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Tired of Being the Cheatee

Barrister

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This chick is utter trash. Have fun with her while it lasts and do not let yourself be convinced that she would never do the same thing to you she is doing to her current boyfriend because she would.
Exactly. It’s “his turn” right now with this chick. Always watch how a girl exits the relationship immediately before you if she was the one to break it off. You can expect it to happen to you too eventually.
 

samspade

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If it's not me f***ing her than it would be somebody else so I'd rather be in my position than the BF that's for sure. You would think it's a good position to be in (getting the milk for free) but it's taking its toll. The detached mindset front and not letting her know I have feelings is taxing.
There's the root of your problems:

1) feelings and

2) detached mindset front

You need to get back to simply a detached, relaxed, abundant, high value mindset and forget all her double speak.

If she wants to be a tramp, treat her like one.

I've been in your shoes, when I was less experienced. The girl's little Shakespeare production. I fed into it. When I saw other girls, she got "possessive" even though she had a bf. It's a crock.
 

RickPound

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There's the root of your problems:

1) feelings and

2) detached mindset front

You need to get back to simply a detached, relaxed, abundant, high value mindset and forget all her double speak.

If she wants to be a tramp, treat her like one.

I've been in your shoes, when I was less experienced. The girl's little Shakespeare production. I fed into it. When I saw other girls, she got "possessive" even though she had a bf. It's a crock.
I think you are right. That has been what I've strived for the whole time. Never ask her to be with me or engage her double speak - instead, remain relaxed, demonstrate my value covertly, and just work on increasing attraction to where she can't take it. Easier said than done because the whole thing is taking me off my game.

I know I know, it's not worth it. Time to detach and just see how long the secs last, and if it doesn't, sounds like I'd be dodging a bullet.
 

RickPound

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Btw, she's coming over later today for a few hours - but then I have to kick her out because I have a conference call for my business in the evening, and that's right around her "curfew" time. Which reminds me, she says her BF makes her send him a photo or FaceTime from home to prove she is when he's at work.
 
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billtx49

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I know I know, it's not worth it.

Time to detach and just see how long the secs last
From my personal experience, it’s Never worth it when two men simultaneously waste their time and expect a good future outcome with the same low quality woman.

The secs is what’s keeping you attached to this unproductive situation…
The Only person benefiting from this situation is Her.
 

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TheNewStyle123

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So then what's the best game to play to keep her attraction up and wanting to continue? Sometimes it seems like she's fishing for me to express feelings and that holds her back...
Honestly, I bet if you detached and stop expressing feelings she will want you more.
 

TheNewStyle123

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I think you are right. That has been what I've strived for the whole time. Never ask her to be with me or engage her double speak - instead, remain relaxed, demonstrate my value covertly, and just work on increasing attraction to where she can't take it. Easier said than done because the whole thing is taking me off my game.

I know I know, it's not worth it. Time to detach and just see how long the secs last, and if it doesn't, sounds like I'd be dodging a bullet.
That's the mentality!
 

samspade

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I think you are right. That has been what I've strived for the whole time. Never ask her to be with me or engage her double speak - instead, remain relaxed, demonstrate my value covertly, and just work on increasing attraction to where she can't take it. Easier said than done because the whole thing is taking me off my game.

I know I know, it's not worth it. Time to detach and just see how long the secs last, and if it doesn't, sounds like I'd be dodging a bullet.
Here is one of my experiences...from my younger days, FWIW:

1. Girl at work with a boyfriend threw herself at me. I figured, why not.
2. Sex continued. She got to liking me. I had a lack of options and let it progress. (Dumb.)
3. She and her bf broke up, but they decided to ride out their lease together (a few months). In other words, of course they were still banging.
4. I tried to distance myself from her, not wanting anything serious. She acted heartbroken, like I was THE guy.
5. Went out with other girls, she got jealous.
6. She and her bf patched it up and got back together.
7. I couldn't leave well enough alone, felt like the "loser," fukked her A FEW MORE TIMES. Why? Ego.
8. Her boyfriend found out and was pissed. He messaged me saying he wanted to talk to me. I said no thanks. Of course the girl was all "maybe you should" - trying to take herself out of it.
9. The dust eventually settled and they stayed together, I dropped it. Except a few months later when he was out of town, she invited me over again so I banged her again. At that point I was thinking, wtf am I doing with this bytch? Luckily that was our last encounter.
10. I started ignoring her and she kept pursuing me (as a "friend") until eventually giving up.
11. I believe they are married w/children now.

I let myself get roped into her little soap opera when I could have just banged her and moved on. Mostly it was my lack of options at the time...and I thought I was the shyt because I was the other guy whom she must have found irresistible. Really, these girls are out to fukk, and while there has to be some attraction, it's more about her having her cake and eating it too. Not judging that, just saying you've got to have the right mindset or it can get messy.
 

RickPound

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Here is one of my experiences...from my younger days, FWIW:

1. Girl at work with a boyfriend threw herself at me. I figured, why not.
2. Sex continued. She got to liking me. I had a lack of options and let it progress. (Dumb.)
3. She and her bf broke up, but they decided to ride out their lease together (a few months). In other words, of course they were still banging.
4. I tried to distance myself from her, not wanting anything serious. She acted heartbroken, like I was THE guy.
5. Went out with other girls, she got jealous.
6. She and her bf patched it up and got back together.
7. I couldn't leave well enough alone, felt like the "loser," fukked her A FEW MORE TIMES. Why? Ego.
8. Her boyfriend found out and was pissed. He messaged me saying he wanted to talk to me. I said no thanks. Of course the girl was all "maybe you should" - trying to take herself out of it.
9. The dust eventually settled and they stayed together, I dropped it. Except a few months later when he was out of town, she invited me over again so I banged her again. At that point I was thinking, wtf am I doing with this bytch? Luckily that was our last encounter.
10. I started ignoring her and she kept pursuing me (as a "friend") until eventually giving up.
11. I believe they are married w/children now.

I let myself get roped into her little soap opera when I could have just banged her and moved on. Mostly it was my lack of options at the time...and I thought I was the shyt because I was the other guy whom she must have found irresistible. Really, these girls are out to fukk, and while there has to be some attraction, it's more about her having her cake and eating it too. Not judging that, just saying you've got to have the right mindset or it can get messy.
My ego is definitely involved. I def like feeling like the other dude that she can’t resist - although she does go hot and cold week to week but never drops too far off. She’s supposed to come over later and, honestly, I’m thinking of ways to call it off, for today. I’ve never really said no, mainly because my schedule lines up well with her and why not fukk if I’m not busy. So I’ve never really seen what she’ll do if I back out of a session.
 

deadmasterx

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Let me tell you something: if a woman likes you for real, she will cross the whole damn world to be with you. She's clearly just playing games to get the best from you (your sex) and her boyfriend (probably the money). She has all the red lights you could possibly see in a woman. Trust me when I say that she will be willing to do the same with you if you ever let that woman down. Is this someone you want in your life? If so, you seriously need to boost your confidence and self-love.

You gave her all the signs that you're happy being a side boy, that she just need to act a little bit needy and horny to get what she wants from you, and then leave you to be with her boyfriend again. Don't be impressed if she got other men (which she probably do) in the game too, she's checking her options. Her boyfriend sounds like the typical insecure guy, that tries to tie her hands and end up being cheated on because she already found out that he do that because of lack of self confidence and worth.

Honestly man, as a friend, get out of this situations asap.
 

Mauser96

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Hi guys, new member here but have been following the forums for a few months after reading Tomassi and others. Reason being, I found myself in a situation (and still am) that has thrown me for a loop and made me rethink women all together. I have beta tendencies but have always ended up doing pretty respectable without trying (lots of experience with hookups, ONSs, 4 or 5 LTRs all with attractive women) as my game seems to win out just enough.



In the Fall of 2019, a girl that I started working with (she’s 24, I’m 35) and I hooked up (banged) a few months in on a work trip. I didn’t really notice many signs of attraction leading up to it, but she literally jumped in my bed in my hotel room after were we all out with other people from work and told me she just couldn’t take it anymore and she’s been attracted to me since we started working together.


She has a BF of 3-4 years, moved to this city with him, and they live together. I also had a girlfriend of about 6 months at the time. It stayed a one-time thing, we never told anybody (at her request because her BF was suspicious of her radio silence that night), and continued working together. I started paying more attention and noticed her signs of attraction but I played it cool and never did anything except act casual, give her a smirk here and there, and even avoided her a bit as if nothing happened. She would text me late at night occasionally for the next few months and IF/when I replied realized I was blocked (she was probably with her boyfriend and immediately got nervous that I would reply. So, the conversations never went anywhere. She actually told me she did this.



Over the next few months I still kept it cool, would occasionally lightly flirt with her (she’s very attractive, amazing body, and I did enjoy the night we had) but I was still with my GF (who lived with me) and her with her BF and we went on with our lives until Summer 2020.


We started to work near each other more, flirt more, and my attraction started to grow for her although I didn’t make it clear. I invited a crew from work to the lake for a day on my boat and made sure to include her. That night she texted me it was one of the funnest days of her life. I started to hear from others at work that her boyfriend is controlling (she had a 7pm curfew every night and isn’t allowed to talk to other guys/waiters/ tc) and that she was even going to be in trouble for going with work people out on my boat that day. Anyway, over the next few weeks our attraction kept building (but didn't really talk about it) until one day after leaving work she texts me and says...

Her:“You have to be the hardest person to read”.
Me: “I am? What are you trying to read?”
Her: “One day it seems like you want to talk to me and the next I’m not sure. And of course I don’t want to bother you”
Me: “It doesn’t bother me. I want you to actually…”

And from there it was only a few more days of texting and we started hanging out in secret like sneaking away for an hour to two and hooking up in her car etc; sneaking up to her office and making out; even having sex in a closet during work. Then hotel rooms etc... Her BF pretty much caught us one day by pulling into a parking lot while she was dropping me back off at my car (didn’t see me but saw my truck parked near her car. By this time, she had told me how controlling and even sometime abusive he was and it wouldn’t be good if he found out. Anyway, we continued the affair and a week or so later she called me at 9pm one night saying she left him and was in her car in a parking lot with nowhere to go. I was staying at a friends house while they were out of town since me and my GF were in the process of breaking up at the same time and she came over.

She basically lived with me for the next month. She was meeting her BF to talk but telling him that she was staying with a work friend because she needed space. They texted all the time and she must've just been constantly lying to keep it under wraps that she was at my house. We even took a weekend trip together and she had him watch her dog (even I felt bad about that one), telling him she was going to a work conference, and was even texting him the whole weekend to convince him she was with work people the whole time.


At the end of that month she went to visit family (across the country) and told me she was going by herself. I quickly found out she went back with him (they are from the same town). I didn’t say anything and for the first couple weeks while she was away she was blowing me up with calls, texts, pics, etc and saying she was totally done with her relationship and I acted like I didn't know she travelled with him. Then her tone changed overnight (went cold). I was supposed to fly there and she flaked.

I backed off and after a few days she said “Idk what’s going on but can we talk?”. She said some family stuff happened etc etc but when she got back to our city we would pick up where we left off and she wanted to live with me. This part is NUTS…telling me this on the phone all while driving to HIS house (she posted an IG story at the same time of them together (she had blocked me on social media but I have multiple accounts for other businesses I run and she didn’t know I can still see).


Anyway, I eventually call her out on all the lies and she sends a long apology and a long phone call and said we need to end it. I basically say “take care, let me know if anything changes, but I deserve an apology in person because you lied to my face".

She agrees and when she gets back to town (granted with him and back living at their place) she comes over, we talk, and it ends in hugs and making out. Immediately after she texts me and says she wants me, can't deal with me dating over people. blah blah blah, and things pick up where they left off: Her cheating on her BF with me and me on an emotional roller coaster.

This is still going on (she was here last night and the sects was amazing. She comes over 3-4 times a week (while he’s working), we have sects most of those times, and she goes back to him. She keeps saying she wants to end it and be with me with no distractions, “she’s going to prove it”, etc, but weeks go by and she doesn’t change anything. We don’t go more than a few days without hooking up and she texts/calls almost everyday - “I miss you, blah blah blah”…


I have never been needy, kept all texts/calls short, she even says “I never know what you’re thinking”, and I don’t spend money on her or anything like that. We can’t really be seen outside my house/the bedroom anyway.


I’ve kept my cool even though sometimes I feel like I need to burst because her actions don’t match her words, when she goes HOT/COLD, or spends the weekend off with her BF. I want to look at this as just a good sects situation and not ruin it by giving an ultimatum, getting mad, etc. but it’s getting hard to maintain composure. I am single at this point. She does get mad when I mention me dating other people and even freaked out when word got back to her I was on a date “with another blonde” but full disclosure I don't have any other plates going strong.

I’d like to think of the possibilities of this progressing but after seeing what she’s capable of I would always be questioning of her, but I also don’t want to give up the amazing bedroom antics by ruining the current (but f***ed up) situation by calling her out. Also, what kind of psych issues does she have for god's sake?

What have you learned from this?
 

HankMoody

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I know I know, it's not worth it. Time to detach and just see how long the secs last, and if it doesn't, sounds like I'd be dodging a bullet.
That's the problem. They use sex to keep us addicted to them. I'm going through this exact same thing right now. It hurts, and it ain't easy, but the best thing to do is cut off all communication cold turkey.

I'm not talking about going NC for a while to get her blowing you up again. I'm talking about moving on with your life...without her in it.
 

Mauser96

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I would be looking over my shoulder if I were you.
 

RickPound

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You are in too deep. Get out while you can because I promise you, this won’t turn out well for you. Best of luck.
I would be looking over my shoulder if I were you.
Is it all blowing up in my face what I should be worried about rather than focusing on her?
Over analyzing things sometimes distracts us from the most logical outcomes. I wonder if that’s going on here...
 

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RickPound

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She was over today for breakfast and a good fukk session that made her eyes roll in her head and she said I love you about 10 times during it.
Anyway, as she was leaving she asked if I was “actively dating”. I said “Are you?” She said “you know my situation but I don’t know yours” And I said “I can do whatever I want just like you can”.
She got very mad and I felt like there’s no right answer. I’m not going to tell her what she wants to hear, nor did my response seem to go over well. It was hard to walk the line but I feel like I had to leave a sense of competition anxiety by being vague even though she’s making it seem like that’s what’s holding her back.
Seems like she wants a perfect monkey branch?
 

Max Baker

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She was over today for breakfast and a good fukk session that made her eyes roll in her head and she said I love you about 10 times during it.
Anyway, as she was leaving she asked if I was “actively dating”. I said “Are you?” She said “you know my situation but I don’t know yours” And I said “I can do whatever I want just like you can”.
She got very mad and I felt like there’s no right answer. I’m not going to tell her what she wants to hear, nor did my response seem to go over well. It was hard to walk the line but I feel like I had to leave a sense of competition anxiety by being vague even though she’s making it seem like that’s what’s holding her back.
Seems like she wants a perfect monkey branch?
Mate everyone is telling you to walk away asap and you're still banging her? Don't worry about what the hell she wants because she doesn't even know herself.

FFS man you can't be helped.
 

MatureDJ

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I remember a work colleague a long time ago whose wife did something like what your gal did. The guy that was you is now in a concrete box :eek:, and the wife's husband is doing life at what is called on the Bayou "The Farm". :eek::eek:
Two men whose lives were ruined, and one woman who was probably opening her legs to Man #3 not too long afterwards. :mad:
 

HankMoody

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She was over today for breakfast and a good fukk session that made her eyes roll in her head and she said I love you about 10 times during it.
Anyway, as she was leaving she asked if I was “actively dating”. I said “Are you?” She said “you know my situation but I don’t know yours” And I said “I can do whatever I want just like you can”.
She got very mad
That's exactly the response you want from her.
 
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