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Old 04-04-2011, 01:47 AM   #1
italostud
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Girl thinking of breaking up with her boyfriend for me?

Girl has been very flirty with me last few months at work. Got her number recently. She's hesitant to text because she doesn't want her boyfriend to see the texts...but says she wants to "get to know me better". When I asked to hang out she says "I really want to but not yet".

I know she does want me but I think she's stuck in a crappy relationship that may be on its last legs.

Last time we talked was early last week. She knows how I feel so I haven't texted her or anything since then. I figure the ball's in her court.

Should I initiate any kind of contact or just wait and see what happens?
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Old 04-04-2011, 03:50 AM   #2
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Try once more and suggest to hang out.

If she is into you (at least more into you than her boyfriend) she will meet up.

If not, then no matter what she says, she isn't attracted to you enough.

Judge always by actions, not by words

Go to radio silence and see what she does.

No need to become her emotional tampon when the guy is probably still banging her brains out.
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Old 04-04-2011, 09:23 AM   #3
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Dont waste your time on attached women.
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Old 04-04-2011, 09:58 AM   #4
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She's branch swinging. Don't be the initiator. I agree with Colossus that attached women are not worth the trouble. But if she insists on being a tramp, let her be the initiator. She's probably looking for a soft landing if she does dump the guy (she may not).
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Old 04-04-2011, 10:24 AM   #5
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I have no respect for women like this. No loyalty whatsoever. If she's got a bad relationship going, then break it off before flirting with other men. If you do go out with her later, pump and dump. She will do to you what she's about to do to the guy.
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Old 04-04-2011, 12:09 PM   #6
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I know this isn't a popular topic, but reality is that this is how life goes sometimes.

Anyways, maybe I'll try initiating contact one more time. I might wait it out though see if she contacts me. Gotta think about it.
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Old 04-04-2011, 02:12 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colossus
Dont waste your time on attached women.

QFT

OP, this could be trouble waiting for you. Ideally she should leave her boyfriend, stay single for a while before getting into something else. Be careful though.
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Old 04-04-2011, 02:43 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by italostud
I know this isn't a popular topic, but reality is that this is how life goes sometimes.

Anyways, maybe I'll try initiating contact one more time. I might wait it out though see if she contacts me. Gotta think about it.

It's not about whether the topic is "popular" or not.

"Reality is, this is how life goes sometimes" - are you kidding me? Who's holding a gun to your head?

The real reality is you're scavenging, for lack of options.

Find some other women - then see whether you care if she breaks it off with him or not.
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Old 04-05-2011, 01:49 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samspade
?
The real reality is you're scavenging, for lack of options.
.

Exactly. The OP also needs to realize that he's no one special.
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:20 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by italostud
Girl has been very flirty with me last few months at work. Got her number recently. She's hesitant to text because she doesn't want her boyfriend to see the texts...but says she wants to "get to know me better". When I asked to hang out she says "I really want to but not yet".

I know she does want me but I think she's stuck in a crappy relationship that may be on its last legs.

Last time we talked was early last week. She knows how I feel so I haven't texted her or anything since then. I figure the ball's in her court.

Should I initiate any kind of contact or just wait and see what happens?

She is playing the both of you for fools.

Her decision to cheat or dump her boyfriend for you is (according to her) based on what her boyfriend will do or not do in the future and then followed by her decision to dump or cheat on him. The fact remains that if she wanted to do something with you she would have done so by now (agreed to your advances) and so far it seems like she is getting her satisfaction by being an Attention Wh0re and stringing you along.

I wouldn't go out of my way to initiate anything with her, just play it cool/aloof like you done in the past and in the mean time hit on other girls and go out with them while making sure she hears about it (that should speed things up if she is serious about branch swinging).
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:52 AM   #11
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This kind of triangle is a situation with 100% win for chicks. Double the attention and ending up with a winner out of the two men competing for her.
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Old 04-05-2011, 04:56 AM   #12
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And yes, we have another so called member prying and hoping for an attached woman.
If these guys spend this much time on single women, they wouldn't even be here.

If a girl is not single, please do yourself a favor and move on. If she likes you enough, she will break up with him and come running for you. All you have to do is act like she doesn't get your attention, if she belongs to another man. The more you guys pursue chicks like this, the more you give them power. Stop this.

By the way, your screen name says "stud". Stud's don't go after attached women. Women attach to them.
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Old 04-05-2011, 07:14 AM   #13
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I know it's not nice to hear, but your chances of this succeeding are so remote its virtually a guarantee for pain and receiving a blow to the head when you crash. Just go with me and read my view here, because I am sure you are a decent bloke and people like me are taking time to write this stuff to actually provide some help/advice to you. Its not a rant to berate, its to arm you with objective info you may not be able to see because you're influenced by this girl's attractiveness. Never met her obviously but let me bet you have good taste when spotting a sexy girl and she is sexy as hell to you.

Here's the list of the grim (yes I accept not nice to accept) scenario's:

1) As mentioned above, she is looking for a parachute to break her fall.
It can be very scary for someone ending a relationship with nowhere to go. If you're an attractive girl, why not use another guy as a parachute if he is so openly and cheaply (read "free") offering this service? I have a theory about what happens to a parachute once landed however. It's scrunched up into a pack and put away. It's no longer needed once the "jumpee" feels safely landed on to solid ground and satisfied they can get up and walk on their own two feet.

2) She is receiving no attention from the actual boyfriend and is tantilised by feeling attractive to another guy (you). It such a common phenomena that that chicks become attracted to attention from men. But consider this - they are not necessarily attracted to the guy, they are attracted to the attention they are receiving. They need attention like blokes need constant ego stroking.

Remember this formula for life:

Women's vice/insecurity = attention.
Mens vice/insecurity = ego stroke.

Ration out the supply of these two commodities to both sexes and you would commonly have control over most people. As for the attractive lady however, once they receive enough of this attention they usually shut that tap off with utter ease and efficiency.

3) She does like you and wants to be physical with you, but she also like's her BF, or at least likes what he once was and doesn't want to end with him in the hope that he may go back to being the suave,charming and attentive dude that she went weak at the knees for in the early days. She wants that buzz back with him as he amazed her before and she burns an outside hope it/he might come back. She therefore, (again as someone mentioned above) likes this triangular approach because she gets to have both of you and choose who and when. To illustrate my point and without trying to sound patronising or childish, most guys would take both a Ferrari and an offroad SUV if allowed to have both. Most guitarists will take both Fender and Gibson if given. Its not that they like one and not another, but why not have both if given?

Now would you like to be a car only driven sometimes? This is the ultimate question. If you'r answer is "yes I want to be driven a few times a week and then be free to sit in the garage the rest of my time and do whatever I feel like", then go for it, ask her out again. If your answer is "no I want to be the exclusive automobile that is driven", then you need to consider the odds are not good at all. Its truly a choice of what you want out of it. Most things in life are choices, we often just dont like the options we can choose from.

Personally if I were you, I would call her once, flirt big time in a warm way, then vanish totally. I mean totally vanish. Maybe contact her once every 6 months to test how things are going if you have to, but I would be so unavailable that she can decide to escalate if she wants to. Really she will decide, not you. Regardless of if there are 500 posts to your thread here and everybody has a view, she will still decide irrespective of 500 different sources of advice.

My own personal experience: - women spend long periods of time in the "I want to be break up with my boyfriend" or "I'm about to break up with my boyfriend" mode. This mode can extend over a period of decades. Hanging on the side line during this period is truly a waste of your time but worse, is a slander on your self respect.

Last edited by deuce42 : 04-05-2011 at 07:49 AM.
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Old 04-05-2011, 07:18 AM   #14
deuce42
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double post - apologies guys
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Old 04-06-2011, 12:49 AM   #15
italostud
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deuce42
I know it's not nice to hear, but your chances of this succeeding are so remote its virtually a guarantee for pain and receiving a blow to the head when you crash. Just go with me and read my view here, because I am sure you are a decent bloke and people like me are taking time to write this stuff to actually provide some help/advice to you. Its not a rant to berate, its to arm you with objective info you may not be able to see because you're influenced by this girl's attractiveness. Never met her obviously but let me bet you have good taste when spotting a sexy girl and she is sexy as hell to you.

Here's the list of the grim (yes I accept not nice to accept) scenario's:

1) As mentioned above, she is looking for a parachute to break her fall.
It can be very scary for someone ending a relationship with nowhere to go. If you're an attractive girl, why not use another guy as a parachute if he is so openly and cheaply (read "free") offering this service? I have a theory about what happens to a parachute once landed however. It's scrunched up into a pack and put away. It's no longer needed once the "jumpee" feels safely landed on to solid ground and satisfied they can get up and walk on their own two feet.

2) She is receiving no attention from the actual boyfriend and is tantilised by feeling attractive to another guy (you). It such a common phenomena that that chicks become attracted to attention from men. But consider this - they are not necessarily attracted to the guy, they are attracted to the attention they are receiving. They need attention like blokes need constant ego stroking.

Remember this formula for life:

Women's vice/insecurity = attention.
Mens vice/insecurity = ego stroke.

Ration out the supply of these two commodities to both sexes and you would commonly have control over most people. As for the attractive lady however, once they receive enough of this attention they usually shut that tap off with utter ease and efficiency.

3) She does like you and wants to be physical with you, but she also like's her BF, or at least likes what he once was and doesn't want to end with him in the hope that he may go back to being the suave,charming and attentive dude that she went weak at the knees for in the early days. She wants that buzz back with him as he amazed her before and she burns an outside hope it/he might come back. She therefore, (again as someone mentioned above) likes this triangular approach because she gets to have both of you and choose who and when. To illustrate my point and without trying to sound patronising or childish, most guys would take both a Ferrari and an offroad SUV if allowed to have both. Most guitarists will take both Fender and Gibson if given. Its not that they like one and not another, but why not have both if given?

Now would you like to be a car only driven sometimes? This is the ultimate question. If you'r answer is "yes I want to be driven a few times a week and then be free to sit in the garage the rest of my time and do whatever I feel like", then go for it, ask her out again. If your answer is "no I want to be the exclusive automobile that is driven", then you need to consider the odds are not good at all. Its truly a choice of what you want out of it. Most things in life are choices, we often just dont like the options we can choose from.

Personally if I were you, I would call her once, flirt big time in a warm way, then vanish totally. I mean totally vanish. Maybe contact her once every 6 months to test how things are going if you have to, but I would be so unavailable that she can decide to escalate if she wants to. Really she will decide, not you. Regardless of if there are 500 posts to your thread here and everybody has a view, she will still decide irrespective of 500 different sources of advice.

My own personal experience: - women spend long periods of time in the "I want to be break up with my boyfriend" or "I'm about to break up with my boyfriend" mode. This mode can extend over a period of decades. Hanging on the side line during this period is truly a waste of your time but worse, is a slander on your self respect.


Thanks for the post bro. I liked the parachute analogy. Shot her a text and didn't get a response, but I think she lives with the bf, so she may have to sneak a response in. If I don't hear back by tomorrow then I figure it's just a waste of time (probably is anyways). Damn girls and their mixed signals.
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Old 04-08-2011, 08:05 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by italostud
).
Damn girls and their mixed signals.

There is nothing "mixed" about her behavior.
She is recruiting you to be her safety net, not her replacement b/f .
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IT has rained so much down here lately that my girlfriend just looked through the window for four days - I guess I should let her back in.
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Old 04-08-2011, 08:22 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Falcon25
And yes, we have another so called member prying and hoping for an attached woman.
If these guys spend this much time on single women, they wouldn't even be here.

If a girl is not single, please do yourself a favor and move on. If she likes you enough, she will break up with him and come running for you. All you have to do is act like she doesn't get your attention, if she belongs to another man. The more you guys pursue chicks like this, the more you give them power. Stop this.

By the way, your screen name says "stud". Stud's don't go after attached women. Women attach to them.

Agreed

Quote:
Originally Posted by italostud
Shot her a text and didn't get a response, but I think she lives with the bf, so she may have to sneak a response in.

And now you find yourself making excuses for her. Bottom line is if a she wants to play she will find a way. I'm thinking if she knew you had more options she would take more of a risk to get you.
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Old 04-09-2011, 05:57 PM   #18
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Brother, I just went through this crap myself. The girl was engaged, she and I were talking/texting, fiancee found out, she stayed with the safe bet, him. They got married. Less than a year later, she and I went at it again, this time she gave him the boot for me. Now, a year later, she gave me the boot for someone else. This will be a never-ending cycle for her. This new chump will be replaced, sooner or later. My bad is that I knew what I was getting into, and did it anyway.

Do yourself a huge favor, avoid attached women like the plague. Nothing good will come out of it, guaranteed. They can't be trusted. Unless, of course, you just want to get laid, but remember there are always consequences.
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Old 04-09-2011, 06:57 PM   #19
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you can try one more time to get her to hang out with you, maybe get laid, but any girl that has a bf and is seeking other "options" like that is bad news. What will happen if something comes out of the two of you? you can bet she will be doing the same to you. I agree with the others that she has you on the backburner waiting till she breaks up so she won't be alone. Maybe she is telling other guys the same thing besides you. i messed around with taken girls before and it didn't work ou so well. so its best not to.

from my experience with taken girls, is that if they really want to hook up or hang out with you, they will find any way they can to do so. If not, then they are the ones stringing you along or keeping you on the backburner waiting till its over with their bf and there is still no guarantee that she will leave him even if she cheats on him. i used to hook up with take chicks before and they still stayed with their bf.
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Old 04-10-2011, 02:25 PM   #20
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What makes you special to where she wouldn't do the same to you if you ended up dating her?

So many guys are naive in these kind of situations, and they think they are the exception.
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