Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Thinking About Bailing On Marriage

Money & Muscle

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 22, 2023
Messages
1,130
Reaction score
1,208
You did seduce the woman who is now your wife. That's an accomplishment. There are kissless virgin incels out there who wish they could do that.
We met online (xbox live, back in like 2013 - crazy, I know). She chased me.
I didn't even know how I got her in the first place. If I did really seduce her, it was by accident - which still leaves me in this place of feeling like I'm unable to seduce a woman.

As @BackInTheGame78 has mentioned, a lot of self-image is set in your formative years. I was a kissless virgin in my formative years, and was only saved from that destiny by a woman I didn't think I deserved (at the time).
 

Divorced w 3

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 20, 2022
Messages
1,983
Reaction score
1,136
Right? I'm more like you. Must eat very conscientiously and exercise & weigh every day to track it. The science is quite interesting. I'm trim through great discipline. He's genetic. I eat a much better diet than him historically. But I have to really watch & do intermittent fasting as a lifestyle choice. I *refuse* to be too heavy. Its kinda not fair, lol. Oh well :)
He’s a rock climber
 

Nitrozv20

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 16, 2023
Messages
74
Reaction score
71
Age
36
We met online (xbox live, back in like 2013 - crazy, I know). She chased me.
I didn't even know how I got her in the first place. If I did really seduce her, it was by accident - which still leaves me in this place of feeling like I'm unable to seduce a woman.

As @BackInTheGame78 has mentioned, a lot of self-image is set in your formative years. I was a kissless virgin in my formative years, and was only saved from that destiny by a woman I didn't think I deserved (at the time).
Fire up the xbox again and have a date night man.
 

Money & Muscle

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 22, 2023
Messages
1,130
Reaction score
1,208
Fire up the xbox again and have a date night man.
Tried that. After an hour it turns into us just not talking while we play a game together. :confused:

I haven't really played video games since I got married, and I'd actually like to not return to them either. I have a knack for turning to cheap dopamine sources as a means of avoiding negative emotions (eating, p0rn, social media, video games, etc.).
 

Nitrozv20

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 16, 2023
Messages
74
Reaction score
71
Age
36
Tried that. After an hour it turns into us just not talking while we play a game together. :confused:

I haven't really played video games since I got married, and I'd actually like to not return to them either. I have a knack for turning to cheap dopamine sources as a means of avoiding negative emotions (eating, p0rn, social media, video games, etc.).
make it fun and flirty, idk what games you play but loser starts striping lol
 

Money & Muscle

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 22, 2023
Messages
1,130
Reaction score
1,208
make it fun and flirty, idk what games you play but loser starts striping lol
the "loser strips" thing doesn't really do it when you've been married 7 years and seen each other naked pretty much every single day since.

It would be more fun in a "public" setting where there's novelty risk involved.
 

Dr.Suave

Moderator
Joined
Mar 6, 2017
Messages
3,586
Reaction score
4,011
I haven't really played video games since I got married, and I'd actually like to not return to them either. I have a knack for turning to cheap dopamine sources as a means of avoiding negative emotions (eating, p0rn, social media, video games, etc.).
Man, that feeling when I win a Crown in Fall Guys or place 1st in Fortnite. It makes a bad day better and a good day also better. But I usually stop after one Win because I dont want to be addicted.
 

Pierce.Manhammer

Moderator
Joined
Jun 2, 2021
Messages
4,489
Reaction score
5,431
Location
Baghdad by the Bay
One idea: since she's a combative type, she might be into this, and it could start you down the path to goodness. And you love role play.

Schedule a date night with a twist. She's dressed up in a bar or other venue, and you are too, but you arrive separately, not having seen one another beforehand. You approach her as a woman you're trying to pick up. You need to agree beforehand not to break character.

You'd get to practice pickup, and she'd get her ego validation, as would you. Also, if she's done up to the 9s, she might get IOIs - and so might you - you both probably would benefit from it. You can let the roll as far as you'd like. She'd like to challenge you, giving her the go-ahead to act naughty. It could be fun.

I often will do this with chicks I'm meeting for drinks I've known forever; I don't set it up; I do it randomly - they catch on fast and jump into the role. Women love shiit like this.
 
Last edited:

Money & Muscle

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 22, 2023
Messages
1,130
Reaction score
1,208
One idea: since she's a combative type, she might be into this, and it could start you down the path to goodness. And you love role play.

Schedule a date night with a twist. She's dressed up in a bar or other venue, and you are too, but you arrive separately, not having seen one another beforehand. You approach her as a woman you're trying to pick up. You need to agree beforehand not to break character.

You'd get to practice pickup, and she'd get her ego validation, as would you. Also, if she's done up to the 9s, she might get IOIs - and so might you - you both probably would benefit from it. You can let the roll as far as you'd like. She'd like to challenge you, giving her the go-ahead to act naughty. It could be fun.

I often will do this with chicks I'm meeting for drinks I've known forever; I don't set it up; I do it randomly - they catch on fast and jump into the role. Women love shiit like this.
I love it; I'll set it up.
 

Money & Muscle

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 22, 2023
Messages
1,130
Reaction score
1,208
Update
I talked with the wife a little bit. Told her where I wasn't feeling fulfilled. Not to the full extent of everything I posted in this thread, but I touched on the most important parts... Not feeling wanted by the woman I'm promised to spend the next 50+ years with, getting basically duty sex and nothing else, missing the woman I fell in love with (who she was when we were dating).

Admittedly, I hold blame in this. Not all of it, but enough to know where my areas of improvement are.

But my wife understood where I'm coming from, or she at least seems to understand. She's putting most of the blame on herself. For someone who is a covert feminist that doesn't like the idea of submission, she acts submissive in the strangest times.

We're coming back together tonight to hash this stuff out. I guess that means I should find a couple dozen candles for the bedroom; good thing I didn't hit legs today.
 

Pierce.Manhammer

Moderator
Joined
Jun 2, 2021
Messages
4,489
Reaction score
5,431
Location
Baghdad by the Bay
We're coming back together tonight to hash this stuff out. That means I should find a couple dozen candles for the bedroom; it's good I didn't hit my legs today.
This is good.

I know sex is super important to you, man, but can you keep the conversation you're about to have not overtly sexual?

This is structural stuff. Be sweet and warm to her, do not let her take all the blame, and make yourself seem vulnerable - even if you're not. Switch things up, be novel, but not a cheeseball.

Do not sexualize the encounter. If you have an excellent, loving conversation where you show her something she has not seen much of or at all in you, she's going to be aroused and strongly suggest sex, either overtly or covertly.

Do not jump to the end.

During the conversation, look long into her eyes, listen to her, and repeat the things she's said back to her to indicate understanding on your part. Her nethers will get moist, trust me.
 

Dr.Suave

Moderator
Joined
Mar 6, 2017
Messages
3,586
Reaction score
4,011
Update
I talked with the wife a little bit. Told her where I wasn't feeling fulfilled. I touched on the most important parts... Not feeling wanted by the woman I'm promised to spend the next 50+ years with, getting basically duty sex and nothing else,
I have never been married but I wouldnt have thought of "talking" about this with her. I would ´ve felt like Im negotiating desire or something, I would´ve have felt feminine telling her my needs are not being met or any variant of that.

Im not saying Im right and you are wrong. Im just thinking out loud. I wish you the best and I have the feeling you will land on your feet one way or another.
 

Money & Muscle

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 22, 2023
Messages
1,130
Reaction score
1,208
I know sex is super important to you, man, but can you keep the conversation you're about to have not overtly sexual?
Yeah, most of what I'm not getting isn't related to sex. Honestly, if these other items were fixed, I think the sex would be fixed by default. I still get laid like 3x a week on a slow week. I'm no longer starving for sex, I've now developed a taste for which kind of sex I like is all. Anyways, that's not what my primary complaint is.

She used to glow just being in my presence; hang off me 24/7. Wouldn't let me out of her sight. I get that this behavior is probably annoying to some dudes out there, but for me - it's as good as it gets. To get that feeling of being wholly depended on for security and emotional stability is 10/10; to lose that and not feel it again for years fvcking sucks.

I liken it to the relationship between the earth and moon. The moon orbits earth, always following where the earth pulls it. But without the moon, life on earth would have taken far longer to develop (tide pools/salty brine > amino chains > DNA > life).

I just want her to compliment my life. Make my bad days better and my good days great. Make my life easy and turn my house(s) into home(s).

This is structural stuff. Be sweet and warm to her, do not let her take all the blame, and make yourself seem vulnerable - even if you're not. Switch things up, be novel, but not a cheeseball.

Do not sexualize the encounter. If you have an excellent, loving conversation where you show her something she has not seen much of or at all in you, she's going to be aroused and strongly suggest sex, either overtly or covertly.

Do not jump to the end.
I'll keep the candles hidden. Sex genuinely isn't the important part here.
 

image

Put away your credit card.

You can now read our detailed guide to women and dating for free - Right Here!

Money & Muscle

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 22, 2023
Messages
1,130
Reaction score
1,208
I wouldnt have thought of "talking" about this with her. I would ´ve felt like Im negotiating desire or something, I would´ve have felt feminine telling her my needs are not being met or any variant of that.
I've gone full redpill approach for months. Agree that negotiating desire isn't going to work, that's also not what I'm aiming at. She does want to sleep with me, and frequently does. Hell, I gave her the strongest orgasm of her life a few weeks ago - it went on for like 6 minutes and she almost passed out.

But when we're not fvcking, we're virtually strangers and that is unsustainable.

Like I said, I've gone full redpill approach for some time now, but redpill approach is "spam alpha" and what I'm hearing is that I'm actually not giving enough beta. More Alpha has not been helping the situation, if anything - it's hurting it.

I need to learn to calibrate.
 

Pierce.Manhammer

Moderator
Joined
Jun 2, 2021
Messages
4,489
Reaction score
5,431
Location
Baghdad by the Bay
You're dealing with what seems like a headstrong woman; Taming the Shrew style - in fact, you should get a copy of it and watch it together - could be a way to encourage more profound thought for both of you. It could be fun.

The best version is 1967 "The Taming of the Shrew," directed by Franco Zeffirelli and starring Elizabeth Taylor as Katharina and Richard Burton as Petruchio.

I digress.

You need to understand that she's a closet sub, as most "strong-willed" women are - but she wants you to "earn" her submissiveness. You have to game her, bro. I would posit that if you can "earn it," she would give you the puppy eyes and adoration you want so badly.

You seek primarily validation and affirmation from her.

You have your work cut out for you. It will be challenging, but you know about challenges - kill it.
 

Money & Muscle

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 22, 2023
Messages
1,130
Reaction score
1,208
You need to understand that she's a closet sub, as most "strong-willed" women are - but she wants you to "earn" her submissiveness. You have to game her, bro. I would posit that if you can "earn it," she would give you the puppy eyes and adoration you want so badly.
I fundamentally believe that all women are submissive somewhere deep down. I have seen bits and pieces of submissiveness coming out while I've been redpilling but I'm aware there is a long road ahead for that to happen.

At the beginning of this thread, I was not sure that side could ever come out. A discussion we had a few days ago made it seem she was now actively fighting against being submissive, and that the door had shut permanently. It appears I was mistaken.
 

Nitrozv20

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 16, 2023
Messages
74
Reaction score
71
Age
36
Update
I talked with the wife a little bit. Told her where I wasn't feeling fulfilled. Not to the full extent of everything I posted in this thread, but I touched on the most important parts... Not feeling wanted by the woman I'm promised to spend the next 50+ years with, getting basically duty sex and nothing else, missing the woman I fell in love with (who she was when we were dating).

Admittedly, I hold blame in this. Not all of it, but enough to know where my areas of improvement are.

But my wife understood where I'm coming from, or she at least seems to understand. She's putting most of the blame on herself. For someone who is a covert feminist that doesn't like the idea of submission, she acts submissive in the strangest times.

We're coming back together tonight to hash this stuff out. I guess that means I should find a couple dozen candles for the bedroom; good thing I didn't hit legs today.
ask her this. "what do you need from me"
 
Top