Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

Barrister

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When my girlfriend dumped me over a year ago, the second she left my house I automatically treated it like she was seeing someone else and did not initiate anything with her since. My ex eventually reached out after six months to send condolences for a family member passing away, then a month later in regards to the protests. I was friendly both times, but was also convinced she was fishing regardless of who passed away. Regardless of her reaching out or whatever, if she has the balls to dump you, she should also have the balls to bring up getting back together. If she doesn’t, then keep the train moving. And even if she did you should politely decline. Avoid the drama.
I broke up with her because she wasn’t pulling her weight and was talking to an orbiter far too much. I made some posts about it a few pages back. I know I need to limit this or risk getting burned badly.
 

dude99

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To be honest i didn't count the days i'm not talking to my Ex anymore but i'm not talking to her since last summer. She constantly disrespected me and used the kids as a weapon so i decided to stop talking to her. I went to a lawyer and now i'm in a custody battle with her.
She's a toxic ****, her mom has bpd and 3 kids from 3 men. My Ex has chosen the same path. I would say that i'm pretty much over her.

Yesterday i was checking my blocked contacts on IG and WhatsApp. I unblocked my Ex because she doesn't care that i have her blocked anyway.
I saw that she has her new bf's name linked on her IG profile. I felt bad for a moment but then just closed it. This girl is damaged and when i was chasing her when i was a blue pill simp, she already had sex with other guys. Now she's playing the good girl role and pretends to be religious.
However i have a lot of work to do on myself and i feel like i made some progress. I don't really feel the urge to contact her but i still think about her and the past sometimes.
She hates me and wants to take all my parental rights that's what she's trying to get through her lawyer. I still don't see her as my enemy somehow even though she treated me like trash and doesn't even regret it and will never. I mean i still didn't fully accept this fact.

I would espescially like to get some advice from @dude99 and @derby1
I remember giving advice to a user named Roober here on how to deal with the BPD ex.
Here is some of what i told him

1. Any issues in the past, just refuse to discuss. Simply answer "that topic is history and i will never discuss that with you again.." stick to that. Stick to your guns. They like to pick fights even about stuff that was over with 2 years ago. Do not defend your self. Just tell them that topic is closed.

2. If she is BPD Cut as much of her out of your life as possible. Discuss your kids and if she attempts any other topic just say no.

3. Get a lawyer for your childs sake. Let anything else that needs to be discussed, let the lawyer tell her. Not you..she will only attempt to pick a fight with you.

Stick to your guns. Ignore..delete and under no circumstances entertain taking her back.

I.will see if i can find the original message to T
Roober because i had some excellent points that i do not recall them all but ill post the link
 

Baibars

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I remember giving advice to a user named Roober here on how to deal with the BPD ex.
Here is some of what i told him

1. Any issues in the past, just refuse to discuss. Simply answer "that topic is history and i will never discuss that with you again.." stick to that. Stick to your guns. They like to pick fights even about stuff that was over with 2 years ago. Do not defend your self. Just tell them that topic is closed.

2. If she is BPD Cut as much of her out of your life as possible. Discuss your kids and if she attempts any other topic just say no.

3. Get a lawyer for your childs sake. Let anything else that needs to be discussed, let the lawyer tell her. Not you..she will only attempt to pick a fight with you.

Stick to your guns. Ignore..delete and under no circumstances entertain taking her back.

I.will see if i can find the original message to T
Roober because i had some excellent points that i do not recall them all but ill post the link
thats what im doing right now.
I don’t talk to her and only communicate through lawyer. Seems like I’m still not fully over her since I got a little emotional when I saw her with her new guy in social media but I didn’t do some dumb sh*t . Getting back with her is no option for me even if she wanted.
 

dude99

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thats what im doing right now.
I don’t talk to her and only communicate through lawyer. Seems like I’m still not fully over her since I got a little emotional when I saw her with her new guy in social media but I didn’t do some dumb sh*t . Getting back with her is no option for me even if she wanted.
Here is the link to the post. Hopefully i did this right. Read his post to get the context of my answers. Hope it is of some help
.

 

Baibars

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Here is the link to the post. Hopefully i did this right. Read his post to get the context of my answers. Hope it is of some help
.

thank you. It definitely helps when it comes to dealing with her but this guys story is different and he was the one that left the relationship. In my case I was dumped and she doesn’t care anyways but when we were talking she treated me like dirt and constantly took advantage of me then I decideds stop talking to her.
 

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Goldrex

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So I broke no contact and without with her today/yesterday. Big mistake. Night ended ****ty like usual but when I tried to leave she called the cops and told them I was suicidal. Cleared by city cops, get back home on base and then base cops show up. She called city police and MPs to get back at me. I should’ve listened to you guys and stayed away but I didn’t have the willpower to do it. It’s after midnight so today marks day 1 again for me.
 

christie

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So I broke no contact and without with her today/yesterday. Big mistake. Night ended ****ty like usual but when I tried to leave she called the cops and told them I was suicidal. Cleared by city cops, get back home on base and then base cops show up. She called city police and MPs to get back at me. I should’ve listened to you guys and stayed away but I didn’t have the willpower to do it. It’s after midnight so today marks day 1 again for me.
No contact is hard but you can do it.

It gives you a chance to get other parts of your life in order and gives you time to start grieving the end of that stage of your life.
 

scarface701

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5 years ago I met a woman that I ended up falling harder than usual for.... we worked together... and so I developed feelings before we ever got physical. She had a boyfriend but said she was leaving him for me. She ended up trying to see both of us and lying about it. When I found out I called her on it... and instead of coming clean she just vanished. Which sucked. She was really close with my young daughter at the time and it was really tough to have her just vanish without ever talking or explaining anything. There was never any closure. I have realized now that I give her credit for being a better person than she is... but it doesn't make it any easier. It's hard to know who the real person was. The ****ty person that she is now or the person I spent 6 great months with.

Now 5 years later she'll still play games... She knows I still look at her twitter from time to time and so she'll post songs or different code type of messages that only I would understand on there. The other night I emailed her and she then posted a picture of her with makeup on and her shirt off in just her bra... she looked sad.

She is still with her BF from 5 years ago and now they have a kid. So I reached out to her just as a friend to say Hi and she won't respond. To this day though... she'll read all my emails and usually tweet something that she's read them but she'll never reply.

In the end I know I have to move on from all of it... but for me the hardest thing is not looking at her Twitter account. I find myself wanting to see what's she's up to. It's like she's texting me... but then she'll try to make me seem crazy for thinking that.

Anyway.. it's great to have this forum. It's therapeutic just writing about these crazy people we encounter. Keep your chins up and stay strong. I'm starting day 1... again.... tomorrow...... and will do one day at a time..... My goal this time is to go 1 year.... The problem in the past is when they reach out.... but I'm staying strong and moving on. No contact... and no response. Upward and onward. Let the past be past.
 

dude99

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5 years ago I met a woman that I ended up falling harder than usual for.... we worked together... and so I developed feelings before we ever got physical. She had a boyfriend but said she was leaving him for me. She ended up trying to see both of us and lying about it. When I found out I called her on it... and instead of coming clean she just vanished. Which sucked. She was really close with my young daughter at the time and it was really tough to have her just vanish without ever talking or explaining anything. There was never any closure. I have realized now that I give her credit for being a better person than she is... but it doesn't make it any easier. It's hard to know who the real person was. The ****ty person that she is now or the person I spent 6 great months with.

Now 5 years later she'll still play games... She knows I still look at her twitter from time to time and so she'll post songs or different code type of messages that only I would understand on there. The other night I emailed her and she then posted a picture of her with makeup on and her shirt off in just her bra... she looked sad.

She is still with her BF from 5 years ago and now they have a kid. So I reached out to her just as a friend to say Hi and she won't respond. To this day though... she'll read all my emails and usually tweet something that she's read them but she'll never reply.

In the end I know I have to move on from all of it... but for me the hardest thing is not looking at her Twitter account. I find myself wanting to see what's she's up to. It's like she's texting me... but then she'll try to make me seem crazy for thinking that.

Anyway.. it's great to have this forum. It's therapeutic just writing about these crazy people we encounter. Keep your chins up and stay strong. I'm starting day 1... again.... tomorrow...... and will do one day at a time..... My goal this time is to go 1 year.... The problem in the past is when they reach out.... but I'm staying strong and moving on. No contact... and no response. Upward and onward. Let the past be past.
This is why you block their social media. You are tempted to look and then when you do it poisons your rational thoughts.

This was 5 years ago and you are still hanging on, probably because you can't and won't let yourself 100 % heal. You reach 80 or 90 % then you look at her social media and get all kinds of feels then you reach out, get ignored and then you are back to square one.

Delete all points of contact.
 

scarface701

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This is why you block their social media. You are tempted to look and then when you do it poisons your rational thoughts.

This was 5 years ago and you are still hanging on, probably because you can't and won't let yourself 100 % heal. You reach 80 or 90 % then you look at her social media and get all kinds of feels then you reach out, get ignored and then you are back to square one.

Delete all points of contact.
Agreed.... and she is blocked everywhere... I don't even have a Twitter account.... it doesn't mean you can't type in the URL and still view their account though. So it comes down to just sticking in there for the full 100% like you said. In my experience.... even though I've dated other women and I have gone close to a year without talking to her... there are always those women in our lives that we come back to. That even if 10 years of NC goes by... for whatever reason you'll still have the spark in your brain to check in on them and see what they are doing. You just can't initiate contact. This is where it takes a lot of discipline. But in my current situation... I agree with your post 100%..... and I need to get this woman out of my system 100%.
 

dude99

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Agreed.... and she is blocked everywhere... I don't even have a Twitter account.... it doesn't mean you can't type in the URL and still view their account though. So it comes down to just sticking in there for the full 100% like you said. In my experience.... even though I've dated other women and I have gone close to a year without talking to her... there are always those women in our lives that we come back to. That even if 10 years of NC goes by... for whatever reason you'll still have the spark in your brain to check in on them and see what they are doing. You just can't initiate contact. This is where it takes a lot of discipline. But in my current situation... I agree with your post 100%..... and I need to get this woman out of my system 100%.
I get it. Some of us have that one that got away so to speak but sometimes we can be our own worst enemies by trying "that one more time, just to say hi,"

It is human for men to want things fixed. We are designers we are builders we are fixers and repairers. It is human to not want things left on a bad note so even if it is just trying to right the ship we reach out that one more time just saying hi, just to fix things and get closure.

The problem is you are thinking with rational thought. Fixing the problem. Fixing the broken. Women think with feelings and they enjoy the emotional roller coaster it brings by things being a mess and up in the air. Nothing feeds her ego more than knowing there is that tiny spark that she can ignite even from.5 years ago. Nothing would swell her head more than knowing she would have that effect on a guy.

It is tough. I acknowledge that. What has always helped me get through it is this, my rule.

I only give a chick one chance with me. If she chooses to ruin that chance she is history. No second chances. No do overs. Done.

I have had chicks reach out many many times over the years. Chicks i dumped a long time ago. They think enough time has passed and the they can work their way back into my life again. My answer is always the same. Sorry, you blew your chance. That ship sailed long ago
 

Goldrex

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Day 2
Still pissed about her calling the cops, but I still kinda miss her too. I saw her at the store, it’s a small town so it was bound to happen. We didn’t make eye contact but I’m sure she saw me. I don’t know if I miss her or just having sex with her. She wasn’t a very good person. The good, as infrequent as it was, was pretty nice but the bad was more often. She’d resort to physical violence sometimes. I don’t know if I’m posting to frequent but it feels good to air it out.
 

jamesfromhouston

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Day 60 from a Dumpee

Hi guys, I've been lurking on this thread for awhile. Found it and this amazing community immediately after my break up 60 days ago. Easily scoured through 400+ pages in the first week of break up. I found the experiences and insights here helpful in one my darkest points.

I promised myself that I would give back in some form and at the very least, share my very own NC 60 experience when it came to it. So here it is. Hopefully some of you might find value from this. I want to be as authentic as possible with you all.

I'll try to keep things short and in sections:

Background Story

I dated a girl I met in NYC during an internship for close to 2 years. We were largely living in different states and COVID really took a toll on the logistics of the relationship because of all the restrictions. But the breaking point really stemmed from the fact that I was actually in an existing relationship with another person. Although it was also a relationship that I was working on ending so I could really focus on the girl. (Its a long story and no moral judgment needed here, I understand my predicament). I thought it could be sorted quietly and easily. Eventually, she found out and immediately dumped me without saying a word. She ghosted me. For the first few days, I called, messaged, emailed and begged but she never responded. It was just absolute silence. Realising there was no way around it, it was really the end, I soon decided to go NC and accept it.

Week 1 - 3

The first 3 weeks were definitely the hardest. Especially they first week, I literally felt like my soul had left my body. Life was in a perpetual state of being bland. I had no appetite, I had no joy to do anything, going to work was terrible, I felt like a part of me had been lost. It was almost like I was a zombie. I would say going through this during Covid was probably the worst because I was not able to go out and meet friends, socialise or even date. It was depressing, painful and devastating.

These painful feelings persisted for about a few weeks. The whole time I was also constantly going back to the past, analysing where I went wrong, and all these negative aspects of myself during the relationship. Oddly, she became this saint-like figure, and she was this amazing thing that I had lost. During these weeks, I literally could not imagine how I could ever feel better. I really could not look beyond the pain I found myself in. I even started to wonder if I would be permanently stuck in this rut.

I think after week 2, I really started to scour onto the internet, SoSuave and read through all relevant content to find a solution. Eventually, I started to pick up a daily habit of gym, read self-help, watch motivational videos and actively worked to get over the pain I found myself in.


Week 4 - 6

From week 3 to 4, it was hard to build and habitualize my new routine, but I really wanted to work on myself. So I really stuck to it. I won't lie, at this point, I carried with me a glimmer of hope that perhaps if I worked on myself and get better, at some point, she will contact me and notice the difference and come back to me. Also much of reading I did on this NC thread, was also searching for other people's NC experiences and seeing when the girl comes back. Reading people's experiences of how 'they always come back', gave me a lot of hope and I tried to build a benchmark of at which NC points, they usually come back. I later realise this was a mistake. Because after week 4, I still received nothing from her, not even a crumb. It saddened me but also slowly opened me up to a realisation that perhaps she will not come back ever.

By week 4 onwards, I started to enjoy some of the new habits I picked up. I had been gyming everyday, reading and journalling everyday, watching documentaries. I started to realise that the painful energy I had experienced from the outset had actually propelled me to slowly rediscover and improve myself. I started to lose weight and became fit , which gave me confidence. I started to read into masculinity, slowly discovered the red-pill community, Rollo and Rich's works, it gave me better insights into things. After week 4, I started to really get back into dating.

I have to admit the first few dates were horrible. A part of me had been benchmarking the girls I met with my ex, comparing their appearances, their vibes, etc. This was definitely not helpful and I left those dates feeling very empty. It was also quite painful to have these dates happen in some of the places I've been with my ex. I would have flashbacks. But I kept going. I lined up dates almost every week. Mainly with 7's.

By week 5, probably from the combination of working on myself and dating, I started to feel less and less of the grip from the pains I've experienced. I think things were certainly hastened when I started to get a lot of plates spinning. I was getting attentions from girls, I was also trying new things for my own personal work and that kept me occupied. It was really on a first date with a 10 one night at an amazing lounge where there were sparks, I started to realise that I was actually getting better and I was really thinking about the ex less and less. I started to have some fun with my life and thought to myself that I could never had lived like this with my ex who was a very controlling and manipulative person in her own right. It was also after 5 weeks, I started to see for the first time, all the flaws that she carried into our relationship as well. She was far from perfect.

I won't lie, by this point, I was still missing her to a degree, I still had flashbacks but the pain was really, really dissipating. It wasn't as debilitating as it was before. I was finally starting to enjoy my life. I was moving on.

Week 7 - Day 60

From week 7 onwards, the hope of her contacting me dissipated. There was undeniable finality to it because it had been over 7 weeks with no crumbs. She had not contacted me in any form, stalked me or left any traces of interest in checking in on me. Although that might have hurt me deeply weeks earlier, by this point, I was fine with it. The excruciating pain I had is quickly disappearing. This potent painful energy that had so compelled me to self-improvement was evaporating. In a strange way, I started to slow down a bit on self-improvement; in a way, I miss the pain I felt, because it was during the moments, I had the fuel to really push myself. I am still working on my path of self-improvement and consciously keeping myself in check.

By the week 7 and onwards point, I have had many dates with girls from 7s to 10s. I made out with 3 of them, 2 models and a cute blonde. Intimacy wasn't as enjoyable as I thought it would be, but the chase, build-up and entire experience of dating gave me some short term highs that reminded me there was more fun to be had beyond my ex. It also really melted these rose lenses I had of my ex. I suppose one of her most addictive aspect to me in a way was the intimacy she brought, but I started to realise that beyond the fun we had, there were serious issues and it was hard to imagine us continuing our relationship any further. I've not yet had sex with any of my new plates yet, although I am confident I will be soon.

Close to day 60, I no longer feel the deep pain I felt from the beginning. I can safely say that time has helped me moved on, although I am not completely over her, her spell has largely worn off. Realistically, I don't think I would ever want to be with her again, it was hard to imagine us working out in the future. At the same time, I've not yet found a girl that gives me the sort of high she did, but I believe I will in due time.

Day 60 - Her contact?

She did not contact me. At this point, given the duration, I don't think she would. But I will just keep on living. (If I get anything from her, I will definitely update here).


(continued in next post).
 

jamesfromhouston

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(continued from my last post, above).

Lessons/Insights I Learnt from NC60

- Pain is a great motivator for change. It's beautiful. I watched a bunch of breakup movies in the first few weeks. The one that stuck to me the most was Swingers and in particular, the scene where the good friend gives a speech along the lines that you'll feel excruciating pain but eventually you just don't and you start to miss the pain you felt. I can definitely attest to this, I'm at a point now where I sort of miss the pain I felt during the first few weeks because it was during those moments where I was most vulnerable that I felt most alive and it was those moments that propelled me to change as a person.

- Hypergamy/War Bride is real. Swallow the Red Pill. Initially I had access to my ex's accounts for the first 2 weeks. I logged in to check how she was taking the break up. (Subsequently, I logged out because I did not want to dwell on it forever). Almost immediately on the day of the breakup, she started to monkey-branch. She got in contact with more than 20 guys, most of whom were guys she told me were just friends, not to worry about and immediately started to find white knights and simps. She also started to date, flirt and I believe sext some of them. On the day of the break up, she instantly went on a date with a total stranger. I was very shocked initially by how and why she could do this so quickly whereas I was hurting and had no mood. However after discovering Rollo and Rich's stuff, it totally makes sense now. As much as I would have found their work misogynistic initially had it not for this incident, it honestly reflects the truth in what I saw. After reading more into red-pill mentality and watching a lot of Rich's videos, it really started to change how I see girls today. It is an uncomfortable truth at the beginning when you swallow it but it gives you more perspective and prevents long term confusion and disappointment in what you expect from women. It's made me much cooler and probably for the better.

- Gym and self improvement. I've been gyming for over 33 days now. I've also been intensely running everyday for about 50 days. Aside from that, I stopped gaming, watching as much TV and have been reading a lot. I can say that this really helped with my situation. Working on myself gave me a focus beyond the girl. It also led to some improvements that led to more confidence. I am no sports scientist but gyming and pushing myself everyday made me feel more accomplished, gave me more energy and just felt better in general. I also realised how much I lagged behind physically and mentally when I was with the girl, so rediscovering self-improvement was probably one of the biggest outcomes of the breakup. Although its only been 60 days, I am curious to see where this journey takes me and what sort of outcomes I can expect.

- Dating after breakup. I hopped back on OLD. Initially it really sucked. I felt no mood to talk to anyone, to set up plates and dates. However, after finding some female chat buddies, going out on dates and kiss closing, I can say it does help in giving you more perspective and makes you realise that other girls exist in this world. Although I've yet to find a girl that I am just insane about, I have no doubt that I will at some point. Getting attention from other girls is a good distraction in the mean time and spinning plates does really help you in moving on from the break up. I'm actually setting up a hotel date for tomorrow with a girl that I am planning to f*ck so we will see how that goes.

- Rose lenses and she's the one. I was focused on how great she was and how bad I was during the first few weeks. But after my emotions stabilised, I started to see the truth. She really was not that great and I was not that bad, I had committed and dedicated a lot in the relationship. There were also a lot of red flags with her in the relationship that I really did not see when we were dating. Honestly, I probably would not date her in a serious way ever again if given a chance. I see all the troubles now, and thinking back when I was with her, I really was blinded and I sacrificed so much of myself, my own development and was largely betatized by her. Sometimes you really need to step back and reflect.

- They always come back and finality. Mine didn't. Who is to say she won't for the foreseeable future but I think one of my mistakes was to carry on to the hope that she will come back. That led to a lot of false hope and general sadness. I think its important to have a finality that she will not come back, yes it sucks, but it's time to pick up your life together and build a better one for greater adventures. The funny thing is, I really wanted her to come back, I wanted things to be back to normal again, but honestly now that everything has been broken, I really don't know if I would ever want her back in the same way as before. Probably at most, a f*ck buddy.

- Time heals and 60 NC. Time truly heals. NC 60 is really really worth it. Its hard to explain this to anyone reading this who is prospectively starting NC but as much as it hurts in the beginning with each passing time the feelings dissipate. The hurt really does go away and you really gain a new perspective. You will feel yourself getting better and better without her, just give it time and focus on yourself.

- Does the pain/feelings go away? Its now been 60 days, and the answer is yes and no. Yes, in that you won't feel that excruciating pain you felt in the beginning. But no for me because it gets replaced with this sense of a yearning/memory of the good times, that pops up occasionally. So pain sort of changes from a feeling of being stabbed, to this overall mellow wave that comes from time to time but goes. I guess they're just memories of the good times you had and depending on how you see it, it could be something you cherish.

- Final Remarks. Its funny now looking back at my experience and the lessons I learnt, it echoes very much many of the advice given by others who had been through 60 days (or more) of NC. Some of these advice/insights, I did not want to accept. I believe my case would be different, I really wanted her to come back and wanted that 'magical' relationship back again. But now I realised, its just part of our stubborn nature. Collectively, we should just accept the truth and really take these advice to heart, it would save you from much heartache and wasted time.

In conclusion, I am still very much on this journey of recovery and I know most of us here, and coming here might be from different countries and backgrounds but we're all men trying to move on.

I am very thankful to everyone here and its' great we have this community.

Peace,

-James
 
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Goldrex

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Day 4. I think I’m starting to miss her more, she occupies my thoughts more frequently. I keep telling myself she wasn’t a good fit for me. I remind myself of all her negative qualities, and the fact that I’d never want her around my own daughter. I still miss having someone to spend time with. I’ve been trying to occupy my time with gym and walks, it helps a little.
 

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Grinderman

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Still pissed about her calling the cops, but I still kinda miss her too.
Just remember she is a rat bastard. Why would you miss having a rat bastard in your life. Only rats would call the police on you. You don't want that in your life. Let the diseased rat fvck off back to the sewer. Ratting to the police means she is a liability and can't be trusted.

I don’t know if I miss her or just having sex with her.
You better investigate this and sort it out because it will repeat itself. You could be attracting the wrong kind of person based on whatever childhood attachments you were brought up with. For example there is a poster here @EyeBRollin or something and it's clear the guy has unresolved childhood abandonment issues. How? The fella "dates" two points below his own "perceived" SMV level knowing full well that these uglier women will attach themselves to him and never quit him no matter what. Notice a pattern in his posts, she will push for a relationship and is in control of whether it ends or not. He avoids being abandoned by only going for low smv women and never pushes anything with a female of the same or higher smv fearing he will get attached and they will leave him.

She wasn’t a very good person.
Game, set and match. No integrity she doesn't cross your boundaries. Very simple rule.

She’d resort to physical violence sometimes.
So was that her being an asset or a liability to you? Adding or subtracting to your life?

Be grateful everyday that you are free. Seriously express gratitude.
 

Mister_Skinny_Jeanz

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Dec 17, 2020
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(continued from my last post, above).

Lessons/Insights I Learnt from NC60

- Pain is a great motivator for change. It's beautiful. I watched a bunch of breakup movies in the first few weeks. The one that stuck to me the most was Swingers and in particular, the scene where the good friend gives a speech along the lines that you'll feel excruciating pain but eventually you just don't and you start to miss the pain you felt. I can definitely attest to this, I'm at a point now where I sort of miss the pain I felt during the first few weeks because it was during those moments where I was most vulnerable that I felt most alive and it was those moments that propelled me to change as a person.

- Hypergamy/War Bride is real. Swallow the Red Pill. Initially I had access to my ex's accounts for the first 2 weeks. I logged in to check how she was taking the break up. (Subsequently, I logged out because I did not want to dwell on it forever). Almost immediately on the day of the breakup, she started to monkey-branch. She got in contact with more than 20 guys, most of whom were guys she told me were just friends, not to worry about and immediately started to find white knights and simps. She also started to date, flirt and I believe sext some of them. On the day of the break up, she instantly went on a date with a total stranger. I was very shocked initially by how and why she could do this so quickly whereas I was hurting and had no mood. However after discovering Rollo and Rich's stuff, it totally makes sense now. As much as I would have found their work misogynistic initially had it not for this incident, it honestly reflects the truth in what I saw. After reading more into red-pill mentality and watching a lot of Rich's videos, it really started to change how I see girls today. It is an uncomfortable truth at the beginning when you swallow it but it gives you more perspective and prevents long term confusion and disappointment in what you expect from women. It's made me much cooler and probably for the better.

- Gym and self improvement. I've been gyming for over 33 days now. I've also been intensely running everyday for about 50 days. Aside from that, I stopped gaming, watching as much TV and have been reading a lot. I can say that this really helped with my situation. Working on myself gave me a focus beyond the girl. It also led to some improvements that led to more confidence. I am no sports scientist but gyming and pushing myself everyday made me feel more accomplished, gave me more energy and just felt better in general. I also realised how much I lagged behind physically and mentally when I was with the girl, so rediscovering self-improvement was probably one of the biggest outcomes of the breakup. Although its only been 60 days, I am curious to see where this journey takes me and what sort of outcomes I can expect.

- Dating after breakup. I hopped back on OLD. Initially it really sucked. I felt no mood to talk to anyone, to set up plates and dates. However, after finding some female chat buddies, going out on dates and kiss closing, I can say it does help in giving you more perspective and makes you realise that other girls exist in this world. Although I've yet to find a girl that I am just insane about, I have no doubt that I will at some point. Getting attention from other girls is a good distraction in the mean time and spinning plates does really help you in moving on from the break up. I'm actually setting up a hotel date for tomorrow with a girl that I am planning to f*ck so we will see how that goes.

- Rose lenses and she's the one. I was focused on how great she was and how bad I was during the first few weeks. But after my emotions stabilised, I started to see the truth. She really was not that great and I was not that bad, I had committed and dedicated a lot in the relationship. There were also a lot of red flags with her in the relationship that I really did not see when we were dating. Honestly, I probably would not date her in a serious way ever again if given a chance. I see all the troubles now, and thinking back when I was with her, I really was blinded and I sacrificed so much of myself, my own development and was largely betatized by her. Sometimes you really need to step back and reflect.

- They always come back and finality. Mine didn't. Who is to say she won't for the foreseeable future but I think one of my mistakes was to carry on to the hope that she will come back. That led to a lot of false hope and general sadness. I think its important to have a finality that she will not come back, yes it sucks, but it's time to pick up your life together and build a better one for greater adventures. The funny thing is, I really wanted her to come back, I wanted things to be back to normal again, but honestly now that everything has been broken, I really don't know if I would ever want her back in the same way as before. Probably at most, a f*ck buddy.

- Time heals and 60 NC. Time truly heals. NC 60 is really really worth it. Its hard to explain this to anyone reading this who is prospectively starting NC but as much as it hurts in the beginning with each passing time the feelings dissipate. The hurt really does go away and you really gain a new perspective. You will feel yourself getting better and better without her, just give it time and focus on yourself.

- Does the pain/feelings go away? Its now been 60 days, and the answer is yes and no. Yes, in that you won't feel that excruciating pain you felt in the beginning. But no for me because it gets replaced with this sense of a yearning/memory of the good times, that pops up occasionally. So pain sort of changes from a feeling of being stabbed, to this overall mellow wave that comes from time to time but goes. I guess they're just memories of the good times you had and depending on how you see it, it could be something you cherish.

- Final Remarks. Its funny now looking back at my experience and the lessons I learnt, it echoes very much many of the advice given by others who had been through 60 days (or more) of NC. Some of these advice/insights, I did not want to accept. I believe my case would be different, I really wanted her to come back and wanted that 'magical' relationship back again. But now I realised, its just part of our stubborn nature. Collectively, we should just accept the truth and really take these advice to heart, it would save you from much heartache and wasted time.

In conclusion, I am still very much on this journey of recovery and I know most of us here, and coming here might be from different countries and backgrounds but we're all men trying to move on.

I am very thankful to everyone here and its' great we have this community.

Peace,

-James
thank you for sharing your story man
 

NSX-R

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Yesterday she reached out AGAIN begging me to unblock her from everywhere. Off course i didn’t, actually i haven’t seen it yet on iMessage and won’t be seeing it for the reason to not give her the slightest validation that i took the message . I’m in a position right now that i find it very funny but also sad because she got the rejection slap right in her face and she still tries to come in contact with me . Off course that’s not gonna happen. Personally i don’t believe she’s doing it just because she wants me back but because she wants to get her ego back and blame me for everything and let her subconscious feel ok after everything she’s done . Basic tactical female move . I let her live with the guilt, i don’t give a shyt about her at all anymore . The reason i update this post is because i want to show how low women can get and now it can get more lower .
She just reached out .... once .... again . This time she wished me happy birthday cause i had my birthday . I was very very close to break and respond to her with something like “thank you” or similar, i was still very close till few minutes ago until i decided i should delete the message without seeing it to remove any urges . I don’t know what’s going on really. Had lots of new hbs today following me because my friends were uploading stories with me wishing me happy birthday, i got even 2 invites from 2 very attractive women that i wanted to fck for a long time and turned them all down . The reason was as soon as she send me the message , i went on limp mode and got really stressed something that’s really rare on me . ( I’m very laid back type and seem like I’m Zero effected) . I don’t know what’s wrong with me . I’m experiencing an emotional oneitis atm but hopefully my mind is in charge and i have not yet done anything stupid .
I still have many questions that I’d love to know the answer like , what does she want from me , how and why did she remembered my birthday and what does she expect from me to do after all that . I gave far too many chances than i usually do , i gave her the time , i was around her for some time and the choice she made was to not show up even just to say hi .
I’m thinking to block her number to completely distance myself from her but i don’t want to give her the pleasure of ending it completely . I want her to feel the rejection as much as she can by knowing that i received the message but ignored it or something similar. Maybe is the wrong choice, i maybe change it later but for now no response from me in any sort whatsoever. I really hope and believe, she wont be reaching again any time soon or at all .
That was the first time that i was so close to respond since the time that i blocked her
i want your opinions
 

scarface701

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The truth is... why is a bullsh*t question. It doesn’t matter why. It did happen. She did what she did.

Women always leave crumbs for men to follow behind.... It’s not because they GAF about you... but BC they want the ego boost of having a following. It can be a happy bday or an IMY here and there... and TBH it may be sincere... but she may never intend on acting on those words....with women you always have to look at their actions... words literally have no meaning to women. This is hard for men to understand BC we are raised that our word is our bond.

I have a women in my life... that has been there on/off for years. We are both in relationships but for years ...I’ve written to her from time to time.... she always responds via Twitter. Recently I told her to F off that it was dumb and I wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She still throws the fishhook out to see if I’ll bite....with posts like... “you can miss what you never had”.... or pictures of women crying....to show she’s sad.... but it’s just words. It’s just a game. I’ll never write to her again. ONLY GIVE TIME TO WOMEN WHO PUT ACTION TO THEIR WORDS.
 

returnofpigman

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...continued



2. When you accept this challenge, post here and your time/date stamp will be recorded for accuracy. You will do this for 60 days.

3. No Contact will be initiated for 60 Days from the date that you post. This mean NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER...and I mean NONE. (Including going to picture sites and myspace/or like sites)

4. If you work with your ex, you can still accept the challenge. You cannot do ANYTHING to contact your ex UNLESS it is work related ONLY.

5. If you accept this challange, I would like a post every couple of days on how you are feeling and what you are doing to pass the time. I am hoping by doing this, others will read and try to help themselves is they have a moment of weakness.

6. If you have contact with your ex BY YOUR DOING..YOU MUST POST WHY YOU DID IT AND HOW YOU FEEL RIGHT AFTER. No exceptions.

7. If your ex contacts you, UNLESS IT IS AN EMERGENCY, or there are children involved, you cannot respond. PERIOD. If you do, see rule 5.

8. If an ex comes over or tries to see you physically, this DOES NOT COUNT AGAINST YOU, BUT you MUST POST.

9. After the 60 days of No Contact has past, you must reread all of your daily threads and write a conclusion based on what you felt when you started and how you feel 60 days later.

10. When you post every couple of days, please put what day number you are on of the 60 day challenge so that other members can see how you are doing.

I would like for this to happen because I want other to read the progression involved in the NO CONTACT process.


If you do NOT feel you are up to the challenge, ... still do it! Don't be a chode and give her attention and try to work things out. 99% of times, it makes it worse. We are man, not little flower girls!


I wish you all the best....and GOOD LUCK.


If you accept my challenge, you will be very surprised at the end result.

I was transformed when i finished the NO Contact Challenge in 8/2007, and i thank Superdave71 for being the original person who started this at Enotalone. This challenge helped me out really well, and you will not regret it. If ANYONE can come up with more rules, PLEASE suggest, so I can update them. I will be happy to listen.


Index:

inspired slash "Researched" by Superdave71 No Contact Challenge, ( over 2000 pages!):
http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=164214
I don’t think 60 days will result in me wanting her back.
 
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