Cold Approach Advice?

DragonBlood · Sep 10, 2014

Hi guys, I did some day game cold approaches this week and could do with some advice.

4 of the 6 girls I approached gave me their number but so far none have replied? Here is my approach and I was wondering if there is room for improvement or am I doing something wrong? Return on numbers is good because I focus on girls who look like they are in a good mood or not in any hurry.

DB: hi/excuse me, your really cute/attractive/beautiful whats your name? <girl name>
DB: *shake hands* Im DB
DB: are you new here? / what do you study (its a campus so this starts a good convo). If they give me something specific like they are an art student or whatever I might suggest we go to an art gallery etc later on the campus if they seem interested. about 2 - 5 mins of rapport building.
DB: Are you single? (somewhat regardless of response)
DB: Whats your number? (if they seem keen, otherwise cut them loose)
<maybe some rapport>
DB: cool I will text you later (or something)
*end on handshake*

I dont consider the "instant date" route as I have discovered campus girls walking around or sitting on the grass are often in a hurry to make their next class or waiting for a friend or something like that.

*wait two days or so*

"Hey <girl> its DB how are you?/how is your week going?

"
*no response in 5 hours from anyone?* I send the texts out around 7ish when classes are over and people are winding down.

I mean, in some cases the girls are asking me a lot of questions about what I study, where I live, good eye contact etc and on one occasion asked for my number regardless of having a boyfriend. I come across as friendly and casual. Although this is my rough guide I dont push the interaction and generally laugh off the situation if it starts going south. I have the mindset that all girls are replaceable until they appear on a date so Im somewhat more aloof about the outcome and just enjoy the conversation.

Is my text game off or something? I feel like I should follow up my texts tomorrow evening if they dont get back to me. Something more teasing or specific but I could do with advice here? Like teasing their shyness and asking about their schedule? I have experience with cold approaching and Im obviously chuffed with this result as its helped alot in terms of getting over an ex, but Im still not getting much further? At least two of these girls seemed genuinely interested so Im a bit confused.

_sideways_ · Sep 10, 2014

I feel ur pain bro.

Numbers are easy to get.

They are just happy a DJ gave them the time of day.

Keep at it. They think their farts dont stink or something...

Curious...are these hb 4-6?

DragonBlood · Sep 10, 2014

_sideways_ said:
Curious...are these hb 4-6?

To be honest I would only date 4-6 if they were in my social circle. Well its college so they are all in their early 20s. Two blow offs were HB 7s.

HB 6: Hadnt seen her in months. 'BFF' of someone I dated a year ago. Very giggly, interested and shocked I didnt get a response! I am still friendly with both of them as well.

HB 7: singer sitting on a bench. Just chilled out and opened slowly.

HB 8: arty girl, was surprised by my boldness and increasingly shy near the end. Took this as a good sign.

HB 9: Sitting on the grass was a LOT hotter than I thought walking past. Russian girl, super chill, persistent on getting my number and asking where I live, leading questions etc regardless of having a bf.

The girls are attractive and young but I dont think college girls are that hard to game? How should I follow up to a no response? I am actually travelling abroad this week, so I mainly just wanted to let them know I will be out of contact and I will meet up when Im back. I am abroad for nearly 2 weeks alone for work, so this was a practice run if you will before I go. Ive taken the complete lack of response as a danger sign that my trip will be numbers but no cigar!

Feelings are HB9 is a 'maybe girl' who is familiar with the game. Possible bf is in a different country as she mention it was her first term and week on campus.

HB8 is main target as I feel if I can just get past her shyness and meet in person it will be a cake walk. Inexperience was obvious from demeanor and clumsy sentences, I was tempted to just go for a kiss right there... hmmm.

Decided to hit the ground running with this. Its early in the semester and the parties, clubs and social circles are not established so the best girls are still feeling there way around. Two of the girls admitted to not really knowing anyone and still settling in to classes, so I really feel the odds are WELL stacked in my favour??? Perhaps I have given them an unrealistic view of how free and exciting college life is going to be hahaha

thunder_god · Sep 10, 2014

I'm in exactly the same boat dude. I have gotten 9 numbers so far but no dates yet. I figure its either my rapport building wasn't strong enough or my text game or a combination of the two.

DragonBlood · Sep 10, 2014

thunder_god said:
I'm in exactly the same boat dude. I have gotten 9 numbers so far but no dates yet. I figure its either my rapport building wasn't strong enough or my text game or a combination of the two.

9 numbers?! Can you give more on the setting?

Yeah, Im not really sure. I feel like its text game, but also Im starting to wonder is there a 'creep' factor coming in strong from their point of view regardless of how good the rapport is. As these younger girls are just going to stay within their own circle of friends?

This discussion concerns me, as the numbers game could actually be a power game.
------------------------

I feel like the girl has less control and vetting, and probably discusses with friends you are a player. I mean I fully intend to spin two plates and select my best options in the same way girls build circles and collect orbiters. Its obvious this goes against a womens imperative and security to peruse someone who can 'pick up' girls so casually as it changes the power of rejection/challenge on her part. Thoughts? Are girls with good social circles intuitively and politely walking away from street game?

------------------------

From my point of view with most of the reasonably hot girls in my own circles already married or in serious relationships before I came along, not being able to get results on cold approaches would be a disaster and force me to dress down or get emotionally pushed around by salty exes... nope!

I have enjoyed success with cold approaches close to vday week as its easy to get the girls guard down and they are willing and well, flattered to date. Currently though, No flattering or big smiles or thank you thoughs like you get for vday. Its you know, all very aloof, even though my game is WAY tighter! Seeing as everything was strong up until the break away I assume that I either waited too long at two days to text (maybe) or that my text game is not strong enough to pull day game girls?

I wont say CA is my only game, but there is no way I would have gotten so much time and eagerness on the HB9 russian in a bar setting. If I could get them over this distant LMR and open to responding and meeting up, 'girl troubles' and 'oneitis' become laughable subjects. Its literally the last hurdle that needs work. If 'Numbers are easy', which I agree with, then they cant be used as a measure for success in day game. What really is a good indicator that youve done enough and this girl will at least RESPOND to texts before closing. You dont want to drag things out, but on the other hand obviously not enough was done in person or over text to sell the deal. Instead of leaving her wanting more, they seem to be left pretty satisfied just to get hit on and attention.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13NEvvesqCk

SS I THROW MYSELF AT YOUR MANLY WISDOM

thunder_god · Sep 11, 2014

DragonBlood said:
9 numbers?! Can you give more on the setting?

Yeah, Im not really sure. I feel like its text game, but also Im starting to wonder is there a 'creep' factor coming in strong from their point of view regardless of how good the rapport is. As these younger girls are just going to stay within their own circle of friends?

This discussion concerns me, as the numbers game could actually be a power game.
------------------------

I feel like the girl has less control and vetting, and probably discusses with friends you are a player. I mean I fully intend to spin two plates and select my best options in the same way girls build circles and collect orbiters. Its obvious this goes against a womens imperative and security to peruse someone who can 'pick up' girls so casually as it changes the power of rejection/challenge on her part. Thoughts? Are girls with good social circles intuitively and politely walking away from street game?

------------------------

From my point of view with most of the reasonably hot girls in my own circles already married or in serious relationships before I came along, not being able to get results on cold approaches would be a disaster and force me to dress down or get emotionally pushed around by salty exes... nope!

I have enjoyed success with cold approaches close to vday week as its easy to get the girls guard down and they are willing and well, flattered to date. Currently though, No flattering or big smiles or thank you thoughs like you get for vday. Its you know, all very aloof, even though my game is WAY tighter! Seeing as everything was strong up until the break away I assume that I either waited too long at two days to text (maybe) or that my text game is not strong enough to pull day game girls?

I wont say CA is my only game, but there is no way I would have gotten so much time and eagerness on the HB9 russian in a bar setting. If I could get them over this distant LMR and open to responding and meeting up, 'girl troubles' and 'oneitis' become laughable subjects. Its literally the last hurdle that needs work. If 'Numbers are easy', which I agree with, then they cant be used as a measure for success in day game. What really is a good indicator that youve done enough and this girl will at least RESPOND to texts before closing. You dont want to drag things out, but on the other hand obviously not enough was done in person or over text to sell the deal. Instead of leaving her wanting more, they seem to be left pretty satisfied just to get hit on and attention.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13NEvvesqCk

SS I THROW MYSELF AT YOUR MANLY WISDOM

Setting is from cold approaching out on the street near the mall in a busy intersection. Although the # I got yesterday was on a university campus, and she replied back today and seems to be down for meeting up so we'll see. I also got a number close today from a new classmate who I invited to my improv comedy class next week. I think it might be a problem though as she doesn't think its a date nor does she know I'm interested in being more then just friends. I'm going to have to figure out how to turn the "hangout" into something more lol by flirting with her. Hopefully she doesn't freak out.

nyc123 · Sep 11, 2014

my cold approach

1- initiation of conversation
ex- do you go to school here?
are you waiting for class right now?

2- gauging her reaction. if it's positive, i continue interaction.
ex of positive reaction- she responds and asks me questions
ex of negative reaction- she responds but looks very uninterested. doesn't ask me anything back. pops headphones back in. etc

3. if the whole interaction went well, i may ask for the number.
if it went poorly and most likely she wont' give me her number or she won't respond, i don't even bother. there have been times where girls have asked me for my number even if they really liked our conversation.

4. end conversation

i think one big difference between me and you is that i'm more subtle. i don't say- hey you're attractive. or are you single? within my initial approach. this will come later.

i think the reason i don't is because it automatically puts them on guard. you're now a guy who likes her and is hitting on her. as opposed to a friendly/cool guy that they've just met. If I was a girl, I'd be much more comfortable texting the second guy back.

Anyway we might just have different styles. I'm definitely more subtle. Maybe this helps. Hopefully it does.

DragonBlood · Sep 11, 2014

nyc123 said:
i think one big difference between me and you is that i'm more subtle. i don't say- hey you're attractive. or are you single? within my initial approach. this will come later.

i think the reason i don't is because it automatically puts them on guard. you're now a guy who likes her and is hitting on her. as opposed to a friendly/cool guy that they've just met. If I was a girl, I'd be much more comfortable texting the second guy back.

Anyway we might just have different styles. I'm definitely more subtle. Maybe this helps. Hopefully it does.

Yep I completely agree with this nyc, however if you dont make the reason for stopping a girl in the street and just start a conversation then there is going to be tension and confusion. i.e. "Why is this guy talking with me?". I guess this problem is solved by asking for directions or through some distraction.. but this is a bit PUA for me. Could you clarify how you open the conversation? Are we talking girls sitting around or girls passing by on the streets going somewhere? I would like to know how you remove suspicion about the REAL intent for the convo from the girls mind while being indirect.

thunder_god said:
I also got a number close today from a new classmate who I invited to my improv comedy class next week.

thanks thunder god. Ive been thinking about my recent cold approaches and how they differ from my vday approaches and I have pin pointed a MAJOR difference that might be hurting the number turn overs.

A. typical CA: get to know the girl and if I think she likes me ask for number and text her later to try set something up.

B. vday CA: ask for a date "hey your cute do you want to go out for valentines?", talk about schedule (when we are both roughly free), LESS rapport and number close once a date has been agreed on. The number is mainly to set the day and time after the fact. HUGE DIFFERENCE.

I think all three of us fall into category A most of the time, trying to be friendly and number close after building rapport. Then relying on text game to 'seal the deal'. Instead of number closing we should focus on date closing!

Im going to try this idea out if I can while Im abroad.

DB: Hey your cute whats your name?
DB: So are you new to this town bla bla bla
DB: Well if your free this week lets hang out at bla bla bla
(if yes)
DB: whats your number
DB: cool I will text you later

date close > number close

groovy?

Now I mean, I feel immediately the amount of numbers I would be getting will go WAY down as most will not really be available or refuse. But at least we are not wasting time wondering about why someone didnt get back and can focus on the girls that are planning to meet up! Number closing is an easy out for girls without hurting your feelings but it also makes it hard to gauge where they are as well, so I think if you ask for a date even if shes hesitant you can see it then and there and build a bit more rapport and work through the topic for a yes/no before handing out anything. In a way I feel this respects your time and hers in the long run.

I might also send another text to the original girls I opened in a week or so when Im back with the same idea. "Hey Im back from <abroad>, what is your schedule like this week? Are you free to meet up?"

As a positive side note I recall years ago I asked my Nan how she meet my now deceased Granddad. This would be 1950s or so. She said he followed her off the bus they were on (not his stop) and with no introduction or anything straight up asked her out to dinner. I asked my Nan what she thought about it at the time? She said "I thought he was a VERY rude man!" Who she did go on a date with and you know, married. Back then there was no such thing as social media or mobile numbers to muddy the end game.

So if my Granddad could pull this stuff off on his own Im sure I can with all the SS awesomeness to cut through the lady games. I think setting definite dates when you first meet a women, or at least a week to date within and finalise over text instead of rapport building is probably critical to CA.

Im going to give it a go. I would like you guys to try this out as well and see if it works for you or if this is the wrong way to go about CA. Whats the worse that could happen? No? A flake? Sounds better than a huge pool of whimsical no response numbers hahahaha

http://www.sosuave.com/articles/30datingrules.htm

RULE 4: Confidence attracts women even more than good looks. This is why you see fat, ugly, or dumpy guys with hot chicks.
RULE 24: Where women are concerned, pay more attention to what they do than what they say.

Darth · Sep 11, 2014

DragonBlood said:
As a positive side note I recall years ago I asked my Nan how she meet my now deceased Granddad. This would be 1950s or so. She said he followed her off the bus they were on (not his stop) and with no introduction or anything straight up asked her out to dinner. I asked my Nan what she thought about it at the time? She said "I thought he was a VERY rude man!" Who she did go on a date with and you know, married.

LMAO at awesome 1950s dating story.

nyc123 · Sep 11, 2014

DragonBlood said:
Yep I completely agree with this nyc, however if you dont make the reason for stopping a girl in the street and just start a conversation then there is going to be tension and confusion. i.e. "Why is this guy talking with me?". I guess this problem is solved by asking for directions or through some distraction.. but this is a bit PUA for me. Could you clarify how you open the conversation? Are we talking girls sitting around or girls passing by on the streets going somewhere? I would like to know how you remove suspicion about the REAL intent for the convo from the girls mind while being indirect.

The girls I talk to are usually sitting around or standing around. I have never actually stopped a girl who was walking on her way to somewhere. i imagine that this is much more difficult. but i have been able to talk to girls who have been going the same way as me, such as we both take the same bus. but in this case i'm not stopping her.

When I initiate a conversation with a girl, she may or may not be wondering why i'm talking to her. i think most of the time i just come off as someone who's social and is looking for conversation.

she may or may not be suspicious that i'm hitting on her. I can make her more suspicious by being more direct and flirty- such as hey you're cute, are you single? lets get coffee sometime etc.
I can reduce suspicion by not doing any of that.

I think a suspicion isn't really a bad thing. Most girls will intuitively suspect that you may be interested in them if you open up a conversation with them. (i agree with you on this) My point is to be more subtle. A girl could suspect but not know for sure that you are into them (at least not immediately) I'd use the analogy of knocking someone in the face with a hammer or brushing their nose lightly with a feather.

I'll try to give some past examples here

1. smoking area outside school-
me- hey do you go to school here?
her- yeah, of course i do, who else would smoke a cigarette here? (laughing)
me- haha well you never know. its possible that someone who doesn't go to school here would smoke here too.
conversation continued...
notice how she was very responsive with a playful comment.
was she suspicious of my intent? possibly
the conversation went well but not well enough. she finished her smoke and went home. i decided not to ask for the number because I wasn't getting a good enough vibe.

2. i noticed a pretty chick asking the MTA guy sitting in the booth for some directions on the subway. When she got up the stairs to the platform, I asked her if she was lost.
me- are you lost?
her- explaining to me her situation
me- i clarify to her how to get home
conversation continues...
we got into a long conversation for about half an hour. she was telling me that she was from thailand and studying english and all this stuff. at the end she asked for my number.

so the key word is subtlety. this is my preference.

latinnova · Sep 11, 2014

Advice: approach a girl as a friend. Do not call her beautiful, do not give her compliments, etc. just think of something that has to do with the current situation and go from there. Gauge her interest while talking to know to cut it short or continue. Just talk to her as if she is an old friend and simply get to know her. Bam, your done, it's that simple. Betas call them beautiful every day, and u are not a beta r u?

DragonBlood · Sep 12, 2014

latinnova said:
Advice: approach a girl as a friend. [...] Betas call them beautiful every day, and u are not a beta r u?

Well of course not! Its a good point but at the same time you cant neg them 100% either. If you genuinely believe a women looks good or better than usual and are not just saying it to impress her then I think the feeling will be different. Basically you shouldnt LIE or they will pick up on it.

thanks nyc those are very helpful examples. Ive been thinking on this more and I do believe that as long as you give a girl a reason, ANY reason to talk to her that would remove the suspicion or confusion. "are you lost?, you look cute" are both reasons. Your approach relies on an opening statement about a shared experience or circumstance.

nyc123 said:
I have never actually stopped a girl who was walking on her way to somewhere. i imagine that this is much more difficult.

In my experience its actually easier than you think. Its important to pay attention to her body language (eyes down, moving fast) and if shes on the phone or not but other than that you are good to go! One thing that is CRITICAL however is that once you open a girl who is passing you by you DO NOT MOVE from your position. Following her escape would be hella bad. If she likes you she will stay where you are

To be honest Im going to try both causal and direct and see how it goes, as I think they suit better in different situations. One change I will make to my direction approach though is dropping "are you single" for "lets hang out <or something more specific> are you free this week?". Even I dont like the "are you single" statement because its a show stopper. Its a very serious question to begin with, but also if she ISNT single the conversation is basically over, even if she liked you! It kind of changes the tempo from "do I want to hang out with this cool guy thats kind of cute" to "do I want this guy to be my boyfriend???" hahahaha. Even the vday question is not as strong as this. Its fairly easy to shatter the friend zone with flirting and a strong physical move or two anyway (either then or better later). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvYIpa1Ulvw (yep theres even songs about it)

I like these links as well, unfortunately I couldnt find any 'indirect game' that didnt head down the PUA zone. But I do understand your advice nyc on making observations and statements to open girls.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbs_ZF-FUgM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsU7vsXydcw

nyc123 · Sep 13, 2014

glad to be of some help. perhaps ill try the stopping somebody one day. but i think i need to work on other things first.

DragonBlood · Sep 14, 2014

nyc123 said:
i need to work on other things first.

Do you mean deadlines or personal growth?

So I decided I would share my cold approaches from today while Im still on holiday. Hard to classify in some cases but definitely LESS direct.

breakfast at the hotel

I notice a HB8 sitting on her own without any sign of someone joining them (5 mins). So, I finish my meal get a tea and introduce myself
DB: Hi I noticed you from across the room are you eating alone?
HB8: *Gobbledygook* (I think it was spanish) *gesturing to the food bar*
DB: Ok thanks *goes back to original seat and sips tea*
10mins later her man comes back from the food bar. I guess alpha behavior is cross-language because I had no idea what she said.

I then spend the day sight seeing as I had bookmarked a few places I wanted to go because the work segment of my trip kicks off Monday. And if I bump into a girl along the way all the better. However at the back of my mind I definitely wanted to bring someone back for dinner this evening at my hotel.

Notice a girl HB7 strolling around while Im window shopping, I had noticed her earlier and she seemed to just be enjoying the good weather.
DB: Hey
HB7: *turns around*
DB: Are you going for a walk?
HB7: Yes
DB: Mind if I join you? (I could see in your eyes the answer was no!)
HB7: I have to study now, Im going to read a book actually
HB7: see you *waves good bye*
DB: Thats ok *turns back to window and ignored her*

Lunchtime at Subway
*I built some rapport with a Subway girl yesterday (HB7). She is not native to this country, knew I wanst staying long and also speaks fluent english, on top of that she mentioned she wasnt that excited to be here. Although I was just being social looking back on it later we built a surprising amount of rapport, so today I decided to go for it directly*

DB: Looks like your under pressure. (It was very busy and she was working alone)
Subway girl: Yeah busy day
DB: *finishes order and goes to pay*
DB: Hey what time do you finish work?
Subway girl: sorry? (she was on autopilot with all the orders)
DB: What time do you finish work? I would like to take you to dinner.
Subway girl: *Goes compeletly red and loses composure* hahaha really I cant I am seeing someone. Thank you though Im flattered.
DB: Thats ok (remained cool headed, dont know how the hell I did though considering there was a big que of 15 people and she was making a scene at the till *lots of big hand gestures and loud giggle laughing etc*)
Subway girl: Would you like a drink with that?

DB: would YOU like a drink? (she had not calmed down at this point)
Subway girl: haha no I will be fine

Enjoy your meal
DB: thank you *leaves*

Im feeling dapper and super charged with confidence for my presentation tomorrow. Its a nice place but unfortunately I didnt choose the destination, so no dinner date for me. Its not a capital city so its turned out to be a bit of a ghost town even on a Sunday evening. These were about the only girls I saw all day, I could have loitered in the mall for a while but Im on holiday and there were many things I wanted to see.

I went to the museum, park, mall and a tourist district. All dead quiet besides some elderly and young couples.

I am still abroad for another week but now the work segment is kicking off so my sight seeing is over. Its possible I could meet someone at the work event but my field is about 80% male dominated so it seems unlikely.

The last one was interesting. In the last case with the subway girl, I surprised myself with feelings of nearly *****ing out as I realised how public the place was and I could fluster easily as she was on a different wave length. But I told myself "DB you are never coming back here again and have nothing to lose, just DO IT". And at the point no ****s where given that day.

Additionally, I was tempted not to ask any girls out in the morning, as I felt I had subway girl "in the bag" and was getting ****y. I ignored this instinct as stupidity and basically scolded myself for not failing faster with this girl on day one, because she was eating into my thoughts and imagination on day two. In the end the result was much the same but I feel more experienced. Dont take any girl seriously no matter how much you think you 'connected' or whatever. Its also possible that she wouldnt be working today and I would be left wondering indefinitely.

I dont know, I do feel like most of the time if you fail to be direct you wont get that second chance or second meeting again. On top of that feelings and pressure magically build from thin air making the second, third encounter etc with a girl (if they even arise) less likely that you will make a move, as now your worried about damaging all that feel good imagination in your mind and want to play it safe until you go full blown oneitis/AFC mode. I was far more aloof in the first two approaches as I had invested little thought into the outcome. The hesitation at breakfast came from the disbelief that someone that hot would be taking a holiday alone and I wanted to avoid an argument, it certainly wasnt hesitation from a place of fear like later on at lunch where I nearly didnt approach at all.

At this point I feel like I know myself a bit better but also, theres balls all going on in this ghost town, Im starting to miss the campus where overflowing intelligent 20yo HB8 is the norm

nyc123 · Sep 15, 2014

DragonBlood said:
Do you mean deadlines or personal growth?

So I decided I would share my cold approaches from today while Im still on holiday. Hard to classify in some cases but definitely LESS direct.

breakfast at the hotel

I notice a HB8 sitting on her own without any sign of someone joining them (5 mins). So, I finish my meal get a tea and introduce myself
DB: Hi I noticed you from across the room are you eating alone?
HB8: *Gobbledygook* (I think it was spanish) *gesturing to the food bar*
DB: Ok thanks *goes back to original seat and sips tea*
10mins later her man comes back from the food bar. I guess alpha behavior is cross-language because I had no idea what she said.

I then spend the day sight seeing as I had bookmarked a few places I wanted to go because the work segment of my trip kicks off Monday. And if I bump into a girl along the way all the better. However at the back of my mind I definitely wanted to bring someone back for dinner this evening at my hotel.

Notice a girl HB7 strolling around while Im window shopping, I had noticed her earlier and she seemed to just be enjoying the good weather.
DB: Hey
HB7: *turns around*
DB: Are you going for a walk?
HB7: Yes
DB: Mind if I join you? (I could see in your eyes the answer was no!)
HB7: I have to study now, Im going to read a book actually
HB7: see you *waves good bye*
DB: Thats ok *turns back to window and ignored her*

Lunchtime at Subway
*I built some rapport with a Subway girl yesterday (HB7). She is not native to this country, knew I wanst staying long and also speaks fluent english, on top of that she mentioned she wasnt that excited to be here. Although I was just being social looking back on it later we built a surprising amount of rapport, so today I decided to go for it directly*

DB: Looks like your under pressure. (It was very busy and she was working alone)
Subway girl: Yeah busy day
DB: *finishes order and goes to pay*
DB: Hey what time do you finish work?
Subway girl: sorry? (she was on autopilot with all the orders)
DB: What time do you finish work? I would like to take you to dinner.
Subway girl: *Goes compeletly red and loses composure* hahaha really I cant I am seeing someone. Thank you though Im flattered.
DB: Thats ok (remained cool headed, dont know how the hell I did though considering there was a big que of 15 people and she was making a scene at the till *lots of big hand gestures and loud giggle laughing etc*)
Subway girl: Would you like a drink with that?
DB: would YOU like a drink? (she had not calmed down at this point)
Subway girl: haha no I will be fine Enjoy your meal
DB: thank you *leaves*

Im feeling dapper and super charged with confidence for my presentation tomorrow. Its a nice place but unfortunately I didnt choose the destination, so no dinner date for me. Its not a capital city so its turned out to be a bit of a ghost town even on a Sunday evening. These were about the only girls I saw all day, I could have loitered in the mall for a while but Im on holiday and there were many things I wanted to see.

I went to the museum, park, mall and a tourist district. All dead quiet besides some elderly and young couples.

I am still abroad for another week but now the work segment is kicking off so my sight seeing is over. Its possible I could meet someone at the work event but my field is about 80% male dominated so it seems unlikely.

The last one was interesting. In the last case with the subway girl, I surprised myself with feelings of nearly *****ing out as I realised how public the place was and I could fluster easily as she was on a different wave length. But I told myself "DB you are never coming back here again and have nothing to lose, just DO IT". And at the point no ****s where given that day.

Additionally, I was tempted not to ask any girls out in the morning, as I felt I had subway girl "in the bag" and was getting ****y. I ignored this instinct as stupidity and basically scolded myself for not failing faster with this girl on day one, because she was eating into my thoughts and imagination on day two. In the end the result was much the same but I feel more experienced. Dont take any girl seriously no matter how much you think you 'connected' or whatever. Its also possible that she wouldnt be working today and I would be left wondering indefinitely.

I dont know, I do feel like most of the time if you fail to be direct you wont get that second chance or second meeting again. On top of that feelings and pressure magically build from thin air making the second, third encounter etc with a girl (if they even arise) less likely that you will make a move, as now your worried about damaging all that feel good imagination in your mind and want to play it safe until you go full blown oneitis/AFC mode. I was far more aloof in the first two approaches as I had invested little thought into the outcome. The hesitation at breakfast came from the disbelief that someone that hot would be taking a holiday alone and I wanted to avoid an argument, it certainly wasnt hesitation from a place of fear like later on at lunch where I nearly didnt approach at all.

At this point I feel like I know myself a bit better but also, theres balls all going on in this ghost town, Im starting to miss the campus where overflowing intelligent 20yo HB8 is the norm

I was referring to personal growth.

I'll comment on the subway girl.
i think you should have backed off after her first rejection. you shouldn't have asked her if she wants a drink after she already rejected you the first time.

in addition, she may have felt uncomfortable about all those people being there in line while you asked her out for dinner. perhaps this may make her more embarrassed and more inclined to say no.

what if you asked her to get coffee instead of dinner? i think this is a safer route.

your feeling that you had the subway girl in the bag is very similar to my experience in finding a job. i've been looking for a barback job for the past two months and oftentimes i would do good at an interview and think that i would most likely get the job. i would stop applying to jobs for about a week, but to my dismay i would not get the job after all. the wise thing to do is for me to keep applying. and for you the wise thing to do is to keep approaching. i understand that you would feel less motivated to do so though.

DragonBlood · Sep 15, 2014

nyc123 said:
I was referring to personal growth.

i think you should have backed off after her first rejection. you shouldn't have asked her if she wants a drink after she already rejected you the first time.

what if you asked her to get coffee instead of dinner? i think this is a safer route.

The drink offer was just me joking around with the interaction

It wanst a serious offer and wasnt taken as such but that doesnt come across in text. Coffee might have been good, but at the end of the day she is seeing someone so I think the result would have been the same. Plus I was having dinner alone anyway, so why not?

Oh yeah, I talked to some locals today and they said indeed this place is a ghost town even on Sundays. In fact this Sunday was "busier than usual" due to an election or something. ****.

I would be curious about your own personal growth nyc if you want to start a thread on this specifically if something is holding you back.

I apologise if these posts are long, but its all in the detail!

Today, was more interesting than I thought. Total indirect game with the two only girls at the work event, both mid 20s. Luckily I fell into their social circle naturally and was outgoing to all people there.

Coffee break after the opening session, I break into a group of guys Im friendly with when I notice a HB8 austrian girl standing on my right. I talk to the group in general and when the guys talked among themselves I focused on the girl. She seems receptive enough, a large group of people move into the break area and my legs were tired so I offered her to sit down with me before the seats were gone. She points out that the break is nearly over and she wants to prepare her presentation in the next section, I agree to do the same and leave the break area with everyone else (I had to go over my own presentation as well for this segment that started in 5min).

For the rest of the day the austrian girl stays in my proximity, laughs at my jokes, somewhat playful, looks after my coat and passes me pens etc. I see no ring and Im feeling stacked.

Second Coffee break after the presentation segment the girl follows me out but I need a bathroom break, I see her socialising with her own group meeting new people so I decide to just leave her be instead of following her around like a chump.

Instead I bump into the other girl (French HB7) this break, this person was sitting behind myself and the Austrian during the presentation segment and watched my presentation. She is on her own at the coffee table standing right beside me so I just strike a conversation. French girl mentions she likes my work as its similar to her own. I tell Im surprised someone was actually paying attention but since Im finished that project now, if she wants why dont we collaborate? She is genuinely excited by the possibility and I ask her to give me her email when we get back so she can send on some of the project work. The undertone of this conversation basically means do we want to go on a "business trip" or two abroad in the future. Apparently yes!

Back in the board room I turn around to Frenchy while Austrian girl is watching, Frenchy writes down her email and I play it off as the most normal thing in the world. Austrian girl is smiling but visibly jealous. This actually ramps things up slightly with Austrian girl as shes now trying to vie for my attention from this girl and the other guys Im talking too (no special treatment here). Eventually however as I flesh out what area we will focus on Frenchy realises there are some core differences and decides it wouldnt be worth the work and project drift. I play it cool and just leave her alone.

Later on in the evening I have dinner with these two girls and the rest of the guys. Unfortunately I was late and couldnt sit beside either of them

so I just focus on the people around me. Austrian girl mentions near the end of dinner that she hasnt signed up for any of the training courses tomorrow, and pulls out a map and discusses with the guys shops, sights and other things to take in tomorrow. She seems to be having trouble deciding.

Most of the group eventually leaves including Frenchy who was bored but Austrian girl is still hanging around. I decide to leave but before I go I tap her on the shoulder and say I was planning to go to a museum close by as I dont have any training courses in the morning would she like to go? She said she couldnt as she was sleeping-in that morning (jetlagged but no counter offer). WTF BURNED. She would rather stay in bed than spend time with me. Enough said. I kept it cool and said my goodbyes to the few guys hanging around (startled) and left.

Im confused by this as she was very reactive and receptive through out the day. My plan for the rest of the trip is just to casually ignore her unless she starts a conversation or flirts first. However, this feels salvageable so Im not sure if being passive is the right direction when Im only here a few more days.

Frenchy was generally positive and friendly towards me at dinner while ignoring others. Im tempted to just tell Frenchy I asked out Austrian girl last night and she said no, just to see how she reacts.

I would appreciate advice on how to handle the next interactions with these two girls Come on guys times ticking for me!

The_411 · Sep 15, 2014

DragonBlood said:
The drink offer was just me joking around with the interaction It wanst a serious offer and wasnt taken as such but that doesnt come across in text. Coffee might have been good, but at the end of the day she is seeing someone so I think the result would have been the same. Plus I was having dinner alone anyway, so why not?

Oh yeah, I talked to some locals today and they said indeed this place is a ghost town even on Sundays. In fact this Sunday was "busier than usual" due to an election or something. ****.

I would be curious about your own personal growth nyc if you want to start a thread on this specifically if something is holding you back.

I apologise if these posts are long, but its all in the detail!

Today, was more interesting than I thought. Total indirect game with the two only girls at the work event, both mid 20s. Luckily I fell into their social circle naturally and was outgoing to all people there.

Coffee break after the opening session, I break into a group of guys Im friendly with when I notice a HB8 austrian girl standing on my right. I talk to the group in general and when the guys talked among themselves I focused on the girl. She seems receptive enough, a large group of people move into the break area and my legs were tired so I offered her to sit down with me before the seats were gone. She points out that the break is nearly over and she wants to prepare her presentation in the next section, I agree to do the same and leave the break area with everyone else (I had to go over my own presentation as well for this segment that started in 5min).

For the rest of the day the austrian girl stays in my proximity, laughs at my jokes, somewhat playful, looks after my coat and passes me pens etc. I see no ring and Im feeling stacked.

Second Coffee break after the presentation segment the girl follows me out but I need a bathroom break, I see her socialising with her own group meeting new people so I decide to just leave her be instead of following her around like a chump.

Instead I bump into the other girl (French HB7) this break, this person was sitting behind myself and the Austrian during the presentation segment and watched my presentation. She is on her own at the coffee table standing right beside me so I just strike a conversation. French girl mentions she likes my work as its similar to her own. I tell Im surprised someone was actually paying attention but since Im finished that project now, if she wants why dont we collaborate? She is genuinely excited by the possibility and I ask her to give me her email when we get back so she can send on some of the project work. The undertone of this conversation basically means do we want to go on a "business trip" or two abroad in the future. Apparently yes!

Back in the board room I turn around to Frenchy while Austrian girl is watching, Frenchy writes down her email and I play it off as the most normal thing in the world. Austrian girl is smiling but visibly jealous. This actually ramps things up slightly with Austrian girl as shes now trying to vie for my attention from this girl and the other guys Im talking too (no special treatment here). Eventually however as I flesh out what area we will focus on Frenchy realises there are some core differences and decides it wouldnt be worth the work and project drift. I play it cool and just leave her alone.

Later on in the evening I have dinner with these two girls and the rest of the guys. Unfortunately I was late and couldnt sit beside either of them so I just focus on the people around me. Austrian girl mentions near the end of dinner that she hasnt signed up for any of the training courses tomorrow, and pulls out a map and discusses with the guys shops, sights and other things to take in tomorrow. She seems to be having trouble deciding.

Most of the group eventually leaves including Frenchy who was bored but Austrian girl is still hanging around. I decide to leave but before I go I tap her on the shoulder and say I was planning to go to a museum close by as I dont have any training courses in the morning would she like to go? She said she couldnt as she was sleeping-in that morning (jetlagged but no counter offer). WTF BURNED. She would rather stay in bed than spend time with me. Enough said. I kept it cool and said my goodbyes to the few guys hanging around (startled) and left.

Im confused by this as she was very reactive and receptive through out the day. My plan for the rest of the trip is just to casually ignore her unless she starts a conversation or flirts first. However, this feels salvageable so Im not sure if being passive is the right direction when Im only here a few more days.

Frenchy was generally positive and friendly towards me at dinner while ignoring others. Im tempted to just tell Frenchy I asked out Austrian girl last night and she said no, just to see how she reacts.

I would appreciate advice on how to handle the next interactions with these two girls Come on guys times ticking for me!

You did fine with ignoring the Austrian girl and talking to the French girl but you got caught in Austrian's trap when you followed up her mentioning that she wanted to do the training courses with an invite. The invite conveyed too much interest and she may have felt you were just chatting up Frenchy to make her jealous.

The only way to move forward is to forget about Austrian girl and move on Frenchy. Then maybe if you spend all your attention on Frenchy and rebuff Austrian girl she you might make her jealous enough to going with you.

nyc123 · Sep 15, 2014

I haven't thought about starting a thread about my own personal growth. I think that may be too egotistical- a whole thread about my personal self. but you're the first to suggest it to me.

the austrian girl rejecting your invitation to see the museum is a strong rejection. i suggest you back off a little bit, as you're already planning to do. be light with her, unless you get good vibes. reciprocate her energy.

i'm going to make a theory about the austrian girl based on what you told me- she brought up that she's free tomorrow because she wants to do things with a specific guy. but she has her own target in mind and it isn't you.
you mentioned that there were many males at this event. there's a lot of competition and perhaps she has her eyes on someone else.

i think you should turn your focus towards frenchie. would telling frenchie that you asked out austrian girl really help your case? if you think so, then sure. at this point she looks like a much better chance. since your interaction with her has only thus far been a business conversation, you should try to move the conversation away from business a little bit. maybe into more personal matters.

Masculinity · Sep 16, 2014

I'm writing this sentence as a reminder to come back to this thread later (currently in the middle of something). I'll give you guys more specific examples of what works for me--be patient!

DragonBlood · Sep 16, 2014

The_411 said:
The only way to move forward is to forget about Austrian girl and move on Frenchy. Then maybe if you spend all your attention on Frenchy and rebuff Austrian girl she you might make her jealous enough to going with you.

Thanks Masculinity, 411 and nyc123, I completely agree I am coming on pretty strong, but the windows are short to make a move. I have 2-3 days to land one of these girls before we break up and go home. Im going to focus on Frenchy but I have to add a very random and funny experience this morning.

It was stuffy in my hotel room so after breakfast I went for a walk in the park. There was a girl on her own passing me in the park that I didnt recognize. I just walk on by and she stops me and takes off her large sun glasses. Its Austrian girl! what!

AG: Hey *stops walking and takes off sun glasses*
DB: Really? Its you?
AG: Yes its me

What are you doing?
DG: Its stuffy in my hotel room so I decided to go for a walk. What about you?
AG: Yeah me too I was taking a walk by the river.
DB: Did you stay on much later last night?
AG: I stayed on an hour more and got dinner at my hotel.
DB: Where is your hotel?
AG: Its the <hotel> over (bla bla bla)
DB: Have you done any shopping yet, what are you planning to visit?
AG: Not sure yet Im just walking around.
(silence while I think of locations)
DB: Well theres nothing out that way (the direction she was going), Its a bit of a walk from here but I could take you to the cathedral?
AG: No I think I will take in the park
DB: Your so boring, SO boring your impossible! (playful tone)
AG: ahahahaha
DB: *starts walking away* See you
AG: bye

It was pretty early so first of all I caught her in the act of BS. I didnt call her on it or bring it up because I already knew what she meant. Additionally she warm approached me in the park and initiated contact even though she rejected me last night? I decided to leave the conversation on my own terms because she wasnt making much sense, I was surprised she stopped me. Anyway, as you can see I made no suggestions about seeing her at dinner later or whatever I just kept moving. I decided not to haggle her for a reason why shes giving so much resistance as that would definitely end in a ****block boyfriend excuse.

Maybe I could of done more with this but Im starting to lose attraction to this girl, the next time she gives me resistance Im tempted to try and kiss her to cut the BS. Unfortunately because shes work related that would be a dumb idea so I have to play cool and just ignore her somewhat at this point.

I find this funny because we are both in different hotels and there are many walks through the park and things to do in the town, the odds of this encounter happening were infinity low.

nyc123: This is a self-improvement forum also, as long as there are questions and your not just being 'egotistical' people will help you out.

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