Women and the "best friends" myth

[WestCoaster]

OK, two radio commercials I recently heard for two dating services.

E-Harmony (don't do it, I did, expensive and I didn't get very good matches) has this one where this hubby and wife are talking about how they're best friends and the owner/narrarator of e-harmony says it's like waking up with your best friend (at that moment I thought of some of my guy friends and about puked), then added with some passion added (still puking). The wifey says they're like "best friends" ... B.S.

Then this other commerical for cupid.com ( haven't done this one; doesn't sound any better), and it says women are looking for a "best friend" to date.

Riddle me this: Why do women ALWAYS say this but don't really want this? Take it from a guy who has a few women as friends, it's near-impossible to go from friendship zone to passion. Why are women always perpetuating this myth?

I totally agree that you need to have the trust, honesty, and belief in each other like you do with your friends, but there's that added element of passion and sexual attraction that separates it.

I was hanging out with a gal yesterday (not sure if it's friendship zone or not) and we both talked about how one has to have that rapid beating in your heart when you see the other person. For example, a gal friend of mine I ran into the other day on campus (we both work at a university) and when I saw her no big feeling or anything, nothing, zippidy do dah, diddly. I used to think I had a thing for her, but my heart not only did NOT skip a beat, it was probably barely beating. She's a FRIEND.

So women, quit the stupid commericals and talk where you say you're looking for a best friend. You're not.

The more you perpetuate this myth, the more our sorry AFC society will believe it.

Be consistent with your beliefs and live what you say.

 

[dietzcoi]

Just another example (of many) which proves that you cannot listen to what women SAY, you have to watch what they DO....

Best Friend as a wife = BS.

I would never hang with a guy who said his best friend is his wife. This is serious WEENIE talk... metrosexual, whatever.... wussie!

My best friends are men. I have two of them. THat's it. WOmen I date and sleep with are great, but they are LOVERS, not best friends.

There is AFCism rampant everywhere. I bet Rome fell because of it. They had plenty of AFCs drinking wine and gossiping, while the Germanic tribes were MEN.

Think about it...

Dietzcoi

 

[WestCoaster]

Fall of Rome? Hilarious!

Yeah, the Romans were AFCs. Myth says they launched a war because of Helen of Troy. Can you imagine DJ's risking their lives because the emporer is an AFC?!

"Uh, Dude, tell the Emp to read sosuave.com ... women aren't worth killing yourself for. Just date someone else man. Besides, I saw a better looking woman than Helen of Troy just yesterday."

I've met very few women who say they married their best friend. One was Venuzuelean (sp) ... so she could probably pull it off. American chicks dating then marrying best friends? Not possible.

Take this from a guy who has gone too far down the friendship zone too many times (I'm good at meeting people and conversing), it's not freakin' possible.

So knowing it's not possible and women knowing it's not possible, why, why, why do they continue to perpetuate this myth?

It's stunning really,

 

[WaterTiger]

Originally posted by dietzcoi

There is AFCism rampant everywhere. I bet Rome fell because of it. They had plenty of AFCs drinking wine and gossiping, while the Germanic tribes were MEN.

Think about it...

Dietzcoi

...and Dietzcoi is from....GERMANY! So I think he might be just a LITTLE biased!

Funny thing though...according to Roman law, women were "property" of their fathers, then their husbansd. They could not vote, own property or have any say in their lives.

Germanic custom was different. Women(while single) could own, buy & sell property, enter contracts & voice their oppinion in tribal council.

 

[WestCoaster]

History aside, WT, what do you think ...

... about the "best friends" myth perpetuated by women.

Impressed by your knowledge of ancient history. So when you dump a guy, do you just say, "You are so Germanic tribe!"

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Riddle me this: Why do women ALWAYS say this but don't really want this? Take it from a guy who has a few women as friends, it's near-impossible to go from friendship zone to passion. Why are women always perpetuating this myth?

Because they hate us.

 

[Hot Ice]

I immediately see 2 good things for women about this:
1) A woman can easily pick the alpha guys for mating out of the "I want to be your friend (and then TRY to **** you)" crowd.
2) Also having many guys as friends, a woman gets a lot of protection AND first of all, attention.


There's one another thing that maybe they really want a guy who is their "friend" after they have made a family.
No need for too much sex after her sex drive is weakened since her friend says "ok. as you say, no sex tonight Dear.. let me know when we will have it." while she still has an opportunity to go girls night out with some jerks on the side while the lucky father is taking care of the children at home.

I'm not saying that a woman wouldn't marry a great guy (a DJ) instead of a guy she thinks that is her friend (a nice guy). But marrying a jerk isn't a good way to go for a woman.

 

[WestCoaster]

Hot Ice, you're on the wrong board

Over-analysis.

See my above post: You're 18 and shouldn't be giving advice to anyone here who have been through more of the ups and downs in life than you can possibly imagine.

Please, read and learn, and post now and then, but don't give advice.

You're 18; it's laughable that an 18-year old is here trying to dispense advice to guys who have been married, divorced, lived with women, been through several significant relationships and breakups. There are also others here who have had kids, mulitple careers, have moved around a lot, had family members die, and have seen more in life than you can possibly imagine.

You're 18, don't be a know-it-all. You have a lot to learn. Plus, the women you're dating have no reference point to the kind of women we're dating. You're dating girls; we're dating women.

Period, case closed, end of story. There's no debate here.

 

[JB101]

I've seen the E Harmony TV commercials. I laugh! The guy who is pitching them (I think the founder) is way too AFC and happy go lucky.

All of this stuff is fantasy. Women live in a fantasy world. A world of "soul mates", of deep bonding, of white knights on horses that will magically pick them up and take them off into the sunset. These fantasies stir up a womans emotions. That's why they work.

How many women feel gut level attraction for their "best friend"? Butterflies in the stomach when they're around him? Pleeeease.

My advice: Just run your game and take some of these bored women looking for Mr Everything.

 

[dietzcoi]

Yes, Helen of Troy was beautiful... but no DJ would launch a war for a woman! Fighting over women is AFC!

The fact that the Romans restricted women, while the Germanic tribes gave them some say, just proves the Romans were AFC. The Germans were more confident and did not have to restrict or externally control their women!

Look at the muslim countries, the ones that really restrict their women, like the Taliban, were super AFCs... it is well known that Muslim women rule their men INSIDE the home ruthlessly... the men are afraid the women will run off with somebody else, or have sex with somebody else, that is why they restrict them so much in society! If you have to control your woman to keep her from running off, isn't that WBAFC?

Feminists should like DJ, not hate them... AFCism is the enemy of healthy, equal relationships between men and women.

Dietzcoi

 

[MindOverMatter]

Yeah, the Romans were AFCs. Myth says they launched a war because of Helen of Troy. Can you imagine DJ's risking their lives because the emporer is an AFC?!

"Uh, Dude, tell the Emp to read sosuave.com ... women aren't worth killing yourself for. Just date someone else man. Besides, I saw a better looking woman than Helen of Troy just yesterday."

haha that's one of the funniest posts I've read on these forums.

 

[Mazman]

I think women have two type of "friends".

The "LJBF" line she gives to guys she's not atttracted to at all which puts him in the "friends zone"

Then there's the friend that she is attracted to. These guys were never really in the dreaded "friends zone"

 

[Genghis Juan]

WestCoaster

I think you mentioned in the OP that you are currently interacting with a girl whom you are not sure if she is your friend or a girl you are dating. Why are you having this confusion? I'm just curious.

Is it because you haven't asked her out yet?

 

[WestCoaster]

Reply to Genghis

Actually Genghis, I've gone out with her a few times. I think the thing is we've both been dating different people right now and we've been fairly open in talking about it.

I actually had put her in the friends zone when I met her (off internet dating, though she works right across the sidewalk from me), because she was involved with this guy. That broke up and we went out a few times, but she told me she was also dating some other guys ... and to be honest, I was playing the field, too. Also, I didn't really have a thing for her.

We went out last Saturday to this nice outdoor market and to brunch on Saturday and I kind of saw her in a different light. Then again, she's still playing the field and I kind of am, too.

So I guess there's really not any confusion, I'm just kind of wondernig where it's at, but I'm not worried.

* One red flag, but it a huge one flying very prominently: She's recently divorced and it's not completely legally finalized yet.

 

[JohnJones]

Not that it matters in this thematic discussion of western civilization, but the Trojan War (as told in the Illiad) was the Greeks and the near easterners, not the Romans (back when they were tough before Rome kicked the sh-t out of them).

I think if you read Tacitus's "Germanica" you will find that those germans had a pretty clear view of the man-woman universe: she received a dowry from him but exchanged it with arms/weapons for him, she accepted her (almost equal) place as defender of the tribe/village/family if it came to it... None of the courtly intrigue of Rome.

 

[Hot Ice]

Re: Hot Ice, you're on the wrong board

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Over-analysis.

See my above post: You're 18 and shouldn't be giving advice to anyone here who have been through more of the ups and downs in life than you can possibly imagine.

Please, read and learn, and post now and then, but don't give advice.

You're 18; it's laughable that an 18-year old is here trying to dispense advice to guys who have been married, divorced, lived with women, been through several significant relationships and breakups. There are also others here who have had kids, mulitple careers, have moved around a lot, had family members die, and have seen more in life than you can possibly imagine.

You're 18, don't be a know-it-all. You have a lot to learn. Plus, the women you're dating have no reference point to the kind of women we're dating. You're dating girls; we're dating women.

Period, case closed, end of story. There's no debate here.

Over analyze, maybe.

Otherwise about me being 18, STFU!!!!!
Read my other reply to you.

I got your point though that I have lot to learn, life is a lesson. And yes, I should stay out generally from marriage conversation, as for giving advice that is.

BUT life is a lesson, for you too you over-arrogant *******!
I have had my family members die, I have moved around propably more than you, I have had multiple jobs and I know many more mature women and many of my best friends are double as old as me.
You have a lesson to learn too about respect and over-generalizating.

Again, I say that I shouldn't give advice on marriage, you were right about that. But otherwise, you can just cut the BS.

 

[WaterTiger]

Re: History aside, WT, what do you think ...

Originally posted by WestCoaster
... about the "best friends" myth perpetuated by women.

Impressed by your knowledge of ancient history. So when you dump a guy, do you just say, "You are so Germanic tribe!"

No, my last "dumping" line (to a very annoying man) was more like: "I think we can both find something more productive to do with our time than spend it with each other. I'll pay the check on my way out."

As to WHY women try to make "best friends" with guys...it's a multi-level thing. The reason could be....

* He's totally out of her social circle and by "making friends" first she might have a chance to get him to notice her as a potential love interest.

* She wants to figure out how MEN'S minds work. The dreaded emotional tampon syndrom. "Why does Joe flirt with me, then go out with Suzy? What is he thinking?" (This might surprise you, but you're a bit of a mystery to us as well!)

* Guys are handy for lifting heavy things, fixing cars and opening those pesky wide-mouth jars...OH! and getting things off high shelves! I've found that movie tickets and a home cooked favorite meal can get guys to do the most AMAZING feats of work.

* She always has an "instant date" for movies, concerts or outings, and an "instant Bf" if she wants to get rid of a DJ asking for her number.

I've had guy friends for all the reasons. But I've alway followed a few rules.
1~I NEVER forget they are MALE. I've always encouraged them to date other girls and never flirted with them myself.
2~If they do me a favor, they get paid back with dinner, movies or a gift. I'd have to pay the mechanic to change my oil, so why shouldn't I pay you?
3~TELL THEM that I think of them as a "brother". I tell them firmly and tell them often. (This sometimes back-fires because they start ACTING like a brother. "Hey Sh!thead! You better be nice to my sister or I'll kick your ass!")

 

[Capi Crimini]

They could not vote, own property or have any say in their lives.

Your sorta right....Femina could have say in there lives, Some women did have jobs. Whereas Puelli could not. Ergo,

Ego Plaudit, tuus diverses sententia.

But it is wrong. Although correct in some parts. Women could have jobs under certian circumstances. For Example, One of the most famous and wealthy fabric importors before the explosion was a widowed women, She had taken over her husbands job.

It was more commonly viewed that women should be housewives. But they were NOT property or servus. They were higher then that.

The reason they had little freedom was because they were not considered Roman Citizens like men. It was more like the 1800's In America Watertiger

In Rome you had *****s and prostitutes, ect.


Nice to see you again.

 

[WestCoaster]

Good post WT

You might want to put on your tagline, "The only logical woman in America."

Very few conduct acts of kindness like you do in the LJBF/get lost crossover.

Another riddle me this for women: Very few if ANY men really want to be "friends" after hearing this. Do they really think this is going to happen?"

What's the guy supposed to say. "OK, we'll be friends. I'll be over tomorrow with the brew and we'll watch some football."

I know, they're trying to let us down easy ... but again, new material is needed. This is as old as the old "Blues Brothers" comedy/music schtick that losers are still trying at the county fair.

 

[WaterTiger]

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Another riddle me this for women: Very few if ANY men really want to be "friends" after hearing this. Do they really think this is going to happen?"
What's the guy supposed to say. "OK, we'll be friends. I'll be over tomorrow with the brew and we'll watch some football."

Okay WC...even I know it's baseball season!

I'll watch the game if you trade those beers for wine coolers and promise not to laugh at me when I stand up and scream "WOO HOO! Barry Bonds just made another touch-down!".