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The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

BackInTheGame78

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Thanks for more background, you said a magic sentence in there that told me everything i needed to know.

"I was the lowest priority."

This tells me the relationship meant nothing to her. So when someone makes you their lowest priority, they become your lowest priority.

You are now too busy for her. She blew her chance. If you entertain her breadcrumbing now you will be teaching her, it is ok to do it to you again and again.

Stop going the extra mile for people who won't cross the street for you.
No offense but I have no idea where guys on this forum are coming from who expect a woman is going to put a guy in front of their kids priority wise or make decisions based on him versus their kids needs.

IMHO, this would be a humongous red flag in terms of her not only being a garbage Mom, but also a garbage human being.

I have no earthly idea how guys complain about not finding quality women but then expect a woman to do the thing that would make her about the lowest quality woman they could be. It's in direct opposition to each other and it's makes absolutely no sense to me.

Clearly most guys here are not parents or don't have kids so they have no comprehension of how this actually works in real life. Only explanation I got, because if you have kids and you are expecting this, I feel bad for both you and your kids. And if you don't have kids and actually think like this...please don't have kids. There are enough deadbeat Dads as there are, no need to add another to the list.
 

DarwinTaurus

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There was no way that I expected her to prioritize her kids over me. She had custody of her kids 4 days a week, and the 3 remaining days we would spend with each other (sometimes it was less, but that was due to me working shift work). I was happy with that arrangement. I thought we had a future, and in the long term, I would eventually meet her kids, which would lead to greater flexibility of when we could spend time together (she wanted to keep her kids, and our relationship separate).
 

dude99

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No offense but I have no idea where guys on this forum are coming from who expect a woman is going to put a guy in front of their kids priority wise or make decisions based on him versus their kids needs.

IMHO, this would be a humongous red flag in terms of her not only being a garbage Mom, but also a garbage human being.

I have no earthly idea how guys complain about not finding quality women but then expect a woman to do the thing that would make her about the lowest quality woman they could be. It's in direct opposition to each other and it's makes absolutely no sense to me.

Clearly most guys here are not parents or don't have kids so they have no comprehension of how this actually works in real life. Only explanation I got, because if you have kids and you are expecting this, I feel bad for both you and your kids. And if you don't have kids and actually think like this...please don't have kids. There are enough deadbeat Dads as there are, no need to add another to the list.

No offence taken. I agree you don't want to date a dead beat mother that is Huge red flag. I 100% agree. Your kids rely on you they need you and being a proper parent they should be their first priority, but a woman can be a wonderful mother who loves and provides for and nurtures her kids AND treats her guy with love and respect too. That isn't too much to ask now is it?

His words "i was the lowest priority." Obvioisly SHE made him feel valueless and she treated him with disrespect and as he was in the way, or else he would have never made this statement. He spoke from the heart when he said that. The statement told me how he was feeling, how SHE treated him how she made him feel.

I agree. Don't date a dead beat mother. We agree on that but when a woman makes you feel worthless you don't reward her by sticking around.
 

bcude

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I'm going to make this really simple.

100% of childless men (and women) want to feel prioritized when they look for something longer term
0% of single mothers can offer that, per definition, because of her child
100% of single mothers are bad partners for single childless men

So they are obviously excluded from the conversation about quality women which BackInTheGame78 seem to allude to in his last post.
That is why we say stay cleer from even dating one and if you do, know that you will never be a priority. So smash and have fun, but that's a dangerous path and the odds are against you not eventually catching any feelings, which leads down the path of coping and rationalizing.

That's only highlighting one of many issues that comes with dating one.

Your kids rely on you they need you and being a proper parent they should be their first priority, but a woman can be a wonderful mother who loves and provides for and nurtures her kids AND treats her guy with love and respect too. That isn't too much to ask now is it?
You would think so but it seems they become damaged from the whole experience so it's very very rare. They're way more conditional than normal and will act right as long as you provide but the genuine burning desire is not there, which is the heart of the problem.
 

sickwithu

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It will be 7 months since the breakup. Since my last post, we didn't talk. I wasn't blocked on WhatsApp ( only fb, ig etc.). Sometimes I posted some statuses for my friends on WhatsApp ( ex was almost always the first one to see them, every each of them, I don't think this is relevant, people are just curious, I open status If i see it out of curiosity). One day I wanted to try something because I always thought my ex is a narcissist, her victim mentality and negativity, always blaming but never at fault for anything, selfishness.. so many patterns. So I put a bait and I was 100 percent sure she will write me after all those months. Guess what, it was true. I wrote this : Narcissists will destroy your life, erode your self-esteem, and do it with such stealth as to make u feel u are the one letting them down.

As soon as she sees it, she sends a message: "who is the narcissist ( I guess she was sure it was about her) haha. Then immediately deletes the message. I saw it on screen but I didn't open it, I pretended I didn't see it, so I asked, hey, did u want to ask me how I am, or maybe u wrote something by mistake.. Then she said, was this post about me.. I said, hell no, why would you think so.... LOL so we keep talking and I finally get the closure, finding out she is in a relationship ( probably was right after dumping me or dating someone while was with me) and she also said she "had sex ofc".. Well.. I was waiting for this.. I threw my best insults I could think of explaining how much respect I have for her.. I'm not proud of the things I say, but guess what, I felt great. I still do. She blocks me, after 2 hours of trying to "defend her honor" as she was saying.. I was just telling her, ok, slut just go away already. The next day she unblocks me to explain how she had every right to have sex as she is single ( ofc I don't deny it) and I'm a bad person. Of, she didn't say a single thing good about me or our past. And blocks me again. So, my question is... Do you guys think this is narcissistic behavior? I don't understand why she put so much effort to explain herself to me, It's my right if I hate her and if I choose not to respect her. It's still my process of moving on completely and releasing everything I wanted to say helped me. I don't understand the need to explain and defend. If someone tells me " I hate you" you are bad, blah blah, I'd say **** you, bye-bye.. She was so eager to explain and appear a good person in my eyes.. I don't get it, she is happy and in a new relationship and if it wasn't for this bait, she would never write. I guess it doesn't matter anyway, but I would love to hear some opinions.
 

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dude99

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It will be 7 months since the breakup. Since my last post, we didn't talk. I wasn't blocked on WhatsApp ( only fb, ig etc.). Sometimes I posted some statuses for my friends on WhatsApp ( ex was almost always the first one to see them, every each of them, I don't think this is relevant, people are just curious, I open status If i see it out of curiosity). One day I wanted to try something because I always thought my ex is a narcissist, her victim mentality and negativity, always blaming but never at fault for anything, selfishness.. so many patterns. So I put a bait and I was 100 percent sure she will write me after all those months. Guess what, it was true. I wrote this : Narcissists will destroy your life, erode your self-esteem, and do it with such stealth as to make u feel u are the one letting them down.

As soon as she sees it, she sends a message: "who is the narcissist ( I guess she was sure it was about her) haha. Then immediately deletes the message. I saw it on screen but I didn't open it, I pretended I didn't see it, so I asked, hey, did u want to ask me how I am, or maybe u wrote something by mistake.. Then she said, was this post about me.. I said, hell no, why would you think so.... LOL so we keep talking and I finally get the closure, finding out she is in a relationship ( probably was right after dumping me or dating someone while was with me) and she also said she "had sex ofc".. Well.. I was waiting for this.. I threw my best insults I could think of explaining how much respect I have for her.. I'm not proud of the things I say, but guess what, I felt great. I still do. She blocks me, after 2 hours of trying to "defend her honor" as she was saying.. I was just telling her, ok, slut just go away already. The next day she unblocks me to explain how she had every right to have sex as she is single ( ofc I don't deny it) and I'm a bad person. Of, she didn't say a single thing good about me or our past. And blocks me again. So, my question is... Do you guys think this is narcissistic behavior? I don't understand why she put so much effort to explain herself to me, It's my right if I hate her and if I choose not to respect her. It's still my process of moving on completely and releasing everything I wanted to say helped me. I don't understand the need to explain and defend. If someone tells me " I hate you" you are bad, blah blah, I'd say **** you, bye-bye.. She was so eager to explain and appear a good person in my eyes.. I don't get it, she is happy and in a new relationship and if it wasn't for this bait, she would never write. I guess it doesn't matter anyway, but I would love to hear some opinions.
Could be narcissists behaviour could be she is aware of her narcissistic behaviour could be someone had called her one before. She could have responded because they have increadibly fragil ego's and they do want to drag you into their drama to get their narcissistic supply, but in this case you dragged her into the drama. You had no communication with her for 7 months. You should have left it that way.

It could be she just loves drama and you gave her some.

All you did was tell her you are still pining over her and you still care which gave her the ego boost and narcissitic supply she needed, meanwhile she dragged you through the mud and ruined your night/day/next 3 weeks and set your healing back 7 months. She made sure to tell you she was having sex because she wanted to rub your nose in it. She wanted to say she was doing better without you (even if it isn't true) because she wants to hurt you and get validation.

The closure you needed is honestly moving on and living a good life without her. Not trying to entice her with shots about being a narcissist.

Her blocking then unblocking to get more words in is just that. Words. Useless words. She wants to feel she won the arguement so she insisted on having the last work then reblocking you.

If you feel she honestly is a narcissist the best way to hurt them is to move on without them. Live well without them. They think they are superiour to you and believe your life will end without them. Moving on will heal you the most and hurt them the most. Leave her blocked and do not reply or engage with her anymore.
 
Last edited:

evolve98

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i have no regrets in meeting you

even tho we are no longer together

you continue to shine like gold in my memories
 

Gameplayer007

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This is why i am a firm believer in you give a girl 1 chance. One. If she blows that chance she is history. Remember you are GIVING HER A CHANCE TO BE WITH YOU. You are the prize not her.

When you give them multiple chances you are teaching them to disrespect you. Bottom line, you are rewarding bad behaviour. When you reward bad behaviour you get more bad behaviour.

Sex with other girls will come along when you know you are the prize. Great sex will come along, and saying stuff like "the sex with her was next level," is putting her on a pedastle, you are making her the prize and this is why she disrespected you by dumping you weekly. She knew she could because you always took her back. You were in her frame and she was in control of the relationship. The mans job is to lead. When women lead the relationship turns into a schitt show. Also Never tell a chick how great they are in bed. Leave them wondering. It will make them second guess everything and they won't know they have you wrapped around their finger like your ex did.
These words couldn’t hold more truth than they already do.

I foolishly pursued someone who already rejected me. Back then I was only a bit red pilled, but way more blue pilled. And I can’t even express how dumb it is to give a woman more chances if you think it’s going to work. It won’t.

When you give her your attention freely, she won’t value you. You’re too easy to manipulate at her beck and call. When you make her the prize and not yourself, your attention isn’t of much value. But when you’re the prize and treat her like she’s the orbiter, things can be different. You have to put in the work on yourself, but honestly from personal experience and pain, it’s not worth pursuing a woman who rejected you.
 

DreamAgain

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These words couldn’t hold more truth than they already do.

I foolishly pursued someone who already rejected me. Back then I was only a bit red pilled, but way more blue pilled. And I can’t even express how dumb it is to give a woman more chances if you think it’s going to work. It won’t.

When you give her your attention freely, she won’t value you. You’re too easy to manipulate at her beck and call. When you make her the prize and not yourself, your attention isn’t of much value. But when you’re the prize and treat her like she’s the orbiter, things can be different. You have to put in the work on yourself, but honestly from personal experience and pain, it’s not worth pursuing a woman who rejected you.
Great post.
 

LARaiders85

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It will be 7 months since the breakup. Since my last post, we didn't talk. I wasn't blocked on WhatsApp ( only fb, ig etc.). Sometimes I posted some statuses for my friends on WhatsApp ( ex was almost always the first one to see them, every each of them, I don't think this is relevant, people are just curious, I open status If i see it out of curiosity). One day I wanted to try something because I always thought my ex is a narcissist, her victim mentality and negativity, always blaming but never at fault for anything, selfishness.. so many patterns. So I put a bait and I was 100 percent sure she will write me after all those months. Guess what, it was true. I wrote this : Narcissists will destroy your life, erode your self-esteem, and do it with such stealth as to make u feel u are the one letting them down.

As soon as she sees it, she sends a message: "who is the narcissist ( I guess she was sure it was about her) haha. Then immediately deletes the message. I saw it on screen but I didn't open it, I pretended I didn't see it, so I asked, hey, did u want to ask me how I am, or maybe u wrote something by mistake.. Then she said, was this post about me.. I said, hell no, why would you think so.... LOL so we keep talking and I finally get the closure, finding out she is in a relationship ( probably was right after dumping me or dating someone while was with me) and she also said she "had sex ofc".. Well.. I was waiting for this.. I threw my best insults I could think of explaining how much respect I have for her.. I'm not proud of the things I say, but guess what, I felt great. I still do. She blocks me, after 2 hours of trying to "defend her honor" as she was saying.. I was just telling her, ok, slut just go away already. The next day she unblocks me to explain how she had every right to have sex as she is single ( ofc I don't deny it) and I'm a bad person. Of, she didn't say a single thing good about me or our past. And blocks me again. So, my question is... Do you guys think this is narcissistic behavior? I don't understand why she put so much effort to explain herself to me, It's my right if I hate her and if I choose not to respect her. It's still my process of moving on completely and releasing everything I wanted to say helped me. I don't understand the need to explain and defend. If someone tells me " I hate you" you are bad, blah blah, I'd say **** you, bye-bye.. She was so eager to explain and appear a good person in my eyes.. I don't get it, she is happy and in a new relationship and if it wasn't for this bait, she would never write. I guess it doesn't matter anyway, but I would love to hear some opinions.
did you accuse her of being a narcissist eventually?
 

sickwithu

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did you accuse her of being a narcissist eventually?
yes. She even believes she is. She is the type of girl that will block you, then unblock you after ****ing around, tell you she misses you, and then lose interest. I blocked her on everything I could, really don't give a ****, I pity her, she is so unhappy because she is incapable of loving anyone, not even herself. I don't want to diagnose anyone, she is just bad news.
 

Cerwin Vega

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It's been what, 6-7 years?!

I'll keep it short and sweet. My first ex finally hit me up after 5 years of NC from my side. I was quite indifferent already and she was pushing to meet.

We ended up banging and I told her I don't want a relationship with her. In fact, I had zero feelings for her. The sex wasn't too bad but was also nothing remarkable. I couldn't care less!

Trust me, NC works. Not for getting her back -- but for your own healing.
 

Lotus Effect

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Guys

I just want to share that it has been really hard for me

and the blame is on me.

we broke up for no reason in January. Yes January
8 months ago

and instead of going nc, I’ve kept on talking to her per her demand

she cried and begged that I don’t NC

and now, 8 months later, guess who is suffering a terrible depression. Me!

she is moving to Australia (we’re from Brazil) never to come back, and I feel like ****

I’ve should’ve listened to my better judgment and nc when the timing was proper.

now here I am, feeling like sh!t and nowhere near recover.

since I’m already effed I’ll do the chumps way out and ask her to do it the next time we see each other, because we have been spoking all this time

and to anyone believing that maintaining contact will make her regret her decision and come back
I’ll guarantee you

it won’t
 

Foe

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since I’m already effed I’ll do the chumps way out and ask her to do it the next time we see each other,
Dude, just read your Got dumped post from years ago and your still doing the same ****! You seemed to have had it all figured out back then and now your hear doing it again?
 

Lotus Effect

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Dude, just read your Got dumped post from years ago and your still doing the same ****! You seemed to have had it all figured out back then and now your hear doing it again?
For you to see how life play tricks on you!

When you think you’ve got all figured out! BAM!

life show up a new and improved way to kick you in the nuts!

not my proudest moment, but I think it was necessary to share.

The more you know, you realize how little you actually know! And I think it’s awesome.

you know? It makes you feel alive!
I know it will pass, and I know how to handle myself, but again, this new case has been completely different from previous ones, and it got me from somewhere I wasn’t expecting
 

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Lotus Effect

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By the way

When I wrote this last piece, I was drunk as f and I needed to vent

my advice remains the same

NC

speaking to the chick will only increase/prolong unnecessary pain
 

Lotus Effect

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Day one!

and this time is for good

we’ve met
Had dinner
I told her how I feel in order for her to know what kind of stuff having her around me was causing
She said that she loves me and I’ll always be her first love but it’s over

so I finally took it as a man and walked away

ive heard her truth
She heard mine

and that’s it!

now I know that there’s nothing to be done

She cried, but mostly because she was losing her best friend, not her former boyfriend

Now I’m ready to move on!
and I actually feel better. I’m feeling sad, but I’m happy I had her and that kind of love in my life

I know I’m capable of loving

now it’s time to love Me
 

Chowdah

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@Lotus Effect did you date during the 8 months?
Were you the same person that was in the relationship?

There is always a familiarity factor on why she cried, I can only fathom what that would do to my ex right now since we hang out once a week. Any feedback would be much appreciated brotha!
 

dude99

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@Lotus Effect did you date during the 8 months?
Were you the same person that was in the relationship?

There is always a familiarity factor on why she cried, I can only fathom what that would do to my ex right now since we hang out once a week. Any feedback would be much appreciated brotha!
Why are you hanging out with her once a week?
 

dude99

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Day one!

and this time is for good

we’ve met
Had dinner
I told her how I feel in order for her to know what kind of stuff having her around me was causing
She said that she loves me and I’ll always be her first love but it’s over

so I finally took it as a man and walked away

ive heard her truth
She heard mine

and that’s it!

now I know that there’s nothing to be done

She cried, but mostly because she was losing her best friend, not her former boyfriend

Now I’m ready to move on!
and I actually feel better. I’m feeling sad, but I’m happy I had her and that kind of love in my life

I know I’m capable of loving

now it’s time to love Me
When they break up for no reason but still want you there as a friend to keep them validated and entertained ,. It is always you that will suffer. It is a good learning experience for next time. Next time just walk away.
 
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