Why are chicks flaking out on me?

[samson73103]

I was in a club this weekend with friends. While on my way to get a drink, this attractive chick asks if she knows me from somewhere. I smile and nonchalantly say "I don't think so" making a mental note to catch up with her later at a more opportune time since I was already chatting it up with another girl and didn't want to f*ck that deal up.

Later, I ran into her again and said "Hey, I would like to talk to you sometime and see if we can decide where you think you know me from." She gave me her number and I called the next day.

She said she had an office party that night but would be open to the idea of getting together sometime this week. I asked her jokingly if she really thought I looked familiar or was she just hitting on me. She laughed and said "Yeah that was probably it" She indicated she would call me the next day. She never did and I called a couple days later and left a message which she hasn't returned. What do you make of this......

I also got another girl's number and called her 2 nights later and she agreed to go out tonite. I told her my schedule was busy and would call last night to let her know what time to meet. Well, I called twice, leaving a message the last time for her to call me back and she never did.

I know she is off work and has her phone with here because she doesn't have a land line. The sad truth is I have had two women flake on me in less than a week and can't figure out why. Am i the only guy who has sh*t like this happen?

I did get one other number this weekend and have already hooked up with that girl again so the weekend wasn't a total waste.

Since I was in my mid-20's I have been able to talk to women and it seems used to a phone number always assured at least a date and often a few nights of passion but scenario's like what I have described above are happening to me with alarming frequency. Either they never answer my calls, never return my calls, or they agree to go out and then flake out on me. Help please!

 

[Gangster Of Love]

You gotta remember that chicks get all kinds of offers and distractions all the time. I would have to say that the fact that we are in this time of the year, specially if she's college age, most hot chicks have things they could go out and do with friends and family that flaking out on a hight they hardly know is not even a big deal to them. This is how women think. If there's a better offer, they'll take it, regardless of how charming you think you are. She didn't really know you that well, so to her it is no big deal. Unless you had a chance to talk to her a little bit and create higher interest.

There are all kinds of things people are doing at this time of the year. Friends in college are on break, women are shopping like crazy, so do you think she's gonna pass up shopping with one of her annoyin' girlfriends in order to go talk to the typical guy she met at a club? Don't take it personal. Give her a call after christmas, if she doesn't answer, then just drop it, and move on.

 

[sapphire]

I would not worry about it too much. These things happen sometimes to all of us. Remember, with women it is a numbers game. Even more so with women you meet at clubs/bars because 1) they are constantly getting hit on by other guys so there is lot of competition (i,e there is always going to be some dude who is better looking, smoother, richer, dresses nicer than you, etc.) or 2) in her eyes you are just some other dude that she met at a club so you are down on the list as her priority. Unless you establish pretty good rapport or you have impressed her in some way be it your looks and/or personality the chances of her flaking are quite high.

Having said that you can't get discouraged qnd give up every time you hit a bump on the road. Sooner or later you are going to strike gold.

 

[bobbob]

Nowadays getting a number doesn't mean anything ... I went through a string of 30+ numbers without a single date. Girls give their number to almost anyone who asks. With caller ID, they just screen the calls to only answer those they recognize.

 

[ogre]

girls flake on everyone. it's their nature. 'specially the young 'uns. if a man behaved like a woman, he'd be called a "patholigical liar"

" Girls give their number to almost anyone who asks. With caller ID, they just screen the calls...."

I call cellphones "Weapons of Mass Rejection" cause with caller ID it's a lot easier for a chick to give you a # and reject your calls then it is to say "no" to you.

if it's any help, all the dating gurus say to wait at least 3 days, some say 5, before calling. Calling sooner than that makes you seem desperate. but there are many DJ's on this forum who break that rule.

 

[donjuan matteo]

HB's flake on me ALL THE TIME.

This is GOOD. It is normal and comes with the territory.

It means you are getting leads. Keep doing what you are doing it is all a numbers game.

The more flakes the better!

 

[samson73103]

Glad to know women flaking out isn't unique to me. I have been divorced about 2 years. The first year, I dated quite a few women, managed to get pu$$y fairly steady and was enjoying being single.

Then I dated one girl for nine months or so and once she and I parted company, it seems like the well went dry.

I know before I was married it seemed like with women it was always feast or famine and I suppose that's still the case for a guy in his mid-30's.

Still, I am attractive, financially comfortable, in shape, naturally ****y, humorous, and for the last dozen years or so, confident and comfortable with myself. Seems like I wouldn't be having these problems now.

As far as calling a girl the next day, I have always lived by the 3 day rule but recently had a girl tell me she liked it better when a guy called the next day so I thought I would give it a shot.

Anyway guys, thanks for the feedback. I guess if anyone ever really figures out what goes on in a woman's mind, there won't be a need for this forum

 

[SIXPAKGQ]

why try to figure out what women think about us.

why not get out there, and get what you want, if rejected, then NEXT her.

 

[Big Pappy]

I think I read in these posts somewhere that rejection is always better than regret.

Here's my opinion on this whole matter.

3-day call rules, 3 second rules, blah, blah, blah!

The rules are your crutch. We use these guidelines to bring us more confidence in our interactions with the species woman who seem to puzzle us at most every turn.

Every time I think about approaching a girl as soon as I see her, I think, "Sheesh! What's the rush?" Seems to me all this numbers game and all out blitzing makes me seem desperate. But, that's just me. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses.


We have discussed at length how many women will flirt like crazy with a guy "just to see if she can get him", only to go home with some other fellow, or with her girlyfriends.

In olden times, they called this a tease.

When a girl flakes, it's not a true reflection of you, but a lack of character on her part. Consider meeting a few ladies in different environments just to see if it's the playground that you're playing in.

 

[Bonhomme]

Yes, comes with the territory

Donjuan matteo makes a good point: the more #s you get, the more of them will flake, so it's a good sign. You should expect more to flake than be interested if you're getting as many #s as you can.

But one thing you can do is qualify a gal a bit more before getting her #. I know I've developed a sense of what kind of vibe has to be there for something to happen, and if it's not there, I don't get the # unless I'm interested in the gal as a friend.

********

The "rules" are only useful for breaking bad habits or forcing a degree of self-control on one who lacks it. I've had a lot of things work that would get me flamed to hell here if I posted field reports. For example, I've very recently had a really, really hot date with a gal who had flaked on me a number of times -- but had shown a very high level of attraction when we do get together. Truly electric. Like nothing I've ever experienced. It makes me hard even thinking about it. So it's possible she's flaked out of intimidation. You know how it's hard for people to think straight around someone they're super-super attracted to. Who knows? The point for this post is not to assume anything.

 

[sapphire]

Bonhomme makes a goodpoint. Sometimes a girl will flake for reasons not having anything to do with you. She could be having a bad hair day, PMS, etc. or she may be intimidated by you. So the point is, if you sense that the girl is attracted to you then by all means don't give up if she flakes. It could be for the above stated reasons which means that you should be a little more persistent.

 

[Bonhomme]

Interesting, eh, sapphire?

Aren't you the guy who posted about gals being intimidated by your success on Disciple's sublime Becoming a King thread?

Sometimes a gal can just freak out a bit. Perhaps be afraid of losing control.

The gal I described had alternately asked me out (I was genuinely unavailable -- didn't reject her), then flaked. And the night we went out I called her from a different # (my business line), and she literally gasped when she heard my voice, and had a hard time speaking. But we did go out, and had a marvelous time. If she didn't have to go to work early, we'd almost certainly have spent the night in bed together.

I really do think sometimes you really have to lead a gal by the hand.

The vibe is the barometer here. If there's a strong enough vibe, one should be persistent. If there's not, then just move a long, or just be friends with the gal. It never hurts to have more friends.

 

[Ladiesssman]

Hey, I got flaked all the time. I worship those who get numbers cold and in the end get to start something and ending in bed with her. Power to you if you could do this.

There's girls I asked for number, wouldn't give it to me. But I like the one who doesn't give me number, than ones who gives me #, and end up flaking.

Yes, I think it's better than going out with girl who is purely boring to you or uninterested in you. I had this boring experience. It's a waste of time.

 

[Beginner1]

I just thought of something as I read this post and I think it does explain a lot of why we all have this same exact problem. I would like to state that I have had 3 girls flake out in a period of 1 month(All cold approaches) I currently have taken a break from approaching women just to regroup and analyze what the * * * * am I doing wrong and why am I having trouble getting past this point.

I have dated people in the past and I took a step back and tried to figure out when did I get past the flakeness part and why was i able to get past it at that time.

My thought: Everyone that I have dated in the past has a few things in common. The main thing is I was around the person for a while before I actually decided to show interest. Example: I dated a girl that was in my gym. The fact that we went to the same gym gave the girl the oppurtunity to look at, analyze and wonder about me for longer than just 5 minutes like what happens in a cold approach. It is like a car salesman coming up to you and saying Hi, I sell cars, This is a truck, DO YOU WANT TO BY IT?
You reaction would be mostly confusion, you are not sure if you do. You'd take his card and think, what did that car look like. Hmm. I don't even remember. You'd want to know a lot more about the truck before you sign on the doted line. Am I right?
Everyone already has an opinion that we all believe to be true about people who go to bars or clubs. The guys go there just to get laid and the girls go there just to show themselves off. Those stereotypes are not true of everyone, I know that. The problem is no one can possibly break those stereotypes in a setting as such. it is impossible. Maybe if you met someone as soon as you got in the place and didn't stop chewing each others ear off all night you could possibly change their mind. Anything that goes against the stereotype will be seen as someone just putting on an act and just trying to say the right words. PERIOD.

I personally think cold approaches to people you just saw for the first time do not work and have such a low success rate working about less than 2 % of the time. By working I mean getting beyond the phone number thing
With odds like that I wonder why we still attempt that way.
If a doctor said i had less than a 2% chance of succes, I would say I'll try a different option.

I think the succes rate for people who work together, are in the same class, go to the same gym will work so much better. I think girls need to observe a guy for an extended period of time before they will consider something more.
We all think we can read people and girls are no different. Being around them for a while lets them really wonder if you are the type of person they imagine you to be. If we guys observe women for a duration of time we can usually pick out if she is, full of herself, shy, trashy, whichever. I think girls can do the same and they need to form some kind of image in their head of what kind of guy you are before they feels safe enough to move another step. It doesn't matter if that image is right or wrong, I think they need it.

This explains why high school was so easy because everyone knew what everyone was basically about, this also explains why so much success usually comes from friends of friends. A friend will usually tell their friend the honest truth about someone, then they will trust their friend, form an image in their head and then go from there.

I hate to say it but cold approaches are mostly a waste of time. Anyone that disagrees with that obviously is not a believer in factual eveidence. Yes it can work but if you are gonna play the numbers game, I think it would be much better to play the numbers game in something that has a much higher success rate.

I will also state that I still am single and I am supposed to have a friend pair me up with someone from work. I'll see how this one goes.

 

[NewMan]

When I've got a chick's number I've yet to be flaked on..... (in the last 18 months since my last LTR ended).

But, I think that's more to do with how selective I am.

I've asked for numbers and not got the digits - but those times when I failed to get the number - I really new before I asked (if I had thought about it).

I don't always go for the number because sometimes I just don't get the vibe - or after talking to her I no longer have interest.

I also don't do cold pickup's - so that maybe a factor.

I would have said that perhaps you should have spent more time with the girl - talking to her before getting the number. Establish a little more rapport with her.

My number getting is either from friends of friends or girls I've meet in bars/clubs.

In a bar or club I'm more selective. I'll only ask for the number if I've hung out with her and partied with her for some of the night.

 

[Genghis Juan]

I think the highest flake out rates occur when you meet a random stranger in a bar setting.

I have a string of three flake outs. One of the girls was clearly hitting on me all night long, offered me a ride to my car and reminded me to call her at the end of the night (she was fairly sober).

I have a friend whose a pretty good DJ and he says in a bar when just randomly talking to strange girls, the flake out rate could be as high as 50%. I suppose the girl just has to get over the "hump" and have the courage to go out with a guy she met in a bar.

Like NewMan said, its alot easier when you meet girls through friends - there is a certain amount of familiarity there and less of a stigma of a girl saying to her friend, "Yeah, I just started dating a guy I met at a bar randomly one night."

Just my 2 cents.

Maybe you should also consider trying to read a girl's body language and make her hang out with you for most of the night before you ask for the number.

We live in the Caller ID era thats started in the mid-90's, so women may be more inclined to actually hand out their number these days knowing full well they can screen you out all day long if they wanted to. Thus unfortunately, the currency value of obtaining a girl's phone number has declined over the years.

 

[disciple]

It's time to throw my 2 cents in on this discussion.

I like to compare approaches to sports, specifically basketball.

No team ever won the championship shooting nothing but half-courts shots or even 3-pointers.

You know why?

Because you can't run your game off of low percentage shots and expect to get success consistently.

Trying to approach some girl cold on the street is like taking a half-court shot, if you shoot enough of them eventually a few will go in but you'll have to shoot ALOT of them to make that few.

A lay-up or dunk is VERY high percentage so you have to base your game on these and other higher percentage shots.

Does this mean that you should never take a long 3-pointer?

Of course not, good teams need an an outside game to compliment the inside game.

Its just that the main focus should be on getting as many "easier" shots as you can.

So when do go for the long range shot?

Only when you see one that you really want to take or feels like a good one to take.

For anyone who is not into basketball or who is not sports inclined, I will now translate into simple terms.

In other words, don't make cold approaches or bar/club approaches your main way of meeting women because the percentage of success in most cases is simply too low.

Use them instead to supplement the higher percentage ways of meeting chicks like group settings (school, church, special classes, etc.) or through networking (friends, associates), etc.

It is a fact that women feel much more comfortable hooking up with a guy that she has something in common with or that she feels can relate to her in some way.

That's just human nature.

 

[DjDreamer]

Desciple you perfectly placed things into perspective...

Too many guys come to this board feeling all depress that they couldn't make the 3 pointer club hook up when they should really be focusing on the easy lay ups...they neglect the easy methods of gaining some pretty hot female aquaintences...commonality...

 

[Ricky]

Guys you are right. Alot of it is rapport based.

Let's reframe a flakeout to suit our purposes

1) If you get a number when you haven't talked to her much, you are placing yourself in jeapordy too. How do you know she isn't some psycho stalker chick with tons of baggage

2) Always qualify a girl with plenty of friendly talk.

I recently learned one of the things that has worked great for me from a girl I'm now dating.

The night I met her, I thought she was attractive, and I also thought I'd never see her again (she lives far away from me)

We talked all night, hit another bar together and at the end of the night I kissed her.

She told me later when we went out that she didn't know until the end of the night if I was interested in her or not (since we were talking as part of a group)

So keep a girl guessing that is the best way to have a convo with her. Never make it too obvious you have interest.

I have used this to great effect numerous times over the years withouth realizing it.

Instead of trying to sell myself to a girl like I had in the past and failed, I act like she is someone I already know and make small talk with her.

The small talk builds rapport, while putting none of your ego on the line, especially if you decide you don't like her. She might expect you to ask for the number at times and if you aren't really interested at the end of talking to her and don't ask for it, she might give it to you.

Or if you are interested, after talking for a while she is comfortable, you get the number and your flake percentage is extremely low.

 

[Omega]

Disciple,

How about shooting a three pointer, missing, but getting the rebound? Or, practicing your game so well that every three pointer you make, you score.

You have to create rapport, that's key. As much as I don't like Ross Jefferies approach, hes right about comfort, then sexuality, not the reverse.