All girls will want him. And no sane and self-secure person will rip on him. Because, you know what, as you think you shall become, and our hypothetical overweight computer nerd thought and he became a real Don Juan using the emotion/tool/attitude of confidence. Without it, he would have stopped just as soon as he had started, letting others bring him down and destroy his spirit.

Confidence comes before all. Shy-guy seems like an incredibly boring person because he doesn't have that self-love in him, he doesn't believe in himself enough to let his personality shine. He is afraid of what others will think of him. If he had that true confidence, that narcissistic spirit of self-love, then he would not let the opinions of others on himself affect his own self-image. That is key with confidence. You would not let others bother you as much. No, it is not the old cliché I-don't-care-what-people-think-Dorkboy, who acts like a prick and has people hate him because he "doesn't care what people think." It is more like "I am who I am, and if I don't like it I can change it, but if you don't like it…Oh well!" type of attitude.

And you will find out that, when you get down to it, humans are social animals. You won't need to do anything special to attract people and girls. When you remove all barriers, you will see that you are generally concerned with other people. You will radiate warmth. You will not hide your feelings behind a veil of niceness, sarcasm, professionalism, jerkness, or anything else. People (yes, yes, girls too) are attracted to this sort of honesty. And as for girls, they will get better and better, because YOU are getting better and better.

And you will wonder why that quiet scrawny kid never moves from his computer!:D
 

huisy

Don Juan
Joined
Apr 18, 2002
Messages
60
Reaction score
0
Location
The City, London
Good, thought provoking post.

It seems to me you are describing the difference between confidence and arrogance. It's often a fine line to tread. I've been to far on either side during my life.
 

aznbreakerjrey

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Dec 22, 2001
Messages
365
Reaction score
0
Age
38
Location
NYC baby!
You know... this post is a great one. It relates to a great experience I had earlier today:

Okay, I got ready to go out and chill with some friends so I got myself all groomed and looking nice. I was having some self doubts since a frickin pimple had appeared outta nowhere, but it was all good.

I go out on the street, and when I went past the library there was this cute chick and her two friends (a guy and girl) sitting there. I make a good 4 seconds of eye contact with the cute one, give a suave smile and see her blush while her friend giggled. I was feeling a lil more self assured after that.

Next, I was walking and on the block was this bigass group of asians (normally I'm intimidated by such groups because I haven't learned how to be comfortable with such large groups of unknown people). I lock on a good 7 secs of EC with this cute girl, and as I'm about to walk past we nod heads and smile at each other. After that I was smiling from ear to ear... because it was then that I realized that I actually do have what it takes to be a great Don Juan. I realized I am pretty damn hot, and I felt my confidence skyrocket. I actually felt goosebumps due to this... confidence is powerful stuff.
 

CornDude

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 4, 2003
Messages
24
Reaction score
0
Age
41
Location
/
Ahhh, the how this post of yours brought back memories... Icepick, you hit a home run with this overweight computerdude nerd description. You literally desribed me, a long time ago. But it's kind of ironic, i was destroyed because of the computer and isolation, and it was the computer that also got me back on my feet -with this forum. Nice. Nothing is truly black or white.

And that, what you called confidence to rot and stagnate behind his computer is light years from being anykind of confidence.
It's just the fear of making the first step, and it's one of the hardest parts there is, in self-improvement. Stepping into the unknown. But the problem with it is, that it is obscured by the fact that it is such a small thing to do -just start something. And because of that, people think it's easy ("c'mon, why don't you try it? Just TRY, nothing more...) It may be the smallest, but it's definitly the hardest.
So if any of you guys have exprience with these kind of folks, go easy on them. You know it's a tought start.

Man, do i remember my breaking out of the shell... it was the 27th of october 2000, the day i celebrate my second birthday :D
I will never forget how it was for me, to go to a party and go dancing for the first time... After that, i felt such a surge of adrenaline unlike anything i have ever expreienced before. And from that day on, it was only up, up and even more up for me :cool:
 

Squy

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 29, 2002
Messages
631
Reaction score
1
Age
41
Location
Carl Berner, Oslo
Nice try Icepick.

------------

Cool CornDude! we had a forum dedicated to that sort of posts earlier. It was called "success stories".
But due to the low traffic, Allen removed it.
 

DJ Girevik

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 17, 2002
Messages
492
Reaction score
1
Age
39
Location
Vista, CA
Like with CornDude this is how I used to be, back in middle school, except instead of a comp nerd I was a videogame nerd. I was also a jerk, and tried too hard to fit in until I got to high school. Freshman year, in which I saw nobody again from middle school years except maybe 2 people, was an eye opener, and I learned how to not annoy the hell outta people. I was also overweight and unfit. Sophomore year saw me begin a weightlifting addiction though, which has made me addicted to physical activity in general, and I'm in awesome shape now!

Lesson for the geeks and the nerds: Do what you will, but be cool and unafraid to try new things. Don't be an ass. And most importantly, lift weights!!
 

Mack Of All Trades

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 5, 2002
Messages
570
Reaction score
1
Location
LI, NY
My hat goes off to you, icepick.


You hit on an excellent topic that pefectly describes where I came from and what I have become.:cool:
 

icepick

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 22, 2002
Messages
650
Reaction score
3
Some of you should take a cold, hard look at your lifes. What path are you really following?

Bibity-bobity-bump...
 

bust.it

Don Juan
Joined
Apr 26, 2003
Messages
190
Reaction score
0
Location
the best place on earth- cali
holy crap this was well written. i especially like the part about how true it is that other people will do everything they can to stop you from changing and exceeding their expectations.

Rise above it.

What's your name icepick? PM me - let's talk.
 

icepick

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 22, 2002
Messages
650
Reaction score
3
Originally posted by bust.it
i especially like the part about how true it is that other people will do everything they can to stop you from changing and exceeding their expectations.

Rise above it.
I am not really sure that people do this on purpose. Maybe it is just something that is THERE...and they are afraid to address it, and the insults/condescension is a way that people feel comfortable expressing.

People see a change, and it is like "Oh! A change! What will become of this?" Then they remember all of thier failed attempts to change, and what became of those.

When I first started to work out, my family razzed me a little bit. I blew it off, but eventually they supported me. (My friends have been working out for years, some are not as big as one would expect...proof that you gotta eat big. Many people think that all you have to do is just do bench presses every once in a while.)

Sometimes people may get alittle nasty, but as far as friends go, most of them are just being silly and playing games. When I grew a goatee, I was made fun of by my friends: "OMG! What the hell is THAT...oh, I see...you ran out of shaving cream...lol!" but eventually they got used to it.

Some things are a little bit harder. Like if I don't get completely wasted at a party (watching what I eat/drink for diet/workout...cuz I am already skinny with a beer gut...kinda like Kid Rock...lol!) they will rag on me a bit, sometimes get a little bit pissed off.

Also, there seems to be this thing in society where each guy is pushing other guys to sex women up. I am taking a "break" for a while, and every time I blow off a chick, my bro's are like "WTF!?" while they go off and bust nuts in a different girl every other week. A scary thing happened when one of my old girlfriends got pregnant recently. The guy (supposedly) was using a condom. Well, there is the morning after pill, but I don't think I will trust any of the women that are ONS material to actually TAKE it.

I don't want a kid right now, I barely have enough money for myself.

So, in essence, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Screw everybody else, because in the end, you are the only one living your life.
 

tamale

Banned
Joined
May 28, 2003
Messages
20
Reaction score
0
Age
49
Location
paradise
Iceprik,

Why do you waste your time writing such worthless advice. Diesel was right to criticize your advice, you just rehash stuff people can already read. You should try and get off the computer and get a women.
 

icepick

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 22, 2002
Messages
650
Reaction score
3
Originally posted by tamale
Iceprik,

Why do you waste your time writing such worthless advice. Diesel was right to criticize your advice, you just rehash stuff people can already read. You should try and get off the computer and get a women.
Oh! I love it! Keep it comin'.
 
Top