The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[jamesfromhouston]

Something that most suffering men also seem to miss is the fact that women break up long before the actual "talk". By the point he finally hears about it and starts his grieving, she's already made her mind up in the months earlier and processed the break up while being together with him. The signs are usually there, yet we decide to ignore them only to be taken by surprise when she wants to have "the talk". When we go back to analyze the broken relationship and break it down to impressive level of detail - a common trait among men - we see the signs very clearly in hindsight. So men and women are usually on complete different paths when a relationship eventually ends.
I believe, however, that with the right amount of work and self-improvement we get better with every relationship on how to identify the signs of waning respect in our state of chemical induced madness (called love) and walk away before she does... because we all know how brutally cold women can be when they have to do the breaking up. That's also when you really get to know her true character.

Beautifully said brother.

 

[Raasay]

Interesting development here, as announced I didn't block her... she kept texting me, at some point I replied, that I won't text back, but if it is important I'm open to talk. Some drama from her side, we kept texting back and forth admin stuff, like selling things we owned together and agreed to meet on Nov. 20th. This is too late for her, she wants to see me earlier. I tell her, I'll see when it fits, I'll tell you where and when. At this point she had put an absolutely abnormal amount of effort and work into the conversation and into meeting me asap so I start getting confused what she is after. How much effort are women willing to invest for their validation when I refuse to provide it to her?

Anyways, I got weak and texted her although I said no personal issues via text, but the sheer amount of effort and all she's done puzzled me and I wanted to kill any irrational hope for her coming back. So I said, you realized we are broken up? You know that I suffered for the end of our relationship, that you are not the only person that has feelings and that I asked at least 10 times to leave me be? I guess you got a serious reason to keep texting me over and over again.

Then, via text and phone:
She: I'm not texting you that often and bla bla bla contradicting ****, she wants to close the breakup in a clean way but there is also more.
Me: You are no part of my life anymore + a friendly GTFO
She: Admits that she still loves me, misses me and stopped/ended the other dude. At the same time complains about not helping me through her breakup (lol). Also says, you were so mean to me (GTFO), now I don't want to meet you anymore... I love you but I don't know, bla bla bla. My feelings bla bla bla, I only know I still love you, but I don't know if I want to try it again, I'm confused bla bla, you are so mean, now I don't want to talk anymore, we should just break up bla bla bla.

This is absolutely fascinating, I'm 99% sure that she has no idea what she's doing here, I think that she has close to no control about it at all. Seriously, this is scary, like observing a sleep walker or schizophrenic person. But at the same time, it is like in the horror movies, I just have go there and look what it is... At the moment it is not giving me extra pain but I'm definitely stirred up... that's a pretty thin line that I'm trying to balance here... but I know her and I know the game, I should be able to handle her, I used to be good at this before.

I'm taking a big risk here, but I just have to examine it, for now I have to get my emotional sh*t in order so I can join her playing this weird game... any chance to win it or has she already won when I joined it?

I'm staying cool, relaxed, humorous, I laugh a lot (not faking it), she also knows, that I have some dates scheduled, so this shouldn't give her much validation right? At the same time, I'm honestly and seriously saying if there is still love, we should at least talk about it. Still think she is a good girl, good character (one says, in a break-up they show their true face, even during the break-up she kept cooking for me, caring, doing hundreds of things for me, being very fair, paying my money back etc.), good looking, good job, good salary, no financial discussions, faithful, honest, reliable... However, I don't know if it is still possible to repair something and even if, if that'd be a good idea... But I'm too curious to not see where this is going... I think the most probable scenario is, that she lures me in, until I somehow commit and say I want a relationship again, she has the validation she was after and then realizes that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore or so.

 

[dude99]

Interesting development here, as announced I didn't block her... she kept texting me, at some point I replied, that I won't text back, but if it is important I'm open to talk. Some drama from her side, we kept texting back and forth admin stuff, like selling things we owned together and agreed to meet on Nov. 20th. This is too late for her, she wants to see me earlier. I tell her, I'll see when it fits, I'll tell you where and when. At this point she had put an absolutely abnormal amount of effort and work into the conversation and into meeting me asap so I start getting confused what she is after. How much effort are women willing to invest for their validation when I refuse to provide it to her?

Anyways, I got weak and texted her although I said no personal issues via text, but the sheer amount of effort and all she's done puzzled me and I wanted to kill any irrational hope for her coming back. So I said, you realized we are broken up? You know that I suffered for the end of our relationship, that you are not the only person that has feelings and that I asked at least 10 times to leave me be? I guess you got a serious reason to keep texting me over and over again.

Then, via text and phone:
She: I'm not texting you that often and bla bla bla contradicting ****, she wants to close the breakup in a clean way but there is also more.
Me: You are no part of my life anymore + a friendly GTFO
She: Admits that she still loves me, misses me and stopped/ended the other dude. At the same time complains about not helping me through her breakup (lol). Also says, you were so mean to me (GTFO), now I don't want to meet you anymore... I love you but I don't know, bla bla bla. My feelings bla bla bla, I only know I still love you, but I don't know if I want to try it again, I'm confused bla bla, you are so mean, now I don't want to talk anymore, we should just break up bla bla bla.

This is absolutely fascinating, I'm 99% sure that she has no idea what she's doing here, I think that she has close to no control about it at all. Seriously, this is scary, like observing a sleep walker or schizophrenic person. But at the same time, it is like in the horror movies, I just have go there and look what it is... At the moment it is not giving me extra pain but I'm definitely stirred up... that's a pretty thin line that I'm trying to balance here... but I know her and I know the game, I should be able to handle her, I used to be good at this before.

I'm taking a big risk here, but I just have to examine it, for now I have to get my emotional sh*t in order so I can join her playing this weird game... any chance to win it or has she already won when I joined it?

I'm staying cool, relaxed, humorous, I laugh a lot (not faking it), she also knows, that I have some dates scheduled, so this shouldn't give her much validation right? At the same time, I'm honestly and seriously saying if there is still love, we should at least talk about it. Still think she is a good girl, good character (one says, in a break-up they show their true face, even during the break-up she kept cooking for me, caring, doing hundreds of things for me, being very fair, paying my money back etc.), good looking, good job, good salary, no financial discussions, faithful, honest, reliable... However, I don't know if it is still possible to repair something and even if, if that'd be a good idea... But I'm too curious to not see where this is going... I think the most probable scenario is, that she lures me in, until I somehow commit and say I want a relationship again, she has the validation she was after and then realizes that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore or so.

You ask if you can win this or if she has already won. Only one answer :

She is sucking you back into her frame of drama. When you participate, she wins.

To quote the "Joshua computer" from the movie War Games, "the only winning move is not to play."

 

[Raasay]

She's done with the other dude and now going crazy to get me back. She wants to evaluate if we can repair what is left between us. I'm open to talk but not decided yet.

 

[dude99]

She's done with the other dude and now going crazy to get me back. She wants to evaluate if we can repair what is left between us. I'm open to talk but not decided yet.

Ignore. Block. Delete.

Stay that course. As soon as she is validated knowing she "could" have you back she will flake and leave you hanging again and again.

She had her chance. She blew it. Go date other women

 

[bobafatt]

Back here after a 2.5 year relationship!

The last few months have a been a struggle, this weekend I think we've finally both cracked. There has been some real toxic and disrespectful behaviour on her part, I wanted to end the relationship soon and had plans to after she finished her course which we was struggling quite a bit with, she beat me too it. Both of us were in agreement that we weren't making each other happy.

I lost my centre and purpose in life but i could see everything failing in front of me without the communication from either of us, I have been working out and eating healthy for a while now, I guess, in a way mentally preparing for the situation I find myself in now.

If I'm honest, yes it does suck at times but not as bad as I thought - it does feel like a weight has been lifted.

We got into an argument over the weekend over nothing, i asked her what the problem was and that's we she came out with not knowing what she wanted and was unhappy. I asked her where she wanted to go from here and she didn't know. I proposed a break to test the waters and see how we both felt and this would also allow her to complete her course with less stress, she agreed.

Knowing this was a big mistake on my part, I rang her back and asked to meet the next day so we can properly chat about us and the future.

Cut a long story short I told her the break was a bad idea and the best thing for us both was to drop down tools and move on without each other. I told her this is something that's been coming for a while and even though I would try my best to make us work, I didn't feel like she would put the effort in as much as me. I told here there were no hard feelings but I will not be getting in contact with her again and that if she changed her mind. She knew where I was!

I walked away and that's been the last time I've seen or spoke to her in four days - the longest we've gone without speaking to each other.

If you've read this far down, thank you! I needed to vent somewhere and this is it.

I'm here if anyone else wants advice or a chat!

 

[dude99]

Back here after a 2.5 year relationship!

The last few months have a been a struggle, this weekend I think we've finally both cracked. There has been some real toxic and disrespectful behaviour on her part, I wanted to end the relationship soon and had plans to after she finished her course which we was struggling quite a bit with, she beat me too it. Both of us were in agreement that we weren't making each other happy.

I lost my centre and purpose in life but i could see everything failing in front of me without the communication from either of us, I have been working out and eating healthy for a while now, I guess, in a way mentally preparing for the situation I find myself in now.

If I'm honest, yes it does suck at times but not as bad as I thought - it does feel like a weight has been lifted.

We got into an argument over the weekend over nothing, i asked her what the problem was and that's we she came out with not knowing what she wanted and was unhappy. I asked her where she wanted to go from here and she didn't know. I proposed a break to test the waters and see how we both felt and this would also allow her to complete her course with less stress, she agreed.

Knowing this was a big mistake on my part, I rang her back and asked to meet the next day so we can properly chat about us and the future.

Cut a long story short I told her the break was a bad idea and the best thing for us both was to drop down tools and move on without each other. I told her this is something that's been coming for a while and even though I would try my best to make us work, I didn't feel like she would put the effort in as much as me. I told here there were no hard feelings but I will not be getting in contact with her again and that if she changed her mind. She knew where I was!

I walked away and that's been the last time I've seen or spoke to her in four days - the longest we've gone without speaking to each other.

If you've read this far down, thank you! I needed to vent somewhere and this is it.

I'm here if anyone else wants advice or a chat!

If she is becoming disrespectful and toxic then you did the right thing. Just walk away.

What most men don't realize is if she can go toxic suddenly, this has been her true colours all along. She just chose to hide it and sadly you fell in love with a phony personality. The toxic personality is the real her. If you genuinely care for a person you do not deliberately disrespect them or be toxic towards them. You just don't. If she suddenly goes toxic then she is just showing her true colours.

Keep your head high and if she ever does reach out, do not fall for it. Once toxic always toxic. She just chosen to hide it

If she tries to contact you moving forward, just ignore and delete and move on.

 

[Aurora Demon]

I need this. Heart broken. Let's go. I'm on about 60 days, I'll count sometime tonight.

 

[bobafatt]

Regardless of what her thoughts were or lack of towards the end, we were both of the same mentality, I should of recognized the problems sooner and taken action myself but instead i stayed in the relationship to try and resolve the issues we had, I will put my hand up and say i made mistakes and now is a time to work on myself, find my centre and get back to my happy single life!

Im lucky to be a member of a site like this, I would also like to recommend coach corey wayne's book and youtube videos - they have helped out a lot. When you know exactly what to do after a break up it makes life a lot easier. I can be proud in myself knowing that after she bailed out mentally in the relationship that i owned up to my own self, valued my time and respect as a person to just walk away and mean it.

i advise anyone else in the same position to do the same!

 

[Aurora Demon]

Which book by Corey Wayne? And which videos?

Break ups are devastating for me if I actually like the girl. Like fall in love with her. It takes more than 6-9 months every single time.

 

[bobafatt]

you tube coach corey wayne - his book 3% man is a great book but he also had loads of informative videos

 

[Aurora Demon]

Hmmm.. I think I have the book. What would you rate it 1-10 in how much it helped you keep the 'no contact' and emotionally get over this pair-bond?

 

[bobafatt]

Hmmm.. I think I have the book. What would you rate it 1-10 in how much it helped you keep the 'no contact' and emotionally get over this pair-bond?

The book is worth reading just to keep you in your centre and think about positive things. Remember to do NC for you and your own self improvement! There is also a good channel on youtube called coach lee - the videos and comments on there i find encouraging when im feeling down.

 

[bobafatt]

It's coming up to two weeks of NC, the first week wasn't so bad but I have particularly found the last couple of days difficult. I have found myself thinking about her more than I should. I am very committed to eating healthy and exercising regularly but it's usually the time before bed or waking up first thing in the morning which are hard, especially when you know you've been dreaming about them all night.

I keep analyzing the break up, questioning whether I did the right thing or not. I have to remind myself that it was her who didn't know what she wanted, felt lost and needed space. Originally she agreed to the idea of a break but i couldn't bring myself to go through with that, that is why I met her two weeks ago and told her that it was best that we both moved on and let go. I told her in no uncertain terms that i would be keeping in contact with her and because of the way she felt that it would be up to her to get in contact with me.

She is very stubborn so even if she wanted to she probably wont get in touch, It has been a long two weeks, it's the longest we've gone in 2.5 years that we haven't spoken to each other. She has blocked me on the majority of social sites and i have deleted her number, luckily, i don't know it off by heart but yesterday i had a moment and nearly cracked in a messaged her. She was on my missed calls list on whatsapp and i clicked on the message symbol - she came online and stayed on line for the same amount of time as me, we must of been online together for over a two minutes. I closed whatsapp and immediately opened it again to see that she was offline too. Maybe its my brain looking for something that isn't there but it really felt like the was on the other side of the phone thinking and doing the same as me. LUCKILY I DIDNT CONTACT HER but it messed the rest of my day up! I deleted her number off the list so NOW there really is no way of getting in contact.

Here's to another two weeks! This thread has really helped!

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey gents!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Like I said, I'll be doing these updates for at least 12 months, hopefully some of you bros will get something out of my journey.
(I've been updating every 30 days this year, so if you're interested in my journey, click into my profile and you can read how I started and how it went).

NC 300 (10 months)

Wow, to think, 2 more months before I sign off for good on this challenge. Crazy how time has flown by so quickly! So much has changed.

Since, my last update, a lot has happened.

I don't really think about the ex much anymore. Probably this has been the least I've ever thought of her, even in simple passing thought.

Plates

The main reason is because I've been really busy spinning plates. Since my last NC update, I've actually created an active rotation of plates, about 3 girls that I managed to lay early into dating. (I mentioned them in my last update, happy to say I've now f'cked all of them). Honestly it has been really fun, dating them and getting them into bed. I am quite new to spinning plates. I used to be very invested in girls and a deep romantic but now I am embracing a more hands-off and RP approach. This has kept me busy as it is a big shift for me. Aside from them, I've also been dating other new girls that I might lay/add into my rotation soon. All of this has kept me mentally occupied. There have been some epic moments, like f'cking a super young 19 year old in a plush hotel agaisnt a night skyscape, that has made me forget about the specialty of my ex entirely. Only on some bad dates, do I sometimes think about her.

But overall, I can see with more women that I meet, I've more less forgotten about her. Yet the more girls I've slept with, the more I've come to see how empty, chasing girls really are. Often times it feels repetitive. Its definitely a bonus and an exciting addition to life, but I think there are greater fulfillments found in developing yourself and chasing your own excellence. I am starting to see this. I am now reminding myself that this is a better path that I should be on.

Breadcrumbs

I have not yet received any news from her for those who are wondering. She has not/never contacted since the break up. Although recently, I've been getting pings that a certain social media account of mine has been viewed by someone who lives in the region she is currently residing in. I suspect it is her. I've also received an unknown number call once with a silent caller before I hung up. Anyway these are just speculations, I am pretty sure, I will never hear from her.

Conclusion

Overall, I am in a much better place now. My life is much more fun now. I don't emo over my ex anymore. My mind is more busy thinking about the new girls I am seeing and how I can turn them into great FWBs and also new girls that I am planning to ask out. Its incredible to think about how I felt during the first month of NC. I literally thought I could not live without her, she was the color of my world. Yet, I was living as such a betatized male. I literally stayed home and avoiding dating to appease her. Life is so different now. I've slept with more girls in a single month than I ever did since I dated her. The possibilities are endless, yet I am also still on the search for greater fulfillment too. Nevertheless, for now, I am celebrating the win of getting over the rut of the break up.

-James

 

[powersize]

Been 2 years since my last serious NC.

There is a girl which gave me hard time since August. I did all the things that the man should not do:

• overreacted when she refused to come over to my place
• double texted
• kept chasing
• tried to fix stuff and reatract the girl

Today was the last drop. I had "the talk" with the girl when i texted - "are you going with me on the trip or I will block you and will never talk with you again?". It might sound weird but i don't wanna go deep in the context behind this text (the flaked ton of times on my invitations, did not respond on my text and played all sort of games). So she said "I really like to be with you....please do not block me" and in general that every time I ask her out she has stuff to do. I said "what are you doing tonight" - she sent me photo with her and friends having dinner, than "what about tomorrow" - she is going with friends somewhere again. I called her out and said - if the person wants to be with another person she will find the time, otherwise it is all BS. She replied that she tells true and it is not BS, she is a busy girl.

I blocked her number after that message, blocked IG. No Contact day 0.

 

[MissouriMark]

60 DAY CHALLENGE! Lets DO this! Ex girlfriend, forget her!!

My girlfriend dumped me a week before Valentines day, saying she just wanted to be friends. After begging and fighting it, I tried no contact then caved 4 days later when she said I had no respect for her because I was ignoring her . I couldn't help not responding, don't you dare question my feelings for you. Woke up the next morning feeling stupid for talking to her and realized nothing was changing in her. She dumped me 2 weeks ago. I stopped ALL CONTACT WITH HER on the 16th this month. 9 days after she dumped me to be friends, and 1 day after 2nd NC she texts me saying "I just ****ed some guy, just saying." Then that night text I love you. I almost responded to both, but I had my bros WRESTLE ME TO THE GROUND FOR LITERALLY 2 HOURS until I calmed down so I wouldn't respond. BTW, having awesome friends helps this process more than you know, anyway.

I didn't respond to those 2 BIG TEXTS THANK THE LORD, It's been 5 days since. She has called, texted, and skyped me a **** TON!!! At first it was indirect talking like, Your a **** for ignoring me", or " you never loved me, you wouldn't care if I died". Now after she sees I am serious about NC, she has texted me saying, "I really need someone to talk to. please pat." and calling me 5 times in a row at 11. I used to fall for this, but i refuse to be an emotional tampon to the period she created for herself. I don't want to be friends, ever.

It will only hurt me and I know better now. Not saying I don't wish it would've worked out or that I don't care about her, just saying living in some movie fairy tale happy ending were you get her back in your head doesn't help you AT ALL. Attention all guys going through ****, : SOMETIMES GOODBYE IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU.... I'm only 5 days in of no contact, but I can say that now after reading about all the stories of my fellow bros who wrote forums going through this NC and seeing the light 3 months later that its true. Time and space does wonders on a willing mind.


and I have been reading literally hundreds of post on this website to give me some ****ing idea of what to do that wont end up shooting me in the heart again, like trying to win her back. I may miss her, but I deserve better, I am the prize, even if its weird to believe I could be someones prize, I am.

So here goes the 60 DAY NO CONTACT CHALLENGE!! I accept this challenge and WILL WIN BACK MY MANHOOD, BALLS, AND DIGNITY!!! NO MORE WHINING, OR FEELING SORRY, JUST TIME TO MAN UP, AND LIVE MY DREAMS OUT NO MATTER WHAT. I will post everyday until I hit 60 DAYS!
p.s. thank you SOO MUCH TO ALL YOU WHO i READ ABOUT OR GAVE ADVICE! I never in only 5 days would be this strong if it wasn't for seeing how trying to win her back doesn't work, and really you don't want it either until later you realize it. No homo, but I love all you guys. Thanks for helping me get back to changing the world, and being happy with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks day dreamer, you got some skills with them wurds! ha

I'm in the process of reading these posts in my free time, and even though this is an old post, it still really pizzed me off. It's like she dumped the guy and then wants to know why he's ignoring her.... it's like what the fuk does she expect????? SHE made the decision to leave him, so leave him alone!!! And then brag to him that she fuked some other guy. It's a wonder why we even associate with women sometimes. Luckily not all are THIS fuked up.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey gents!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Like I said, I'll be doing these updates for 12 months, hopefully some of you bros will get something out of my journey.
(I've been updating every 30 days this year, so if you're interested in my journey, click into my profile and you can read how I started and how it went).

NC 330 (11 months)

1 more month till the end of my 12 months challenge!

It has been an incredible past month! I been keeping myself busy with plates and getting lays that really at this point, I am no longer fazed by the ex. I've met many beautiful women and had great sex with many of them. There were even a few times over the past weeks, where I had back to back hook-ups. Literally I'd get a hotel room for a few days and invite different girls over different nights. The sex has been fun with different women and it has been fun partying and just enjoying life, to a point where I started to get a bit tired. Too much hedonism. Currently trying to tone it down and recharge myself. It has been nice to feel the rush of spending time with different women and experiencing passion with them. Has also been fun just partying and spending night outs. There is a certain level of excitement of sleeping with different women that I've never really experienced in my past life with the ex.

I don't think I would trade my current life with my past life if given the chance. I was totally caged up being with her in that relationship. I can't believe how much I gave up for her. The more I spent time with different women and the more I looked at things through RP lenses, the more I realised how bad I had it back then.

Love does that to you. I was definitely a romantic and although I might have experienced the romance of being with my ex; but I realised it may all have been me. The reality was different from the rosy picture I had painted in my mind. So recently I've been thinking that romance is actually an impediment. Maybe a fiction invented to have you committed to a woman and let them get away with diminishing who you are as a man. Being in love feels like a great feeling, but after spending so much time with different women I realised, that you have to be careful who you fall in love with and although almost all women might seek your love, not all of them deserve your love. Its important to remain rational.

For my brothers who are just started NC, it does get better. And for those of my brothers who are hoping for breadcrumbs, I've received nothing over the past 11 months. They don't always come back, but you get to a point, as cliche as it sounds, where that doesn't matter anymore.

-James

 

[sickwithu]

Hello everyone!
Been dumped, said it's a relief if I block her. Seemed nice to hear, like I'm some kind of monster, I'm an introvert and I don't even chat much. She asked me to block her on Whatsapp. I said ok, it's your decision. Still have her on Facebook. I don't see a difference if I block her there or not, she doesn't care anyway. She has been ignoring me for a while saying she is too busy, blah blah so I've seen it coming. It hurt but that's how it goes. NC day 3 for me.

 

[Barrister]

Hello everyone!
Been dumped, said it's a relief if I block her. Seemed nice to hear, like I'm some kind of monster, I'm an introvert and I don't even chat much. She asked me to block her on Whatsapp. I said ok, it's your decision. Still have her on Facebook. I don't see a difference if I block her there or not, she doesn't care anyway. She has been ignoring me for a while saying she is too busy, blah blah so I've seen it coming. It hurt but that's how it goes. NC day 3 for me.

She ASKED you to block her? Definitely a drama queen/AW alert with this one. Wants to tell all of her friends she is blocked by you for extra attention. I would one-up her and just deactivate the account altogether. When she sees you completely gone from the social media scene she will probably panic.

Regardless, good luck with it, brother. You will find a lot of good stuff in this thread for dealing with this.