Abuse victims tend to date partners who help them reenact their neglect

[zekko]

I've always thought this abuse theory is where a lot of the "women prefer jerks" talk comes from. Guys observed the behavior of women who had been abused, and came to that conclusion. And I'm not talking about the theories where the jerks are really nice guys and the nice guys are really jerks.

 

[soulforge]

I vote for A).

As soon as she tells you her previous relationship was abusive (and she stayed), wish her well and walk!

Usually I would agree with you, however is it not best to view this as an opportunity?

We all know sex is best with the crazy ones.

All we men need to do is identify crazy & under no circumstance allow ourselves to become attached to her.

It's a win win situation.

She does not want/ or is not able to appreciate a good man or a good healthy relationship , we in turn don't ever want to give her a relationship.

 

[The Duke]

So what's it mean when you have a pattern of attracting girls that had good relationships with their fathers(daddy's girls) but strained relationships with their mothers? There are 6 girls I had serious relationships with that were all this way. In all of these cases when her mother and father's relationship derteriorated, the father got closer to the daughter, and the mother grew jealous and kind of checked out.

 

[pipeman84]

Usually I would agree with you, however is it not best to view this as an opportunity?

We all know sex is best with the crazy ones.

All we men need to do is identify crazy & under no circumstance allow ourselves to become attached to her.

It's a win win situation.

She does not want/ or is not able to appreciate a good man or a good healthy relationship , we in turn don't ever want to give her a relationship.

I see it as a lose/lose situation. On one hand, if you're playing with fire, it's likely you'll eventually burn yourself. This can come in all sorts of way, for instance you can get attached to her, you can get involved with some bad characters from her entourage and so on.
On the other hand, it will affect your capacity of finding a sane woman you can have a good relationship with. In other words, continuing to interact with crazy women will turn you into a man that a good woman wouldn't even notice.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I see it as a lose/lose situation. On one hand, if you're playing with fire, it's likely you'll eventually burn yourself.

Unless you enjoy playing with fire.

On the other hand, it will affect your capacity of finding a sane woman you can have a good relationship with. In other words, continuing to interact with crazy women will turn you into a man that a good woman wouldn't even notice.

That is kind of paranoid, as you don't live with the crazy woman, so why would this block contact with a 'sane' woman?

 

[pipeman84]

That is kind of paranoid, as you don't live with the crazy woman, so why would this block contact with a 'sane' woman?

Repeated actions become behaviour and that gets reflected in your vibe. The more time you spend with a crazy woman, the more it will rub off on you. So when eventually you meet a sane woman, she'll instinctively and subconsciously sense ... there's something off with this guy.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Repeated actions become behaviour and that gets reflected in your vibe. The more time you spend with a crazy woman, the more it will rub off on you. So when eventually you meet a sane woman, she'll instinctively and subconsciously sense ... there's something off with this guy.

Not my experience, but I'm sure some guys are that susceptible.

 

[soulforge]

Repeated actions become behaviour and that gets reflected in your vibe. The more time you spend with a crazy woman, the more it will rub off on you. So when eventually you meet a sane woman, she'll instinctively and subconsciously sense ... there's something off with this guy.

Some truth to this. Sorrunding yourself with damaged, difficult girls, who your having to check, keep in line, correct, can't be good for your soul in the long run.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Some truth to this. Sorrunding yourself with damaged, difficult girls, who your having to check, keep in line, correct, can't be good for your soul in the long run.

Actually, that depends a lot on how solid your frame is. I counsel women with PTSD, so I'm surrounded by damaged people, but my ego keeps emotionally detached enough that the bold part in your post is not such a burden on my 'soul'.
Also, I don't just talk with damaged people, I talk with pretty much everyone and I have an inner circle of friends and lovers who do not require to be checked/kept in line/corrected, so most women enjoy connecting with me.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

So much truth spoken in this thread. I post on a couple of other forums, and whenever I read a post from a guy involved with a girl who has a history of abuse in previous relationships and she stayed in that relationship for any length of time, I tell him to RUN, nothing good or positive will ever come of being involved with a chick like that.

I mean, ask yourself (and her if you feel like it) why did she stay? "Oh but I loved him, he was my soul mate" or whatever.

Try as she might, the "nice" guy who doesn't abuse she can't quite develop "feelings" for the way she did with the guy who abused.

Why? Abuse is familiar and yeah probably has something to do with either having an unloving father or a father who abandoned her.

But you will never elicit the same intensity of feelings as the abuser unless of course, you become an a$$hole yourself. She can relate to that!

Many guys I see feel sorry for her and think they can "save" her, all they have to do is be kind and loving - wrong!

Like I said, try as she might (and she might really want to like you with the same intensity), she can't force herself to have feelings for the good guy who treats her well, she's too damaged, unable to bond in a normal healthy way.

I've seen it too many times to say otherwise, it's sad.

Actually, that depends a lot on how solid your frame is. I counsel women with PTSD, so I'm surrounded by damaged people, but my ego keeps emotionally detached enough that the bold part in your post is not such a burden on my 'soul'.
Also, I don't just talk with damaged people, I talk with pretty much everyone and I have an inner circle of friends and lovers who do not require to be checked/kept in line/corrected, so most women enjoy connecting with me.

Do you sleep with the clients you counsel?

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

My student D called me up last night to b1tch about his marriage. He picked a camgirl he cheated on and beat down (frequent punches and chokeholds). She cheated on him, they had a knife fight which ended in him giving her a black eye and near broke her jaw. She waited until he was sleeping and then tried to smother him with a pillow then got drunk, ripped off her clothes, and ran around outside screaming until he knocked her out, brought her home and banged her before going to the doc. Apparently, she felt bad about it so for the last few months they've been having threesomes with local 304s. Last night she ran away and is staying at some church, he says he goes down there once in awhile to get a bj. He is 23 with no real job and she's 19, they exist on loans from his family. Her brother stole a car so now he's in the frontlines fighting the Cokeholes. They spend their time down at the range blowing off rounds with AKs and riding around in military ATVs. He's drunk 50% of the day when she leaves and he spends the other 50% looking for other women to blow him.

She's Russian, He's Chinese and has no game.

Picking up women is a Western man's problem.

 

[soulforge]

Some truth to this. Sorrunding yourself with damaged, difficult girls, who your having to check, keep in line, correct, can't be good for your soul in the long run.

Actually, that depends a lot on how solid your frame is. I counsel women with PTSD, so I'm surrounded by damaged people, but my ego keeps emotionally detached enough that the bold part in your post is not such a burden on my 'soul'.
Also, I don't just talk with damaged people, I talk with pretty much everyone and I have an inner circle of friends and lovers who do not require to be checked/kept in line/corrected, so most women enjoy connecting with me.

So turns out the solution to banging chicks with actual mental disorders is just frame.. Nah dude, some biches are just Crazy and will act out & get out of pocket.

I don't mean like in your working environment, but more on the personal level, like having sex with them regular, inviting them to your house etc.

I know dudes with solid frame, who run from borderline chicks and Bipolar girls. And not many men have this constant 100% frame, surrounded by crazy biches lol

If you have a rotation of 4 bipolar chicks who you see regular, don't tell me that will never take some toll on you.

By the way the conversation is not strictly about YOU, you keep bringing it back to yourself.. The average guy who does not work in the field of work your involved in, is not going to fare well, associating and having sex with disordered girls.

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

By the way the conversation is not strictly about YOU, you keep bringing it back to yourself.. The average guy who does not work in the field of work your involved in, is not going to fare well, associating and having sex with disordered girls.

Disagree on that last line bro. Crazy chicks are on the lookout for the average dudes. They get roped in with the real dark triads because that's their nature. Those guys don't consider them 'crazy' because as in my example, they're fully nuts aswell. That's why you have so many guys in the West getting divorce raped. My friend who called me has nearly murdered a few people, one with chloroform. This is just business as usual to them. It's when those chicks find a regular guy that sh1t gets real.

Another example which comes to mind is my cousin and her ex. He was in the paper TWICE this month, first for getting busted with loads of guns and blow, the second for having over 40k worth of fentanyl and meth. She and him had it out a few years back, he sliced her throat open, when the cops arrived she jumped on them for hitting him (while she was bleeding out). Afterwards she started dating a customs guy who was straight as an arrow. She took all his cash, totally destroyed him and left him to be with the ex, who she later had a kid with. She complained the cop was too much of a pvssy. Regular guys can bang them... but the devil is in the details. In her youth she was mf'n HOT, banged a ton of rich guys but always ended with gutter punks. They were the only ones willing to treat her how she needed to be treated.

German girl provoke russian guy! The end is brutal!

www.youtube.com

This song is so self aware it's incredible.

 

[soulforge]

Disagree on that last line bro. Crazy chicks are on the lookout for the average dudes. They get roped in with the real dark triads because that's their nature. Those guys don't consider them 'crazy' because as in my example, they're fully nuts aswell. That's why you have so many guys in the West getting divorce raped. My friend who called me has nearly murdered a few people, one with chloroform. This is just business as usual to them. It's when those chicks find a regular guy that sh1t gets real.

Another example which comes to mind is my cousin and her ex. He was in the paper TWICE this month, first for getting busted with loads of guns and blow, the second for having over 40k worth of fentanyl and meth. She and him had it out a few years back, he sliced her throat open, when the cops arrived she jumped on them for hitting him (while she was bleeding out). Afterwards she started dating a customs guy who was straight as an arrow. She took all his cash, totally destroyed him and left him to be with the ex, who she later had a kid with.

German girl provoke russian guy! The end is brutal!

www.youtube.com

That's my exact point bro.. If the dude himself is absolutely nuts, dark triad traits or is a pretty damaged individual himself, then he might do ok with a mentally unstable girl.

But your average good/alpha type of dude, is likely to have his soul ripped out of him lol.

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

That's my exact point bro.. If the dude himself is absolutely nuts, dark triad traits or is a pretty damaged individual himself, then he might do ok with a mentally unstable girl.

But your average good/alpha type of dude, is likely to have his soul ripped out of him lol.

Oh, then we agree.

Does the average dude deserve it, is my next question?

 

[RickTheToad]

This is just an observation not judging whether it’s a good or a bad thing. But I found a study that lays it out.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/intl...uma-reenactment-in-our-intimate-relationships

- An article from Psychology Today highlights patterns of revictimization in romantic relationships stemming from unconsciously choosing partners that trigger attachment wounds.

- It notes that children experiencing trauma may unconsciously learn dysfunctional behaviors as functional through modeling and imitation.

- The article categorizes trauma reenactment into three types: revictimization, reenactment of neglect, and reenactment of attachment trauma.

- Patterns of revictimization often reflect unhealed core attachment wounds.

Any type of trauma, physical or mental, needs proper treatment. The problem is, most don't or aren't able to obtain said treatment, therapy and/or help.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Do you sleep with the clients you counsel?

Nope.

I've had (loose) relationships with 'crazy' women who are attracted to my mental stability. I admit that, while some of these relationships lasted 2-3 years, most of them last around 6-9 months. Most end because they want more.

That's my exact point bro.. If the dude himself is absolutely nuts, dark triad traits or is a pretty damaged individual himself, then he might do ok with a mentally unstable girl.

One of the main reasons these women enjoy talking with me is because I do have dark triad traits and I have experienced a rough violent life, but I didn't allow the negativity to run me to ruin. Instead, I've used my life experience to become a positive resilient man who can form connections without being fundamentally altered by negativity.

Does the average dude deserve it, is my next question?

I think the 'average dude' is too thirsty, too needy, and not grounded enough to handle mentally unstable women.

So turns out the solution to banging chicks with actual mental disorders is just frame.. Nah dude, some biches are just Crazy and will act out & get out of pocket.

I have to use 'solid frame' because that's a term you understand that comes closest, but the 'frame' you know is an artificial construct. And because of that, and black-white thinking, you fail to see that this artifice runs counter to authentic being.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Any type of trauma, physical or mental, needs proper treatment. The problem is, most don't or aren't able to obtain said treatment, therapy and/or help.

Plus many of the 'dark triad' personas do not want to be treated because they're doing just fine in their own eyes, even if they leave a trail of bodies.

 

[soulforge]

Nope.

I've had (loose) relationships with 'crazy' women who are attracted to my mental stability. I admit that, while some of these relationships lasted 2-3 years, most of them last around 6-9 months. Most end because they want more.


One of the main reasons these women enjoy talking with me is because I do have dark triad traits and I have experienced a rough violent life, but I didn't allow the negativity to run me to ruin. Instead, I've used my life experience to become a positive resilient man who can form connections without being fundamentally altered by negativity.


I think the 'average dude' is too thirsty, too needy, and not grounded enough to handle mentally unstable women.


I have to use 'solid frame' because that's a term you understand that comes closest, but the 'frame' you know is an artificial construct. And because of that, and black-white thinking, you fail to see that this artifice runs counter to authentic being.

Something I do agree with here, most average guys stay in the situations and screw up due to scarcity mindset.

 

[RickTheToad]

Plus many of the 'dark triad' personas do not want to be treated because they're doing just fine in their own eyes, even if they leave a trail of bodies.

Very true. They're "just fine".