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BeTheChange

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One of the most consistent experiences throughout school, college and the metropolitan city life is that women tend to go for men who excel within a particular field.. Admiration, social proof, being with a man that other men want to be.

The cute girls who like musicians hang out at open mic nights.

Material girls hang out in the most exclusive bars and chase the guys who order bottle service and drive luxury cars.

The hottest salsa dancers are nine times out of ten dating someone who is better at salsa than they are – no easy feat.

The HB in the squat rack is chasing the shredded gym rat. I work with a woman who is a fitness enthusiasts. She’s pushed through five triathlons this year already, regularly does 100 km bike rides and long swims, cycles to and from the office most days. And she rides a motorcycle. She’s attractive and still feminine but hardcore. Who is she dating? G.I Joe. A fighter pilot, 10 years her senior, who could model for a bodybuilding magazine.

Attractive women in academic circles (albeit rare) are almost without fail dating or married to someone with at least an equivalent level of education – a masters or PhD.

Career girls tend to value men who display ambition in an arena that has tangible value. Thus they go for other men in the office, whether it’s an ambitious immediate colleague with potential or a VP or MD who’s already made it.

Even gamer girls go for guys who share their passion to kill MMORPG wargs, with the best gamers making thousands of dollars a year.

And the list goes on and on….

For all the talk of Game being the great equaliser amongst men, I rarely if at all see a woman dating a guy who doesn’t appeal to a major interest in her life. Water seeks its own level.

My advice. Double down on what you’re good at and what you enjoy. Find your passion and become tunnel vision.

The women will follow.
 
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Reykhel

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Sounds like "contextual alpha" talk.

You're right though, snagging "a" woman is not that difficult. You just got to put yourself out there in the world, doing
****e. Being the contextual alpha in whatever field can only help your chances.

Snagging a decent one and ones that you truly desire is a a different ball game though.

But hey, if playing world of warcraft is your thing, knock yourself out and do what makes you happy kid.
 

BeTheChange

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"Snagging a decent one" often involves being the contextual alpha that actually possesses the qualities these women want.

Pursuing women based on your legitimate passions will be much more fruitful than trying to game any chick that gives you a boner.

You can be as alpha as you want but if a woman is into a certain type then that's the type she will go for. Better to just be and excel at what you're good at than to try and mould yourself into something you think will bring you success.
 

Reykhel

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"Snagging a decent one" often involves being the contextual alpha that actually possesses the qualities these women want.
If you'd properly got into day game like you said you were going to, you'd recognize the folly in that statement.

Nothing to do with attraction. Unless of course, you're trying to bag yourself a nice little girlfriend to keep you warm at night while your watching
anime and playing world of warcraft.

mould yourself into something you think will bring you success.
Nice guy or beta game is what you're alluding to here. Nobody is advising that.

You can be as alpha as you want but if a woman is into a certain type then that's the type she will go for.
Right. because woman are wired to go for "certain types".
 

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BeTheChange

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The wider point being made here is that the majority of female attraction IS contextual. There is no archetype male model of attraction. You can clearly see this in the choices women make about who they hook up with both long and short term.

Day game is an illusion.
 

BeTheChange

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Salty. Making a lot of assumptions.

Day game is a poor use of your time in the real world champ. But feel free to spend four hours at the local mall trying to get numbers from random h0es.

If that's what you want then just fire up Tinder.
 

BeTheChange

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Anyone suggesting the above posts are implying WoW players get laid like rock stars is missing the point.

I define day game as going out specifically to chat to women in public places like malls, shopping centres, museums, etc. Just like tinder you will most likely be left with the low hanging fruit.

@deesade When you have a skill or talent that people admire you don't really need game. It's called being high value...contextually that is. Something to think about. Or perhaps one needs to simply experience it for themselves to understand.

Game is not the saviour you think it is. The vast majority of highly desirable women are with men who posses a practiced skill or talent. The men you just denigrated. How many HB8+ women do people need to be rejected by before they realise this?
 

BeTheChange

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What I am saying is there is a certain calibre of women you won't have a chance with no matter how great your game is. But those same women will throw themselves at the expert tennis player, industrialist or musician.

Given we have a finite amount of time I am absolutely saying investing in your passions and doubling down on what you're good at is a better use of your time than "investing" effort in gaming women...unless you want to bang 6s and 7s for the rest of your life.
 

BeExcellent

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Day game is fine but has its limits. I think what @deesade is relating is true. "Game" is a skill and will take you a long way. It's worth learning especially from a behavioral management position. I would tell you I have brilliant game in set and I've benefitted greatly from it. But once you have strong enough "inner game" you can toss the rule book because it's innate.

Game and common ground are two different things.

But as a chick I agree strongly with @BeTheChange in his OP assertion.

I for example meet high value men all the time.

There is a man I met recently who is great looking, a millionaire, 47, travels all over & owns several businesses. He is smart, funny & engaging. We met through social circle. He is interested in me & has made that very clear even though he has met the man I'm currently seeing (and I have explained that I'm seeing someone). He thinks I'm a "10" (he is quite direct and told me this a couple of weeks ago :rolleyes:). He didn't tell me from a supplicating place either. He's direct, alpha, a leader & puts it out there. His "game" is fine.

This man is going to be a great guy for someone but not me. Why? He is passionate about raising a rare breed of very expensive dogs and 12 of these dogs live in the house with him (he has help of course & it's a very nice house...). He also is planning to buy a private estate with roughly 12 acres, some livestock & show the dogs and continue breeding them & etc.

I honestly have no interest in what he's deeply passionate about with the dogs.

He has no idea how to salsa or swing dance or 2 step, which I love and have done for 25 years. My ex husband owned a very popular live music venue that had Latin & swing & other bands constantly so I actually picked a man to marry based on shared passion in business & nightlife.

This other guy goes to bed early and likes a more domestic life than I do. Additionally he's blond. He's a good looking man...I'm just generally not all that attracted to blonde men for whatever reason.

The man Im seeing? A tall, dark & very handsome Spaniard/Italian man who is 46, retired, financially independent, loves the nightlife and has danced Salsa himself more than 20 years. He's a great lead and is always the contextual alpha. We share a longstanding passion for dance and nightlife.

Both men are intrinsically high value men.

The one I'm seeing is more the player archetype but those are the sorts of men who I've always attracted, dated long term & married so I know how to navigate that like second nature. He isn't clingy, which would drive me nuts, and he likes that I can take or leave him. He's not used to that :).

We both have strong inner "game."

We met in a social setting among mutual friends too...and he mentioned he was leaving to go dance at Latin night at a local venue.

Before he mentioned that I thought he was handsome & cool & interesting, but I meet that all the time so he was just another handsome guy at that point.

His value in my eyes increased when I learned he is passionate about something I love and vice versa. When he learned I have also danced salsa for 20+ years & was at one time in the nightclub business he was surprised (I'm NOT a Latina), & he insisted I meet him at the other venue (like a good DJ, lol), and by then I was curious to see if he was a great dancer. He is to my great delight and we have been dating ever since. We get along effortlessly thus far.

So yes, all things being equal commonality and shared interests are a BIG deal in attraction, and can be the deciding factor, more important than "game" in my view.

Good inner game becomes a given just like success and great looks at the high value end of the market. Common interests and chemistry then become the delineating factors.
 

Urbanyst

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What I am saying is there is a certain calibre of women you won't have a chance with no matter how great your game is. But those same women will throw themselves at the expert tennis player, industrialist or musician.

Given we have a finite amount of time I am absolutely saying investing in your passions and doubling down on what you're good at is a better use of your time than "investing" effort in gaming women...unless you want to bang 6s and 7s for the rest of your life.
A big part of "game" is just recognizing who is already into you and knowing what to do about it.

Trying to get women with low interest to switch to high interest isn't "game" as much as its being desperate lol.
 

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BeExcellent

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"Game" is really just another layer of social skills.
Correct. A layer required for any real multidimensional success in life. Thus it becomes a given in higher value more accomplished circles.

Shared interests however are different. If I don't go out with a man who loves to dance I'm concerned I will not be able to enjoy that passion anymore. That's a huge give up to me. And I'm not teaching some rank beginner with no idea how to move his hips either. I'd rather have teeth pulled.

If a man is passionate say about golf or hunting but his woman either doesn't care about or is actively discouraging of golf or hunting (or participates grudgingly) it takes away from his enjoyment of that activity.

Life is too short for that crap!

Over time it's just SO much better to find someone who shares that passion or has a genuine desire to participate & learn.
 

Howiestern

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@BeExcellent

:p So tell me about this "brilliant game".....I want to protect myself from chics that might be using game on me. I totally object to chics trying to throw game down to get into my pants. :D
 

guru1000

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I have had LTRs with women I had nothing in common with except superficiality. I've had LTRs with women I had much in common with. Both LTRs ended. Everything else equal and between the two, I'd rather LTR a woman with shared interests and compatibility. However, I think the more important intrinsic characteristics, which supersede shared interests, are respect for each other and joint acceptance/understanding of traditional gender roles.
 

Bible_Belt

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shared interests are a BIG deal in attraction,
That is a good point that rarely gets made on this web site. It's well-known as a sales tactic that buyers are the most comfortable with salespeople who are the most similar to themselves. Establishing common ground is a key step in building comfort.
 

BeExcellent

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@BeExcellent

:p So tell me about this "brilliant game".....I want to protect myself from chics that might be using game on me. I totally object to chics trying to throw game down to get into my pants. :D
You crack me up Howie. You really do. :)

Its inner game. Meaning a DGAF attitude combined with social calibration that is effortless and innate to the point of understanding how to respond in a given interaction such that the interaction is pleasant but also conveys the correct tone and intent in a covert manner. You won't recognize it so much as you'll sense it or feel it. And you'll sense the message that I intend for you to receive. It is subtle and you'll not see it in the moment. It may not rise to your conscious thought right away but it will make a memorable impression. It is sub-context communicated beneath whatever topic is being discussed. You'll understand it comfortably and subconsciously. If I want to draw you in, I'll know whether or not you are receptive to that and I'll draw you in. If you aren't receptive I'll not waste effort trying to draw you in, I'll simply register your lack of interest and be engaging and polite and cool and be aware of someone else who wishes to be drawn in.

If you are interested and I'm not I'll gently friend zone you while at the same time expressing gratitude for your interest. I am never rude, always engaging and I enjoy immensely the exercise.

This is why I so enjoy players. Players *think* they know what they are doing. But players come from a place of lack more often than not. I grasp where the lack is very early on in the interaction and in my understanding of it display the ability to satisfy that need. At the same time I am somewhat enigmatic myself; self possessed and unpossessable, which they are not accustomed to. So they are drawn in and they chase. Every. Single. Time. They think I am different because I AM different. Very few women have the calibration, self confidence and understanding to do this effortlessly. At the same time I am warm and authentic and genuinely appreciate the company of a man whom I choose to engage. I do not manipulate. I don't need to do that. I am totally authentic. The men I choose are special. They know I find them special and they appreciate being seen and enjoyed for who they are, even if they are rascals.

The man I'm currently seeing is well known as a player. He told me himself "I'm a bad boy...I make you nervous." My response to him was "Don't be silly. It takes one to know one...you don't make me nervous at all...you are far too well rehearsed :rolleyes:." To this I got a full belly laugh and "Touche'". He knows I see him for what he is, I accept him for what he is, and I enjoy him as he is. That type of acceptance goes a long way, especially since at the same time I can walk away from the interaction fully intact, which HE can sense from me, so everything is congruent and honest and creates respect between us. But a great deal is happening beneath the surface in the communication department.

Men spill their guts to me often and while they are doing so tell me they *never* chat with a woman this way. I listen, appreciate and learn. I focus on that interaction with the appropriate tone and intensity and the men feel heard and understood. I am encouraging and positive.

So really I don't get the sense that the men mind all that much. A woman's game is responsive, which is a different angle than a man's game. I deeply understand a man's game and know how to read it and engage it in a delightful way. I adore men and I think men feel that adoration and like to be around it.
 
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