Why do parents think we are their slaves?

[Pedrito0906]

My parents think I'm their lifeline or their slave, manly cause I gained the reputation of being there no matter what, or being the emotional tampon and the guy always there to fix their problems, which I did it to myself seeking the wrong validation and being the great son.

They fvcked up their finances due to helping my brother, now they're old, retired, want to live near me, but they don't speak the language, so I'll have to take care of them, and since they didn't plan their retirement, they're in hole.

I told them to fvck off, that I didn't have kids, got the vasectomy and didn't have a wife so I can so with my life what I wanted, mom trying to emotionally manipulate me telling me like always, tells me I don't love them and that I changed, have turned into a guy who doesn't love his family (which is a good feedback from me previously being the great nice guy and son who was taken advantage of). There is saying that goes "you wanna be an a$$hole? Do 999th favor, but don't do the 1000th and you'll be considered an a$$hole.

For all the parents in there, we are not your fvcking slaves, plan your retirement accordingly, cause your sons and daughters have a life to live.

Has this happened to any of you?

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

In my case they taken countless stupid decisions since I was a kid while never paying much attention to me nor my needs both economically and personally.

Now that they are old they are a plague demanding help, attention and emotional support.

I dont really bother to try to explain then how it works since its already wasted time and effort.

 

[corrector]

My parents think I'm their lifeline or their slave, manly cause I gained the reputation of being there no matter what, or being the emotional tampon and the guy always there to fix their problems, which I did it to myself seeking the wrong validation and being the great son.

They fvcked up their finances due to helping my brother, now they're old, retired, want to live near me, but they don't speak the language, so I'll have to take care of them, and since they didn't plan their retirement, they're in hole.

I told them to fvck off, that I didn't have kids, got the vasectomy and didn't have a wife so I can so with my life what I wanted, mom trying to emotionally manipulate me telling me like always, tells me I don't love them and that I changed, have turned into a guy who doesn't love his family (which is a good feedback from me previously being the great nice guy and son who was taken advantage of). There is saying that goes "you wanna be an a$$hole? Do 999th favor, but don't do the 1000th and you'll be considered an a$$hole.

For all the parents in there, we are not your fvcking slaves, plan your retirement accordingly, cause your sons and daughters have a life to live.

Has this happened to any of you?

Sure, but its fair as I live at home and am just paying for utilities. I also love my folks because we are a team and are there for each other. Lucky for them I dont have a woman I care about.

 

[Pedrito0906]

Sure, but its fair as I live at home and am just paying for utilities. I also love my folks because we are a team and are there for each other. Lucky for them I dont have a woman I care about.

So you live with your parents? Why haven't you moved and being an independent guy?

One things is loving your parents and another thing is being a slave to them for their bad decisions.

 

[corrector]

So you live with your parents? Why haven't you moved and being an independent guy?

One things is loving your parents and another thing is being a slave to them for their bad decisions.

If I was not independent then I would not qualify for social assiatance. One of their criteria is to be financially independent. They deem me as independent. I am also very mentally independent too.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It must suck to have that type of attitude towards your family. I honestly feel bad for you.

 

[Alvafe]

meh do what you must, need or want, bending the knee for nagging is weak for you. if they did something to deserve your help do so, they didn't then don't, they get ****ed up helping your brother or sister, then its time for the helped help they parent, don't listen and just say its how it will go I didn't ask for your opnion

in this regard i'm ok with parents, most helped each other when needed so i'm not much grief with then, only when they do some ****ed up decision because or it will do too much work or it will be too mean to someone, now my brother I wouldn't care much

 

[DonJuanjr]

It must suck to have that type of attitude towards your family. I honestly feel bad for you.

It is, what it is.... Some people aren't lucky enough to have stable, reliable, unselfish parents. Some people have drug addicts for parents....

 

[Pedrito0906]

It must suck to have that type of attitude towards your family. I honestly feel bad for you.

It is true what others say that you have some condescending attitude towards members. Feel bad at your own $hit, I'm doing fine.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It is true what others say that you have some condescending attitude towards members. Feel bad at your own $hit, I'm doing fine.

You may believe that...but family issues to this degree leave deep scars and wounds that don't heal almost to the core of a person's being.

I hope you figure out a way to forgive them, not for their sake, but for yours. It will eat at you for the rest of your life otherwise. Clearly it's eating at you now in some way or you wouldn't have posted this.

 

[SW15]

Parental relationships are challenging for adult children. There were some elements of my childhood that were not good. My parents had a dysfunctional relationship and also made some poor parenting decisions that were avoidable that caused childhood trauma for me. Their divorce was a not a pleasant experience for either of them or for me.

You could apply the Iron Rules of Tomassi towards parental relationships as an adult child. I see two iron rules that are applicable in parent-adult child relationships.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #1

Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of whose frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are.

It could be good to hold frame in a parental relationship as an adult child. I wish I had done a better job of this. Moms are often good at emotionally manipulating sons.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

At a certain point, a parent-child relationships is no longer functional and fixable. It might be worth walking away at a certain time.

 

[Pedrito0906]

You may believe that...but family issues to this degree leave deep scars and wounds that don't heal almost to the core of a person's being.

I hope you figure out a way to forgive them, not for their sake, but for yours. It will eat at you for the rest of your life otherwise. Clearly it's eating at you now in some way or you wouldn't have posted this.

It did leave scars, I couldn't speak my mind in my house cause I was being disrespected, and then if I did there was the emotional manipulation of suicide from their part.

I told them everything I had inside from all my life, told them everything, I do believe they did the best they could. Call it red pill rage after knowing all the emotional manipulation I was subjected to, and no I don't need to help irresponsible parents who suppose to be the example on how to prepare dor retirement with money.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I get it bro. I remember I used to spend a lot of my free time with my dad. Yet towards his final years, he complained that I didnt spend enough time with him, even tough I took care of him 24/7 for a whole month when he was in the hospital, go figure that one out. May he RIP. My sister never spend any time with him. Did he complain about her? Nope.

My sister is busy with school and pretty much dissappears on the weekend, Im always expected to be the good son, The one around, The one close by, The one who basically puts his life on hold. It sucks.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

My parents think I'm their lifeline or their slave, manly cause I gained the reputation of being there no matter what, or being the emotional tampon and the guy always there to fix their problems, which I did it to myself seeking the wrong validation and being the great son.

They fvcked up their finances due to helping my brother, now they're old, retired, want to live near me, but they don't speak the language, so I'll have to take care of them, and since they didn't plan their retirement, they're in hole.

I told them to fvck off, that I didn't have kids, got the vasectomy and didn't have a wife so I can so with my life what I wanted, mom trying to emotionally manipulate me telling me like always, tells me I don't love them and that I changed, have turned into a guy who doesn't love his family (which is a good feedback from me previously being the great nice guy and son who was taken advantage of). There is saying that goes "you wanna be an a$$hole? Do 999th favor, but don't do the 1000th and you'll be considered an a$$hole.

For all the parents in there, we are not your fvcking slaves, plan your retirement accordingly, cause your sons and daughters have a life to live.

Has this happened to any of you?

I guess it depends on the relationship you have with your parents?
Personally I've been lucky and they are just nice and supportive to me and my siblings.
I don't have the issue you describe above. My parents own and run their business so they are doing good by themselves. But I can understand that it might be a frustrating one if one experience that with your parents..

But I know/seen buddies that have a hell with their parents so I understand that it varies a lot for people.
Some are lucky to have great parents and some are just the unlucky ones.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

I get it bro. I remember I used to spend a lot of my free time with my dad. Yet towards his final years, he complained that I didnt spend enough time with him, even tough I took care of him 24/7 for a whole month when he was in the hospital, go figure that one out. May he RIP. My sister never spend any time with him. Did he complain about her? Nope.

My sister is busy with school and pretty much dissappears on the weekend, Im always expected to be the good son, The one around, The one close by, The one who basically puts his life on hold. It sucks.

I only got a lil sister she in Boston going to harvard busy with school chasing a PhD and just got married. Yeah sure she is going to make bank later on with her profession and hopefully help out but right now I'm the one on the frontlines.
Both parents are separated and got their own thing going on.
During the peak of the pandemic mom lost her job of 15 years. I helped her out financially alot for 2 years. Rent and food.
Brakes and oil changes on her car.
Could have traveled the world or bought another new car from the auctions with that cash.
But you know what fvck it I would do it again.
I felt a blessing from somewhere because when I was helping moms my freelance line of work was blooming like foam. I was stackin. all tax free
Its true when they say that the universe pays you back in full when you help your good parents in need

I made moms suffer so much in my adolescence with my street bullsh1t.
She actually saved me from hitting rock bottom both with the government and spiritually.
On top of all that I stayed in her apartment without paying rent till my mid 20s.
Money comes and goes but your mother will one day die.

Pops similar story. He lost his job of 30 years during the pandemic as well.
I lend him $10gs in cash a year ago but the deal was that I live in his abandoned house in Mexico without paying rent for an indefinite time.
The house is not bad. 3 stories and a garage to hide my car in.
only pay my utilities and food
I will most likely end up buying this pad

My parents know im like a solitary scarred up leopard and they respect my privacy most of the time.
I always try carve some time to visit them tho

For valentines day I will most likely take mom out to eat real quick

I can never see a b1tch love me unconditionally and look after me like mom has

 

[EyeBRollin]

You only get one mom and dad. Cherish them while they are here.

 

[kavi]

This is all part of the failure of this current economic and social system. Many parents will simply end up like children, lost and alone in a Nation-state, capitalist, nuclear family based system where they have nothing other than money and children.

These boomer parents, especially the lower-middle class simply drank the cool-aid of this system but in old age will be lost. The wealthier ones will be able to use their wealth to gain leverage in old age over others inc society.

Its gonna be crazy in the next 20 years as more boomers age, the economy and social order they believed in so much fails.

 

[SW15]

Its gonna be crazy in the next 20 years as more boomers age, the economy and social order they believed in so much fails.

Millennials like you and I will never experience many of the privileges that Boomers had. Gen Z will be a continuation of the negative trends that became apparent with the Millennials.

 

[BeExcellent]

If you have self sufficient parents be glad. I have a close friend who grew up in Beverly Hills. His parents are now in their 90s, mom in a memory care facility, dad living in the casita at my friends residence.

His parents saved nothing, were financially irresponsible, lost a home in Malibu that had sweeping ocean views (house today would be worth 20M)….Lost everything and did zero planning for retirement years.

My friend is an only child who is 58 years old. His father is so demanding and selfish that when my friend was diagnosed with colon cancer a few weeks ago his father was like “what is going to happen to me?” because my friend cannot wait on his dad and make sure he doesn’t fall (he’s demanding and very frail) so his dad is like “Well I guess I’ll have to start driving again…”

My friend has worked hard to earn everything he has without help from his folks. He has put his life on hold the last 5-7 years to care give. He’s served his parents & loves them but now he’s got to care for himself and his dad is being an entitled ass hole.

I can’t help but wonder if the stress from dealing with his parents is behind the cancer at least partially.

My mother was toxic, manipulative and terribly narcissistic and she was dead to me for years before she died. Removing that toxicity from my life lifted tremendous stress from my shoulders….

I was very close to my father as many of you know. I was lucky. My dad did not demand anything from me, expected me to be independent and look after my own children & family as the high priority. He was grateful for any visit, any phone call, and I valued greatly his wisdom & perspective.

Relationships with parents can be complicated. If you have supportive parents who have their life together, be grateful and appreciate that. Many people are not so lucky. Many parents are crappy people.

You don’t have kids to support you later in life. You figure out how to take care of yourself, and guide your children. I will never be a burden to my kids. I refuse. I want to see my children flourish and become successful people in life. I’ve got friends and relationships of my own that sustain me. I love my kids and part of that love means setting them up to build their own lives.

But there are many parents who do not share my views deep down, parents who are selfish, manipulative, irresponsible, needy, and so on.

I judge no one in how they handle their relationships with their parents. Situations vary greatly and it is best to understand that.

The OP must do what is right for his life. As must we all for ourselves.