Hello,
I am 19 and new to this platform. In fact, any dating platform Recently, I have been reading The Rationale Male, and from there, I read about SoSuave, so I decided to check it out. This post will be long since I do not know how to write a short summary, so if you can bear with me, point me out (or swear on my dumb mistakes), and advise me, I would really be grateful.
Before this one, I had two relationships, none of which crossed 3 months mark, and all ended miserably, majorly on my part.
So, roughly around March, I started dating a girl who was in the same college and year as I was. She looked attractive and sexy to me, and I also sensed mutual interest, so I asked for her number in the subway, which I did get, and moved towards dating.
We dated for more than a month, roughly one and a half. She was really passionate at the start and was obsessed with me. Me, who recently got out of hospital from a life-and-death situation, had his heart melt and drowned myself in love. Then I confessed, and it turned into a full-commitment relationship. It went well until the first week of July, after which it started degrading. We had fights, which we recovered from, but the void didn't feel good. The weird thing about us was that we had to be very physical to solve the majority of our problems (I know that's a big red flag), and we weren't able to get intimate, thus the valley between us didn't decrease. When our semester exams ended, I asked her to meet up. I know that she lived just 4km away from my home, and still she excused me, saying that her parents don't allow her to. I believed so because I did know a bit about her mother's paranoia. This went on till the whole of July, and then I later got to know that within the same month, she did go to various birthday parties and meetups, but, surprising enough, not me. Giving the same excuse that they are her friends, about whom her mother knows, etc.
The void kept on increasing, and the whole two months passed with barely any physical contact between us (something that kept us glued).
The next semester starts, and I start to notice she has been acting weird towards me. Like not telling me she was already there when I was aching to meet her up. When I tried to get physical, she would say she was feeling awkward and that it had been too long. Mind this, we had been very physical before this—not until sex, but yes. The behavior continues the whole day, and we barely even talk or have a heart-to-heart conversation. On the subway station, where she gets off, she asks me, "Are you not going?", knowing that I always do this: get off on her station, talk to her, drop her off, then go forward on mine. This stings me very hard. I spread my hands for a hugging gesture, and she makes an ugly face. This was all hurting me very deeply, considering I had given my heart to this girl. I wrote poems for her, bought gifts for her, wrote songs, and even sang them for her. I was honest, sincere, and devoted. You know, isn't that what the girl wants? That one faithful guy, strong like a bull, who works hard and is ready to do anything for her? (I was really an AFC, wasn't I, haha?)
I never got any gifts, handicrafts, or songs being sung for me. No stories, never really any public expression in her friend circle (they did know about me). All I got were hollow words, while mine were both.
The next morning, a friend of mine told me she was seen at place X with one of her classmates. I immediately called her and asked the same for her, since I was told she went with her mother. She accepted that she went with her mother but didn't come back with her. I was shocked to see how she was defending her lie to me. I, being a ****ing devoted AFC, had diligently asked her how the day went, did anything happen, did her mother say something, etc.
I went with my mother, but I didn't say I came back with her.
This broke my heart. I barely got any sorry or anything. With everything added from above pulling down on me, I told her I couldn't do this. I am going to break up with her and explain to her that I am falling into the same trap her ex fell into: a mindless, insecure, toxic, untrusting beggar for intimacy. I am not going to compromise myself, and I won't be doing this anymore.
She said,Ok. I think we should break up. No sorry, no cries, no please don't. No guilt.
Just like that, I was gone like a grain of sand. No value. Nothing.
Two days later, she changes her profile picture, a collage of her photos with aggressive looks and directly aimed at her face. With captions, "Grateful, Happy, Blessed".
I couldn't help but cry and weep for days to come. I did everything that was "right". I respected women, cared for them, valued them, and was sincere and honest, but nah. I got blocked from all places too. Yep, no guilt.
Oh, did I mention that before dating, she had just broken up from a 4-year-old relationship and, within a month, got with me? Because her old boyfriend was "toxic", and "controlling". Haha.
We were about to break up in between, but I had the "Cap n' Save a Hoe" complex and had promised her that I would hold her hands and support her, even when she would hate herself. Haha, the irony.
There is a long list of things I did wrong, one by one. Reading the book, I am starting to notice them one by one, and yes, I would like to change for the better.
It has been more than a month since the breakup. She has already moved on; I can see it with no guilt or remorse. I want to change myself for the better. If you have reached here, do guide me. I want to understand what went wrong and what I can change about it.
Thank you.
I am 19 and new to this platform. In fact, any dating platform Recently, I have been reading The Rationale Male, and from there, I read about SoSuave, so I decided to check it out. This post will be long since I do not know how to write a short summary, so if you can bear with me, point me out (or swear on my dumb mistakes), and advise me, I would really be grateful.
Before this one, I had two relationships, none of which crossed 3 months mark, and all ended miserably, majorly on my part.
So, roughly around March, I started dating a girl who was in the same college and year as I was. She looked attractive and sexy to me, and I also sensed mutual interest, so I asked for her number in the subway, which I did get, and moved towards dating.
We dated for more than a month, roughly one and a half. She was really passionate at the start and was obsessed with me. Me, who recently got out of hospital from a life-and-death situation, had his heart melt and drowned myself in love. Then I confessed, and it turned into a full-commitment relationship. It went well until the first week of July, after which it started degrading. We had fights, which we recovered from, but the void didn't feel good. The weird thing about us was that we had to be very physical to solve the majority of our problems (I know that's a big red flag), and we weren't able to get intimate, thus the valley between us didn't decrease. When our semester exams ended, I asked her to meet up. I know that she lived just 4km away from my home, and still she excused me, saying that her parents don't allow her to. I believed so because I did know a bit about her mother's paranoia. This went on till the whole of July, and then I later got to know that within the same month, she did go to various birthday parties and meetups, but, surprising enough, not me. Giving the same excuse that they are her friends, about whom her mother knows, etc.
The void kept on increasing, and the whole two months passed with barely any physical contact between us (something that kept us glued).
The next semester starts, and I start to notice she has been acting weird towards me. Like not telling me she was already there when I was aching to meet her up. When I tried to get physical, she would say she was feeling awkward and that it had been too long. Mind this, we had been very physical before this—not until sex, but yes. The behavior continues the whole day, and we barely even talk or have a heart-to-heart conversation. On the subway station, where she gets off, she asks me, "Are you not going?", knowing that I always do this: get off on her station, talk to her, drop her off, then go forward on mine. This stings me very hard. I spread my hands for a hugging gesture, and she makes an ugly face. This was all hurting me very deeply, considering I had given my heart to this girl. I wrote poems for her, bought gifts for her, wrote songs, and even sang them for her. I was honest, sincere, and devoted. You know, isn't that what the girl wants? That one faithful guy, strong like a bull, who works hard and is ready to do anything for her? (I was really an AFC, wasn't I, haha?)
I never got any gifts, handicrafts, or songs being sung for me. No stories, never really any public expression in her friend circle (they did know about me). All I got were hollow words, while mine were both.
The next morning, a friend of mine told me she was seen at place X with one of her classmates. I immediately called her and asked the same for her, since I was told she went with her mother. She accepted that she went with her mother but didn't come back with her. I was shocked to see how she was defending her lie to me. I, being a ****ing devoted AFC, had diligently asked her how the day went, did anything happen, did her mother say something, etc.
I went with my mother, but I didn't say I came back with her.
This broke my heart. I barely got any sorry or anything. With everything added from above pulling down on me, I told her I couldn't do this. I am going to break up with her and explain to her that I am falling into the same trap her ex fell into: a mindless, insecure, toxic, untrusting beggar for intimacy. I am not going to compromise myself, and I won't be doing this anymore.
She said,Ok. I think we should break up. No sorry, no cries, no please don't. No guilt.
Just like that, I was gone like a grain of sand. No value. Nothing.
Two days later, she changes her profile picture, a collage of her photos with aggressive looks and directly aimed at her face. With captions, "Grateful, Happy, Blessed".
I couldn't help but cry and weep for days to come. I did everything that was "right". I respected women, cared for them, valued them, and was sincere and honest, but nah. I got blocked from all places too. Yep, no guilt.
Oh, did I mention that before dating, she had just broken up from a 4-year-old relationship and, within a month, got with me? Because her old boyfriend was "toxic", and "controlling". Haha.
We were about to break up in between, but I had the "Cap n' Save a Hoe" complex and had promised her that I would hold her hands and support her, even when she would hate herself. Haha, the irony.
There is a long list of things I did wrong, one by one. Reading the book, I am starting to notice them one by one, and yes, I would like to change for the better.
It has been more than a month since the breakup. She has already moved on; I can see it with no guilt or remorse. I want to change myself for the better. If you have reached here, do guide me. I want to understand what went wrong and what I can change about it.
Thank you.
