27 y/o virgin with communication problems.

[eldominante]

Hi,

I'm new here, male guy at 27 years but never had a GF til yet. I fear that I could have aspergers (did some test in the net) and I can't talk to people randomly without any reason. I just talk if it's needed or if I need something. Whenever I try hard, it's forced and I act childish I was told. Being funny ends in being silly. I also have no friends. I've taken notice that I'm perceived as a loser by hot women. I don't see myself as one - but I have to change something. While I've smiled at some girls, a few smiled back as long as I looked at them. As soon as I broke eye contact and looked shortly away, they looked constantly away. Either I get approached by women or even at smiling, I don't know how to continue and how to go on.I know the frist steps. To open up or smiling. Nothing else comes in my mind after it. I have no approach anxiety or else, but I'm introverted/asperger and can't do small talk/chit chat.
I got in touch with the Mystery method, but it seems for guys who are intermediate in the dating stuff.

The next step is flirting. I hope you can help me further.

 

[FairShake]

Try this stuff...

http://smart-drugs.net/Get-Smart.htm

Not kidding, not spamming. I've known a handful of guys who were socially anxious and possibly on the Asperger's scale who made improvements on this stuff. Not giant improvements but small ones. Just for confidence sake.

If it works you can play with the ingredients or other nootropics to find something that works for you.

 

[amoka]

Welcome to the forum. First of all, I suggest to define what exactly you hope to achieve by coming to the forum. Don't get me wrong, you'll learn a whole lots of things here but if you don't know exactly why you decided to join, you'll be lurking around here for weeks, months, even years without getting any results. I suggest you start with the dj bible, which can be found in the General Discussion forum. Within the dj bible are tons of materials that can get you going. When you're done from there, I highly recommend you start with a personal journal...detailing all your progresses. You are welcome to post them here for others analyse and provide criticism if you like or you can keep everything to yourself and note all your progresses.

Also, I suggest you make your age show in your profile, otherwise your posts in the "Mature" forum risks being moved. To do so, click on User CP, then Edit Profile and enter your date of birth.

Welcome

 

[eldominante]

Alright. My IQ must be approx. 117. I'm no autist. My age is shown now and I've detected the DJ Bible.

My hope here is to learn how to become social and attract women. I think I need a step by step plan. I tried years ago "Rules of the Game" by Neil Strauss. It was great for the beginning. In those days, I learned to approach strangers, but not how. I was even happy, as girls invested time talking with me. I didn't really flirt with anyone. I did 7 of the 30 days, because I felt I had to work on my self-esteem cause it became weak. In the recent time, a lot has changed. While years ago, there were so many girls out there alone or with their friends. Now, they are with a BF and I don't approach any more. But I even don't have those opportunities as I had a few years ago. Seems like too many guys read Pickup materials and get active now. Everyone cares of clothes, style and so on. I have no chance to overtake them. Women are looking so gorgeous everywhere. So, they must have done with themselves a lot, too.
With humor, I couldn't get a woman. But I've experienced that the Mystery Method is legit. Without wanting it, I knew a cute girl. As she went away while I was sitting in the library, some girls who were hit by a guy (seemed like an AFC) looked constantly to me as the cute girl nodded and smiled to me.
Another time, I was out with two acquaintances, and one of them told his GF to dance with me. She tried to animate other girls to dance with us, but they didn't. Finally, a HB10 smiled to me and danced with me. I got soft knees and wanted to take a break after dancing for a few seconds.
So, the Mystery Method must be legit, cause it was Pre-Selection.

 

[SecondHalf]

I'm not very familiar labeled conditions such as yours, but hey, everything is relative, so I'll give my two cents ...

If you have difficulty speaking to people in general, there is no trick to make it easy to interact with or attract women (well, maybe the attract).

When I read your post, some ideas came to mind ... some typical of this forum, some not.

Consider these points...

• I assume if you're heavy, you're dealing with that? Women want to bag a "hottie" just as much as men do.
• If you don't dress in style, then get it cleaned up. Nothing tattered (unless intentional), must fit properly, always clean and pressed (if needing it), somewhat up to date. This is not hard, it's just paying a little attention to detail (what you're wearing and whats current).
• As for your difficulty interacting with others ...
• I would start with group therapy (or maybe not therapy, but some type of social group maybe) where there is no pressure and is a ... "safe" place for you to slowly reach out. Get some practice and confidence.
• Next, move up to common interest groups. Dinner/theater/hiking where the focus is on the interest ... not you. Still no pressure.
• After you've gotten more comfortable with peoples positive reactions to you, you can go a little further. Take a cooking class. Mostly women, you can ask questions, crack the occasional joke.
• Dance classes will help wonders. If you're an ace on the dance floor, there are tons of events (at least in the west) where it's about dancing. If you're a great dancer, women want to dance with you (it's all about them looking good - hence the points about in shape and in style).
• Take an improvisation class when you're ready. You are trained to be funny in any situation. There is no room for shy there. It's just about having fun, and learning how to be verbally spontaneous.

Once you've accomplished this list (or another like it, you get the direction I'm going ...), women and well, life in general will get a lot easier for you. This forum is great for a life coach, teaching you what not to do, testimonials on what works. Definitely, keep reading / asking questions, but do think about a slow iterative approach to get over you social anxiety too.

Good luck,

SH

 

[eldominante]

Thanks for that advice.
Yeah, I'm overweight and I'm going to get into shape. So, women want a great looking guy? What about the personality?

I took a group therapy where I was told not to be that offensive and to think about what I'd say. But at the end, the therapist told me, I'd be okay and he doesn't see any concerns that could held me off having friends. I was told that I should practice and I could do chit chat anytime. But I still can't.
The problem is following: If others initiate conversations, I have no problems to talk. But if it's about leading a conversation on my own, it doesn't work.
If it's about talking in front of a group, I have no problems with that. There is no fear no anxiety or else.

So, out of the list, it's about common interest groups, dancing-classes and improvisation classes. Where do I find improvisation classes? I live in Europe, Germany.

 

[amoka]

I won't recommend taking pills to make you "smart". Any pill that claims it will make you "smart" should be thoroughly evaluated. READ if you want to be smart.

 

[SecondHalf]

Thanks for that advice.
Yeah, I'm overweight and I'm going to get into shape. So, women want a great looking guy? What about the personality?

I took a group therapy where I was told not to be that offensive and to think about what I'd say. But at the end, the therapist told me, I'd be okay and he doesn't see any concerns that could held me off having friends. I was told that I should practice and I could do chit chat anytime. But I still can't.
The problem is following: If others initiate conversations, I have no problems to talk. But if it's about leading a conversation on my own, it doesn't work.
If it's about talking in front of a group, I have no problems with that. There is no fear no anxiety or else.

So, out of the list, it's about common interest groups, dancing-classes and improvisation classes. Where do I find improvisation classes? I live in Europe, Germany.

In Canada / US, we have comedy clubs that make a little extra money by offering such things. Maybe start here: http://improwiki.com/de/wiki/improtheater/gruppen_in_deutschland. Disclaimer: I have no idea if this is what I'm talking about, but it looks ... possible.
Just google it improv classes germany ... http://fuzzyco.com/improv/groups-world.html
Tons of resources.

Your question "So, women want a great looking guy?" has a defeatist undertone to it. Confidence and pride are much more difficult with anger.

"Women" want men for many things. They act in self interest and target attributes in a man which would help them attend that goal.
Most Asian women here that go after the white man, seldom are seen with a "hunk". Most get the dumpy, nerdy, beta type and grow them into better money makers / husbands / betamen. A HB6 might want an HB8-9 man because it makes her feel "hotter".
Of course a woman wants a man with a good personality (but what is a "good personality"?). And how many women will pick the guy who doesn't take care of himself over the one that does?

Transformation is not easy and it doesn't happen quickly. The end-state might seem like a an endless pursuit, an almost unattainable goal, too much painful effort...
But here is the thing, shortly after you start, it's no longer painful. You start to see results, you start to feel pride, then the effort becomes a positive experience ... each freaking baby step! Before you know it, it's a lifestyle.

SH

 

[eldominante]

In the city, I see those women walking next to average looking or masculine seeming men. I think, slimming down is just one part. The other part must be conversational skills learning.
I remember last summer, as I was departing from a railway station, on the other side of the escalator, a cute girl was coming upwards. I smiled as I saw her. She smiled back looking at me. We smiled at each other for 10 seconds. Anytime, I found it was brong and I broke eye contact and looked to the left. Then, I looked back to her and she was looking at her left side but no more at me. I didn't know how to get in contact with her. What I always do is saying Hi, but I don't know further how to go on else.
That HB6.5 once even screamed in a medical lesson that she wants a hunk. I'm not interested in her, I was just explaining that.

Your links brought me to theater pages.
Do you think, the Don Juan Boot Camp would be enough?
Starting with what make it easier, SH? If I'm wrong correct me: So you wanna tell me, to go for great appearance than Demonstation of Higher Value? I thought, personality would be more important for the other sex than appearance.

Your statement about how I look to women: It was not in bad manner but simply a detection that women want good looking men. Indeed, pairs I saw, there the guys were both: Looking bad/fat and I also saw pairs in which men were good looking. A hot woman was waiting fore a train with her BF who wore jogging pants and a sweater. He had totally no style in my opinion, was fat but maybe he had that bad boy attitude. However, the woman was a HB9 and was totally into him til the train arrived and she had to leave him.

Yes, you tell it: Most women go for the needy or beta male. But what do such guys do that those women get together with them? Have such men a lot of money/wealth?

 

[SecondHalf]

I don't know if the bootcamp will be enough. Pickup has never really been an issue for me. I've been burdened with other challenges. So, I've never really done the bootcamp.

However, given you have difficulties making smalltalk and light socialization, my advice was more geared to a change in your personality, not a facade.

Weight, style? Why not be your best? I cannot comment on "higher value" tricks either. I'm just myself with a tad of CF for short term things. For long term and what brought me here, is frame and boundaries.

In short, try it, see what works for you?

SH

 

[eldominante]

Til yet, I was sometimes approached (maybe because my appearance was liked by her). But I see many guys who try to be a leader in any subject or field.
One is a leader of his sports team cause he invented it here. Another one tries to push a certain style of eating habits (veganism). Another one is active in politics and dreams of becoming a chouncellor of the republic, but he is also a good communicator. I can say that I have several interests but I'm not great in any of them. Just weak or middle in all of them.

So, I should start with Don Juan Boot Camp. I'm going to slim fit, but that's what I actually do for my own, not for getting women in my life. It's more about health issues than about attractiveness.
When it's about style, I don't know what suits to which clothes. Is demonstration of higher value a "trick"? I thought it would be a proof that you are in a high position anywhere.

 

[FairShake]

I won't recommend taking pills to make you "smart". Any pill that claims it will make you "smart" should be thoroughly evaluated. READ if you want to be smart.

Hey don't knock it unless you try it. There are plenty of pills that improve focus and concentration as well as anxiety. I gave a link to one that doesn't have bad side effects.

Not a substitute for good old fashioned work but this pill may make the journey a little easier.

http://www.regardingcaroline.com/smart.html

and another potential "easer" for autism

http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/autism-treatment-marijuana-madness-8763721

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Hi,

I'm new here, male guy at 27 years but never had a GF til yet. I fear that I could have aspergers (did some test in the net) and I can't talk to people randomly without any reason. I just talk if it's needed or if I need something. Whenever I try hard, it's forced and I act childish I was told. Being funny ends in being silly. I also have no friends. I've taken notice that I'm perceived as a loser by hot women. I don't see myself as one - but I have to change something. While I've smiled at some girls, a few smiled back as long as I looked at them. As soon as I broke eye contact and looked shortly away, they looked constantly away. Either I get approached by women or even at smiling, I don't know how to continue and how to go on.I know the frist steps. To open up or smiling. Nothing else comes in my mind after it. I have no approach anxiety or else, but I'm introverted/asperger and can't do small talk/chit chat.
I got in touch with the Mystery method, but it seems for guys who are intermediate in the dating stuff.

The next step is flirting. I hope you can help me further.

Never had a girlfriend until yet, you mean you have one now or still haven't?

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Have you considered an escort OP? I would if I was your age

 

[MtnMan]

Have you considered an escort OP? I would if I was your age

I tend to agree, just to get some experience with the mechanics of it, just so you have some idea. How are you going to game chicks if you have never actually fvcked one? That would be a major confidence hurdle for me.
Of course, if you have a moral objection to an escort, then this could hurt your confidence more than it helps. Personally, I would use it as a training tool, like a punching bag before a fight.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I tend to agree, just to get some experience with the mechanics of it, just so you have some idea. How are you going to game chicks if you have never actually fvcked one? That would be a major confidence hurdle for me.
Of course, if you have a moral objection to an escort, then this could hurt your confidence more than it helps. Personally, I would use it as a training tool, like a punching bag before a fight.

Ya just for the physical pleasure

 

[eldominante]

No, I never had one, not even today. I just had a prostitute/slut/hooker.
I have no aspergers/autism (I've re-checked right now) and I tend not using any drugs. I've got a shizoid personality - this means that I don't talk. Whenever I talk, it's about if I want something or if I ask an opinion of someone. That's it. Else, I remain totally quiet as an introverted guy. No, no escort women! I would prefer a hooker to an escort woman. What you wanna tell me is using DHV by taking escort women. I don't know how chit chat works and I don't know how to talk in a mature way and even with women. But I'm confident and ready to learn it.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

No, I never had one, not even today. I just had a prostitute/slut/hooker.
I have no aspergers/autism (I've re-checked right now) and I tend not using any drugs. I've got a shizoid personality - this means that I don't talk. Whenever I talk, it's about if I want something or if I ask an opinion of someone. That's it. Else, I remain totally quiet as an introverted guy. No, no escort women! I would prefer a hooker to an escort woman. What you wanna tell me is using DHV by taking escort women. I don't know how chit chat works and I don't know how to talk in a mature way and even with women. But I'm confident and ready to learn it.

some people have said I talk or have a conversation normally, so I think I could have been misdiagnosed with Asperger's, keyword is think

 

[eldominante]

some people have said I talk or have a conversation normally, so I think I could have been misdiagnosed with Asperger's, keyword is think

No. Some people TELL ME that I'd act/talk normally. But the reason why I can't hold conversations on my (being in my frame and pulling others onto me) made me think that I had aspergers. I've got an shizoid personality, if you know what it is.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

No. Some people TELL ME that I'd act/talk normally. But the reason why I can't hold conversations on my (being in my frame and pulling others onto me) made me think that I had aspergers. I've got an shizoid personality, if you know what it is.

Shizoid personality, can you be more specific? What is your case like? But ya I don't use Aspergers as a crutch or an excuse to put me down anymore, because a few months ago I had a Skype talk with PlayerSupreme, he says he has a brother who has Aspergers and he is married, and that he sounds more socially awkward than I am although he said I talked and sounded normally when I have having a conversation with him, it was a consultation, and there was no charge for that consultation with him on Skype