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Tired of Being the Cheatee

RickPound

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Hi guys, new member here but have been following the forums for a few months after reading Tomassi and others. Reason being, I found myself in a situation (and still am) that has thrown me for a loop and made me rethink women all together. I have beta tendencies but have always ended up doing pretty respectable without trying (lots of experience with hookups, ONSs, 4 or 5 LTRs all with attractive women) as my game seems to win out just enough.



In the Fall of 2019, a girl that I started working with (she’s 24, I’m 35) and I hooked up (banged) a few months in on a work trip. I didn’t really notice many signs of attraction leading up to it, but she literally jumped in my bed in my hotel room after were we all out with other people from work and told me she just couldn’t take it anymore and she’s been attracted to me since we started working together.


She has a BF of 3-4 years, moved to this city with him, and they live together. I also had a girlfriend of about 6 months at the time. It stayed a one-time thing, we never told anybody (at her request because her BF was suspicious of her radio silence that night), and continued working together. I started paying more attention and noticed her signs of attraction but I played it cool and never did anything except act casual, give her a smirk here and there, and even avoided her a bit as if nothing happened. She would text me late at night occasionally for the next few months and IF/when I replied realized I was blocked (she was probably with her boyfriend and immediately got nervous that I would reply. So, the conversations never went anywhere. She actually told me she did this.



Over the next few months I still kept it cool, would occasionally lightly flirt with her (she’s very attractive, amazing body, and I did enjoy the night we had) but I was still with my GF (who lived with me) and her with her BF and we went on with our lives until Summer 2020.


We started to work near each other more, flirt more, and my attraction started to grow for her although I didn’t make it clear. I invited a crew from work to the lake for a day on my boat and made sure to include her. That night she texted me it was one of the funnest days of her life. I started to hear from others at work that her boyfriend is controlling (she had a 7pm curfew every night and isn’t allowed to talk to other guys/waiters/ tc) and that she was even going to be in trouble for going with work people out on my boat that day. Anyway, over the next few weeks our attraction kept building (but didn't really talk about it) until one day after leaving work she texts me and says...

Her:“You have to be the hardest person to read”.
Me: “I am? What are you trying to read?”
Her: “One day it seems like you want to talk to me and the next I’m not sure. And of course I don’t want to bother you”
Me: “It doesn’t bother me. I want you to actually…”

And from there it was only a few more days of texting and we started hanging out in secret like sneaking away for an hour to two and hooking up in her car etc; sneaking up to her office and making out; even having sex in a closet during work. Then hotel rooms etc... Her BF pretty much caught us one day by pulling into a parking lot while she was dropping me back off at my car (didn’t see me but saw my truck parked near her car. By this time, she had told me how controlling and even sometime abusive he was and it wouldn’t be good if he found out. Anyway, we continued the affair and a week or so later she called me at 9pm one night saying she left him and was in her car in a parking lot with nowhere to go. I was staying at a friends house while they were out of town since me and my GF were in the process of breaking up at the same time and she came over.

She basically lived with me for the next month. She was meeting her BF to talk but telling him that she was staying with a work friend because she needed space. They texted all the time and she must've just been constantly lying to keep it under wraps that she was at my house. We even took a weekend trip together and she had him watch her dog (even I felt bad about that one), telling him she was going to a work conference, and was even texting him the whole weekend to convince him she was with work people the whole time.


At the end of that month she went to visit family (across the country) and told me she was going by herself. I quickly found out she went back with him (they are from the same town). I didn’t say anything and for the first couple weeks while she was away she was blowing me up with calls, texts, pics, etc and saying she was totally done with her relationship and I acted like I didn't know she travelled with him. Then her tone changed overnight (went cold). I was supposed to fly there and she flaked.

I backed off and after a few days she said “Idk what’s going on but can we talk?”. She said some family stuff happened etc etc but when she got back to our city we would pick up where we left off and she wanted to live with me. This part is NUTS…telling me this on the phone all while driving to HIS house (she posted an IG story at the same time of them together (she had blocked me on social media but I have multiple accounts for other businesses I run and she didn’t know I can still see).


Anyway, I eventually call her out on all the lies and she sends a long apology and a long phone call and said we need to end it. I basically say “take care, let me know if anything changes, but I deserve an apology in person because you lied to my face".

She agrees and when she gets back to town (granted with him and back living at their place) she comes over, we talk, and it ends in hugs and making out. Immediately after she texts me and says she wants me, can't deal with me dating over people. blah blah blah, and things pick up where they left off: Her cheating on her BF with me and me on an emotional roller coaster.

This is still going on (she was here last night and the sects was amazing. She comes over 3-4 times a week (while he’s working), we have sects most of those times, and she goes back to him. She keeps saying she wants to end it and be with me with no distractions, “she’s going to prove it”, etc, but weeks go by and she doesn’t change anything. We don’t go more than a few days without hooking up and she texts/calls almost everyday - “I miss you, blah blah blah”…


I have never been needy, kept all texts/calls short, she even says “I never know what you’re thinking”, and I don’t spend money on her or anything like that. We can’t really be seen outside my house/the bedroom anyway.


I’ve kept my cool even though sometimes I feel like I need to burst because her actions don’t match her words, when she goes HOT/COLD, or spends the weekend off with her BF. I want to look at this as just a good sects situation and not ruin it by giving an ultimatum, getting mad, etc. but it’s getting hard to maintain composure. I am single at this point. She does get mad when I mention me dating other people and even freaked out when word got back to her I was on a date “with another blonde” but full disclosure I don't have any other plates going strong.

I’d like to think of the possibilities of this progressing but after seeing what she’s capable of I would always be questioning of her, but I also don’t want to give up the amazing bedroom antics by ruining the current (but f***ed up) situation by calling her out. Also, what kind of psych issues does she have for god's sake?
 

Çharismo

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This chick is a TRUE playa and knows what she is doing. She ain’t as naive and clueless as you might think. She knows how to keep you hooked with the sex and the games that she is playing has your head messed up. If you wife this chick up don’t be surprised that she does the same thing back to you that she is doing to the other guy.

She is literally playing both of you against each other and if she is bad mouthing him to you don’t be surprised that she is making you out to be some stalker or someone obsessed with her to him. (Just my assumption)- - Never get with a woman like this because they will suck the literal life out of you. You need to stay very detached from this woman and take a step back to gather yourself and maintain your composure.

When she talks about her “boytoy” being “abusive” think about how she is making you feel inside and then put yourself in his shoes. This could potentially become a dangerous situation if you don’t cut her off. You need to be on your guard and vigilant in dealing with this situation. Don’t let your emotions and the secs cloud your reasoning and for future reference never hook up with women at work. You should know that by now after reading these forums.

This is too much drama to deal with and you won’t be at peace unless you get this woman out of your life.
 
Last edited:

TheKid

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She says he is controlling and abusive but that is just because his gut is telling him something is up?
She is ruining her own life and the two of yours in the process. Triangulation, simple as that.
When shes not feeling it with him she goes to you and vice versa.
All the drama in her life is caused by her own actions, the three of you have feelings all over the place now. She loves him, but also loves you while keeping it secret. You love her but also feel bad for him and doubt yourself. He loves her but doubts her and is suspicious of you. Whats the common denominator?? She wants to be loved and according to her actions one man will never be enough. I say pull the rug from under her before she can bust you up.
Tell her bf and make her lose a battle once in her life when she cant gaslight her way out of it because the third party is literally comming clean with PROOF.
(you know you would want the same)
PS I forgot that you work with her only do this if you are ready to quit, otherwise just keep getting it wet.
 

GT40

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This woman is not sane. Keep her as a plate maybe. Don’t date her or let her move in. She will wreck your life.
I’d just cut her loose.
 

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"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

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you're getting exactly what you deserve , wtf do you think is gnna happen?? she is playing him AND you.
do you honestly think that an emotional girl is gonna break up with her boyfriend for you? a fling from work?
they been with each other for years , she still gotta screen you for longer , which means pretty much cheat on you before she even gets with you smh. just enjoy the sex and let that girl do her own thing which she will do regardless
 
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She says he is controlling and abusive but that is just because his gut is telling him something is up?
She is ruining her own life and the two of yours in the process. Triangulation, simple as that.
When shes not feeling it with him she goes to you and vice versa.
All the drama in her life is caused by her own actions, the three of you have feelings all over the place now. She loves him, but also loves you while keeping it secret. You love her but also feel bad for him and doubt yourself. He loves her but doubts her and is suspicious of you. Whats the common denominator?? She wants to be loved and according to her actions one man will never be enough. I say pull the rug from under her before she can bust you up.
Tell her bf and make her lose a battle once in her life when she cant gaslight her way out of it because the third party is literally comming clean with PROOF.
(you know you would want the same)
PS I forgot that you work with her only do this if you are ready to quit, otherwise just keep getting it wet.
i tend to agree with @TheKid , the man has his head on STRAIGHT
 

RickPound

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don’t be surprised that she is making you out to be some stalker or someone obsessed with her to him. (Just my assumption)
Never thought of that actually. Always seems like she is more a master of deception and covering her tracks and he has no idea we have any contact.

Tell her bf and make her lose a battle once in her life when she cant gaslight her way out of it because the third party is literally comming clean with PROOF.
(you know you would want the same)
PS I forgot that you work with her only do this if you are ready to quit, otherwise just keep getting it wet.
I've thought of this but figured what's the point in blowing it all up? Also, I quit working there 4 months ago and have my own business. She quit working there and has a new job. I'm still keeping it wet to this point.

which means pretty much cheat on you before she even gets with you smh. just enjoy the sex and let that girl do her own thing which she will do regardless
She's actually said it feels like cheating on me when she's with her BF. But I feel like I can't get mad because I knew from the beginning.

I guess my question is what's her end game? Maybe there isn't for her? She likes how it is?
 

HankMoody

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Never thought of that actually. Always seems like she is more a master of deception and covering her tracks and he has no idea we have any contact.



I've thought of this but figured what's the point in blowing it all up? Also, I quit working there 4 months ago and have my own business. She quit working there and has a new job. I'm still keeping it wet to this point.



She's actually said it feels like cheating on me when she's with her BF. But I feel like I can't get mad because I knew from the beginning.

I guess my question is what's her end game? Maybe there isn't for her? She likes how it is?
Just keep taking her to poundtown, like you're doing.

I'm telling you now though, as are others, don't get emotionally invested in her. If you do, she's gonna break your heart.

Us guys have this 'white knight' gene we can't seem to do anything about. Deep down, on a subconscious level, we love the thought of being some girl's knight in shining armor. Saving her from a bad situation....whatever the case may be.

This girl is p-l-aying you. Sooner or later, you're going to start to get the feelz for her. Mark my words. She's gonna sh!t all over you, just like she's doing with the other dude.
 

Fruitbat

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Dude, you banged this guys woman on a work trip, and she literally jumped in your bed while she was in a relationship.

With respect, you have no right to feel aggrieved about anything. As for her, agree with above, utter trash.

if she was with other guy, and wanted you, she should break up with other guy. You break relationships up if you aren’t happy. If you are happy, you don’t fvck other guys on work trips. What you don’t do is continue with BF while branch swinging on work trips.

no wonder this guy is controlling.

don’t make any excuses, don’t make any mental gymnastics. Look at her behaviour. There is nothing special about you, or her, or her BF. She’s a cheating wh0re.

stay the F away dude, I wouldnt even bang with a girl like that.
 

Fruitbat

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Get rid of her, now.

The compulsive lying is reason enough on it's own. Check the link to see what other boxes she ticks but there is at least signs of APD. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20354463

For the love of God don't get her pregnant.
and if he does, make sure his wealth is in gold or bitcoin and he has a valid passport.

it may not be his. My guess is there are another 3-4 dudes with the name in the hat that only this girl knows about.
 

HankMoody

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Listen to this song...and internalize it.

 

rjc149

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Pro tip: when she cheats on her boyfriend, it’s always because he’s “abusive” and “controlling” even if he isn’t and she’s simply lost attraction for him or she’s just being selfish. Women seldom take ownership of their cheating. Maybe there’s a kernel of truth to it, and he’s certainly played his role in the deteriorating relationship, but her actions are her own, not her boyfriend’s.

If she’ll cheat with you, she’ll cheat on you. If she’ll lie for you, she’ll lie to you. It’s simple ego and narcissism to believe you’ll be any different to her once the next cute guy at work comes along. Now, suddenly you’re the abusive, controlling boyfriend.

Word to the wise. Me, personally, at 36 I’m too old to be putting this type of sh!tty karma into the world, backstabbing another man with his 25 year old ho.
 

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TheNewStyle123

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This chick is utter trash. Have fun with her while it lasts and do not let yourself be convinced that she would never do the same thing to you she is doing to her current boyfriend because she would.
I'm with @BackInTheGame78 it's fine to keep fuucking her for now, but NEVER date this woman. She will without a doubt do the same thing to you one day.
 

samspade

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You're "tired of being the cheatee"? Nobody's forcing you, bro.End it now. She's a psycho.

It's a common misconception that only the crazies are great in bed. Get out there and date some nicer girls, they'll still be vixens for you.
 

BackInTheGame78

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OP, there is clearly SOMETHING this guy is giving her that you aren't which is why she can't seem to leave him even tho she might want to.

Perhaps it's emotions, perhaps it's some type of safety from being with him for so long, perhaps it's that she is comfortable with how things are and wants her cake and wants to eat it too.
 

bat soup

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Hi guys, new member here but have been following the forums for a few months after reading Tomassi and others. Reason being, I found myself in a situation (and still am) that has thrown me for a loop and made me rethink women all together. I have beta tendencies but have always ended up doing pretty respectable without trying (lots of experience with hookups, ONSs, 4 or 5 LTRs all with attractive women) as my game seems to win out just enough.



In the Fall of 2019, a girl that I started working with (she’s 24, I’m 35) and I hooked up (banged) a few months in on a work trip. I didn’t really notice many signs of attraction leading up to it, but she literally jumped in my bed in my hotel room after were we all out with other people from work and told me she just couldn’t take it anymore and she’s been attracted to me since we started working together.


She has a BF of 3-4 years, moved to this city with him, and they live together. I also had a girlfriend of about 6 months at the time. It stayed a one-time thing, we never told anybody (at her request because her BF was suspicious of her radio silence that night), and continued working together. I started paying more attention and noticed her signs of attraction but I played it cool and never did anything except act casual, give her a smirk here and there, and even avoided her a bit as if nothing happened. She would text me late at night occasionally for the next few months and IF/when I replied realized I was blocked (she was probably with her boyfriend and immediately got nervous that I would reply. So, the conversations never went anywhere. She actually told me she did this.



Over the next few months I still kept it cool, would occasionally lightly flirt with her (she’s very attractive, amazing body, and I did enjoy the night we had) but I was still with my GF (who lived with me) and her with her BF and we went on with our lives until Summer 2020.


We started to work near each other more, flirt more, and my attraction started to grow for her although I didn’t make it clear. I invited a crew from work to the lake for a day on my boat and made sure to include her. That night she texted me it was one of the funnest days of her life. I started to hear from others at work that her boyfriend is controlling (she had a 7pm curfew every night and isn’t allowed to talk to other guys/waiters/ tc) and that she was even going to be in trouble for going with work people out on my boat that day. Anyway, over the next few weeks our attraction kept building (but didn't really talk about it) until one day after leaving work she texts me and says...

Her:“You have to be the hardest person to read”.
Me: “I am? What are you trying to read?”
Her: “One day it seems like you want to talk to me and the next I’m not sure. And of course I don’t want to bother you”
Me: “It doesn’t bother me. I want you to actually…”

And from there it was only a few more days of texting and we started hanging out in secret like sneaking away for an hour to two and hooking up in her car etc; sneaking up to her office and making out; even having sex in a closet during work. Then hotel rooms etc... Her BF pretty much caught us one day by pulling into a parking lot while she was dropping me back off at my car (didn’t see me but saw my truck parked near her car. By this time, she had told me how controlling and even sometime abusive he was and it wouldn’t be good if he found out. Anyway, we continued the affair and a week or so later she called me at 9pm one night saying she left him and was in her car in a parking lot with nowhere to go. I was staying at a friends house while they were out of town since me and my GF were in the process of breaking up at the same time and she came over.

She basically lived with me for the next month. She was meeting her BF to talk but telling him that she was staying with a work friend because she needed space. They texted all the time and she must've just been constantly lying to keep it under wraps that she was at my house. We even took a weekend trip together and she had him watch her dog (even I felt bad about that one), telling him she was going to a work conference, and was even texting him the whole weekend to convince him she was with work people the whole time.


At the end of that month she went to visit family (across the country) and told me she was going by herself. I quickly found out she went back with him (they are from the same town). I didn’t say anything and for the first couple weeks while she was away she was blowing me up with calls, texts, pics, etc and saying she was totally done with her relationship and I acted like I didn't know she travelled with him. Then her tone changed overnight (went cold). I was supposed to fly there and she flaked.

I backed off and after a few days she said “Idk what’s going on but can we talk?”. She said some family stuff happened etc etc but when she got back to our city we would pick up where we left off and she wanted to live with me. This part is NUTS…telling me this on the phone all while driving to HIS house (she posted an IG story at the same time of them together (she had blocked me on social media but I have multiple accounts for other businesses I run and she didn’t know I can still see).


Anyway, I eventually call her out on all the lies and she sends a long apology and a long phone call and said we need to end it. I basically say “take care, let me know if anything changes, but I deserve an apology in person because you lied to my face".

She agrees and when she gets back to town (granted with him and back living at their place) she comes over, we talk, and it ends in hugs and making out. Immediately after she texts me and says she wants me, can't deal with me dating over people. blah blah blah, and things pick up where they left off: Her cheating on her BF with me and me on an emotional roller coaster.

This is still going on (she was here last night and the sects was amazing. She comes over 3-4 times a week (while he’s working), we have sects most of those times, and she goes back to him. She keeps saying she wants to end it and be with me with no distractions, “she’s going to prove it”, etc, but weeks go by and she doesn’t change anything. We don’t go more than a few days without hooking up and she texts/calls almost everyday - “I miss you, blah blah blah”…


I have never been needy, kept all texts/calls short, she even says “I never know what you’re thinking”, and I don’t spend money on her or anything like that. We can’t really be seen outside my house/the bedroom anyway.


I’ve kept my cool even though sometimes I feel like I need to burst because her actions don’t match her words, when she goes HOT/COLD, or spends the weekend off with her BF. I want to look at this as just a good sects situation and not ruin it by giving an ultimatum, getting mad, etc. but it’s getting hard to maintain composure. I am single at this point. She does get mad when I mention me dating other people and even freaked out when word got back to her I was on a date “with another blonde” but full disclosure I don't have any other plates going strong.

I’d like to think of the possibilities of this progressing but after seeing what she’s capable of I would always be questioning of her, but I also don’t want to give up the amazing bedroom antics by ruining the current (but f***ed up) situation by calling her out. Also, what kind of psych issues does she have for god's sake?
She sounds crazy. Probably has some serious mental issues. I feel sorry for her boyfriend.

You're probably best to keep her at distance a don't ever let her come to live with you again.
 

stringpuller

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She is spinning plates guys. You might think she is psycho but let's not be too judgemental.
Plate spinning is part of this forum.
OP right now you are the plate
 
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