Watching out for snakes and b1tches without being paranoid

brixlingo

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in Life you’ll meet “friends” praying for your downfall. Same with women. A couple incidents happened that made me lose faith in humanity. How do I be in the moment without also over analyzing every situation? Being in the moment makes me more likely to get the result I want but analYzing the situation makes me aware of future situations if I build a relationship with this person. Thoughts?
 
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mrgoodstuff

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in Life you’ll meet “friends” praying for your downfall. Same with women. A couple incidents happened that made me lose faith in humanity. How do I be in the moment without also over analyzing every situation? Being in the moment makes me more likely to get the result I want but analYzing the situation makes me aware of future situations if I build a relationship with this person. Thoughts?
Its part of life. Spend time with those who appreciate you.
 

Julian

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i extend trust until given a reason not too but always verify as well. vet people and dont let them into your circle too fast. Be prepared for betrayel. Friendship is earned and trust is continuously earned.

Lots of snakes out there.
 

devilkingx2

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Nobody will ever backstab you if you don't turn your back to them, and your friends will never need/want you to do so. (Long term girlfriends might though)

Just don't be giving out your passwords, trusting people with your money, taking people's word for it without a proven record or doing anything at all without a contingency plan.

For example, I have friends I wouldn't trust to wingman for me, so I simply don't ever allow myself to be in that position where I need their support to land chicks.
 

Dash Riprock

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I've found in life that generally the more you have $, SMV, career, looks, health, whatever, the more people will try to take you down, undermine you, or just hope you fail. Because "success" is so emphasized, at least here in the US, people who don't achieve it are quick to blame and even quicker to cheer you down. I have a handful of close friends and business partners that watch each other's back. But the majority, would LOVE for me to lose. Why? Because I keep in good shape, look 15 years younger than my age, built a multi-state business from the ground up, date women 20+ years younger, have charisma and class, no kids, nice house in a desirable city, etc. And for some people, they can't stand it.

Case in point:

Hot little redhead moves in next door about 6 months ago. My neighbor, whom I've known for 20+ years, rents out a room for extra $ plus he's the type that hates to be alone. He's balding, out of shape, non athletic, drinks too much, very effeminate. All the women he's dated have been overweight and pretty much "run/led" the relationship. We're cordial, friendly, but not "friends."

Over the past few months, I got to know the redhead a little bit as I was outside, walking the dog, etc. One morning a few weeks ago she approaches me outside and starts making small talk. Her IOIs were high. I was off to the dog park so just said, "Well, I'm going to the dog park now, but I'm always looking for people to paddle board with." The girl couldn't get her phone out fast enough to give me her number--I didn’t even ask for it. I said cool, we'll plan something, and left.

Now, I'm sure she told my neighbor what went down and how I invited to paddle board with me. That’s when things took a turn…

A couple days later I get a text from her (unsolicited) about how busy she is going to be with work and school and that she’s tied up for the next "few weeks." I just said “Ok, maybe another time” and that was it. It may have been legit but my intuition is telling me my neighbor c*ocked blocked me by saying whatever BS. He's always taken an extreme interest in my dating life and relationships and historically has asked a lot of questions about it (while he dates and lives with mostly fat HB5's). I also noticed in the days after I asked her to go paddle boarding he was "extra" friendly to me to the point of it being unusual. Kind of like the guy that overtly acts like your friend and buddy to your face, then tacitly knifes/c*ock blocks you the first chance he gets.

Moral of the story, when people try to take you down, cheer you down, or c*ock block you down, that means YOU'RE ON TOP and a "threat." You are the winner. You’ve made it. Enjoy.

"People love it when you lose."
Don Henley from Dirty Laundry
 
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stringpuller

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in Life you’ll meet “friends” praying for your downfall. Same with women. A couple incidents happened that made me lose faith in humanity. How do I be in the moment without also over analyzing every situation? Being in the moment makes me more likely to get the result I want but analYzing the situation makes me aware of future situations if I build a relationship with this person. Thoughts?
You get to a point when you realize the past is no longer relevant. 2 days, 5 years, 10 mins. It doesn't matter. You are literally surrounded by idiots znd so suave is no exception.
 

stringpuller

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I've found in life that generally the more you have $, SMV, career, looks, health, whatever, the more people will try to take you down, undermine you, or just hope you fail. Because "success" is so emphasized, at least here in the US, people who don't achieve it are quick to blame and even quicker to cheer you down. I have a handful of close friends and business partners that watch each other's back. But the majority, would LOVE for me to lose. Why? Because I keep in good shape, look 15 years younger than my age, built a multi-state business from the ground up, date women 20+ years younger, have charisma and class, no kids, nice house in a desirable city, etc. And for some people, they can't stand it.

Case in point:

Hot little redhead moves in next door about 6 months ago. My neighbor, whom I've known for 20+ years, rents out a room for extra $ plus he's the type that hates to be alone. He's balding, out of shape, non athletic, drinks too much, very effeminate. All the women he's dated have been overweight and pretty much "run/led" the relationship. We're cordial, friendly, but not "friends."

Over the past few months, I got to know the redhead a little bit as I was outside, walking the dog, etc. One morning a few weeks ago she approaches me outside and starts making small talk. Her IOIs were high. I was off to the dog park so just said, "Well, I'm going to the dog park now, but I'm always looking for people to paddle board with." The girl couldn't get her phone out fast enough to give me her number--I didn’t even ask for it. I said cool, we'll plan something, and left.

Now, I'm sure she told my neighbor what went down and how I invited to paddle board with me. That’s when things took a turn…

A couple days later I get a text from her (unsolicited) about how busy she is going to be with work and school and that she’s tied up for the next "few weeks." I just said “Ok, maybe another time” and that was it. It may have been legit but my intuition is telling me my neighbor c*ocked blocked me by saying whatever BS. He's always taken an extreme interest in my dating life and relationships and historically has asked a lot of questions about it (while he dates and lives with mostly fat HB5's). I also noticed in the days after I asked her to go paddle boarding he was "extra" friendly to me to the point of it being unusual. Kind of like the guy that overtly acts like your friend and buddy to your face, then tacitly knifes/c*ock blocks you the first chance he gets.

Moral of the story, when people try to take you down, cheer you down, or c*ock block you down, that means YOU'RE ON TOP and a "threat." You are the winner. You’ve made it. Enjoy.

"People love it when you lose."
Don Henley from Dirty Laundry
Exactly. Trust no man.
 

brixlingo

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I've found in life that generally the more you have $, SMV, career, looks, health, whatever, the more people will try to take you down, undermine you, or just hope you fail. Because "success" is so emphasized, at least here in the US, people who don't achieve it are quick to blame and even quicker to cheer you down. I have a handful of close friends and business partners that watch each other's back. But the majority, would LOVE for me to lose. Why? Because I keep in good shape, look 15 years younger than my age, built a multi-state business from the ground up, date women 20+ years younger, have charisma and class, no kids, nice house in a desirable city, etc. And for some people, they can't stand it.

Case in point:

Hot little redhead moves in next door about 6 months ago. My neighbor, whom I've known for 20+ years, rents out a room for extra $ plus he's the type that hates to be alone. He's balding, out of shape, non athletic, drinks too much, very effeminate. All the women he's dated have been overweight and pretty much "run/led" the relationship. We're cordial, friendly, but not "friends."

Over the past few months, I got to know the redhead a little bit as I was outside, walking the dog, etc. One morning a few weeks ago she approaches me outside and starts making small talk. Her IOIs were high. I was off to the dog park so just said, "Well, I'm going to the dog park now, but I'm always looking for people to paddle board with." The girl couldn't get her phone out fast enough to give me her number--I didn’t even ask for it. I said cool, we'll plan something, and left.

Now, I'm sure she told my neighbor what went down and how I invited to paddle board with me. That’s when things took a turn…

A couple days later I get a text from her (unsolicited) about how busy she is going to be with work and school and that she’s tied up for the next "few weeks." I just said “Ok, maybe another time” and that was it. It may have been legit but my intuition is telling me my neighbor c*ocked blocked me by saying whatever BS. He's always taken an extreme interest in my dating life and relationships and historically has asked a lot of questions about it (while he dates and lives with mostly fat HB5's). I also noticed in the days after I asked her to go paddle boarding he was "extra" friendly to me to the point of it being unusual. Kind of like the guy that overtly acts like your friend and buddy to your face, then tacitly knifes/c*ock blocks you the first chance he gets.

Moral of the story, when people try to take you down, cheer you down, or c*ock block you down, that means YOU'RE ON TOP and a "threat." You are the winner. You’ve made it. Enjoy.

"People love it when you lose."
Don Henley from Dirty Laundry
Simile story. There was a bombshell redhead at my college that NO guys wanted to even try to ask out because she was so gorgeous. I approached her with a simple “your hair looks gorgeous” and immediately after she said “you want my number?” Seriously. The next day I am hanging out at my girl friends (fiend that is a girl) dorm room and tell her what happened. She was like wow she’s the hottest girl in the school. My “friend” was there hearing all this and I can see the fumes because he is failing miserably in his dating life. The next few months he tries to make my other friends hate me by making private chat groups excluding me.
If you think getting fit, having a hot girlfriend, and making millions wont get you haters you’ve been reading too many spiritual new age bulk****. Wars have been started because of women.

**** em. Stunt on their faces. Haters are **** riders anyways.
 

Grewd

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How do I be in the moment without also over analyzing every situation?
Ah you make the mistake of thinking you have to do both at the same time, this is not necessary. This is not a paradox. You stay in the moment when you're out with people, you analyze later when you're alone and possibly even have some time to kill anyways.

May you be too kind to people that you later figure out wasn't worth it? Sure, but as long as you don't go overboard you don't lose much and can cut your losses. Think of it as a fee for figuring out who someone really is, learning quickly isn't free. To get what you want in life requires taking some risks, you cannot completely negate all risk. If you play it safe you won't get anywhere, at most you'll get there extremely slowly.

There is only one way to figure someone out for sure, that's to give them a piece of your trust and closely observe what they do with it. Give too much and you'll experience pain, give too little and you'll be unsure if the test proves anything. Somewhere in between you'll find certainty without losing anything of significance.
 

stormrider

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People who hate are usually people who are going downwards in life. It’s best to avoid them. Of course this would make 90% of the population.

Back when I was in my late teens, early twenties I noticed that any person I knew who became successful would disappear. Now I understand why.

Once you reach a certain level you can’t look at the people around you the same way anymore. You see their excuses, lack of accountability, victim mentality, and it disgusts you. I also feel that people are about to ask me for money at any moment and it makes me paranoid. It’s like I can feel their neediness on an energetic level and it repulses me. So I just block and dodge anyone who looks like they are on a slippery slope....including and especially my own family and friends. I’ll support them from afar. But I’m not going to save or support grown ass adults.

It never ends well. They will subconsciously drag you down.
 
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brixlingo

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People who hate are usually people who are going downwards in life. It’s best to avoid them. Of course this would make 90% of the population.

Back when I was in my late teens, early twenties I noticed that any person I knew who became successful would disappear. Now I understand why.

Once you reach a certain level you can’t look at the people around you the same way anymore. You see their excuses, lack of accountability, victim mentality, and it disgusts you. I also feel that people are about to ask me for money at any moment and it makes me paranoid. It’s like I can feel their neediness on an energetic level and it repulses me. So I just block and dodge anyone who looks like they are on a slippery slope....including and especially my own family and friends. I’ll support them from afar. But I’m not going to save or support grown ass adults.

It never ends well. They will subconsciously drag you down.
I see the jealousy in people’s eyes. Most guys are riddled with anxiety and depression and stifiledness. We live in a society that says anxiety and depression are normal but girls hate that sh1t lmao. Why the hell would a hottie go for a depressed, anxious guy because of love when they can be fvcked by the wild party guy who is wealthy, fun, smart, and is a wild mother fvcker who does whatever he wants? It’s like saying do you want spam with Walmart ketchup for breakfast or a plate of wagyu steak, farm raised eggs, and a plate of Hashbrowns from fresh grown Idaho potato’s with cracked pepper and sea salt?

Why has society catered to weakness lately? If your depressed no one gives a fck. It sucks. I’ve been there. But I realized only I can pull myself out of the mess I put myself in.
 

Grewd

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I also feel that people are about to ask me for money at any moment and it makes me paranoid.
Why does that make you paranoid? I usually don't even think about it and if someone does ask I simply say the magic word, no. Excuses? Magic word, no. Giving me sh!t, threats or lies? Especially no. They dislike me for that and never want to see me again? Be my guest, problem solved.

Being paranoid about that is irrational. It can easily be dealt with in the moment if or when it occurs, just say no and be on your way. Doesn't even require any thought. Worrying about these simple fictional scenarios is a huge waste of mental capacity. Discussing with people who won't take no for an answer is also a huge waste of energy. Saying no and continuing to go about your business is minimal effort.

So what if they ask you? Just say no. So what if you feel they're about to ask? They haven't asked yet and when they do you know what to say, just say no.
 

stormrider

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Why does that make you paranoid? I usually don't even think about it and if someone does ask I simply say the magic word, no. Excuses? Magic word, no. Giving me sh!t, threats or lies? Especially no. They dislike me for that and never want to see me again? Be my guest, problem solved.

Being paranoid about that is irrational. It can easily be dealt with in the moment if or when it occurs, just say no and be on your way. Doesn't even require any thought. Worrying about these simple fictional scenarios is a huge waste of mental capacity. Discussing with people who won't take no for an answer is also a huge waste of energy. Saying no and continuing to go about your business is minimal effort.

So what if they ask you? Just say no. So what if you feel they're about to ask? They haven't asked yet and when they do you know what to say, just say no.
Perhaps I should have been more specific. I meant family members coming up with elaborate stories about how they just need to borrow some money. It's easy to say no if it's just friends. I am known as probably the most successful amongst my family so when I show up to that Christmas party and 1 or two people are spinning their wheels and coming up with elaborate stories, it can ruin the special occasion. And then they try to guilt trip you saying "You've let success get to your head." I am also unfortunate enough to be related to some really sorry ass losers that blame everything on everyone but themselves.

There is a reason why most people dread family events.
 

stormrider

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Why has society catered to weakness lately? If your depressed no one gives a fck. It sucks. I’ve been there. But I realized only I can pull myself out of the mess I put myself in.
90% of the Earth's population thinks "If I am depressed, then I need to seek help and support." That's fine and dandy. But 90% of the heavy lifting has to be done by the person. It is only when the person pull themselves out of the mess that they gain any true will/strength.

In the end, this whole "inner game" journey can really separate you from everyone else simply because of how mediocre society is.
 
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Trump

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Everyone tries to bring you down or change their word to look good. It’s no secret.

I’ve even had my parents change their word on me on major issues when I put my complete trust in them. As that rapper said, it’s “me, myself and I.”
 
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Grewd

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Perhaps I should have been more specific. I meant family members coming up with elaborate stories about how they just need to borrow some money.
Funny you should say that, I was thinking of family members when I wrote my previous reply. Most of my family can be trusted to pay me back on time if I lend them money, which is fine. My mother on the other hand is a whole other story, I wasted a LOT of money on her before I learned my lesson. She's the reason I have no trouble at all saying no to anyone, regardless of who they are supposed to be to me. I personally don't give a fvck if the person asking for money happens to share a few genes with me, I especially demand respect from the people supposed to already respect me.

My mother has made up many such elaborate stories, tried gaslighting me, threatened me, guilt tripped me and done pretty much anything you can imagine in an attempt at extracting money from me. You know what? I love giving her a big fat NO in return every damn time. If anyone else in my family stopped respecting my no (because they're otherwise worthy of trust, but I sometimes don't have the extra money to spare) then I wouldn't hesitate to stand my ground and watch them single handedly destroy our relationship. If any of them betrayed my trust, then again, I say no and don't mind them wrecking our relationship. I just say meh and move on, family members aren't worth sh!t if they act like grown up sized children.

And then they try to guilt trip you saying "You've let success get to your head."
You know what I'd say? I'd say "it's still a no" and let them judge me whatever way they want. You know they lie to themselves, you know that their statement is pure bullsh!t and guess what? They know that too, but they won't realize that in the moment. When they give you sh!t like that you can be absolutely confident that their statement as no merit at all. Don't bring it up, don't argue with them, just firmly say no and leave it at that. It will probably piss them off to no end, but when their reaction settles they can't help but wonder why you're really so unreactive. They will probably figure it out after a while that you're absolutely within your rights to decline and that they themselves was the a-hole.

It worked on my mother who's dense as fvck. It just takes time and persistence, as long as you're absolutely right they have nothing on you and can only reach one conclusion, that they're in the wrong.

If you discuss and argue with them you're just giving them ammunition, things they can use against you. Saying no (which should be enough by itself to be respected) and offering zero explanation, excuse or argument leaves them with absolutely nothing to use against you.

It's so simple, say nothing more than no. They better respect it or they're cut off from your kindness forever (or until they deliver the sincerest apology ever).
 

stormrider

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Funny you should say that, I was thinking of family members when I wrote my previous reply. Most of my family can be trusted to pay me back on time if I lend them money, which is fine. My mother on the other hand is a whole other story, I wasted a LOT of money on her before I learned my lesson. She's the reason I have no trouble at all saying no to anyone, regardless of who they are supposed to be to me. I personally don't give a fvck if the person asking for money happens to share a few genes with me, I especially demand respect from the people supposed to already respect me.

My mother has made up many such elaborate stories, tried gaslighting me, threatened me, guilt tripped me and done pretty much anything you can imagine in an attempt at extracting money from me. You know what? I love giving her a big fat NO in return every damn time. If anyone else in my family stopped respecting my no (because they're otherwise worthy of trust, but I sometimes don't have the extra money to spare) then I wouldn't hesitate to stand my ground and watch them single handedly destroy our relationship. Worse if any of them betrayed my trust then again, I say no and don't mind them wrecking our relationship. I just say meh and move on, family members aren't worth sh!t if they act like grown up sized children.


You know what I'd say? I'd say "it's still a no" and let them judge me whatever way they want. You know they lie to themselves, you know that their statement is pure bullsh!t and guess what? They know that too, but they won't realize that in the moment. When they give you sh!t like that you can be absolutely confident that their statement as no merit at all. Don't bring it up, don't argue with them, just firmly say no and leave it at that. It will probably piss them off to no end, but when their reaction settles they can't help but wonder why you're really so unreactive. They will probably figure it out after a while that you're absolutely within your rights to decline and that they themselves was the a-hole.

It worked on my mother who's dense as fvck. It just takes time and persistence, as long as you're absolutely right they have nothing on you and can only reach one conclusion, that they're in the wrong.

If you discuss and argue with them you're just giving them ammunition, things they can use against you. Saying no (which should be enough by itself to be respected) and offering zero explanation, excuse or argument leaves them with absolutely nothing to use against you.

It's so simple, say nothing more than no. They better respect it or they're cut of from your kindness forever (or until they deliver the sincerest apology ever).
I would say 90% of my family is money crazy. It started with the family business and a certain family member getting arrested by the irs for owing hundreds of thousands in taxes and embezzlement on top of that. My house was raided by the feds when I was a teen, lol. And then all the siblings trying to get a piece of it. Fighting, going to court, lieing and backstabbing, etc. I was raised in an environment of greed. It’s not just one person. So that’s why I get paranoid just showing up to family events. I have a lot spoiled family members who became drug addicts, still living off their parents well into their 30’s because they never had to work in their entire lives. In fact, I no longer associate with most of them. You can say I’m the apple that fell very far.
 

brixlingo

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90% of the Earth's population thinks "If I am depressed, then I need to seek help and support." That's fine and dandy. But 90% of the heavy lifting has to be done by the person. It is only when the person pull themselves out of the mess that they gain any true will/strength.

In the end, this whole "inner game" journey can really separate you from everyone else simply because of how mediocre society is.
They’ll also bring you down in subtle ways when they see you happy and joyful. It completely ****s with their sense of reality. When life sucks we have two options, blame ourselves or blame the world. It is hard to blame yourself so most people blame the world. So when they see you being happy it shakes up the belief that the world is bad because if he is happy how can the world be bad? So now another two options open up. Blame oneself once again OR that guy is a piece of sh1t and did something sketcht to be happy. He deserves pain. So they inflict pain on him to try to bring you down. Sad world we live in but the best thing to do is to keep your joy and share it with those who are Equally as happy as you
 

Grewd

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I would say 90% of my family is money crazy. It started with the family business and a certain family member getting arrested by the irs for owing hundreds of thousands in taxes and embezzlement on top of that. My house was raided by the feds when I was a teen, lol. And then all the siblings trying to get a piece of it. Fighting, going to court, lieing and backstabbing, etc. I was raised in an environment of greed. It’s not just one person. So that’s why I get paranoid just showing up to family events. I have a lot spoiled family members who became drug addicts, still living off their parents well into their 30’s because they never had to work in their entire lives. In fact, I no longer associate with most of them. You can say I’m the apple that fell very far.
Well, the family on my mother's side of the family has had a lot of (totally unnecessary) drama throughout my life, plenty of greed to go around as well. My mother being the worst of course. I've always stayed out of it, only kicking back if any of them tried involving me in any way into the stupidity. As a result everyone respects me, they know my boundaries very clearly and they know the consequences of crossing them. The result? Nobody fvcks with me.

All it cost me was time, persistence and consistency. No matter what was tried against me it didn't work. If I smell just a hint of bullsh!t it's a hard no. I don't care if they fight amongst themselves as long as it doesn't affect me or I'm involved in any way. I've been on good terms with everyone while they all basically hated each other, it was kinda hilarious actually.

I wish I were you, I'd tear your family a new one. I don't mind going into the storm, I'm always the calm in the eye of the storm. It would as it often does get worse before it has a chance of getting better, I wouldn't mind catalyzing some family chaos to teach this massively important point in life. If you can even call it catalyzing, it's literally to do nothing other than enforcing perfectly healthy boundaries, they'd be the ones catalyzing it all by themselves.

Point is, you would be guilt free and ultimately impossible to blame for anything. Since you take no part you don't make the same capital mistake they do, which is to throw sh!t in all directions only to have it handed back from all directions. This is the mistake many make when trying to assert themselves, they get into sh!t throwing contests. If you only say no and just remain completely indifferent towards whatever sh!t they give you, what can they really do? They can be annoyed at you, that's about it. As long as they're more annoyed than you are then you're winning, all you gotta do is not care, not let them get under your skin, not react. Just say no and walk away/hang up.

I wouldn't mind going to a family event and having something as simple as a no trigger the entire family to break down into anarchy. I'd be amused actually, especially knowing I did nothing wrong and watching them trying their hardest to make me compromise myself.

This is how I generally deal with conflict. I don't react, I don't get mad, I don't argue, I just won't comply. I've seen many people ranging from family to strangers have complete mental breakdowns over it, I did literally nothing other than disobey, say no and calmly observe them tearing themselves apart over it. They do it to themselves. Their anger is painful, when they fail horribly at giving me that pain it is amplified in them. Doing literally nothing is way more effective and far more amusing than fighting back.

I suggest you put your paranoia aside, go in as the calm eye of the storm and watch the storm rage around you as you say no when they step out of line.
 

Epic Days

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Understanding physics helps but it’s actually pretty simplistic.

Anything you run from follows. Everything you are wary of moves in on you. Every fear you have comes true, eventually.

This is a victim mindset. Unless she has a knife or gun, it is literally impossible for her to hurt you. She isn’t even far enough up in the food chain to pose a serious consideration.
 
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