Yungstiller's Journal of LOVE <3

Hey!!! I've been wanting to start a journal recently to track my progress and get out all of my thoughts on game and just life as a teen in general. Here's my I am currently:

-I'm a freshman in HS

-my school is a VERY small private school in a US suburb

-The farthest I've gone is kissing

-I consider myself social and outgoing - i just need to learn to pull the trigger

-As far as hobbies I make beats and swim

MY GOALS FOR THIS YEAR:

-Make out or go farther

-Increase my confidence approaching groups

-Meet more people outside of my school - male and female

-get invited to more parties and organize + host hangouts and going out

-Retain a 3.5+ GPA

-Start going to the gym after swimming and drop some weight

-Get a decent placement

I'm looking forward for everything ahead for me!!!

Nice intro of your self. Goodluck and welcome to the Sosuave forums.

Last night I had a party I got a girl from my school to host. She came this year from a much bigger public school, so I thought it would be a good way to break out of my school's "bubble" of people and step out of my comfort zone. I went to my friend's a few hours early and we watch movies for a few hours (check out The Raid: Redemption if you haven't) before going over early to set up.

We get there and not only is it already set up, my friend hosting the party, let's call her HB host, had 3 girls over early. Awesome. My friends and I introduce ourselves and we get to talking, but I'm still in my head and I'm not feeling anything with any of the girls yet. We get to some ping pong because convo is running a bit dry, and people start to show up. My alpha friend is starting to close in on one or two of the girls from the first set, and I've been trying to establish my own place in the group so I let him be and scout out what's happening.

Earlier, it had crossed my mind that things may be awkward with the mix of people from the two schools, and boy was I right. Both groups closed off, making it harder to really approach sets, as everyone -guys and girls - we're split into two big sets.

I decided to go play ping pong to look like I was doing something, and I ran into a girl I knew from overnight camp; I wasn't interested in her but she Definately helped me get in state and I had fun. Then, my other friends from camp show up to the party with their friends. They have 3 or 4 portable vapes between them and move to the couch, where they start smoking.

I decided to use this as my in. I went up to my camp friends and they introduce me into the group of kids from the other school. One of them thinks I look like Ben Stiller (I really don't but he was stoned out of his mind) and I go along with the joke, it feels like things are starting to fall into place. My friend helps me out a bit by mentioning that I have a good taste in music, (to him anyways) and I let them listen to some tunes, which got me in with the guys. I'm feeling great, starting to get in state, and I start to talk to a girl, let's call her HB weave, and it's going pretty well. Lots of good eye contact, laughing, kino etc. I was interrupted though, as one of my friends from camp and her are hooking up and have some drama that he was trying to sort out with her, so I couldn't really do much. At this point there were 20 minutes or so left in the party, so I chill and share music with another guy and leave.

I know this doesn't really sound exciting, but I was fairly happy. I didn't get any that night, but a lot of game is the joy you take in the process. Also, the bonds I made with the people there open me up to hanging out more. I couldn't get any numbers before I left unfortunately - most people left and HB weave was hooking up with my friend from camp.

I feel like I learned the importance of Breaking out of my usual friend group. Normally I'm clinging to my 2 best friends, but last night I mainly went solo and made my own relationships. That's a key difference; being a friend of a friend won't make it impossible to get a girl, but getting your ass out there and developing a personal relationship with someone (not just girls) because of your interest in them shows confidence and adds a level of rapport. Also, it meant I wasn't constantly playing catch up with two guys who are leading what's going on. It really showed at the end of the night; I was chatting a bunch of people up and entertaining while both of my friends were in a convo with 2 HB 4s and sulked about it at my house afterwards.

...and after tonight I'm back to the grind of homework and swim practice.

I'm sensing a shift in my social dynamic at school. I've been trying to lead my group more and become an equal, if not surpass my bud as an alpha in the group, and I think it's working. He used to have a lot of authority over my friends and I, choosing where we go, do, inviting girls to things, etc. I've been making a conscious effort to lead like this and make more of my own relationships with people OUTSIDE of the group and I think it's paying off, which is good. I also feel like I've just been more social in general. I've been trying to talk to some different people and keep my relationships up with people I kind of consider acquaintances, and it's making me feel more confident as well probably working out well for me in the long run.

As far as girls I'm doing well in my school. There are two really really cute HB7s who I've been flirting with more recently, and I just realized that because they're such good friends who are in 'competition' in their social group, their attraction for me is boosted. I don't want to lead them on - both of them seem against hooking up, (private school :|) and I can't even think of any opportunities to hook up even if I wanted to. Ah well, I really can't control myself, they're both so damn adorable.
My biggest goal now is to meet more people outside of my school, but that hasn't gone that well this week. Unfortunately I left that party last week without any numbers, so my only contact with most of them is Twitter, and I don't really know if asking people to hang out over DM is a thing. I feel I should act quickly because you need to keep yourself fresh in people's minds to retain interest. Any of you have experience talking to girls through Twitter?

Tomorrow I have an all day swim meet, and the sexual tension with one of the aforementioned HB7s is about to burst so I may try to hook up with her. My only concerns are her catching serious feelings or upsetting my friend who has had a crush on her for years but is seriously 'friendzoned' (I hate that term).

Two things I'll say:

1) You know what you're doing forming friendships outside of your friend circle. Being the bridge makes you invaluable, value makes you alpha.

2) Hooking up with that girl might not be the best idea. Hook ups tend to kill sexual tension. If it isn't a situation you could go all the way OR the type of girl/circumstance whereyou know will keep meeting up with you just avoid it. That's really changed my conversion rate. Sales term. Basically I pursue one new girl a month, max, because I get them and can just change a girl out from boredom.

Something to remember: when you hook up in high school, especially at a private school, people find out about it.

Is this girl the best you could get?
Are you the best she could get?

By doing nothing except with the best ones you can establish your high standards and everyone will eventually notice.

Then again, at some point you will need to have some sexual experiences. Remember confidence and honesty when making moves.

You have tons of potential.

LearningSlowly said:

Something to remember: when you hook up in high school, especially at a private school, people find out about it.

Is this girl the best you could get?
Are you the best she could get?

By doing nothing except with the best ones you can establish your high standards and everyone will eventually notice.

Then again, at some point you will need to have some sexual experiences. Remember confidence and honesty when making moves.

You have tons of potential.

Click to expand...

Yes, that's what I'm becoming painfully aware of. It's not socially acceptable in the girls in my grade's main social group to hook up, so girls are really hesitant to and will ruin my chances with any other girl for awhile, but on the other hand I've never really hooked up, despite having (at least what I perceive as) the interest of girls (I could've asked them out but I don't want to date). In fact, that's earned me a rep of having TOO high standards. On another note, I'm a bit worried I'm being considered a ****tease at in my grade because I flirt but don't do anything, but whatever. These girls are the best I could get with minimal effort and without stepping out of my comfort zone, so not good enough.

I'm still trying to figure out a strategy for expanding my friend group outside of school...

Dude, go to the mall, or grab 2-3 friends and go find some place to party/hang out and met some people. Or befriend well-known people so you can get access to the girls they know. Then you get access to the girls they know. Or take some girl-friend of yours and ask her to introduce you to her girl-friends. Mainly the main thing is just go out and meet people, not really to game, just become friends with some girls, then if you fancy it, proceed to game em'.

I haven't updated this in awhile, but I feel as though I should update it because I feel as though my infatuation with this one girl has taken me off the path of self-improvement and I need to check in and get myself back in shape.

So since I've lasted posted, I haven't really been able to expand my friend group much, well at all really. I don't feel bad about it, my classes keep me very busy and I feel as though I have a rich social life inside of school so that keeps me satisfied. Also, I'm signing up for a youth group so that should help me meet some more people.

I've been hitting up the gym more, I haven't seen any improvements yet and overeating is still a struggle for me at school but I'll work on it. Do any of you have experience with counting calories? Does it work? My dad lost a ton of weight by eating less and attributed it to calorie counting but I've always stopped tracking after a few days and found it doesn't really help. Also, cardio or muscle for weight loss? I've heard both sides (cardio directly affects weight loss, having more muscle burns more calories and I don't have much muscle) but don't know what to do. I've been focusing on cardio just because I'm not experienced in a weight room.

SKIP THESE NEXT FEW PARAGRAPHS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR A REALLY LONG RAMBLING ACCOUNT OF MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH A GIRL BEING INTO ME

I've had an experience with a girl in school that has taught me a lot. She's really cute and has a cool personality, and I've been noticing her for awhile. A few weeks ago I started to flirt with her a bit but didn't pay her too much attention, and that weekend my friends and I were invited to a girl's house and she was there, and I got my first cuddle on (I know it's late lol) and felt her up a bit. After that I caught feelings, which I haven't done with a girl in over a year. I think it's because I'm not used to that level of physical contact, like I do kino and everything but for most guys a cuddle doesn't mean anything, and while mentally it didn't mean anything to me, it did mean something to the primal, sexual part of my brain I think. The next week I started to talk to her a bit more but I didn't want to start hanging around her too much, my school is really small and I've learned the dangers of spending too much time with one girl in that environment (you become "friendzoned". I hate that term.)

So that Friday my friends and I get invited to a girl's birthday, and this girl I'm interested in (let's call her HBH) is invited. The vibe isn't that good, so everyone decides to play truth or dare (I know this is some middle school **** but the people in this social group are all inexperienced and the proportion of guys to girls was really off - 8 girls and 4 guys) and I get dared to switch clothes with HBH. No problem, we go in the bathroom and talk a bit, then I watch her undress. Then I get undressed (I don't think she spent a lot of time watching, I'm working out for a reason lol) and we laugh and go back into our clothes and go back to the circle. Looking back on it, we were isolated and would've been a good opportunity go in for the kiss without having to resort to a game. The game gets really ****ty and I leave for awhile with one of my friends to play ping pong, but we come back 20 minutes or so later. Everyone has moved on to some kissing game instead where you're blind folded and you have to guess who is kissing you. My friend and I are stuck at this party and I'd never made out before, so I partake. It eventually becomes my turn and everyone chooses HBH to kiss me. She goes right in with her tongue, and I had never made out before, and apparently I bit her. ****. Then, it's HBH's turn and they choose me to kiss her, and I bite once again. I had never made out before and I didn't even know I was biting her. I need to learn to make out, but how?

Anyways, to sum up that last paragraph we saw each other undressed and I bit her when I tried to make out with her and she pulled away, which I'm worried killed the sexual tension I was building with her.

The next night my grade's student council organized an event at this trampoline place in town (it was really ****ing cool, if you have one in your area you should check it out. They're REALLY fun.) and she was there, but we didn't really talk much. When we did, I didn't get the same vibe I got with her before. Then again, the only time I really feel attracted to her and that she's really interested is when I talk to her one on one.

So fast two days to yesterday (Monday)... I'm still not talking to her much. When I did it felt good, but I'm worried I killed the sexual tension I had and I killed my chances of a sexual relationship with her. The same thing happened today, I only talked to her once. Talking to her more is an option, but I don't want to come off as desperate and I know that if I talk to her too much we'll just end up as friends.



So what I've learned from all of this:

-Despite my daygame skills and light kino experience, I'm really sexually inexperienced and need to work on that

-I need to work out

-I need to work on direct communication

-I need to work on being present in the moment.

I know I've overthought this a lot, but I don't know whether I should move on or not. On one hand, I haven't been this attracted to a girl in a long time and she was and still could be interested in me, but on the other hand I'm not sure how she feels and if she isn't interested then I don't want to spend my time and attention on her.

As far as upcoming events, I have a school dance this Saturday night where I could either go in with the intent of hooking up with HBH, or just have no expectations (which ended up with getting me nothing at the last dance).

GOALS:

-Either move on or actively pursue this girl

-Keep working out 2-3 times a week

-Eat smaller portions

-Go to a youth group event before the school year ends

-learn how to make out (how?)

-Keep my grades up

-try nofap for 30 days

Count calories for a week. Dont be a ***** about your goals. If you don't put effort in, you won't get any in return.

Just stop eating this ****ty american food. Seriously. Eat healthy and youll be fine. Just make sure your definition of healthy is fine.