Turning a friend into a lover

[Exocorp]

Alright. I just stumbled upon this site after 4 months of frustration with this girl. Don't flame me or mock me for this. I have always been a nice guy all my life and a light bulb just clicked at age 24.

This girl and I met 1 year ago on an internet dating site. She told me she had an initial attraction for me in a dating sense and we never got around to actually meeting up until recently in August. It quickly ended up on a friends level, because I came off liking her too much and showing interest. I also talked to her throughout the week over IM before our 2nd date, and didn't give her enough time to think about me/want me.

ANYWAY, I go out with her several more times to shows, places to eat, and around 1 month down, I kiss her and assume we are more than just friends now. This goes on for about a week where she sleeps over my house (shares a bed with me, but no sex) but later confesses that she felt akward doing everything because she has no attraction for me, and was comfortable being 'just friends'.

Fine, we are friends (My gut instinct was to move on or back away for some time and revisit her later), but she was going through some rough times surviving with work/school/friends treating her like crap, so I stuck around. I got my ego/pride hurt too when she got up off the ground, said thanks and told me she appreciated me in her life, but started flirting with some muscle headed ass at her roomates house party.

I'm really in love with this girl and can see a future with her, but I need to play the game with her in order to get her attracted to me. Problem is, I don't even know where to start. What are some things I can do? She is very self reflective with jerks/*******s so she is learning, but I think she is still stuck in that 'phase' when it comes to jerks/nice guys.

edit:

I recently told her that I'm too attracted to her and it's painful for me to be 'just friends' with her. She was mad at first, but understood as I let her sit on it. We ended up meeting up one last time before I took a break from hanging out with her as friends, and something happened. She actually dressed up sexy with make up for me. (I was late 1 hour picking her up too) It hadn't been since our first date that she looked like that. She felt really bad for me having to pull away and said all these sweet things about how she enjoyed spending time with me and that she'd miss it while I was gone. She even offered to pay for dinner that evening too. After that night she called me the next morning to wish me happy thanksgiving. I made the mistake of answering though

what should I do next? i backed away, she came reeling in, i was too wanting/needy again and I Feel like whatever attraction she had coming out, got shot down again.

i know I can do this, what to do what to do

she is in a band and has a big show at some club dec 3 too. any ideas?

 

[frivolousz21]

read the DJ bible..focus on your own life..move on, date other women...and if she comes for you she does.

but there will be a good chance at that point you wont care anymore.

 

[Exocorp]

im trying to

just wondering if there is anything i can do to make her come around

i mean xmas is coming up
she has to call me for a job im hooking her up with (can turn into a lil get together)
she has a show coming up dec 3

lots of opportunities coming up

should i just act like i dont care and move on at least for awhile?

 

[Rovalier]

No amount of convincing can do otherwise. Wasn't it DeAngelo who stated this, "Attraction is not a choice".

Try switching seats with her, if you had a girl you didn't find attractive the least bit trying to get you to "come around", you would be annoyed, no?

Leave with some dignity. There are plenty girls out there you - don't let one-itis blind you from other opportunities.

We all have to move on with our life, "will" yourself to.

 

[Exocorp]

so should i just be friends with her after i dispel my feelings for her and live my life normally

or just walk away from her forever

 

[frivolousz21]

walk away forever..trust me..its the best thing for you..even though it seems so hard now..One=I=Tis can and will go away in a matter of a week or 2.

I had one i tis for 9 months it was gone in 5 days when I made up my mind.

 

[ScrewIt]

Walk away from this. perhaps down the line 2 or 3 months later, she'll contact you. At this point in time you should be able to redeem yourself with an almost fresh start with her.

Normally with girls that LJBF in the past, i'd walk away and down a few months they end up contacting me. But doesnt matter at this point cause im seeing other girls and i've already lost IL in the girl.

I mean it's possible to change the status to lover even keeping in contact with a girl. But you'd practically have to do a 360 in the way you treat her and speak to her, basically she has to see you in a new light.

 

[Rovalier]

"out of sight, out of mind".

Walk away from it. In the mean time take up excercisng or something to keep yourself busy or occupied if you need to. Start approaching and/or talking to other girls, show yourself there are other opportunities out there.

 

[S0LID]

Dude if you want her sarge untill your amazing. Show her the pics and stuff of the hbs who are better looking than her who you have dated! Hell would you even want her if you could do better? AFCs have a unhealthy obsession like this. Your status is probably too low, bless your probs in the same league as her fat female friends :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

 

[Exocorp]

when i back away/move on

what do i do when she ims me asking to hang out?

should i even get her gifts for xmas? this girl never owned a camera before or a hat heh.. was thinking about getting her some **** like that

 

[Rovalier]

Originally posted by Exocorp
when i back away/move on

what do i do when she ims me asking to hang out?

should i even get her gifts for xmas? this girl never owned a camera before or a hat heh.. was thinking about getting her some **** like that

Say you are busy. If she questions, say something vague like school (if applicable), work or friends and don't elaborate, say you are busy at the moment as well.

Get her a cheap Christmas card from the local drug store and mail it to her. Do it today so you don't have to think or worry about it anymore.

Don't waste your money honestly, use it to get yourself a new pair of shoes/boots, blazer or something. It will help (but not as a crutch) you the next time you approach another girl.

 

[flyinshark]

The moment you buy her an expensive xmas gift you will have made your final mistake with this girl.

I see your situation as similar to a good sex session ... without a condom. You have fun pounding, but if u keep going and dont pull out in time, you'll get a nice pregnancy coming (BAD). But u dont feel like pulling back...u just want a little bit more...and u risk burning yourself.

Same with this chick, u want more and more, but if u dont pull back now (take a break from her), it will be over...and for good this time!

Pull back and maybe she will come back asking for more.

 

[frivolousz21]

when i back away/move on

what do i do when she ims me asking to hang out?

should i even get her gifts for xmas? this girl never owned a camera before or a hat heh.. was thinking about getting her some **** like that

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as HARD AS IT SEEMS TO YOU NOW....
YOU HAVE TO CUT ALL CONTACT PERIOD.

JUST DO IT...SHE WILL GET OVER IT.

ITS NOT ABOUT HER..ITS ABOUT YOU.

AND YOU BEING HAPPY?

ARE U HAPPY KNOWING SHE IS PROLLY FUYCKING OTHER GUYS AND U HAVE NO IDEA?

SARGE ON!

 

[Exocorp]

dont you guys have any female friends though?

::::HIDES::::::::


i almost pulled out and walked away with her once, but she came crawling back with a really sweet e-mail saying that she wanted me in her life. she cried reading my blog and how upset i was with her. i said i'd do it again (now/present) and she called me out as being selfish and only thinking of myself

i told her i'd pull out and come back when i dont have feelings for her no more---

i like the xmas card idea... what should i say though?

 

[frivolousz21]

WHEN YOU DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER ANYMORE YOU WONT WANT TO GO BACK!

 

[Exocorp]

she's a cool chick though

i guess i'll take your word for it

 

[flyinshark]

Dude, you CAN be her friend if she's cool and all, but NOT if you have any feelings for her!

If you find yourself having butterflies or feeling nervous around her, then go to the nearest bathroom and slap yourself in front of the mirror when no one is looking. Wait for the redness to go away and return with a new confidence in yourself. Think to yourself "she's just a friend and I will not put her on a pedestal."

If you fail to think in those terms, slap yourself twice next time and dont see her again until you changed your attitude towards her.

That's what i would do anyway.

 

[ScrewIt]

instant messaging...haha...that's why i barely ever use it anymore, waste of time and nonsense chatting.

dont give her shyt for x-mas, you're still using your friendship mindset here. When x-mas comes along and you're not around to feed her gifts like all the other saps, it'll make her more curious about you.

 

[superchristx]

run..

Don't listen to the guys who are saying "ignore her for awhile, she'll come back" Of course that's the first thing going through your mind when you NEXT but you're still not free. Delete her number, mark her email address as spam, and start seeing someone else. Hell, start seeing two other girls and you'll really know what it means to have other options.

 

[Exocorp]

hey i live in montgomery county too

are you on myspace?