Discussion in 'Don Juan Discussion' started by MisterMcGee, Dec 9, 2008.
What would you guys say about giving a girl your number rather than asking her for her number?
Well, if you give her yours, you're not in control, she is.
We want that driver's seat, don't we?
I'd say it depends on your style of game. I've read and listened to podcasts from naturals in the past that say you can give your number to a girl if she doesn't feel threatened by you in a sense that they think pooty-poo isn't your only goal. Brent Smith (not of Shinedown) is the one that comes to mind first. I REALLY enjoyed a podcast of his from another site I used to post at.
Guys are the aggressors. Sometimes all the attraction isn't built on the first meeting, so you'll give your number and she won't call it. You should be the first one calling, that way when she answers, you can still have a few witty, fun things to charm her with, possibly building more attraction for date, then building more on the date.
Remember girls act on emotions, if they weren't feeling it from the first meeting, she won't call. That's why you get the number so you can set up some more time to build that attraction.
Giving out your number is not such a bad thing. In fact, it's an easy way to build a large circle of interested, responsive women. See a hot girl? Speak to her briefly and directly. Leave your number and tell (don't ask) her to call you. Do this throughout the day with any attractive woman you see.
This is most effective if you're looking for f*ck buddies or hookups. Those who end up calling you are the ones who are sexually attracted to you and the least likely to waste your time.
The majority of my regulars are girls that I closed on the spot or who ended up calling me. Nowadays I rarely bother getting numbers and calling later unless I'm looking for a long term relationship or anything more than casual.
No! Women won't call you unless she's absolutely perfectly comfortable talking to you. Why would she call you as opposed to her girl friends if she has just met you? She'd rather having some nonsense girl talks with her friends than an awkward conversation with a stranger like you.
The first time you met them, no, don't give out your phone number. Ask for hers instead.
Maybe because you're an attractive guy she wants to have sex with? If you know how to leave the right impression you can almost always get her to call you. Hey, if you want to waste your time sorting through flaky or unresponsive women then do what you want. But in the meantime I'll be sitting back letting them call me. I have a 100% success rate, and spend zero time dealing with excuses, flakes, scheduling and other bs that comes with setting up dates. Not only that, but in most cases I can skip those formalities altogether and go straight to the awesome stuff, like sex, usually because she wants the same thing, which is why she called me
But if you don't like that idea it's okay. You can go ahead and get her number and try to follow up a few days later and see if she remembers you and then setup a date in the future that will probably get rescheduled at least once, if not canceled. Have fun with that.
Translation: If I give you my number, there is no chance you can reject me. If you don't phone, I won't feel the put down or the pain, therefore my ego won't be bruised if you don't call.
Then she's already comfortable talking to you. If you cold approach a woman on the street, pull off some cheesy pickup lines, she's mildly interested, and you give out your phone number, she won't call you back. If she's already all over you, then there's no difference. I stand corrected.
Nor would she be likely to give you her real number, let alone follow through with a date. "Mildly interested" usually equals "forgotten" after a couple days pass.
But I understand what you're saying sharkybear and you're probably right. If you're new to approaching women you should probably be taking their number as opposed to giving out yours. I just want people to know that the rules of advice on this forum are guidelines, not absolutes. Many of these rules can and often should be broken as you become more experienced and know what you're doing.
it worked a few times for me, but not much. U have no control at all, its not very ideal, when we r the type of guys who choose to own r own destiny rather than leave it in the hand of a woman.
But its a question i asked myself before so dw. ask urself this:
why wud u give her ur number, when u can take her number and have the total control of the situation?
btw don't think i am saying u should never do it, these rules r just training wheels sometimes u may have to break the rules and give her ur number, but i doubt that will come very often.
eg. maybe she is here for a little while and has foreign phone number and can only call u on another phone, which she dosn't know number of.
and that lead to my first date ever....., just so u don't think she didn't call.
this is an interesting area with lots of good arguments on both sides. there are ways to do both sides properly. that being said, I prefer the woman pursuing me. pick which ever one you want, but be aligned with it 100%
I've always thought that it's best for me to obtain her number because I feel more in control and can more effectively gauge her interest. Also, I like to be the pursuer.
However, I think that dbot's advice is really good...if a girl calls me, then she must be interested.
I didn't intend to post situation specific stuff, but I'll give it a go anyways.
One of the girls I'm into: I asked her out back in August when I was a pseudo-AFC (my confidence was fine, I was simply naive) when I just recently met her. We didn't know each other well at all and she flaked on the date (coffee).
I don't have her number. I asked the next day for her number while we were working the same night (we work at a Movie Theatre - I got the job in late July); things were awkward that night for obvious reasons, but I stayed cool and such even somewhat aloof. Actually don't worry about my 'game' cause this was a long time ago anyways. So I asked her for her number in between serving customers and she 'pretended' not to hear.
So yeah, that was 4 months ago, and things have changed. I asked her out cause I felt confident in the outcome. We'll leave it at that.
During the next few months, I kept her off of my mind. Saw her once every 2ish weeks (on average, sometimes 3 weeks sometimes 1 week) since then at our workplace. When I'd work the same night or day as her, I would act aloof and just go about my life, do my own stuff, socialize with everyone, have a good time, and not concern myself with her or what happened, it wasn't a big deal to me.
I noticed her interest level rise as the months passed, bla bla bla, I'm pretty sure she's interested because she's responsive and approaches me in person, etc etc etc, you know the drill. I don't want to write out FRs, so don't worry about it.
She's likely cautious (barrier wise) or whatnot when it comes to this sort of stuff; she's a 9 on my attraction scale, but she hasn't had a boyfriend before.
Again guys, doesn't matter if you agree or disagree with this, this is just background info. I'll skip the actual details, and please don't judge my situation and apply your own assumptions about it, me, or the girl, because this isn't the place for it and I really don't care.
With all that in mind, I would like to do things a little differently this time. I went through an AFC->PUA->DJ phase during the past four months. Try not to turn this into a help-the-AFC thread, that's not at all what this is about.
Currently we havent been scheduled together for around 3 weeks, this week would be the 4th week. I've spoken to her on msn a little more than 3 weeks ago. Short and sweet convo, maybe 15 lines total. Playful and light. I've spoken to her again on msn around a week ago, maybe twice as long of a convo, which was less of a convo and more of a playful teasefest.
I wan't to take it out of the IM realm. Even though I don't engage in these IM convos often at all, I'd like to keep in touch and would rather do it over the phone - of course only to set up a meet, not to chit chat. Figure the obvious way to do it is to start a convo with her over MSN and then tell her to give me her number so we can talk there instead, or give her my number and tell her to call me quick so i have hers.
Long post, I know. Most of it's useless in the sense that I don't want you guys to comment on it because you don't have the details required to be constructive (no offense meant ) and I have no intention of going into a help session with my situation.
we do have the details to be constructive and if you don't want people to comment on your stuff then don't be posting it! :nono:
You still reek of afcness for the plain fact that this has been going on for months and you overanalyze this like if it was an engineering problem. Women are not that difficult to figure out. You need to stop being such a wimp and ask her for her number again IN PERSON! not thru aim don't be a wimp. Show some confidence in yourself brother and ask her for the number. If she refuses you (again) you know it is time to move on.
You need to stop deluding yourself just because somehow she is friendlier to you at work after 4 or whatever months you have been going thru this (which is a pathetic time to wait to make a move/move on). If you keep waiting for the right moment and overanalyzing next thing you know she will put in her 2 week notice and you won't see her again, or you never know you might ask her for her # and she will say she has a boyfriend. So all your senseless over analyzing and patience over all these months will make you feel like _____. Stop being such an afc and make your move now!
I've handed girls business cards and had them texting me within an hour.
It's about how you deliver the number. I've had girls pull their phone out and say "put your number in here before you leave!"
You always want your phone numbers rooted in something solid. Like, I have to show you that crazy hookah lounge we were talking about earlier. Or, one I did recently,
"So me and my friends were at Dave and Busters, and I'm really competitive so I'm yelling and screaming..."
(she cuts me off) Girl - "Oh I love that place!"
"Okay me too. But you don't want to go there with me I take the car games way to seriously and I will beat you so bad you will feel like crap"
Girl - "No way I'm going to kick your ass!"
"no you wont"
Girl - "Yes I will"
"oh then we have plans then."
Girl - "Take out your phone right now and put my number in it, I'm gonna beat you!"
If your game is solid enough she will contact you wondering when you are going to show her that place or hang out with her again.
I haven't been 'going through' anything for four months. Like I said, don't assume anything because that's not the direction I want to go in this thread. When someone tells you not to comment on their personal state and situation (due to them not giving you enough details for you to tell them something they don't already know), then don't.
I simply told you a girl flaked on me 4 months ago and since then she's been more friendly. You think you can be 'constructive' with that information?
I'm not beating you up over not being constructive, I'm just saying it's futile for you to try to derail this thread in hopes of trying to be constructive.
I'm not asking for your help and I'm purposely not giving you the information to help me 'sort out' my situation. Maybe another day in another thread.
The point is that this thread isn't an analysis of my situation. I provided background info for the sole reason of giving light to how me and her communicate and see each other; maybe some people can relate, thus giving more variety and thoroughness in the replies. It's not always a case of meeting a girl and then asking for her number, sometimes people have different situations.
back to the topic at hand
DJ Bible. Read the Anti-Dump's machine.
Even if you don't agree with the machine per se, the part about why you should not give a girl your number is spot on.
Doing that will put the ball in the woman's court. You're a man aren't you? Lead.
Absolutely I think asking the girl's number is better than giving your number. If you giving your telephone number,don't expect the girl will ring you back because she may think the guy is too conceit. You have many ways to get a telephone number from her . If you are brave enough,just ask her directly saying you just want to have a connection with an angel. Every girl likes complimentary words.