Why Self-Respect Is Crucial To Your Becoming a Don Juan

Survivor

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 11, 2000
Messages
763
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#1
How many of you DJs study this web site? I mean REALLY study it? As in, using the “search” option and researching the archives when you need advice? Well, I have...and I’ve noticed something.

There are plenty of redundant posts concerning Confidence and Technique. However, not too many folks talk about Self-Respect on this discussion board. Yet I’m convinced that it is THE issue that gets to bottom of most of our problems with women.

There are five main terms I’m going to mention that I’ve list in order of importance:

- Self-Respect
- Self-Improvement
- Character
- Personality
- Confidence
- Technique


We read a lot of articles on this site and hear a lot from women about how they want a “Confident” man. “How do we show confidence?”, we post over and over again. In search of answers, many DJs end up posting various Techniques such as Layguides, NLP, SS, and various dating guidelines, all with purpose of appearing confident and in control. Other DJs feel that Techniques aren’t necessarily a sure fire way to solving your confidence problem, hence Pook’s brilliant “Be a Man!” article. I, however, believe there is room for both schools of thought.

Here’s my take on it. Confidence is a Personality trait. Anyone can fake confidence. However, we know all too well that most women can see through that. No SS pattern will work on any woman if your Self-Confidence is shallow. Pook was dead on when he implied that there’s more to Confidence than memorizing Techniques.

In his best-selling book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” Stephen Covey stressed the crucial differences between Personality and Character. Covey explains that Personality is indicated by one’s communication skills, or by what a person says and does in public. Character is indicated by one’s behavior independent of any interpersonal relationships. More simply, Character is what you do when no one else is watching.

This presents a serious problem, especially for mature DJs like myself who want LTRs. If we only use Techniques to become successful with women, we run the risk of becoming men with great Personalities and social skills but with little strength of Character. On the other hand, if we have Character strength both no social skills, we’re no better off.

The best solution we have is to take time to develop a Self-Improvement program that develops both our Character and Personality. Both must coincide, be congruent and compatible in order for our Techniques to be effective.

“The very first step towards becoming a successful "Don Juan" is one of self-improvement…By focusing on a program of continual self-improvement you'll evolve into an attractor. Your strategy is always to think about, focus on, and accentuate your positive traits... but work on and eliminate your flaws.” -Allen Thompson

Allen is right. Self-Improvement is the very first step. But I can say from experience that it is also the most difficult step. The problem is that most of us place way too much emphasis on getting a girlfriend. Then we really mess up by using women as a motivating factor in improving ourselves. This by far is the biggest and most common mistake we make as DJs. As soon as we run into some setbacks, miss a workout, get used and/or rejected a few times by women, we’re quick to just give up and crawl back into our comfortable shells.

Enter SELF-RESPECT! The late great DJ Legend Adonis said it best in one of the earliest articles concerning self-respect:

“Success with women has little to do with how you act and feel about them, but have a lot to do with how you feel about yourself. What I’m talking about is SELF-RESPECT. Some of the guys who wouldn't take crap from another guy turn into down-right wimps when it comes to women. …Women are nice additions to your life, …. BUT A LIFE SPENT DOING NOTHING BUT TRYING TO GET WOMEN IS A DAMN POINTLESS ONE.” - Adonis

Yes, there is a reason to improve yourself other than to attract women. When you respect yourself, people’s insults and women’s rejections don’t phase you, because you’re not doing it for them. You are working hard to become a Don Juan because dammit you deserve it! You are doing it for YOU. Not her, YOU! You will never insult yourself. You will never reject yourself. Therefore you will always improve and won’t always back down.

And one doesn’t improve in order to get self-respect. One improves because of self-respect. Self-Respect isn’t attained or developed. It is already inside you.

You know, I used to wonder why I worked so hard to improve my appearance. “ Here I am, 5’7”, skinny, will never be muscular, will never be tall, will never be what women find physically attractive. Why do I even try? I don’t have a girlfriend. I don’t have anyone special to impress.” Then I thought about it and realized that I do have someone special to impress…….

….His name is Survivor.

That, my fellow DJs, is SELF-RESPECT.

Reference Articles:
http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/000049.html
http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/004965.html
http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/000371.html
http://www.sosuave.com/quick/tip15.htm




[This message has been edited by Survivor (edited 04-22-2001).]
 

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CHALENGE GUY

Senior Don Juan
Joined
May 5, 2001
Messages
312
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CANADA
#5
This is a candidate for the Hall of Fame.

Keep up the good work.

------------------
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.

- Roosevelt

[This message has been edited by CHALENGE GUY (edited 05-06-2001).]
 

Webster

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 23, 2001
Messages
267
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0
Age
38
Location
Maine
#6
I found waking up in the morning and saying "I like me." or "I'm great" or something to that effect works wonders. Sooner or later you are bound to believe it.

------------------
--Blaine Moore
"A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. 'You didn't borrow this.' 'I will.'" -- Steven Wright
 
Joined
May 22, 2001
Messages
214
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Location
va beach
#7
i like this post. Im trying to improve myself, but ..................okay.......ill admit it..............im scared. I just cant approach the girl. Yesterday at the gym their was a nice llokin girl doing crunches( leg lifts) when i walked in a saw her i said hi then i immediately looked away as she said "hello" back. That fast! i looked away that fast! she was nice lookin and had a sweet voice. I looked over the balcony at the people playing basketball ( at this point i was right next to her as she was doing he leg lifts). I stood their a bit leaning over the balcony while she continued. I was just tryin to convince myself to just fccin turn my head towards her and ask her for her name. I COULDNT DO IT!!! it was someone had my neck in a strap and i couldnt manuever it. I was standin their thinkin ( true story) " shes so hot, shes so hot shes so hot , shes so hot" then i turned around and left. all that took about 1 minute. 1 minute is a long time when standing with a girl you really wanna talk to.

i went to the bathroom immediatly and stood lookin at myself in the mirror for about 3 minutes just outside where she was. I was thinkin how much of a puzzy i was. i have no gutts. no confidence. no witt. just afraid.

lotta times im afriad cause ill get rejected but now more then that im scared cause ill run out of things to say. cause i have no experience with carrying a conversation on.

I remember i talked to a girl that looked JUST LIKE LORA CROFT FROM TOMBRAIDER in that same gym.It was a cold approach i think you guys call it. I talked to her but i ran out of things to talk about besides how great she looked and what school she went to. she seemed to open up to me a bit she smiled a lot, but i knew she didnt like me cause she doesnt look like the type to go for a guy that looks like me( their goes my low self confidence). after i talked to her i saw her around the gym DOING SQUATS!!!! as i watched her doing them i preceeded to pick every buff mans jaw up from the ground and mopped the slobber off the floor. she never talked to me again while she was in there, she'd just walked right past me. i dont even remember her name.

I just need help. welp, at least im not alone in here. hope i get some feed back.
 

Neophyte

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 14, 2001
Messages
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0
#8
bashful,

do you like the SH*T-I-DIDN'T-APPROACH feelings ?? I don't think so.

Then all I can say for you now is: THINK MORE POSITIVE. Go get some rejections. Rejections are still better then the SH*T-I-DIDN'T-APPROACH! At least you'll gain some experience you can use next time.

...I can see you're on the right way.
First you are totally scared to approach. Don't wanna think about approaching, do ya. Then ya want to approach the girls, but still afraid to do.
Next step is THe ApPrOach!! YES, approach to get some experience. U Shall Not Fear Tha Rejection!!!.
Then learn to talk - when you talk, try to talk about HER. Don't try to think of a thousand subjects to talk - cuz none will pop-up, just try and find out the subjects the girl wants to talk about!! Point.


<!!! Survivor, excellent post !!!>


Gotta go now...going to a party! I don't have much experience yet, but I'm on tha track to success. Never give up! (as you can see, I feel totally in THe ZoNE tonight!)

Cya.

------------------
Go Confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined!
 

Albion

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 16, 2001
Messages
377
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0
#9
Originally posted by bashful:
lotta times im afriad cause ill get rejected but now more then that im scared cause ill run out of things to say. cause i have no experience with carrying a conversation on.
I'll give you a little hint. Women like to talk. When you run out of things to say, ask her a question and let her go with it. Women like men who listen more then talk anyway.

Good luck

-al
 
Joined
Oct 14, 2003
Messages
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Location
Edmonton (City of parking lots), Canada
#12
Awesome post....

Just the other day a friend and I were discussing girls and he was pretty despondent lately with his girl situation and this guy has a japanese symbol for respect tattooed on his leg... Had to remind him that his own self respect is worth a thousand times more than any respect for girls he hasn't even met yet. But anyways that got him on the right track... Last night we both went out and he ended up getting laid with some girl he met on the street after last call! The bastard.
 
Joined
Jan 9, 2002
Messages
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Age
44
#13
agreed. a friend once told me not to take any disrespect from any girl. it is not a technique but a policy, he says.

happen once a girl msg me "You are a Playboy, You are sick".
several times, in jest , trying to provoke me. I reply"I take jokes but not insults."

I ignore all her calls.

One week later, she saw me at a club and apologise to me.

That's respect.
 
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