Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

"The opinions of strangers matter to me because..."

Krassus

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 20, 2003
Messages
1,406
Reaction score
17
Location
Here
"The opinions of strangers matter to me because..." I'd like you to try and finish this sentence. Try it, really. Sit down, think about it and try your best to find a logical reason why the opinions of strangers should matter to you. A logical reason is something that has an actual, noticable and measurable effect on your life. For instance, an effect on your salary, health, happiness, relationships, etc. A great example of a reason that is not logical is "because they'll think xof me." Since the person is a stranger, whether or not they think x of you doesn't really matter. Their opinion has no physical form, exists in their head and their head alone, and cannot have an actual effect on your life.

So once again, try to finish that sentence. You can't, can you? I know i couldn't. I spent five minutes staring at it and came up with absolutely nothing. Do you know why? Because fear of what people may think, say or do, otherwise known as fear of criticizm (which branches out into fear of rejection, fear of public speaking, etc) is illogical. It has absolutely no logic behind it, and if you disagree with me, i here and now challenge you to find and describe that logic. But you can't find it, and neither can anyone else. There is nothing to find; the logic simply isn't there. The fear is illogical and unnatural. We weren't born with it. We were born with fear of falling and fear of loud noises. Every other fear had to be taught to us, including fears that have now become second nature, such as fear of death, fear of physical pain and... yes, fear of criticizm. Who taught these fears to us? Siblings, parents, teachers, friends, neighbors and so on. And who taught them? Siblings, parents... you get the idea. Think of it as an epidemic, because that's precisely what fear of criticizm is: a disease. Just like AIDS, it now affects millions of people, yet whoever started it all is long dead and gone.

So how is this disease spread, how is it taught? Through repetition. The most common method of programming something into our subconscious mind (usually without even knowing it) is repetition. I have a unique opportunity to observe how fear of criticizm is taught, as i can see my parents and grandparents teach it on a daily basis to my little brother. "If you do x, they'll laugh at you." "What will they think if you do x?" "You don't want them to think x of you!" Like that, several times a day. Multiply that by at least a dozen years, at which point, if they're lucky, a person may finally be mature enough to know better than to listen. Three repetitions per day over a period of 12 years adds up to over 13,000 repetitions. THIRTEEN THOUSAND! I promise you that if you were to say to yourself that your skin is green thirteen thousand times, you'd begin to believe it! Hell, you would probably even see it when you look in the mirror! So imagine what thirteen thousand repetitions can to an abstract concept in your mind, such as the importance of the opinions of strangers.

And then you wonder why it takes forever and a day to get rid of approach anxiety, which as i mentioned earlier, is simply another form of fear of criticizm. You get guys saying that they're hopeless because they've approached a hundred girls and still suffer from it! Ha! Try to think of these numbers in terms of agreements and disagreements. As a kid, you nodded your head and agreed thirteen thousand times when your mother told you that the opinions of strangers matter. As an adult, you shook your head and disagreed one hundred times, as you made the choice to approach a girl and disregard what you've been taught. Now put these numbers side-by-side and compare them. Are you starting to see my point?

Since nothing particularly bad ever happened during your 100 approaches, your logical mind now agrees that approaching is safe. However, your subconscious mind doesn't... because you told it so! During your childhood years alone, you told it that the opinions of strangers matter thirteen thousand times. Through repetition, you taught yourself to believe that to risk doing something to make a girl (or any other stranger) think unfavourably of you is unsafe. And then, throughout your entire life, when you saw a girl you liked and did nothing, you told it another fifty thousand times that approaching girls is unsafe. So after agreeing with something fifty, sixty or seventy thousand times, you've now disagreed with it one hundred times, and are wondering why your subconscious isn't listening? Do you see how laughable that is? Of course, everyone is different. If your parents were a little wiser than most and kept their mouths shut, you may have been "born a natural." Unfortunately, if you're here, you probably weren't that lucky.

Now you know why the average person is more likely to name fear of criticizm, and not fear of death, as their biggest fear. So what's the solution? Two things: effort and time. You've got catching up to do. Keep hammering into your head the new belief that the opinions of strangers don't matter. Approach girls whenever and wherever you see them because each time you approach, you disagree with what you've been taught, and advance. Each time you make up an excuse and get yourself out of approaching, you agree with what you've been taught and backtrack. Furthermore, leave yourself little reminders all over the place. Try a "**** FEAR!" post-it on your fridge, or a Braveheart poster on the wall. Tell your friends about your new belief and make sure that they stop telling you things that may interfere with what you're working to accomplish. Use affirmations, morning and night. And always remember that anything that has been taught can be untaught. It's only a matter of time and effort.
 

S0LID

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 17, 2004
Messages
950
Reaction score
1
Age
38
Hey man, you must have studied sales! Cause in your posts you ask questions where we answer yes untill we're brainwashed to agree with your main question :D Blinding people with statistics :D haha you could have made us a pie chart :( I liked the classic reputition of "THIRTEEN THOUSAND", as you said, tell someone something enough times and it will stick with them.

"The opinions of strangers matter to me because..."

Well for someone who has obvious bad features like being ****eyed for example, if the girl went and said "you got no chance", maybe shes with friends and their doing impressions of your eyes, then they've hit a sore spot. After something like that, self worth is zero because it's not jus 1 persons opinion, but the opinion of many! i'm not ****eyed, it's just an example for some people.

IMO the only way to approach is to kill your ego and drill into your head, "some will, some won't, so what". In alot of peoples cases, "some will, most won't"

The thing with posts like this, is it gives people a 10 second high, then their back to square one.
 

Krassus

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 20, 2003
Messages
1,406
Reaction score
17
Location
Here
Originally posted by S0LID
The thing with posts like this, is it gives people a 10 second high, then their back to square one.
That's unfortunate. Those who don't learn to control their mind can never succeed in life. This post isn't meant to provide inspiration. Its meant to provide you with the tools to control your mind in this particular area. I suggest a book called As A Man Thinketh by James Allen. After reading that, you should be able to put this material to better use.
 

Virtú

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 12, 2004
Messages
193
Reaction score
0
The opinions of strangers matter because a person's opinion [of you] invariably determines how they treat you and act around you.

Someone with a low or negative opinion will be either distant and unresponsive or an ill-tempered b!tch/b@stard.
Someone with a high or positive opinion can end up being one of those people who never shuts up or goes away.

In the first case, the woman won't put out because she's anything from unmoved by you to seething with hatred for you.
In the second case, the woman won't put out because she thinks she's in love and so she witholds sex to get your 24/7/365 attention.

Considering our motives, we have no desire to deal with a woman on the levels of feelings and thoughts, all we want from them is for them to put out.

"Look, lady, I have no interest in you beyond sex. I don't care what you think of me and I don't want you to like me. All I want you to do is pull up your dress and lie still for five minutes, then leave quickly and quietly and forget all about me."

If only women were fine with men feeling this way...

Originally posted by S0LID
The thing with posts like this, is it gives people a 10 second high, then their back to square one.
All the knowledge and desire in the world is wasted on the guy with the flawed and weak mind.

And because he has a flawed and weak mind, he can't fix it on his own, and needs to be told, step-by-wussy-step, how to do it, and then forced to take those steps by some powerful external force.
 

Krassus

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 20, 2003
Messages
1,406
Reaction score
17
Location
Here
Originally posted by Virtú
Considering our motives, we have no desire to deal with a woman on the levels of feelings and thoughts, all we want from them is for them to put out.
Correction: considering YOUR motives. :) Personally, my goal are MLTRs, and there's so much more to them than just sex. Also, keep in mind that this article talks about the opinions of strangers, not the opinions of your targets. The idea is to help people who often excuse their way out of approaching because they're afraid of what the bystanders may think.
 

Virtú

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 12, 2004
Messages
193
Reaction score
0
Now I understand ... what you're talking about is how guys like me wish they could live, work, and approach in a world where they are alone, because they don't like being (and sometimes just feeling like they are) on the spot, with everyone watching and judging them.

Yes, I would love to have a solution to that problem :D
 

yunghova35

Don Juan
Joined
Mar 15, 2005
Messages
125
Reaction score
0
Location
D.C.
David D eitehr said or quote someone saying...



"What OTHER people think about you, is NONE of your business."




So ****ing true
 

S0LID

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 17, 2004
Messages
950
Reaction score
1
Age
38
Originally posted by Virtú
The opinions of strangers matter because a person's opinion [of you] invariably determines how they treat you and act around you.

Someone with a low or negative opinion will be either distant and unresponsive or an ill-tempered b!tch/b@stard.
Someone with a high or positive opinion can end up being one of those people who never shuts up or goes away.

In the first case, the woman won't put out because she's anything from unmoved by you to seething with hatred for you.
In the second case, the woman won't put out because she thinks she's in love and so she witholds sex to get your 24/7/365 attention.

Considering our motives, we have no desire to deal with a woman on the levels of feelings and thoughts, all we want from them is for them to put out.

"Look, lady, I have no interest in you beyond sex. I don't care what you think of me and I don't want you to like me. All I want you to do is pull up your dress and lie still for five minutes, then leave quickly and quietly and forget all about me."

If only women were fine with men feeling this way...


All the knowledge and desire in the world is wasted on the guy with the flawed and weak mind.

And because he has a flawed and weak mind, he can't fix it on his own, and needs to be told, step-by-wussy-step, how to do it, and then forced to take those steps by some powerful external force.
Man i'm not weak minded. I do approach, just stuff like this didnt get me there.
 

I-am-someone

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 30, 2004
Messages
477
Reaction score
2
Age
39
Location
the Netherlands
You know what... I really get the feeling there's a lot of negative vibes hanging around this board lately. Let me just tell you guys something...


Not a single post on this board will instantly improve your life in such a way that it will make your success with women sky-rocket.

Now, after we have considered that, let's look into the theory behind this fact.
A poster (Krassus), goes through life and experiences things. He discovers great things and makes great changes to his life. He does this all in his own mind, which takes a gradual, inner process, taking years to complete.
One day, he decides to share with the world what has made him successful. He does his very best to put it into a post, to ram these concepts and ideas into people's heads.
The only problem is, it doesn't work. These realisations are not coming from within the reader, but they are coming from an external source. The concept is engrained in the reader's brain and left there as a little block of information labelled "Krassus' good post about fear". After this, the reader goes on to read the next post... and the next... and the next...
The problem with this process is, simply put, that the reader is not changing from within. He is putting in little bundles of information that apply to other people.
So, the readers begin to complain, moan and whine that the posts aren't helping them. They blame the posters (who have all the best intentions in the world) for their own stupidity.

Now, let's see what point I'm trying to get at... Oh yeah, I think it would probably be a good idea for all of you people to realize that posts, are just posts. Learning comes from real life experiences. Longer stories, with greater amounts of repetitions (as Krassus stated earlier) will be much more helpful to your cause, as you remain busy with the subject at hand for several weeks, thinking about it and processing it. However, even THAT will not compare with the learning processes that come from within.

Now, either get out there and start learning enough stuff to start writing up your own inspiring posts, or shut the FVCK up :).
 

Krassus

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 20, 2003
Messages
1,406
Reaction score
17
Location
Here
To some extent, i definitely agree with the poster above. My posts provide knowledge, but knowledge isn't power. It can be transformed into power, but only through ACTIVE USE. Reading something does you no good unless you apply it. People who read ONE good self-help book, but TRULY master everything it talks about it and CONSISTENTLY APPLY IT, will be far better off than people who read dozens of books and apply bits and pieces here and there. However, what i disagree with is the fact that you can't learn from words alone. This isn't true. As the saying goes, "wisdom teaches gently, experience teaches brutally." EVERYONE can learn from experience, but FEW are able to learn from wisdom. Those few are the ones who end up succeeding. But you're not born one of them, you become one of them. Simply by telling yourself that wisdom is worthless unless you USE it. As long as you keep that concept in mind, you'll have no problem learning from wisdom. That's all it takes. When you learn, take notes, then check up on them from time to time and judge your progress. As Brian Tracy says, "if you can't measure it, you can't manage it."


Originally posted by Virtú
Now I understand ... what you're talking about is how guys like me wish they could live, work, and approach in a world where they are alone, because they don't like being (and sometimes just feeling like they are) on the spot, with everyone watching and judging them.

Yes, I would love to have a solution to that problem :D
You already have it, its right in front of you. Its in this post and the one about fear. You don't like doing things in the open because you're afraid of being judged. Like i said many times over, the only way to stop being afraid of something is to force yourself to do it. That's why i PURPOSELY put myself in situations where i KNOW people will judge me. For instance, when i go out and feel fear of criticizm creeping up, i'll force myself to do something like make a dirty sexual comment to a random chick. Boom. Right there, i made her judge me on purpose and walked off in one piece. With a smile on my face. Nothing happened and the fear is gone. I rarely get it anymore, and make it a point to stomp it immediately as soon as i do. Eventually it'll vanish alltogether.
 

S0LID

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 17, 2004
Messages
950
Reaction score
1
Age
38
The only way you guys will deal with fear is by pushing comfort zones. Posts like this are just like, ok we have given you the facts, now do it. They explain why you shouldnt have fear. If you guys can master comfort zones, you will be approaching with ease. It's all about small steps, but nobody ever listens to me....
 
Top