When I showed up here, I never imagined I'd be writing this post. I didn't think I'd stick around after the first time I posted, because the regulars here gave me a hard time for how stupid and dumb I was. I don't even remember what I posted, but they sure made me feel like a piece of 5hit. I thought to myself, "Well, either I can run away from this message forum crying, or I could try and learn something from these a55holes." Needless to say, I stuck around and now I'm an a55hole myself. Don't believe me? Look at the 'Moderator' title under my username I officially joined this forum on October 4, 2001 under a different username (which I had to change due to problems with online stalkers). I became a moderator on January 5, 2006. I lost my virginity (as an AFC) on my 20th birthday. The Girl Who Drove Me Here Before Sosuave, I thought of myself as happily engaged. She was my high school sweetheart, and I loved every inch of her. She was a bit psycho, but I figured that love would conquer all. With love in my heart and Disney philosophies in my head, I lovingly put up with her emotional outbursts, hurling objects, and the fact that my friends (and her family) thought she was totally fvcked in the head. I proposed to her when I was 20 (she was 17). We moved in together, and stayed together for about 3 1/2 years. Near the end of the relationship, strange things were happening. She started staying out all night and into the next day until the mid-afternoon. No phone call, no explanation, nothing. She'd just show up and tell me that she forgot to call. Her taste in music changed from rock to top 100 pop. She quit saying "I Love You". I just wrote these things off as typical relationship problems. About two weeks after she quit telling me she loved me, she initiated the breakup. I sat on the floor of our apartment crying, screaming that nothing else would matter if she left, and I might as well quit my job since my life was completely pointless without her companionship. Yeah, total AFC behavior. I even went so far as spending the last five dollars to my name on a single rose and leaving it at her friend's apartment window where she was staying. I figured that displaying my love would get us through this problematic time, and romance was the key to winning her heart back. I honestly didn't understand what happened. I was a good boyfriend, I did most of the housework, I took care of her, I reminded her to take her birth control, I stayed home from work when she was sick, and I never hit her no matter how badly she injured me in her sleep (she had bitten me and choked me while sleepwalking). Now, here I was, clueless as to how love had NOT conquered all, and wondering how I had failed in making our relationship work. So onto the internet I went. I didn't have any idea how to meet and date women, let alone have a clue as to what had gone wrong in my relationship. I went onto Google and typed in "how to date women" which let me to a site called getgirls.com. My eyes started to become opened, and I read every dating tip posted on that site. In one of the moments where I forgot the site name, I did a google search for a phrase that I had seen repeatedly in some of the tips..... "Don Juan". Lo and behold, I ended up here. I had much, much more information to read. Back then, there wasn't much forum activity. Nearly every post in the Tips forum was in the newly-created DJ Bible, so I sat and read everything posted in that forum. Within a couple of weeks, I started getting answers to my questions. Why did my relationship fail? Because I spoiled her, put her on a pedestal, gave into her every demand, never said 'no', apologized for everything I did (and didn't) do, and became boring. Changing Myself Changing my mindset and my habits from what I had learned during my lifetime was not easy. The kickstart for me was rebounding with a fattie for 3 days. On the third day, we were sitting in her bed and I was verbally putting myself down. After I had called myself a loser, she got aggravated and told me, "You're not a loser! You have a good job, you're good looking, and any woman would be lucky to have you!" Those words really hit me and made me think. After reflecting on what she told me, I decided she was right. So I dumped her. It's been an uphill battle for me. During my entire life, I was always shy, quiet, intimidated by women, and had low self-esteem. Telling myself that I was a great man was difficult, but became much easier after I focused on my greatest qualities. My job WAS pretty decent, I wasn't fat, I considered myself talented, funny, intelligent, and I survived a pretty fvcked up childhood. Those were all great reasons to see myself in a more positive light. Approaching women was difficult. A lot of times they'd approach me which I was very thankful for. I would try some of the stuff I'd read on sosuave and post about my experiences. The more knowledgeable members would tell me where I fvcked up, explain how I fvcked up, and give me examples of how I shouldn't fvck up. I endured a lot of rejection from women, watched them choose some other guy over me, and I had to learn that continuous practice out in the field was the ONLY way for me to become better with women. My ex-finance's sister was still in contact with me. Since she thought I was a great guy, she took great pleasure in hooking me up with her single friends. She was a very indispensable source for new women, and I was able to successfully date everyone she hooked me up with. I learned what worked, and learned what my mistakes were (and I made a LOT of them). The women I dated generally wouldn't stick around for more than a month or two. In the year after my breakup with my fiancée, I more than made up for the lack of dating in my teen years. During my learning period, I had become friends with a girl I had approached at the bar. She was smart, nerdy, and had a nice body. I didn't focus on her the whole night, but I frequently went to her table and conversed with her. When she had left the bar to take a bus home, I was kicking myself for not getting her number. I was ready to swallow another lost opportunity, but the friend I was with said, "Get your ass out there and offer her a ride home!" I figured it would look totally stupid to her, but giving this idea a shot was better than doing nothing. So, I hopped in my truck, drove to the bus stop, and she was still there. I said, "You want a ride home?" She replied, "I don't really know you." I responded with "Well, I don't really know you either!" After a slight hesitation, she climbed in and I drove her home. When we got to her place, I asked for a number exchange. She complied, and I went back to the bar to tell my friend what happened. "See! I told you!" he said proudly. I learned that it's better to risk looking like an a55hole than risk missing out on an opportunity. I wasn't going to call her until the third day, just as I had read in the DJ Bible. To my surprise, she called me the next day. We became very good friends, and hung out often over the next nine months. I was still suffering emotionally from my breakup with my fiance, but she didn't seem to mind being my emotional tampon. During this period, I had found myself a second job. I was using it to make a little extra money to pay off some debt, and found it a great way to work on my social skills since my other job didn't allow for that. I made many good friends, and I learned that amplifying the good traits of my personality drew people to me. Every time somebody new started, I initiated contact with them and gave them somebody to talk to. The high turnover rate from this job helped me break my fear of approaching. I started dating another girl my ex's sister introduced to me. She was very boring, but at this point I was happy to be getting ANY new experience with women, so I put up with her talking about her stupid friends. I decided to keep my dating life private from the other women in my life. I didn't tell my female friend I was dating somebody. My female friend also became a subject for experimentation. I became playful with her and initiated kino. I didn't expect it to go anywhere, so I just had fun with it. over time, I began noticing a change in her behavior toward me. She would find reasons for us to do things together, and she was phoning more. I decided to take her out to my favorite hangout with me one Saturday night. When the song "Amazed" came on, she asked me to dance. I hated the fvcking song, but I went along with it. There are certain times when I'll chime into something that's going on, but continue to ignore it. I was getting a look from her that subconsciously told me that she's absolutely crazy about me. But again, she was just a female friend so I ignored it. When the night was over and I drove her home, she said, "when we were dancing, I felt the urge to kiss you... Can I kiss you?" I said nothing, took my glasses off, and put my lips on hers. After she went into the house, I bounced up and down with excitement. I was now dating two women at once! This was the moment where I knew I had succeeded in becoming a Don Juan.