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There's Another Guy in the Picture...

TheFinalLine

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Just a few months. The thought of her w/ another guy is a total mindfvck. I have the oneitis.
this is also interesting Hank. It’s kinda cool in a way. I remember what it felt like. Wasn’t returned of course. Hahaha

I’ve always wondered what It would be like to be able to look in a woman’s mental image pictures of all her escapades. If men had this talent and upon meeting her could see everything, the vast majority would never be able to find a quality man. At least for marriage anyway. For fun? Absolutely. There could be no lies or manipulations. What you see is what you get. Literally.

So this is what I do.
1. All women desire sex.
2. All women are having sex. (In one form or another if she is unfortunate in the looks department, fat etc )

So automatically assume it because you would be right. If all women are having sex and many men aren’t, shouldn’t you be having sex? She’s going to have sex with you or without you. Women are sex machines. They never stop thinking about men. Men have aspirations and goals...women may have them but men are still the center of it. Men have resources and creativity to optimally survive. The combination is interestingly absent in women for some odd reason.

Two men talking...

“Joe, let’s go to the races and tomorrow we will go hit that lake and catch some awesome fish.”

“Sure Bill let’s go kick ass.”

Two women talking...

“Let’s go mingle at the fair today. I have a great new outfit. Sexy. Maybe we will run into some hunks.”

“Oh that’s a good idea Lisa, but not before 9:00. I have a Botox (insert anything vain here to attract attention) appointment.”

Hahahahahaha

Here is a good story of the way it should be...

The man comes home about mid morning. He walks over and kisses her on the cheek and takes his rifle downstairs to clean it. He spent the morning at the range.

She automatically reads him when he comes in. He is distracted. He barely kissed her cheek and hardly noticed him. It throws up a flag for her. “What was that about” she thinks. What’s actually troubling him? Did I do something wrong?

He stays down in the basement two hours and didn’t come up. When he does she notices his mind is preoccupied and strangely absent. Her worry deepens a little more. He is definitely thinking about something. Her solipsism dictates that she view it in reference to her. It’s the natural order of things. So she is about 90% sure that it’s about them or at least her.

Throughout the day he remains strangely distant. His answers are short and noncommittal to anything. By late afternoon she’s fairly alarmed. “has he run into another woman and is thinking about us or rather me?”

By the evening she is very upset. So now she matches his tone and is now in the same state. Distant. She is worried and a. It timid amount things now. But she has protection mechanisms that make her withdrawal emotionally. Anything she has done that he wouldn’t like are now being pulled up in her mind. Even if it’s minor, she is worried about it. If she’s a tramp, she will resort to calculations and manipulations to get herself out of hot water. (That’s a different story and not part of this example)

By evening she is beside herself and feels certain that he no longer lovers her or is interested in another woman. They go to bed and part of her is terrified. She gets into bed and he turns to look at her.
“Ok, what’s troubling you?” He asks.
“nothing is troubling me.” She says. (Manipulation)
She is turning it around so the stress is in him and no longer on her. Natural.
“Knock if off. “ he says to her.
“You haven’t said two words to me today.” she accuses him. A slight touch of anger. (Manipulation). Turning it around to make him in the wrong.

He just looks at her and smiles.
“Babe, when I was at the range today I couldn’t get my rifle to sight in properly. I went down and cleaned it and looked at everything to see if something was wrong with my rifle.”

She just stares at him to see if it’s true.
“Look, men are problem solvers. That’s what we are. I need to keep those skills up and the rifle has been bugging me all day.”

“Well you should have said that. You don’t communicate with me!!!” she says as a make wrong and the whole thing is his fault.

He just looks at her. He is brilliant and understands the dynamic. He gives her a crooked smile.
“I was solving a rifle problem.” He says teasingly.

She rolls over and faces away. (Manipulation) silence and distancing.

He is a very smart man. He rolls his eyes and reaches over and picks up his book to read until he’s ready to fall asleep.

So is oneitis a man trait or a feminine trait? Or merely an abomination brought on by the feminization of men to trap their production and taxes into a diabolical culture using men’s natural talents to keep them down and slaving away?

Which one are you going to participate in?
 

Dash Riprock

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OP, having feelings for a woman is nothing to be ashamed of. I feel sorry for the guys that purposely squash their feelings because they can't handle themselves. If you know how to deal with it, it's no big deal, but does take practice and experience.

Even James Bond caught a little oneitis at the end of Casino Royale with Vesper Lynd, his love interest. But, he was back to the normal James Bond for Quantum of Solace. It's what you do with the energy the feelings and attraction creates that determines how you're perceived by the girl. This is where guys can get all weak and act wussy--a woman's #1 turnoff. They can also start pushing and acting very jealous. I would say most do. You have to learn how to control the urges. So control the energy and whatever you do, don't push or bring up the other guy or even allude to him.

If it were me, I would back way off. Don't initiate any calls or texts. Mirror her behavior. Consider her gone and the fling over for your own recovery. I would just move on in my mind. It will take time, so keep busy. The sooner you can move on, the better off you'll be. Take solace in the fact that most (90+%) of all guys are clueless so the other guy will probably go all beta-tard on her within 3 months. Give him room to shoot himself in the foot or d*ck. If you play your cards right, back way off, be cool, aloof, James Bond in Quantum of Solace, good chance she'll look you up when the new guy is out of the picture. Have her out for a visit and see how it goes. You may not even want to at that point.

Keep us posted and good luck.
 
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manfrombelow

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Yeah I know. But, we know we shouldn't do all sorts of things. But sometimes we end up doing them anyway.

I get weak sometimes. Stupid stupid stupid.
Anyway how's that plate with the hottube date going?
 

Jake_Gyllenhaal69

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Mystery solved. Her ex came back into the picture. That's why she went from Hot to Cold in 60 seconds.
My ex tried to come back to me 3 times and I told her no because she's an ex. This girl is mentally weak, so you avoided a future hell case.
 

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RangerMIke

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I would actually be surprised if a woman I was casually dating wasn't also dating other men. If you think she is attractive, you can be sure you aren't the only one. Nothing you can do about it. You can't control her, you can only control how you respond to it.

Now if you are supposable in a 'relationship' with her... trust your gut. If she is attractive, you can be sure she gets hit on constantly... and if she is losing interest then she'll act on it. At this point you are in a 'no win' scenario. If you confront her then you don't trust her and your jealousy if 'smothering' her: If you ignore it... then eventually she will drift off. In both cases... you just lot's of drama and no fun. Once you get to this point there are no good options.

Much of how I look at things is influenced by my experience in the Army. And I will say that the key to success in combat is to own the idea that you are going to get hit. If you don't then you will end up behaving, out of fear, in such a way that you will almost certainly been unable to function, and actually end up doing things that will actually put you and others at greater risk.

Dealing with chicks is the same in a sense. So.... if you enter situations with chicks, always assume that sh!t is going to go sideways. Always think "This is going to end someday, and there is NOTHING I can do about it." Just stay on your path, worry about yourself, or if you have kids... your kids too, then let her worry about her. This isn't going to improve your chances of keeping her... but it will put you in a mindset where you will be more attractive... and when the train goes off the rails... well it will help you recover faster.
 
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Hank Moody

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I would actually be surprised if a woman I was casually dating wasn't also dating other men. If you think she is attractive, you can be sure you aren't the only one. Nothing you can do about it. You can't control her, you can only control how you respond to it.

Now if you are supposable in a 'relationship' with her... trust your gut. If she is attractive, you can be sure she gets hit on constantly... and if she is losing interest then she'll act on it. At this point you are in a 'no win' scenario. If you confront her then you don't trust her and your jealousy if 'smothering' her: If you ignore it... then eventually she will drift off. In both cases... you just lot's of drama and no fun. Once you get to this point thee are no good options.

Much of how I look at things is influenced by my experience in the Army. And I will say that the key to success in combat is to own the idea that you are going to get hit. If you don't then you will end up behaving, out of fear, in such a way that you will almost certainly been unable to function, and actually end up doing things that will actually put you and others at greater risk.

Dealing with chicks is actually the same in a sense. So.... if you enter situations with chicks, always assume that sh!t is going to go sideways. Always think "This is going to end someday, and there is NOTHING I can do about it." Just stay on your path, worry about yourself, or if you have kids... your kids too, then let her worry about her. This isn't going to improve your chances of keeping her... but it will put you in a mindset where you will be more attractive... and when the train goes off the rails... well it will help you recover faster.
Thanks for your service. Combat deployed Navy vet myself.
 

RangerMIke

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Thanks for your service. Combat deployed Navy vet myself.
Ditto... I was the odd ball in my family. All my relatives that served were either in the Navy or USMC.

When I was headed off to college, I applied for scholarships with the Army, Navy, and Air Force... the Army offered first... always go with the one that wants you the most. The Air Force expected me to jump through a series of stupid hoops... again.... it is always good advice to go with the one that makes things easy.

Happy with my choice, it worked out well in my life... but there were times when I doubted my decision (especially when you are getting snipped at in some sh1thole village in the middle of a desert. But you can not dwell on the past, because you can't go back in time and change anything.
 

manfrombelow

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Mystery solved. Her ex came back into the picture. That's why she went from Hot to Cold in 60 seconds.
This is like 80% of the cases. @RangerMIke nailed it with the analogy about there's really nothing we can do to prevent a woman to walk away from us at any given minute, because it's totally out of our control. All we can do, is to keep our frame, keep a cool head, keep upgrading ourselves, keep enjoying the sex and the so-called relationship with said woman while it still lasts, and accept the fact that everything can end at any second. Easier said than done, but we have to, as men.
 

BackInTheGame78

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I hate when this happens.

This is one of those times when scarcity and value cannot be overstated.

You cannot show that the other guy bothers you to any degree.
Next time you see her, be sure to arrive "in your power" (we all have days when we feel this).
Give her the time of her life (hopefully, this also includes the bedroom).

Naturally, you don't want to bail right after the deed, but you want to leave on the highest note possible.
Then you don't call or text (or respond to either) for days. There's a good reason for this.

In your absence, the other guy will be placing a bid. You might be thinking .. Wo... not good. But, this can most likely play to your advantage.
You left her on a high note. She doesn't know what you are up to or who you're with. When the phone pings (and it's the other guy)... this should lower her attraction toward him ("oh no, it's that other guy again... where's Hank?! ") and without any effort on your part, increase her attraction toward you.

This isn't bulletproof, and no advice is going to be 100% absolute. However, I believe that this is the best maneuver in these situations.
The truth is you don't always have to "win" as much as just not lose. So many other guys "lose" that you can often time just be the last man standing.
 
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