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Why Men Are Settling for Mrs. Good Enough

BadBoy89

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A longer article why men are settling for mrs good enough.

——


- the percentage of men saying "yes" to imperfect committment was actually highest among men in their 20s, almost 40 percent of whom said they'd commit without love (compared with 22 percent of women). The gap narrowed as men and women entered their 30s, and widened again past 40. Yet regardless of age, men’s willingness to answer in the affirmative to both questions was significantly higher across the board.

- a research professor at Rutgers University, explains it this way. "We have a stereotype in this culture that it's men who are the ones who don't want to commit, who don't want to settle down, who are the scarce resources. But in fact, it's the opposite."

——

I could understand why men in their 20s want to commit as quick and fast as possible. But I don’t understand how a man in his 40s would.

Thoughts?
 

stringpuller

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My thoughts are these studies and stats are ultimately useless to a man with his head in the right place.
He will reap his bad choices and if he is blessed enough he will discover the advice of a very small pool of guys in this space teaching young men the right way.
But even still some will just plow through anyway and folliw their young immature brains.
The problem is not as much women today is it is men being puzzies but puzzies being governed by laws that simp men made to please puzzy.

Itz the puzzy doom vortex.
 

Barrister

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Oftentimes men of all ages get into a comfort zone and will "settle" for said comfort because it is the easy or natural thing to do. I myself was guilty of this back in my 20s with my ex-wife. I remember asking her to move with me and deciding to propose because it was the "right" thing to do since she had agreed to move with me. There were some red flags already present at that point and if I went back now I would have acted differently. Now granted, the relationship wasn't in the gutter at that point like it would be a few years later, but I should have seen it wasn't the right move but didn't because I was blue pilled.

If you have been together long enough, I think it is natural for the inexperienced to just think that an imperfect relationship is normal and that it is OK to settle for it.
 

Mike32ct

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- the percentage of men saying "yes" to imperfect committment was actually highest among men in their 20s, almost 40 percent of whom said they'd commit without love (compared with 22 percent of women). The gap narrowed as men and women entered their 30s, and widened again past 40.
Sounds like it coincides quite well with SMV for men (assuming a 30-something peak).

The guy wants less commitment near his peak and more commitment in the lower SMV zones before and after the peak.

As for the 20s guy, I think they see how brutal the hookup culture market is at that age. So plenty of sub-Chadlites would prefer to have a girlfriend instead.
 

MatureDJ

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Most men would be happy with a chick that is: not fat, without someone else's children, makes them feel desired by putting out semi-regularly. For normie-tier men, this is a very hard combo to attain these days. :mad:
 

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BackInTheGame78

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A longer article why men are settling for mrs good enough.

——


- the percentage of men saying "yes" to imperfect committment was actually highest among men in their 20s, almost 40 percent of whom said they'd commit without love (compared with 22 percent of women). The gap narrowed as men and women entered their 30s, and widened again past 40. Yet regardless of age, men’s willingness to answer in the affirmative to both questions was significantly higher across the board.

- a research professor at Rutgers University, explains it this way. "We have a stereotype in this culture that it's men who are the ones who don't want to commit, who don't want to settle down, who are the scarce resources. But in fact, it's the opposite."

——

I could understand why men in their 20s want to commit as quick and fast as possible. But I don’t understand how a man in his 40s would.

Thoughts?
Because most men are simps and face some pressure from their family to "settle down and start a family".
 

Stanley

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Most guys in their 20s have little to no experience (especially nowadays) and when some girl comes along they latch on with their sniper mentalities and think "this is the one" and ten years down the line they end up divorced with two kids. Young men don't know their worth and have yet to achieve their peak and in turn they settle for what they think is a 'catch'.

Young guys find a girl who they believe to be a unicorn and not like the other girls and they snag her up, concientally right as the tables begin to turn and that same man starts making money. That and many men see the current market and aren't willing to invest and play the game, I don't blame them, but I don't think they should settle. Pair that with societal pressures for guys to 'man up' and wife up a ran through girl because that's "the right thing to do".

Most young guys are completely blind and often with age comes wisdom through experience and they learn to value themselves more and not compromise.
 

SW15

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- a research professor at Rutgers University, explains it this way. "We have a stereotype in this culture that it's men who are the ones who don't want to commit, who don't want to settle down, who are the scarce resources. But in fact, it's the opposite."

I could understand why men in their 20s want to commit as quick and fast as possible. But I don’t understand how a man in his 40s would.

Thoughts?
As for the 20s guy, I think they see how brutal the hookup culture market is at that age. So plenty of sub-Chadlites would prefer to have a girlfriend instead.
There is a surplus of single men so most single men end up settling. That's what explains why the average man will settle for whatever he can get and it explains what the Rutgers professor observes.

Sounds like it coincides quite well with SMV for men (assuming a 30-something peak).

The guy wants less commitment near his peak and more commitment in the lower SMV zones before and after the peak.
Higher value 30s/40s men don't want to fully commit in a lot of cases. Why would they? They can have similarly aged women for either shorter term sex or exclusive girlfriend sex/serial monogamy sex. Either way, they don't ultimately commit but might quasi commit for shorter to medium terms in some cases. Also, a higher value 30s/40s might fully commit to a woman 10+ years younger if he can get one. The highest value 35-40 year old men will be looking 10+ years younger if they ultimately want to commit.

Normie 30s/40s men will settle for whatever. There are far more normie tier 30s/40s men than higher value men. There are plenty of men in their 30s/40s who are middle management or reasonably well compensated sales reps. These are the 'beta bucks' guys who are essentially invisible to women of a similar age earlier in their lives/careers (think high school, college, and 20s) but do start to become visible to some lower level carousel rider women. These are the 30/40s who are wise enough to settle instead of making TikTok/YouTube videos about "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?".

Most men would be happy with a chick that is: not fat, without someone else's children, makes them feel desired by putting out semi-regularly. For normie-tier men, this is a very hard combo to attain these days. :mad:
This is true.

If a man gets into his 30s as a childless man, he needs to hold out for a childless woman.

When childless men end up with single moms, it's a massive settle job and those men are cucks.

A single dad ending up with a single mom is water seeking its own level. It's not a great situation. In longer term situations, the single dad and single mom's children from previous relationships generally end up disliking or barely tolerating the partner. This is even true when there are 50+ people with adult children getting together. It creates forced and uncomfortable family type gatherings.

Because most men are simps and face some pressure from their family to "settle down and start a family".
The simping epidemic is partially caused by an excess of single men in the younger age brackets. The excess of single men makes men into more pathetic simps.

If a certain metro area has more single men than single women (most US metro areas do under age 40/mid 40s), men get worse and worse scarcity mentalities. How a man tries to meet women will affect his scarcity mentality. Men who primarily meet women on swipe apps will experience vaginal scarcity worse than men that primarily meet women through real life methods. Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge are all oversupplied with men. Men who meet women through real life methods are not immune from feeling bad scarcity effects. Men who primarily use nightlife venues as ways to meet women experience worse scarcity because nightlife venues tend to be bigger sausage fests. If men want to try to experience more normal ratios, they need to focus upon various non-bar methods of meeting women. Not all non-bar methods of meeting women are equal and even some options with good ratios aren't exceptional for dating. For instance, most fitness classes at most types of facilities (either big box gym classes or boutique studio type classes) are more women than men. However, most men who go to fitness classes realize that most women at fitness classes aren't that sociable. There are plenty of women at fitness classes with boyfriends/husbands who aren't seeking new penis, but there are even unattached women at fitness classes who aren't as sociable in the 5 mins before/after class as one might think they would be.

The pressure isn't just from family to "settle down and a start a family". If a man is reasonably neurotypical and has some male friends, he'll observe the majority of male friends get married during the late 20s/early 30s stage of his life. Not only will he be facing family pressure, he'll start to feel isolated in his social circles when his male friends become majority married. Within 2-5 years of most of his male friends getting married, most of his male friends are starting to have babies.

The unmarred, childless male around age 35 either can pursue a lifestyle where he is a lone wolf bachelor type single male (a path I have chosen) or he settles for a "Mrs. Good Enough" and copies the lifestyles of his male friends. More men choose to end up settling for whatever they can get. Most men have a blue pill ideology about relationships, whereas the lone wolf bachelor type single male tends to be either more red pill or black pill.

Some of the men who follow the blue pill path end up divorced (often with children) somewhere between ages 35-45. Then, they turned towards a more red pill or black pill mentality. Richard Cooper is a well known example of a man in that age range who turned from a blue pill guy into a red pill guy following that path. There are plenty of divorced men who have unpleasant divorces (either childless divorces or divorces with children) and that turns them from their previous blue pill ideologies towards a more red pill or black pill ideology.
 
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BadBoy89

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If a certain metro area has more single men than single women (most US metro areas do under age 40/mid 40s), men get worse and worse scarcity mentalities. How a man tries to meet women will affect his scarcity mentality. Men who primarily meet women on swipe apps will experience vaginal scarcity worse than men that primarily meet women through real life methods. Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge are all oversupplied with men. Men who meet women through real life methods are not immune from feeling bad scarcity effects. Men who primarily use nightlife venues as ways to meet women experience worse scarcity because nightlife venues tend to be bigger sausage fests. If men want to try to experience more normal ratios, they need to focus upon various non-bar methods of meeting women. Not all non-bar methods of meeting women are equal and even some options with good ratios aren't exceptional for dating. For instance, most fitness classes at most types of facilities (either big box gym classes or boutique studio type classes) are more women than men. However, most men who go to fitness classes realize that most women at fitness classes aren't that sociable. There are plenty of women at fitness classes with boyfriends/husbands who aren't seeking new penis, but there are even unattached women at fitness classes who aren't as sociable in the 5 mins before/after class as one might think they would be.
OK so for men;

- online swipe apps have scarcity
- nightclubs have scarcity
- fitness class don’t have scarcity,
- but women in the classes have husbands and boyfriends
- the unattached women in the classes are not sociable

So what non-bar methods can a man go to go meet single, decent looking, semi-educated, never divorced, never pregnant women who are looking to commit and have a baby?

The pressure isn't just from family to "settle down and a start a family". If a man is reasonably neurotypical and has some male friends, he'll observe the majority of male friends get married during the late 20s/early 30s stage of his life. Not only will he be facing family pressure, he'll start to feel isolated in his social circles when his male friends become majority married. Within 2-5 years of most of his male friends getting married, most of his male friends are starting to have babies.

The unmarred, childless male around age 35 either can pursue a lifestyle where he is a lone wolf bachelor type single male (a path I have chosen) or he settles for a "Mrs. Good Enough" and copies the lifestyles of his male friends. More men choose to end up settling for whatever they can get. Most men have a blue pill ideology about relationships, whereas the lone wolf bachelor type single male tends to be either more red pill or black pill.

Some of the men who follow the blue pill path end up divorced (often with children) somewhere between ages 35-45. Then, they turned towards a more red pill or black pill mentality. Richard Cooper is a well known example of a man in that age range who turned from a blue pill guy into a red pill guy following that path. There are plenty of divorced men who have unpleasant divorces (either childless divorces or divorces with children) and that turns them from their previous blue pill ideologies towards a more red pill or black pill ideology.
Decent points.

Personally I think most men here want to be rich with at least 1 daughter and a long term partner. Men don’t want a “full blown, deeply committed relationship” with one woman, they want a relationship so they can invited to places, go on trips with, But they need that daughter.
 

SW15

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- fitness class don’t have scarcity,
- but women in the classes have husbands and boyfriends
- the unattached women in the classes are not sociable
If a man didn't go to nightclubs and primarily socialized with women who were attending fitness classes, he would perceive the mating market somewhat differently. In very rare situations, it might be possible to hit on the female instructor of a fitness class. Most fitness class instructors are 20s/30s women with boyfriends and husbands. The higher percentage play is always to hit on the female class attendees as compared to the instructor. It's not bad to socialize with the class instructor in a situation when you don't have prospects in a given class, which can happen at times.

I don't think women's relationship status affects their sociability too much at fitness classes. More of the attached women I've likely approached at fitness classes over the years were more in the boyfriend stage than the husband stage. Most of the attached women at fitness classes aren't very sociable so a lot of the interactions with them have fizzled out for me prior to me knowing about their relationship. I can think of one instance where I was conversing with a woman at fitness class and she mentioned that she was living with a guy prior to me actually asking her out. Most of the time, I have found that women with boyfriends/husbands generally aren't sociable with men at fitness classes.

Since most people are in some sort of relationship at any given time, most random women that a man will approach in a fitness class will be in some sort of relationship.

The more problematic occurrences are when I have approached a woman who likely wasn't attached and she wasn't sociable enough for me to ask her out (I could have gone Mode One and asked out faster) or there wasn't good enough chemistry for even a 5 minute conversation. The biggest problem that I find with going Mode One is that there isn't enough screening to increase the probability of a good first date. I'm not only looking for first dates when I'm approaching, I'm also looking for first dates that are going to be solid prospects. A good 5-15 minute in-person conversation does increase the chance of a woman not flaking prior to the first date and also increases the chance of a first date that will create an interaction that isn't a "one date, no sex, no second date" type interaction.

So what non-bar methods can a man go to go meet single, decent looking, semi-educated, never divorced, never pregnant women who are looking to commit and have a baby?
Most never married, childless women are looking to commit and eventually have babies. It's rare to meet a woman who is childless and wants to stay childless forever. Even childless women age 35+ often want children. Some women in their mid to late 30s have accepted a likely outcome of not having children. Some 30s/early 40s women might be interested in adoption, though that's rarer to find.

It's probably best for men to do a variety of daygame type methods when doing daygame, provided that they don't have an existing social circle. The easiest way to get a girlfriend in the short to medium term is through a social circle. Over an extended period of time, a man might run his social circle dry of options and then have no other choice but to approach strangers, send social media DMs, or use swipe apps. The best option of those 3 is approaching strangers and the best way to approach strangers is by using non-bar methods.

According to the Wheat Waffles flowchart, my best option for my meeting women and having relationships is through daygame. I had been a primarily daygame guy long before watching the Wheat Waffles video, but it served as confirmation that the path I chose a long time ago was the correct path.


The following are standard daygame options for men. Most I have used most of these but not all....

1. Malls (both inside stores and in the common areas)
2. Grocery stores
3. Parks and walking/hiking paths
4. The beach and pool parties. Pool parties are often sausage fests. The best exception to this rule are the pool parties at Las Vegas Strip properties in the summer. Pool parties in your non-Las Vegas city at bars/restaurants with pools are more likely to be sausage fests. The beach is a good option but not realistic for men who don't live close to the beach. Men who are traveling to beach cities might be able to do beach pickup for one night stands, though the nightclubs in that beach city are likely better for that than daygame at the beach.
5. Randomly walking streets in cities with high foot traffic. This is more applicable in dense European, South American, and Asian cities, though this is possible a few US cities. This and parks/walking paths are probably the most difficult form of game.
6. Bookstores
7. Coffee shops
8. General gym floor (also very difficult due to earbuds)
9. Fitness classes
10. Other classes (dance, cooking, etc) -- This will generally be a waste of time. Cooking classes rarely have younger singles and dance classes are generally a loss leader. Dance classes can be useful for getting good at a style of dance and then going to nightlife venues featuring that style of dance. That's a very labor intensive method that I don't recommend. @Mike32ct has mentioned some of his dance class experiences in other threads.

Co-ed sports leagues are another option, which isn't a pure daygame option. That's more of a hybrid model of weak social game with some nightlife venue element (after games, the players often go to a nearby bar). Co-ed sports leagues can be problematic for a lot of reasons, which I have covered in other threads before. Most of the standard daygame methods I've mentioned above can substitute for a co-ed sports league adequately if not better.
 

RangerMIke

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Because most men are simps and face some pressure from their family to "settle down and start a family".
Men are capable of settling for less, and be perfectly happy, as long as a woman meets his screening criteria:
(1) Minimal amount of emotional damage.
(2) Hot enough to turn them on.
(3) Mostly pleasant and fun to be with.
(4) Puts effort in keeping things going. ,
(5) He is appreciated and she is loyal.

Women CAN NOT DO THIS!
Oh sure they can 'settle' and they frequently do, usually when they get older and are looking for some security, or a man to bail them out of bad decisions she has made... but they are never happy. The longer she settles... the more unhappy she gets.. and the more resentment she builds up. At that point if she is 'loyal' she will morph into a fat nagging b1tch torturing her man because he isn't making her tingle. If she isn't loyal, she will cheat on him. I can count on one hand the number of women who when the are not 'in love' can truly make it work with a man they are with. These women come from families where her parents stay together no matter what, there are kids involved, and the man understands that he has to be ready to walk when things go sideways... and she believes she can not do better than him.
 

SW15

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Men are capable of settling for less, and be perfectly happy, as long as a woman meets his screening criteria:
(1) Minimal amount of emotional damage.
(2) Hot enough to turn them on.
(3) Mostly pleasant and fun to be with.
(4) Puts effort in keeping things going. ,
(5) He is appreciated and she is loyal.
I could see most men settling for this. Some men will even dip into subpar looks in #2 if he gets the other 4. There are plenty of men who settle some mediocre to subpar looking woman because she is loyal and willing to have sex with him regularly. These men find this to be a good deal with because they avoid being incels or having long sexual droughts.

I agree that the average man is more satisfied in settling than the average woman.

Some men will even look past the loyalty factor too and not divorce their wives when she has affairs and he learns about them. The more common scenario when women aren't loyal and have affairs is that the woman has the affair but doesn't get caught. Women are better at having affairs and not getting caught than men are.

Women CAN NOT DO THIS!
Oh sure they can 'settle' and they frequently do, usually when they get older and are looking for some security, or a man to bail them out of bad decisions she has made... but they are never happy. The longer she settles... the more unhappy she gets.. and the more resentment she builds up. At that point if she is 'loyal' she will morph into a fat nagging b1tch torturing her man because he isn't making her tingle. If she isn't loyal, she will cheat on him. I can count on one hand the number of women who when the are not 'in love' can truly make it work with a man they are with. These women come from families where her parents stay together no matter what, there are kids involved, and the man understands that he has to be ready to walk when things go sideways... and she believes she can not do better than him.
You're correct that women frequently settle but aren't actually happy when they settle. Some of these women who have settled can look like they are part of a happy couple to the outside world. These women can have social media feeds that look like their lives are amazing. The reality doesn't match the social media feed or the 2 hour weekend get together with friends/acquaintances.

A woman who initially settles or sticks around a relationship after the passion has burned out is not a pleasant woman inside her romantic relationship.

I perceive women of the last 10-15 years are less likely to settle than they would have been from the 1970s-early 2000s. In the last ~20 years, women have had an abundance of options with both the era of dating websites and in the era of swipe apps. Social media DMs also add to the abundance that women have. When women have abundance, why would they need to settle. Few women have an issue with quantity of male options but there is a case that women have issues with quality of male options. Quantity does provide an abundance mindset for women.

A lot of women that don't settle will post "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?" videos on TikTok and YouTube once they reach their early to mid 30s. Even these women have an abundance on the quantity of options.
 

RangerMIke

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You're correct that women frequently settle but aren't actually happy when they settle. Some of these women who have settled can look like they are part of a happy couple to the outside world. These women can have social media feeds that look like their lives are amazing. The reality doesn't match the social media feed or the 2 hour weekend get together with friends/acquaintances.
I figured this out 7 years ago, as social media really started to pick up. The more she posts about her 'awesome life' with her man, the less likely she is really happy in that relationship. At first this appears to be counter intuitive, but when you think about it, makes perfect sense. She is trying to convince herself she is happy, and is looking for validation from other women that the man she has is a good pick.

A woman who initially settles or sticks around a relationship after the passion has burned out is not a pleasant woman inside her romantic relationship.
True... on the outside everything appears to be fine, but behind closed doors... well it's not so good. Passion always burns out... the only way anything works long term is if both the man and woman share the same values, have some shared interests, can effectively communicate, and have good attitudes. The passion always turns to attachment, and as long as the man keeps things in the bedroom fresh it will work. But when sex becomes mechanical and boring, the woman will lose interest. But YOU MUST have that passion in the very beginning... you can not create passion where none ever existed. Women will kid themselves into believing they can do this, and a man, who is only looking at his interest and attraction ignore this fact.

It is up to the man to sniff this out... if a woman, right from the start, can't keep her hands off you then you have nothing to work with, a woman that is head over heals will NOT make things hard... will not expect you to 'win her over', she will go along with anything you have planned because she wants to be around you.
 

Pedrito0906

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A longer article why men are settling for mrs good enough.

——


- the percentage of men saying "yes" to imperfect committment was actually highest among men in their 20s, almost 40 percent of whom said they'd commit without love (compared with 22 percent of women). The gap narrowed as men and women entered their 30s, and widened again past 40. Yet regardless of age, men’s willingness to answer in the affirmative to both questions was significantly higher across the board.

- a research professor at Rutgers University, explains it this way. "We have a stereotype in this culture that it's men who are the ones who don't want to commit, who don't want to settle down, who are the scarce resources. But in fact, it's the opposite."

——

I could understand why men in their 20s want to commit as quick and fast as possible. But I don’t understand how a man in his 40s would.

Thoughts?
Cause most men are $hit tier in their 40s, like Rollo wrote, they never acknowledged their potential, they never worked hard, hit the gym, got status or improve their game. Therefore they settled down with any woman thinking that's all they can get, but if they're $hit, that's in fact all they can get
 

MatureDJ

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OK so for men;

- online swipe apps have scarcity
- nightclubs have scarcity
- fitness class don’t have scarcity,
- but women in the classes have husbands and boyfriends
- the unattached women in the classes are not sociable

So what non-bar methods can a man go to go meet single, decent looking, semi-educated, never divorced, never pregnant women who are looking to commit and have a baby?
GeoMaxxing :cool:
 

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SW15

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a woman that is head over heals will NOT make things hard... will not expect you to 'win her over', she will go along with anything you have planned because she wants to be around you.
True

You're correct that women frequently settle but aren't actually happy when they settle. Some of these women who have settled can look like they are part of a happy couple to the outside world. These women can have social media feeds that look like their lives are amazing. The reality doesn't match the social media feed or the 2 hour weekend get together with friends/acquaintances.
I figured this out 7 years ago, as social media really started to pick up. The more she posts about her 'awesome life' with her man, the less likely she is really happy in that relationship. At first this appears to be counter intuitive, but when you think about it, makes perfect sense. She is trying to convince herself she is happy, and is looking for validation from other women that the man she has is a good pick.
Yes, it does make perfect sense when you think about it. Social media is a way to get validation.
 

Pedrito0906

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The more she posts about her 'awesome life' with her man, the less likely she is really happy in that relationship. At first this appears to be counter intuitive, but when you think about it, makes perfect sense. She is trying to convince herself she is happy, and is looking for validation from other women that the man she has is a good pick.
This is a really good observation.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Men are capable of settling for less, and be perfectly happy, as long as a woman meets his screening criteria:
(1) Minimal amount of emotional damage.
(2) Hot enough to turn them on.
(3) Mostly pleasant and fun to be with.
(4) Puts effort in keeping things going. ,
(5) He is appreciated and she is loyal.

Women CAN NOT DO THIS!
Oh sure they can 'settle' and they frequently do, usually when they get older and are looking for some security, or a man to bail them out of bad decisions she has made... but they are never happy. The longer she settles... the more unhappy she gets.. and the more resentment she builds up. At that point if she is 'loyal' she will morph into a fat nagging b1tch torturing her man because he isn't making her tingle. If she isn't loyal, she will cheat on him. I can count on one hand the number of women who when the are not 'in love' can truly make it work with a man they are with. These women come from families where her parents stay together no matter what, there are kids involved, and the man understands that he has to be ready to walk when things go sideways... and she believes she can not do better than him.
Up until he gets hit on by hotter women and realizes he could do better...then he starts regretting his choice.
 
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