To Anyone Who Lacks Confidence

Nine Breaker

Senior Don Juan
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#1
By now you will have heard that confidence is the single most important thing you need when you try to meet and keep a woman. You have heard it over and over, but you cannot find it in yourself. You are puzzled, then you become sad. The one thing everyone says you need, you can't find. You know you need it. You srceam out "Where can I find my confidence?!?" Is it behind the fridge? Did I leave it on the bus?

You are asking the wrong questions.

What is confidence? It is a belief in yourself that you are capable of doing what you want/need to do. It is tightly tied with self-esteem and self-worth.

Now you know WHAT it is, you can ask the BIG question you must have answered. "How do I get it?"

Confidence is an attractive trait to have, but many people doubt themselves. They think to themselves "I can't get confidence. I can't do anything right." They become less and less familiar with confidence and lose sight of the big picture. They think negative. If they can think positive the they can feel better about themselves, but their minds tell them they have no good things to think about, and that they never will. If these people try hard they can think of good things they have done in the past when they were very happy, and start to think positive. The they begin to have faith in themselves, and they slowly gain confidence. FINALLY they have a chance to go out and make more good things happen to themselves and feel even better and even more confident. Once you start to feel confident you have to use it straight away, or it will disappear before you can benefit from it.

Some people can't do it. They try and try, but can't find any happy memories. They begin to ask if there's another way - they ask "Do we need confidence? I've never been happy with myself???" There is another way to do it. These people can try to stop worrying about their bad memories, and not worry about trying to find a woman to have all their fun with. These people only need to have fun. They need to make themselves happy. A fun person is also attractive to other people. They may not be confident, but they are having fun. They get happy experiences. They can think positive. All of a sudden, they realise they HAVE happy memories, and CAN think positive, and CAN get their confidence!!!

What sort of a person are YOU? If you are not confident in yourself, you can MAKE yourself confident. NOBODY ELSE CAN MAKE YOU CONFIDENT. YOU MUST DO IT ON YOUR OWN. When you try to do it, you have already started to win.

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The Human Body Is A Fragile Thing, But The Human Soul Can NEVER Be Truly Broken.
 

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Take No Dirt

Master Don Juan
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#2
Thanks, Nine Breaker! Great post! Along this same line concerning Confidence, the following article about Enthusiasm is helpful:

The Art of Enthusiasm
by Lighthat

The best way to make yourself stand out in a crowd and meet women is to show Extra Enthusiasm in common, boring situations.

Why you say. Well, because it puts you on the spot and it draws in positive energy to your appearance. It shows you are a fun-loving guy and that you're fun... which makes you RARE! It's very easy and most men take this skill for granted because they act all coy or mute.

The next time you're with a group of ladies... show LOTS! of enthusiasm to whatever your situation is. Example: if you're just sitting, drinking around at the bar, show extra enthusiasm by being excited to order your next drink. Or get excited about the game on the TV and then up the tempo by adding a little sexual wit to normal, boring conversations.

This skill makes you the center of attention, which equals more potential ladies showing interest in you. If someone calls your bluff and gives you negative feedback... call them back by upping the enthusiasm and putting them back in line by speaking up about their lack of interest.

This skill can get you very far because it's so simple yet most guys don't do it. Just remember not to overdue it. Just the right amount of Enthusiasm at the right time equals lots more ladies.
 
Joined
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#4
The easiest way to gain confidence is to get out there and take risks. With every success your confidence grows.

Some guidelines for gaining confidence with the opposite sex:

1) Set REALISTIC goals.

2) Eliminate ALL expectations, good or bad.

3) Put on a smile.

4) Get out there and MEET people.

5) Fake it 'til you Make it.
 
Joined
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#5
What you guys arent understanding is that were talking about picking up women.

You say confidence is atractive to women and helps.

Okay how come i dont have a woman then?

Im confident.

Theres different kinds of confidence, in orde to get women you need to feel confident you can get that girl standing by the bar.

Yea im confident in myself as who i am. As the person i am, but that doesnt mean im confident i can pick that girl up. Why? because ive always been shot down with no success.

Now situation 2:

If i were a mack that had girls all over me wanting to get with me and i havent been shot down so much of course ill feel good about my chance of getting that girl.

Confidence in a certain field of life is built on success.

Do you think Michael Jordan would think he was the best if he lost every game he played? No

Now you get my point, hopefully.

It has nothing to do with negativity, its just how us humans think.
 

CobraGT

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#7
Originally posted by wjboogy:
Yea im confident in myself as who i am. As the person i am, but that doesnt mean im confident i can pick that girl up. Why? because ive always been shot down with no success.

wjboogy, your not confident. How can you consider yourself so if your letting the opinions of others adversely affect you? You really need to think about this before crying about how you don't have a certain kind of confidence and never will. We are here to answer your questions and help you improve yourself, not listen to you simply complain. Don't ask for our sympathy if your not trying to improve yourself. Provide some background for us though when you have a question. It's time to find what works. I'm working on my confidence now. I can understand how you feel. I'm comfortable with myself, but become uncomfortable when someone else judges me. We're not really confident with who we are if we can let the opinions of other lower our confidence. I mentioned a book in the "Affirmations for Newbies" post, you owe it to yourself to go to the bookstore and look that it over or buy it. In this book the author talks about how our body operates without help from others (ex. breathing on our own). Each breath we take is done alone without help from others. Why should we let anyone else other than ourselves control our thoughts? The guy that wrote this explains this much better though I'm just summarizing one of his points.

Good luck! I hope you are able to change the way you think, don't give up. Recognize your problem and move toward solving it and not living with it like a disease!

CobraGT


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"If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you." T.S. Eliot

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood." Ralph Waldo Emerson
 

bclarke675

Master Don Juan
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#8
A wise man once told me that there are two rooms you can put things in when you attempt them...the practice room or the failure room. The secret is to treat every outcome as if it's practice, whether it's successful or not. You permanently lock the door to the failure room, and everything becomes practice.

If you fail, it was only practice. If you succeed, it's still only practice, but you're practicing something different on the same person instead of the same thing on a different person. You grow one step at a time, and nothing is considered a failure, so the pressure is off. The key is to learn something from every practice session. Hope this helps.
 

ESPN

Master Don Juan
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#9
Originally posted by wjboogy:
What you guys arent understanding is that were talking about picking up women.

You say confidence is atractive to women and helps.

Okay how come i dont have a woman then?

Im confident.

Theres different kinds of confidence, in orde to get women you need to feel confident you can get that girl standing by the bar.

Yea im confident in myself as who i am. As the person i am, but that doesnt mean im confident i can pick that girl up. Why? because ive always been shot down with no success.

Now situation 2:

If i were a mack that had girls all over me wanting to get with me and i havent been shot down so much of course ill feel good about my chance of getting that girl.

Confidence in a certain field of life is built on success.

Do you think Michael Jordan would think he was the best if he lost every game he played? No

Now you get my point, hopefully.

It has nothing to do with negativity, its just how us humans think.
There's still time to change, go to a bookstore and buy a Anthony Robbins book, and with his exercises you will change the way your brain react and you will change the way you feel about something.
EX: It can make you feel excited when you think aobut approaching.

That's all



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"Only losers fall in love"

"How you do'ing" Joey Tribbiani

"Doesn't matter how you feel about the girl, but how you feel about you"
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Boy83

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#10
To gain confidence there a re alot of things you have to do. You can eg. start gradually talking to strangers, get phone numbers from women etc... but what you also have to do is to talk to YOURSELF. Accept your faults, they can be imporoved. You can't be the best at everything. If you don't analyze your problems and only fake confidence, you won't become confident. What will happen is that you start needing the approvement of other people. You will only feel confident if someone says that you're good looking or give you their phone number. Yes, if you "fake" confidence, you will become confident, but only if you analyze yourself, accept yourself and improve your problems.
 
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#11
I do apply the advise stop thinking i dont.

Confidence with girls is built on former success with girls. ex: getting numbers,girls telling you your cute,girls flirting with you, hearing of girls talking about you, having ex girlfriends,having kises girls, having made out with girls, having girls had approached you,having girls recognize you,ex: hoot at you,look at you deeply etc.

Then you naturally know you are attractive to lady's.

Theres a difference of feeling that YOU are atttractive to you when you look at yourself,to having girls say your cute and want to get to know you. Youll feel attractive not only to yourself, but to girls. Which is the most important.


Just some advise for you all.
 

Virtuoso

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#12
Couldn't have said it better myself Nine.

Confidence is a result of your self belief and self worth. To guage your confidence, ask yourself these questions:

1)Do I believe I a deserve and demand respect from people?

2)Do I believe I am entitled to deserve success in life?

3)Do I believe I can handle anything that comes my way, no matter how discouraging?

You have to answer YES! to questions like these. If not, then you must tell yourself so!

A technique I came up with, helps me too. Whenever I think of a negative thought, I try to change it into a positive one, and I think of several positive spins on the situation. It actually works!


You'll always run into problems if your'e worried about being liked by women.
 

CobraGT

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#13
Originally posted by wjboogy:
Theres a difference of feeling that YOU are atttractive to you when you look at yourself,to having girls say your cute and want to get to know you. Youll feel attractive not only to yourself, but to girls. Which is the most important.
Dude, I understand it undermines your confidence when women judge you as you claim they have. I still believe it wouldn't matter if you are comfortable with yourself. When you truly think you are the bomb, no one elses' opinion matters. Don't let anyone undermine your self-worth! I know it's said before, but look at yourself critically to make sure there isn't one thing that you could change (i.e., dress style, hair, or unattractive behaviors (anger)) to make you more attractive/successful with women. If you find there isn't then you need to work on your mindset.

I'm very happy your paying attention to the advice on here. Some of us had our doubts. Checkout the book I recommended in Affirmations for Newbies. It's an awesome book, which may greatly help you out if you follow it and start thinking of yourself more positively.

Good luck!

CobraGT

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"If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you." T.S. Eliot

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood." Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
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#16
Originally posted by Take No Dirt

The best way to make yourself stand out in a crowd and meet women is to show Extra Enthusiasm in common, boring situations.

The next time you're with a group of ladies... show LOTS! of enthusiasm to whatever your situation is. Example: if you're just sitting, drinking around at the bar, show extra enthusiasm by being excited to order your next drink. Or get excited about the game on the TV and then up the tempo by adding a little sexual wit to normal, boring conversations.
I think this article is wrong

I believe it's good to be an extrovert and have an outgoing personality, but to show over-enthusiam (this is what I used to be like) about small things shows that you are qualifying to them.

If you are too excited to talk to a girl who doesn't really give a **** about you because she just met you, you are qualifying yourself too her.

It's good to seem happy and lively, but extra excitement over ordering a drink? They'd just look at you like you don't get out much
 
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#17
Have this I don't give a damn attitude, have fun and relax, don't focus on being confident, it'll come along when you start to enjoy yourself and feel comfortable about yourself.
 
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