Tired of Being the Cheatee

[samspade]

She is spinning plates guys. You might think she is psycho but let's not be too judgemental.
Plate spinning is part of this forum.
OP right now you are the plate

Nothing wrong with spinning plates if you're up front about it. It sounds to me like she's bullshytting both men and creating drama where it's not necessary. Granted, they shouldn't be hanging on to her words but watching her actions. I'm fine with a plate who wants to date around, but not with one who uses manipulation tactics to create her own little soap opera.

But above all else it sounds like the OP needs to unplug from her and stop feeding off her drama.

 

[RickPound]

there is clearly SOMETHING this guy is giving her that you aren't which is why she can't seem to leave him even tho she might want to.

Perhaps it's emotions, perhaps it's some type of safety from being with him for so long, perhaps it's that she is comfortable with how things are and wants her cake and wants to eat it too.

This is definitely one thing I'm trying to figure out. Maybe she likes the "controlling" and "abuse"? I'm sure it's all of the above you mention as well.

You're "tired of being the cheatee"? Nobody's forcing you, bro.End it now. She's a psycho.

If it's not me f***ing her than it would be somebody else so I'd rather be in my position than the BF that's for sure. You would think it's a good position to be in (getting the milk for free) but it's taking its toll. The detached mindset front and not letting her know I have feelings is taxing.

 

[bat soup]

This is definitely one thing I'm trying to figure out. Maybe she likes the "controlling" and "abuse"? I'm sure it's all of the above you mention as well.



If it's not me f***ing her than it would be somebody else so I'd rather be in my position than the BF that's for sure. You would think it's a good position to be in (getting the milk for free) but it's taking its toll. The detached mindset front and not letting her know I have feelings is taxing.

The problem is that you're getting emotionally involved with someone that's not healthy.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This is definitely one thing I'm trying to figure out. Maybe she likes the "controlling" and "abuse"? I'm sure it's all of the above you mention as well.



If it's not me f***ing her than it would be somebody else so I'd rather be in my position than the BF that's for sure. You would think it's a good position to be in (getting the milk for free) but it's taking its toll. The detached mindset front and not letting her know I have feelings is taxing.

Ironically the same way she is being controlled by him, she is controlling you in the same way almost. It's like she has to find an outlet to find a way to balance things

 

[RickPound]

I'm with @BackInTheGame78 it's fine to keep fuucking her for now, but NEVER date this woman. She will without a doubt do the same thing to you one day.

Just keep taking her to poundtown, like you're doing.

The problem is that you're getting emotionally involved with someone that's not healthy.

So then what's the best game to play to keep her attraction up and wanting to continue? Sometimes it seems like she's fishing for me to express feelings and that holds her back...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Ironically the same way she is being controlled by him, she is controlling you in the same way almost. It's like she has to find an outlet to find a way to balance things

He's not controlling her. That's her alibi. She says that because he be figuring her bullhorn out. He calls her on it. Attempting to put boundaries on the conditions and she makes him look bad calling him "controlling".

 

[mrgoodstuff]

So then what's the best game to play to keep her attraction up and wanting to continue? Sometimes it seems like she's fishing for me to express feelings and that holds her back...

Maybe you can intentionally and occasionally let a nugget out.

 

[bat soup]

So then what's the best game to play to keep her attraction up and wanting to continue? Sometimes it seems like she's fishing for me to express feelings and that holds her back...

There's no game to play. Instead of pretending not to care, you need to actually stop caring. Because she's not worth caring about.

 

[RickPound]

He's not controlling her. That's her alibi. She says that because he be figuring her bullhorn out. He calls her on it. Attempting to put boundaries on the conditions and she makes him look bad calling him "controlling".

I definitely think she's lied to me about just how controlling the BF is as an excuse to cancel or bail sometimes - or just reinforce her own alibi in her head - but early on I heard it from others at work (before anything was going on between her and I) i.e. the curfew, not letting her have other friends (even girl friends), etc.

Maybe you can intentionally and occasionally let a nugget out.

A nugget of what?

 

[RickPound]

There's no game to play. Instead of pretending not to care, you need to actually stop caring. Because she's not worth caring about.

Thank you, for real. We all know that is usually the answer to most of the questions with women, but hard to do.

 

[stringpuller]

Nothing wrong with spinning plates if you're up front about it. It sounds to me like she's bullshytting both men and creating drama where it's not necessary. Granted, they shouldn't be hanging on to her words but watching her actions. I'm fine with a plate who wants to date around, but not with one who uses manipulation tactics to create her own little soap opera.

But above all else it sounds like the OP needs to unplug from her and stop feeding off her drama.

Maybe do but thats just how women are. They are naturally covert. If OP has read here long enough he should have saw this and spun it back on her.

 

[bat soup]

Thank you, for real. We all know that is usually the answer to most of the questions with women, but hard to do.

It is indeed the problem most of the time - caring too much about someone that doesn't deserve it.

 

[RickPound]

BTW, once the sects stops, this will be a whole different story. I think she's so crazy she doesn't have a friendzone for me to fall into. I see literally no way that exists - we never cross paths unless it's her showing up at my door to bang. But the sects stopping is going to suck in itself.

On the flip side, I should probably be more scared of her actually doing what she says and breaking up with him and wanting to actually be with me.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I definitely think she's lied to me about just how controlling the BF is as an excuse to cancel or bail sometimes - or just reinforce her own alibi in her head - but early on I heard it from others at work (before anything was going on between her and I) i.e. the curfew, not letting her have other friends (even girl friends), etc.



A nugget of what?

She wants to hear an emotion. Maybe make something up.

 

[bat soup]

BTW, once the sects stops, this will be a whole different story. I think she's so crazy she doesn't have a friendzone for me to fall into. I see literally no way that exists - we never cross paths unless it's her showing up at my door to bang. But the sects stopping is going to suck in itself.

On the flip side, I should probably be more scared of her actually doing what she says and breaking up with him and wanting to actually be with me.

Yeah. Or getting pregnant and then inviting you and her bf onto the Maury show to find out which one is the father.

 

[Grinderman]

The whole OP is full of lies and drama from both of you. She sure as hell gets off on the drama and living on the razor's edge of almost getting caught out but not quite, of her tangled web of deception. You were living under the same roof as your ex while she chose you, pounced on you and you hooked you in; so I'd wonder are you addicted to the drama and lies too.

Water finds its own level. She knew you'd cheat on your ex and wouldn't reject her. All fun and games until the boyfriend gets it in his head to crack a wheel brace over your dome. Given the potential for what she is likely to say to him about you (he raped me, he stalked me, he won't leave me alone) when he find out, it's a possible ending to this drama.

You are wondering if she is lying to him about you......Your op is too much focused on a lot of things she said and not what it should be focused on, her actions. Once she lies to you once everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie following on and covering up the original lie.

If you catching feels for her I'd nip it in the bud now. Then again, are you catching feels or are you just addicted to the drama like she is.

If you don't want to be the "cheatee", stop with the deception yourself.

 

[RickPound]

The whole OP is full of lies and drama from both of you. She sure as hell gets off on the drama and living on the razor's edge of almost getting caught out but not quite, of her tangled web of deception. You were living under the same roof as your ex while she chose you, pounced on you and you hooked you in; so I'd wonder are you addicted to the drama and lies too.

Water finds its own level. She knew you'd cheat on your ex and wouldn't reject her. All fun and games until the boyfriend gets it in his head to crack a wheel brace over your dome. Given the potential for what she is likely to say to him about you (he raped me, he stalked me, he won't leave me alone) when he find out, it's a possible ending to this drama.

You are wondering if she is lying to him about you......Your op is too much focused on a lot of things she said and not what it should be focused on, her actions. Once she lies to you once everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie following on and covering up the original lie.

If you catching feels for her I'd nip it in the bud now. Then again, are you catching feels or are you just addicted to the drama like she is.

If you don't want to be the "cheatee", stop with the deception yourself.

I'll fully admit I'm not innocent in all of this in addition to enabling her sins. But at this point, who am I deceiving and how? I hate it when she lies to me, but just take it because as long as she's still coming over to **** and is still with her BF, I can't get mad or jealous of anything. I know (or at least think I do) what the situation is. I don't think she has the time in the day to be f***ing any other dudes beside me and him.

She has said that her BF's previous girl cheated on him with his best friend and he put him in the hospital. That's why he has trust and controlling issues with her and the few times she hinted at ending our thing was "to protect me".

 

[Grinderman]

But at this point, who am I deceiving and how?

Yourself.

Just look at the title of your OP. You're now painting yourself as the victim in all of this. The way you are framing this whole situation is pure self-deception.

You entered into all of this based on her lies and your lies and now you are looking for......clarity from her.

I hate it when she lies to me

This is exactly the point. If you don't want to be with someone who you know blatantly lies to you, change your own behavior, stop with the lying, drama filled situations. Rise above it. Raise your standards.

because as long as she's still coming over to **** and is still with her BF

Is it worth the drama. Or like I asked before is it the drama that's getting you off.

You do sound a little all over the place with this one. Catching feels for this one is definitely a scarcity mindset. Yeah others have said keep her around just for the secs, but if you are catching feels, you are not capable of detaching and keeping her around for the odd hook up, which let's face, you've had your run with her, time to eject.

You'd be better served talking with other women and thinking abundance mindset.

It's key knowing when to eject and move on...

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

She's actually said it feels like cheating on me when she's with her BF. But I feel like I can't get mad because I knew from the beginning.

I guess my question is what's her end game? Maybe there isn't for her? She likes how it is?

he is going to have to walk away from her , which he is having problems doing because i know he suspects something, until then ..you're sharing.
but even if he does walk away , and you do get her to yourself, it wont be for long. she will probably end up doing the same thing to you

 

[RickPound]

She is spinning plates guys. You might think she is psycho but let's not be too judgemental.
Plate spinning is part of this forum.
OP right now you are the plate

Spinning plates to me is a healthy/sensible way to date/have relationships. I don't think she knows what a healthy relationship is. It's a little too simplistic to chalk it up as that, but I get the analogy.

Is it worth the drama. Or like I asked before is it the drama that's getting you off.

I've always been an anti-drama type of dude my whole life. I'd say I'm addicted to the secs

Catching feels for this one is definitely a scarcity mindset.

And this is the problem. Since I left my LTR shortly after getting entangled with this one, I haven't had many other options. It seems like a cop out to blame the pandemic, but it is hard to get out there and OLD just seems lame to me.