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catsmeow

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Well there you have it. In your 20’s you were different, and betas then become more of a necessity as we get older. Men are kinda the same. They get tired of chasing young and hot. Too much work. So they settle for something more comfortable.

…But comfort and horniness are 2 diametrically opposed feelings.
Well I'm still pretty hot in my 30s at least my bf thinks so and so is HE, in his 40s !

My values didn't change from wanting something hot and exciting to something "comfortable"; I did not compromise and choose comfort over hot excitement, or even lust.

I found BOTH, I value BOTH. And so does my bf. I don't know how many ways I can say it.

And we're both having the best sex of our lives, I have posted about this in other threads if you recall, about me having vertigo after one particularly hot and intense sex session. We've had many.

I even linked a video thinking perhaps you'd have an interest in opening your mind to a new and different way of thinking.

Anyway, this debate is going nowhere, live your life Pan, be happy.

Find peace.

Ciao I'm off.
 
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DonJuanjr

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I'm sure every engaged woman ever has thought "my desire will never fade with my masculine husband that I love dearly"... Yet, what.... 6 out of 10 initiate divorce or have an affair...
 

catsmeow

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I'm sure every engaged woman ever has thought "my desire will never fade with my masculine husband that I love dearly"... Yet, what.... 6 out of 10 initiate divorce or have an affair...
Relationships can break down DJ due to many different factors and men have affairs too, plenty.

That's not what this argument or discussion is about.
 

DonJuanjr

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That's not what this argument or discussion is about.
Sure it is... You and beexcellent suggest just because you have desire for your fiancees RIGHT NOW somehow proves that them showing the traits that pan87 says will dry up your vaginas EVENTUALLY, will not in fact do that.... So.... I say "That's what every woman who's ever cheated or divorced their husband thought at ONE TIME...
 

catsmeow

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Well DJ, unless my boyfriend undergoes a drastic change in his nature, personality and overall energy and loses his masculinity, his edge, and transforms into a needy insecure simp, thats not likely to happen.

That's not to say our relationship is destined to last forever, it may not! And if it doesn't, we deal with it if/when the time comes.

However, I choose to live my life through a more positive lens versus doom and gloom around every corner, it serves me well, adds to the energy I project.

But again I'm not so naive to think shyt doesn't happen, what's important is having the ability and desire to work through it together.

If not, so be, move on and cherish the experience.
 

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DonJuanjr

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Well DJ, unless my boyfriend undergoes a drastic change in his nature, personality and overall energy and loses his masculinity, his edge, and transforms into a needy insecure simp, thats not likely to happen.
Oh I'm sure his nature will slightly be more beta as time goes on. It's inevitable for the blue pilled. All men have the inherit vulnerability to be manipulated by some woman. This is how cave women got men to protect them and give them food, as opposed to rape and kill them. It's the men who are self aware of this female back door in our subconscious that have some what of a chance against it... By employing silence and distance.

You already manipulated him (subconsciously of course) to forego all other vaginas for you. I wouldn't discount the possibility that while he may change a little, you will think he completely changed. When in reality, how you FEEL about him is what changes, and subsequently kills your desire for him. Just as it does for the majority of women that initiate divorce...
 

catsmeow

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Lol, sounds like you got it all figured out, don't ya DJ. :rolleyes:

Anyway, thanks, I'll keep it in mind; in the meantime, just gonna enjoy the good feels and let chips fall where they may.

That's what's so great about not being too attached to the outcome and being resilient, I can enjoy and be happy knowing that I will be OK no matter how it all plays out.

I don't stress about tomorrow. ;)
 

DonJuanjr

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Lol, sounds like you got it all figured out, don't ya DJ. :rolleyes:
That analysis was brought to my attention from experienced men's posts on this site.... I didn't realize it myself. Though I do have a brain, memory, eyes and ears... I can see how it plays out when broken men write about their marriage and ltr woes on this site.
 

Pandora

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I don't see why a guy would self sabotage by doing that. Yeah a woman would like to know before hand, but if she's not in that casual sex phase, then she'll just reject the guy.
I would have a plate. I would take her out to eat, have sex with her, help her move etc. I would do all the boyfriend stuff, but then I would still be keeping my options open. I would never commit. This made girls cry. They would say either you are a f buddy or you are a boyfriend. But you cant act like a bf and then not give me the title etc. This is how is usually goes down. Its not fair to the girl at all and I regret doing it.

There are some guys who flat out say "hey this is just sex. You would be surprised at how many girls are ok with this arrangement in the short term. They eventually cut it off because they will start really liking the guy.
 

Pierce.Manhammer

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While I’m sure you two are having a rockin good time in the sack, coming here to say it is meh.

Every woman I’ve laid for the past decade said (unprompted) I’m the best they’ve had, “I feel like I’ve never truly has sex before”, “omg I always thought that was porn bull****!” or any of another myriad things.

I’ve had more than one gal pass out after a shaking orgasm, some get migraines (several), some blabber senseless for a bit. It’s sex, so what?!? I would hope everyone gets to have a similar experience in their life.

Ehhh I believe they believe this to be true, but they will move on and feel the same or better again. Maybe even the next guy.

I mean seriously would you really post here telling us you’re sex life was “ok”, I don’t think so. It would weaken your stance in the discussion.

And we're both having the best sex of our lives, I have posted about this in other threads if you recall, about me having vertigo after one particularly hot and intense sex session. We've had many.
 

Pandora

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I may start a thread of my own but there IS a way to keep desire alive in a LTR. Esther Perel has a great video "The Secret to Desire in a Long Term Relationship." How to balance the desire for freedom/autonomy with a desire to pair bond and feel safe. My boyfriend and I have watched this together but seem to have mastered it instinctively based on our natures.

I know that you @Pan, and others here have no interest in a LTR so it may not apply to you, I am only linking it to show that it can be done, successfully. I am living proof and I am missing and aching for my boyfriend right now because we haven't seen each other in four days but will spending the weekend together in a cabin in the mountains.

It's the balance between closeness and distance that works for us.

How many years have you two been together? If it is under 15 yrs then I dont think you can really make a statement on keeping the desire going long term. Can you keep the desire going for a 40 yr marriage? This is the real tricky part. Almost impossible.
 

Pan87

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Honestly it’s both. I’m with @catsmeow on this one. My fiancé is more attractive to me now after he’s committed. And remains every bit the sexy devil that he was to begin with, every bit the masculine man.

Here’s what you perpetually single theorists Do. Not. Understand:

Mutual commitment creates an intimate sandbox for the couple. Marriage is the public declaration of this. Marriage is rooted in emotional loyalty, stability and safety before anything else IF DONE FOR THE RIGHT REASON, namely that you love one another and wish to officially make life’s journey together come what may. It is a sacred space for the couple to grow, play, explore, learn, comfort, support, nourish and cherish one another. In the safety and stability of the commitment love can deepen to its greatest depths. Now. Some people can obtain this without the marriage vows (I know a few very long term *decade plus* couples like this), but most people prefer the codification of marriage because it’s public and official that the husband and wife are a unit, family, one flesh.

Now that might be too serious for you sex for resources disciples. But that is what marriage is supposed to be about. And yes you can argue about the historical precedent of power marriages among royals and the privileged for land and influence and whatnot. Those are not often deeply loving lover with lover type relationship. There are historical couples who were both. Napoleon Bonaparte and his wife Josephine and Edward Duke of Windsor (formerly King Edward) and Wallis Simpson are both examples from history.

Thinking all relationships are transactional and without real value is akin to comparing glass to diamonds. One has far more value than the other.

If you do not think or believe this is true; or at least possible, you’ll never achieve it.
We settle as we get older, and our options dwindle. And we make it a virtue - it’s called making necessity a virtue.

But it’s dishonest.

I’m not saying this is you, but many women in their prime early 20’s have incredible leverage and power over 99% of men. Problem is, they are not interested in 99% of men (nor should they be).

They are interested in the absolute best man she can secure in her prime. The rare, top Man who actually has strength, independent thought, status and all the other goodies that women love.

And, as we’ve discussed, prime men lie as a rule to get laid (women hate casual sex) and waste these girl’s golden years.
 

Pan87

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How many years have you two been together? If it is under 15 yrs then I dont think you can really make a statement on keeping the desire going long term. Can you keep the desire going for a 40 yr marriage? This is the real tricky part. Almost impossible.
15 years would be incredible. Typically initial sexual desire only lasts 3-6 months max. Unless you’re outrageously attracted to each other, what usually happens is the higher value partner starts to lose interest.

In my case, if I can maintain sexual interest in a woman after 1 bang I praise Lord Jesus for showing me that my heart isn’t totally made of stone yet
 

DonJuanjr

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Ehhh I believe they believe this to be true, but they will move on and feel the same or better again. Maybe even the next guy.
Similar to how, whatever ice cream a kid is eating, is currently the best ice cream ever.
 

Pan87

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Hey man i dont want to get into a flame war with you but I dont understand why you keep saying this. You have supposedly had sex with thousands of women and yet you claim women hate casual sex. This is a contradiction. Surely many of the women you had sex with did it casually. There is no way you had time to have a relationship with all of them.

No woman is born a *****. Most little girls picture being taken by the strong knight in shining armor and having a fairytale wedding. I agree with this. I also know for a fact that many women are perverts and do in fact enjoy casual sex in short phases. Yes they don't like it long term but best believe if a woman sees a hot shirtless pool boy she will fantasize about using him for sex.

Women watch raunchy nasty porn with no backstory too. Again, I agree that they cant keep smashing casually for long periods of time but best believe women can have sex just for pleasure too. Sometimes women just want to get off.
Sorry bro, I missed this one. It needs to be answered clearly.

No man gets laid by telling a woman they are about to engage in “casual sex.” This is really important for your Game development.

You have to say you’re open to it (commitment),with the right person, and then take her for a ride. This allows her to future project and she feels less slvtty. She also feels she’s with a high value dude who doesn’t give commitment away easily - this is a huge window for players. While he’s actually just out banging other women, she just thinks he’s aloof and high value. So it’s all congruent and works great (until she catches him).

What about all these guys in open relationship? That’s easy to answer because I’ve done this. You set it from the moment she tells you that she likes you and she wants more. You tell her you’re a sex addict and you can only be with her if she is ok with you banging other women. A girl who likes you enough will agree to it initially, but resentment will build. These arrangements never last long.

Hope that makes sense dude. I know you’ve been mislead in the past about women’s sexual nature. Hope this clears it up for you. And don’t worry man, I know you’ve got a good mind - heaps of potential. Once you nail this concept you’ll be golden.
 

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BillyPilgrim

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Sorry bro, I missed this one. It needs to be answered clearly.

No man gets laid by telling a woman they are about to engage in “casual sex.” This is really important for your Game development.

You have to say you’re open to it (commitment),with the right person, and then take her for a ride. This allows her to future project and she feels less slvtty.
Alluding to future vacations together (locally/domestically, not internationally) is a nice trick. It cements the "open to commitment" mentality but doesn't get her thinking too big and letting her imagination run too wild.
 

Pan87

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Alluding to future vacations together (locally/domestically, not internationally) is a nice trick. It cements the "open to commitment" mentality but doesn't get her thinking too big and letting her imagination run too wild.
Men are hunters. We lay baits and traps to catch our prey.

Blue pill men have been taught that men are by and large well-intentioned and genuine. That may be true in some areas. But when it comes to women it’s a dirty, dirty fight and there are no rules.

Note: I don’t advocate any of this. This is just the world be live in. It’s like judging a trapdoor spider. Should the spider hunt in the open to make it more of a fair contest? I see it like that. Men who operate at the top are spiders.
 
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catsmeow

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Oh dear, I can see I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. :oops:

I'm a relationship girl, always have been. I've been with four men in my life in LTRs, I've never been "pumped and dumped" and yet get criticized and knocked down. Accused of things that may or may not ever happen, like cheating etc. I've never cheated in my life and can't imagine why I ever would.

If I'm unhappy, I leave.

If I were not in a committed relationship and instead casually dating, sleeping around with various men, I'd be called a slvt and wh0re.

Simply can't win either way, which is fine, par for the course here I am finding

I mean seriously would you really post here telling us you’re sex life was “ok”, I don’t think so. It would weaken your stance in the discussion.
If you had read my post in context, you would have understood the only reason I posted about our sex life was to refute @Pan87 assertion that I was settling. Choosing comfort and safety over passion and lust.

He doesn't seem to think the two can co-exist simultaneously and my post was my attempt to show otherwise. That passion and comfort can co-exist simultaneously.

Whether our passion and sexual desire for each other will last, who the hell knows? While I'm hopeful it will, as previously posted, I'm not so naive to assume that's a given.

We do the best we can, and if it doesn't last forever or even the next year, so be, we move on and cherish the memory and experience.

Wrong or right, that is truly how I feel.. My nature is free spirited and I prefer living in the moment, taking each day as it comes..

My boyfriend loves this about me, and he is somewhat the same, so we work..

Anyway, nuff said from me about this. Y'all do you, I'll do.me.

I'm happy, hope y'all are as well.
 
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Pan87

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Oh dear, I can see I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. :oops:

I'm a relationship girl, always have been. I've been with four men in my life in LTRs, I've never been "pumped and dumped" and yet get criticized and knocked down. Accused of things that may or may not ever happen, like cheating etc. I've never cheated in my life and can't imagine why I ever would.

If I'm unhappy, I leave.

If I were not in a committed relationship and instead casually dating, sleeping around with various men, I'd be called a slvt and wh0re.

Simply can't win either way, which is fine, par for the course here I am finding



If you had read my post in context, you would have understood the only reason I posted about our sex life was to refute @Pan87 assertion that I was settling. Choosing comfort and safety over passion and lust.

He doesn't seem to think the two can co-exist simultaneously and my post was my attempt to show otherwise. That passion and comfort can co-exist simultaneously.

Whether our passion and sexual desire for each other will last, who the hell knows? While I'm hopeful it will, as previously posted, I'm not so naive to assume that's a given.

We do the best we can, and if it doesn't last forever or even the next year, so be, we move on and cherish the memory and experience.

Wrong or right, that is truly how I feel.. My nature is free spirited and I prefer living in the moment, taking each day as it comes..

My boyfriend loves this about me, and he is somewhat the same, so we work..

Anyway, nuff said from me about this. Y'all do you, I'll do.me.

I'm happy, hope y'all are as well.
Each relationship a woman has dilutes and taints her ability to bond to the next guy.

Having a relationship and having sex with a man is no trivial matter if your goal is a lifetime bond. Each man you sample has become a part of you forever. Plenty of guys are aware of this, even though Woke tries to suppress it, but there was a reason that virginity was highly prized for marriage. It wasn’t for a “tight vag” as Woke wants you to think. Virginity was prized because it signalled a woman’s bonding ability is intact.
 

Deep State

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Mutual commitment creates an intimate sandbox for the couple.
Psychological safety is definitely a thing.

I tend to think of this more in the context of a high performance work team: the right kind of tech startup that really seems to operate on all cylinders and makes great things happen. An oil drilling team that seems amazingly competent and efficient.

I think for couples this comes down more to shared values and being on the same wavelength. I would expect this type of relationship to be backed up by a community, close friends and/or family.
 
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