What you had was an invaluable experience and window into human dynamics and how people behave.Let me chime in to clarify some things in the discussion above. I kinda" sacrifice " my own honor here, kinda embarrassing shyt.
Rough childhood, foster child , outta the house by 13,first time prison at 15. Still managed to get to the art academy at 21. ( I say this to cut me some slack and explain my codependency). Saved a hoe at 25 and got her pregnant. Dramatic LTR obviously.
During a trip to my child met my ex. I was 28 she was 21 22. She already had a trip booked to Canada(from europe) so we had this incredible connection and the tingling feeling of a impossible love. She called me a GOD.
She left and I did what Pan is saying. Banged women left right but my heart went along with her to Canada. F forward 3 years . She comes back ,contacts me. Went through a self proclaimed " hoe phase" , banged away, ONS ,the whole 9 yard. Still I didn't mind bc " I did the same ,right????".
She Alpha widowed ME. Let's not forget women are also a player in this game ,they will say stuff to keep you aboard ( never had a connection like this, best sex, ,your the best guy yadiyadi. )
She had the 1000 c0ck stare, completely different women at 25 then at 21. I didn't punish her, nono, waited like a good beta b1tch and she KNEW IT.
I enabled her behaviour , ride the CC and contact me when you get back. Even ditched a girl to be with her...this is what Pan means. My thirst enabled her to get her cake and eat it too.
Obviously got dumped after living together 3 years. Ice cold. Heart broken me. Couldn't piece it together. She went to a mental clinic , I found a great fun loving 19 y.o and stayed with her for 3 years. She came back and it happened AGAIN, lured me in, and dumped me . Glad I found SS and stuff like this to at least understand some dynamics. Also got therapy which is incredible.
I do get women , never been without one ,but truth be told I am more beta then Alpha. i made countless sincere good women cry over me while going for my worst option.
Kinda venting, long story. Moral of my story is its unfortunately true. Men like myself enable Western women to ride the CC and still get their dream marriage. She left her bonding ability in Toronto. I judged her for who she was at 21 , the purest version of her imo(narcissistic me?) Even tho she pursued me hard , and I wasnt fully aware of it like I am today.
I hope this time I learned my lesson.
Many guys experience this and choose Denial as their cope. It leads to mental illness. You’ve chosen honesty, critical thinking and deep inner reflection. Bravo man!