What is Value Really in the West?

El Roi

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So Western women look for value by feeling for a man’s “status,” but is that really true or is it something else? What is the truest word? Social proof? Respect?

When I think “status,” I don’t really want a woman to like me because of my status, even though it’s good. I want them to like ME.

interested to know different thoughts/have my thoughts refined.
 
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Amante Silvestre

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Value is subjective. It is going to be different for different age groups, lifestyles, interests and so on.

It is also not necessarily materialistic or hierarchical in nature, even if it will often seem that way from a grandeur perspective.

“True value” often is a result of who you really are from the inside out. How much you make, how popular you might be, how talented you might be, how influential... these are all the results of core traits; the things that make you...you.

Value will not exist without them.

Some guys lack these traits and choose to work top down, trying to give the impression superficially that they possess these various forms of value and status as results of traits they actually lack.

But if you have well developed qualities that make these good results inevitable, they will shine through in a sense, even when the status is not on full display and obvious.

If you take a guy who is well known for having a very high social status, for example, move him to a completely different city and force him to function without the benefit of an established “proof”, he will have all of the core, likable traits to very quickly re-establish himself.

However value is defined, the importance is not in how or why this value attracts women. The importance is in knowing which women value the core traits of who you are that leads to your value vs. which women are simply attracted to the results and not to you in particular.

The best way to do that is to “shine through” without putting your value on display and in the limelight, just like that highly sociable guy in a new city. He may not be surrounded by oogles of friends and women, but he has the means in which he very soon will be. If a woman attracts to that, she will be pleasantly surprised when the results come in, but she will not have been attracted to you initially solely by the results.
 

Epic Days

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Does who you are, offer something for her? There’s a plethora of things that one can offer.
Even sex for a woman is very narcissistic in nature. To be lusted after or adored, all feed her machine.

The pool boy while she’s on vacation from hubby is purely narcissistic. She has no intention of keeping him. If she thought he would become enamored with her, she wouldn’t have sex with him.

A stable man offers her things that ensure her survival and most importantly, access to his friends and life/work circles. This is utterly narcissistic in its nature.

Some guys offer great sex only. Others, a huge world in another vacuum that man is in.
Sexually, as measured, women have 7-10 times more ecstasy and pleasure from sex that men do.

So to pike her interest, what should a man do to pike her interest? He should have something that she narcissistically wants or needs but he withholds it from her. This is why withholding validation works. OR you are offering her what she needs, good feelings and good sex AND you are looking for an exchange. Sex for what you have. Women respond to this.

Giving a woman something for nothing is a mistake. This ultimately includes validation without exchange. As men we have to earn or pay for everything. We don’t get anything for free unless we become mooches.
Women know sex is currency and they also know that most men offer none of the above.
 
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Poonani Maker

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Women often talk about, "He gets it..." That's a starting point to "get" it. So you know how to treat a lady or a woman. So this may also entail Style so how you dress or go out. So your ability to be witty or say the right thing at the right time and to never show her your weakness. Never show any cracks. Don't be weak. She wants a solid structure not a runnin buddy that's much like her girlfriend(s). She wants a breed apart that's strong. So in social situations if you can hold your weight and not show cracks and "get it" then she'll be willing to sleep with you eventually. It's hard to do though today, because the social acceptance or what's acceptable beyond hollywood or entertainment tonight "cues" of what to say and when and how to be is so bassackwards that you don't even want to play the game. She wants a guy who "gets it" for survival purposes both physical and socially when the time comes and in all future ups and downs of the environment (especially financial). She worries about IMAGE, and would want you to "get it" to be able to hold your own in most social environs (there'd be some that you could never really hang in like ultra rich country club setting/dinner because you're not from that ilk - I know I'm not but I have been in them, where judgement is rife) so that her Image to others would not be "degraded" for having chosen YOU (who can't say the right things at the right time in front of others familiar or not). She's concerned about her Image (and possibly her children's image - parent/teacher conferences, little league baseball games, other parenting social situations, Thanksgiving dinner table, whatever). If you're too far out there or with not much common sense, then she'll look away and find another, you're Gone! you're eliminated, you're no longer considered unless massive undertaking is taken on your part to change her image of you, even still it's first impressions and fickle woman who has selective memory, very devious.

You can't MAKE a woman like/want you. Your first impression on her is gonna stick in her mind forever, yet she'll forget All these other things when it's convenient for Her.
 

LARaiders85

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When I think “status,” I don’t really want a woman to like me because of my status, even though it’s good. I want them to like ME.
Too bad lol, they don't. They will put up with you depending on what your value is.
 

stormrider

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So Western women look for value by feeling for a man’s “status,” but is that really true or is it something else? What is the truest word? Social proof? Respect?

When I think “status,” I don’t really want a woman to like me because of my status, even though it’s good. I want them to like ME.

interested to know different thoughts/have my thoughts refined.

When people say "I love you very much" what they really mean is "I trade you very much." Romance is almost like a bartering construct. You give me some of this, and I'll give you some of that. Fair?

This is 90% of relationships.

I would say the high quality relationships are two people who don't really need anything from the other. But they admire the other person for the same qualities that they themselves posses. Like if I work out, I would value that in a woman. If I don't need attention and validation, I would admire that quality in a woman.

So in a sense, what you value in others is what you value in yourself.

If you have no values, you would fall for everything and thus become valueless. This is why women hate/pity guys that are hopeless romantics/emotional slvts. They fall for everything. Even the biggest attention wh0res. So their affection means nothing.

Status just gets you into the door. Status is credibility. It shows women you are about something. It gives them permission to be intrigued by you.

But true admiration comes from values.

When you observe how women describe their favorite celebrities, it usually sounds something like "I like him because he is hard working, doesn't care about what the public thinks, doesn't seek attention, and believes in what he is creating.

Admiration comes from depth of character. But of course, not every woman is going to see your qualities and be inspired by you. Only women in your demographic/niche/wavelength.

This is why you shouldn't change yourself for women or betray your own values for validation. You never know who is observing you. You never know who you are inspiring. Your "fans" would be disappointed if you sold out. This happens to a lot of celebrities too. As soon as they start pandering to the public for popularity, they lose their true fans, and eventually everything.

If you want to inspire admiration, you have to have qualities that are beyond status. Some qualities to cultivate could be:

-Self validation
-Self love
-Hard work
-Authentic expression of true self
-Not caring about what people think
-Bravery
-Giving
-Self honesty
-Humility
-Integrity

etc.
 

El Roi

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Alright. I've read everything everyone's said so far. Thanks so much for the responses. I agree with Amante Silvestre that value is subjective. Sure, there are some things all women want, like strength, but it seems they select based on a certain set of aims or values that they want in a man.

Those values don't have to be noble. They can be bad or good. Although I admit I'm just formally learning, it seems that in light of everything everyone's said above and additionally everything I've read recently in other places, this seems accurate:

Women want a man who:

A. Has a set of aims/values the woman sees as important (some which all women want in a man - like strength or dealing with people, but also other aims/values which are more specific to the woman - like a sport, music, etc.)
B. A man who has the greatest average ability to reach that set of aims/values.
C. Someone they can negotiate with or
with like Stormrider said.
 
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derby1

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i went out with a woman who totally worshipped me , she was submissive , she didnt drive and i had a 1000 dolla run around(Just to add she barely used me for lifts or anything)

She passed her test and went a got a 6000 dolla Merc on finance, Her whole energy towards me changed for the worse, not terrible but not good

I understood true female nature in that moment
 

Grewd

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@Amante Silvestre provided a very good answer!

I'll focus more around "what is value?" in a general sense. To many this seems so elusive, but it's really simple. Value is indeed subjective, one man's trash is another man's treasure. That doesn't make it hard to generally understand what value is, but you will have to examine what each individual values.

The value of you is how much value you provide to others. This is simple to understand because you can reflect that everyone you value in one way or another provide value to you. In business you see value quantified with money, you exchange money for goods and services, the more you value what you get, the more you're willing to give for it. Social exchange isn't much different, but it isn't quantified.

Find out what people value and be of value to them. Cut out those who do not provide anything or little of value to you in return, just like you wouldn't pay a scammer twice. You will be cut out the same way if you are of no value to others. It's that simple.
 

ubercat

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Yes many types of value are generally applicable but a woman's perception of value is fickle. Sometimes that will stop you getting laid
sometimes it will get you laid. That's one of the foundation stones here build your life for yourself and enjoy the chicks who come along for the ride. That's why I like the Asian girls they are so damn sensible. completely unprompted I've heard my girlfriend and her friends say things like they can't understand lesbians because one of them always wants to be a man. That the wife should prioritise husband over the kids because hubby will be there when the kids are gone, etc. You just can't buy golden attitudes like those.
 
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