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why does she not feel comfortable around me..?


Master Don Juan
Mar 21, 2006
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my date from yesterday who i've been seeing a few times for some reason does not feel comfortable around me, she has her arms crossed alot in a very defensive position. i try to build rapport and be as charming as i can but she just doesn't feel comfortable enough having me around her and this alarms me. what am i doing wrong??

as women go on how they feel, if she does not feel comfortable having me near her touching her then i dont know how much longer we'll still be seeing each other. she says that she is not normally like this only with me cos im so 'pushy' i dont feel i am being pushy at all, i escalate kino very well. however she gets embarassed and starts blushing when i start complimenting her she won't look at me.

i accused her in a soft manner that she was playing/toying with me, and she agreed in a semi-sarcastic way so it's hard for me to judge what's really going on. i assumed she had a bf/seeing someone already. she wont let me kiss close.. when i pressed her on why she wouldn't kiss me, she said something along the lines of going past being friends to a love interest, and i was like 'well whats wrong with that?' and she didnt want to talk about it anymore.

any tips on how i can make her feel more comfortable in my presence?


Master Don Juan
Feb 2, 2003
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Red Sox Nation
There is a saying in NLP. It goes: "The meaning of something is the result you get!" if she feels you're being pushy then the meaning of your "kino escalation" is that you're a pushy person. It doesn't matter what you think or how you feel about it, what matters is the result you get (in this case her feeling pushed) I'd recommend, laying off the whole kino escalation and let her come to you, let her open up and just be curious. Stop being a leaf-blower and start to become a vacuum. When you get curious, you become a vacuum and hopefully she'll get sucked in. I hope the metaphor makes sense :D


Master Don Juan
Feb 22, 2009
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Of her point of view, I cannot speak, save only that people have all kinds of hangups and it's usually something you never saw coming.

But are you too invested in the outcome? It would seem that you are. You may be trying too hard to "implement kino" and talking too much about the relationship/attraction process. That's the death bell with a new girl, don't talk about what's going on between you or any of that crap, just let it happen. Women are for fun, not obstacles for you to overcome.


May 30, 2009
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If a girl says you are pushy, then you should be untouchable. When she is distant, you should be more distant. When she sits next to you, you should act as if your best male friend sat next to you. Soon, she will break and say "what's the matter?". Then you say "nothing" and then she will jerk you off and things will come around.


Master Don Juan
Sep 8, 2009
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1. She's a b!tch

2. You're not comfortable yourself, so she's not comfortable.

3. Judging from the thread, you try to hard. I mean... who gives a ****?

Don't even think about seduction and bull sh!t. Focus on improving yourself, finding the most comfortable type of YOU. Then, you will be able to act however the fvck you want to her and she will like it.


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Master Don Juan
Aug 16, 2007
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pete101 said:
- my date i've been seeing a few times does not feel comfortable around me
- she has her arms crossed alot in a very defensive position
- she does not feel comfortable having me near her touching
- she wont let me kiss close
- when i pressed her on why she wouldn't kiss me, she didnt want to talk about it anymore.

any tips on how i can make her feel more comfortable in my presence?
You are a regular James Bond.

Knock down your ego a few pegs. A girl doesn't feel attracted and comfortable enough to kiss you and press her on it? What the hell is that? "Listen girl, don't you know who the hell I am? When I want to kiss you you better kiss me back or else I may beat the hell out of you." Not sexy dude. No wonder she feels guarded and uncomfortable. She's 150% right.

You should not be touching her, she should be touching you most of the time.

You should talk about things to make her comfortable, and for God sake, don't keep touching her until she's comfortable. Your touching won't lead to her giving you sex.