The Book "The Rules" disected.

Nov 15, 2004
This is basically a summary of the book "The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right" written by Ellen Fien (who is now divorced) and Sherrie Schneider.

With this summary, I'm saving all you guys $10 and also giving you the "insight" from this book for you to use to your advantage. You can either throw away a Rules Girl, or you can play the game BETTER than her. It's entirely up to you. However, one thing to keep in mind is that this book is written for women who WANT TO GET MARRIED NOW!

First, let's read the fine print in the front of the book:

AUTHOR'S NOTE: "We are not licensed to practice psychology, psychiatry, or social work, and The Rules is not intended to replace psychological counseling, but is simply a dating philosophy based on our own experiences and those of thousands of women who have contacted us."

Therefore women, you can't sue the writers for brainwashing you and ruining your lives.

The dedication is super-funny:
To our wonderful husbands and great kids

I wonder how badly sales dropped when Ellen Fien got divorced?

Anyway, direct quotes from the book are in italics. If you find this summary useful for nothing, then I hope you at least get a good laugh!

Rule #1: Be A Creature Unlike Any Other (that's for sure!)

This chapter is the confidence boost and attepts to open the woman's mind up to be brainwashed...

You don't grovel. You're not desperate or anxious. You don't date men who don't want you. You trust in the abundance and goodness of the universe... (don't you love how women fall for this 5hit?) ...if not him, someone better you say. You don't settle. You don't chase anyone. You don't use sex to make men love you. You believe in love and marriage. You're not cynical. You don't go to pieces when a relationship doesn't work out. Instead, you get a manicure and go out on another date or to a singles dance. You're an optomist. You brush away a tear so that it doesn't smudge your makeup and you move on!

Rule #2: Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)

This is the chapter where all the AFCs are supposedly weeded out. To correct a common thought, AFC can and do approach women. However, it takes a lot of hard work coming up with the courage to do so. These are the men that the Rules Girl is looking for.

Rule #3: Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much

Same as the DJ rule. She's trying to give the picture that she isn't all that interested in him to make him chase her. She is trying to be mysterious.

Rule #4: Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date

When a man is trying to set up a date to meet you, don't say, "Actually, I'm going to be in your area anyway"; don't offer the names of restaurants between your place and his, unless he asks. Don't say much at all. Let him do all the thinking, the talking, let him flip through the Yellow Pages or magazine listings and call a couple of friends for suggestions to come up with a convenient place for you. Men really feel good when they work hard to see you. Don't take that away from them.

For the Don Juans who got her phone number even though she didn't seem to interested, you get your first red flag here. She makes herself look like a high maintenance bytch.

Rule #5: Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls

I think this is my most favorite quote in the entire book:

To call men is to pursue them, which is totally against The Rules. They will immediately know that you like them and possibly lose interest!

The writer has just described perfectly how a woman works. Unfortunately, the thought never enters her mind that a man's mind works DIFFERENTLY than a woman's.

The Don Juan again sees low interest in this woman. If you've been noticing that your woman acts similar to what Rules #4 and #5 stated but she still goes out on a date with you (which is the only sign of interest), there is a good chance that you've found a "Rules Girl." Congratulations, you're dating a textbook!

However, the Don Juan realizes that most women don't return calls anyway.

Rule #6: Always End Phone Calls First

Here's where the Don Juan has to play the game BETTER than the woman, and I'll give you the inside scoop on what this book says...

When a man calls you, don't stay on the phone for more than ten minutes. Buy a timer if you have to. When the bell rings, you have to go! That way you seem busy and you won't give away too much about yourself or your plans (even if you don't have any plans). By ending the conversation first, you leave them wanting more. Good conversation enders are: "I have a million things to do," "Well, it's been really nice talking to you," "Actually, I'm kinda busy right now," and "My beeper's beeping, gotta run!" Remember to say these things in a very nice way.

Now you've got the textbook answers, and you've got the time limit. If you're dating a "Rules Girl", keep your convos down to five minutes. They'll be thrown off and they don't have a message forum (as far as I know) to get an answer to "What if HE ends the conversation first?"

Rule #7: Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday

This is pretty much a no brainer. You shouldn't be securing a date for the weekend close to the weekend with any woman. However, there's one thing I must quote from this book:

And don't counteroffer by saying, "But I'm free monday."

Rule #8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date

Basically, the rule is to keep yourself busy before the date so you're not thinking about him all day. It's to keep the woman's expectations down.

Rule #9: How to Act on Dates 1,2, and 3

Here's the Dont's for this chapter:

Don't have him come up to your apartment on the first date. Preferably, meet him in the lobby of your apartment building or at a rerstaurant

On these three dates, don't tell him all about your day as if you've known each other for years, thinking that it will bring you closer. Don't be too serious, controlling, or wifey. Don't mention the M word, not even to mention that your brother recently got married.

In general, let him do all the work - pick you up, pick the restaurant, open the door, and pull out your chair.

End the date first (see Rule #11), especially if you like him. Glance at your watch after two hours (for a drink date) or three or four hours (for a dinner date), simply sigh, and say, "Gee, this was really great, but I've got a really big day tomorrow."

At the end of the first date, you can accept a light peck on the cheek or lips even though you're dying to do more.

Don't invite him up to your place at the end of the first date.

On the second date, use your judgement. If you feel comfortable with this man, he can pick you up at your apartment and you can invite him up for a drink at the end of the night.

Rule #10: How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time

Basically, the Rules bytch is given more freedom, but any deep secrets such as her shrink or her past relationships are still to remain buried. This is an effort to hide baggage.

Rule #11: Always end the date first

Pretty much self-explanitory, but I'll give this tidbit:

If you have not been living by The Rules, then you probably didn't know that the first date or two should last no more than five hours.

If you're a Don Juan, your dates probably don't last more than five hours anyway (unless you're fvcking her that night).

Rule #12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day

Now we come to the big 5hit, spending money on the Rules Bytch. If you've taken on the challenge of dating one of these, you're gonna have to buy something "romantic" if you want to keep fvcking her.

This is not a rule for gold diggers; it's just that when a man wants to marry you, he usually gives you jewelry, not sporty or practical gifts like a toaster oven or coffee maker. It is not how expensive the item is, but the type of gift it is.

Basically, she wants presents from the "heart" or anything that indicates romance. Go to one of those cheap jewelry accessory stores and buy her a $5 pair of earrings. Problem solved.

Rule #13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week

Pretty self-explanitory, and shouldn't be a problem for a Don Juan.

Rule #14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date

Basically, the Rules Bytch can't fvck you on the first date, and probably not on the second and third date either.

Rule #15: Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy

When is it okay to have sex? The Rule depends on your age and personal feelings. If you're eighteen and a virgin, you will want to wait until you are in a committed relationship.

Somehow I think most rules girls out there are the ones with the ticking biological clocks (in their 30s).

If you're thirty-nine, waiting a month or two can be fine

This ties into the DJ Bible a bit:

Deep down inside it's not okay with a woman if she sleeps with a man and he doesn't call. Every woman wants the man she just slept with to call her, that is, if she really likes him - and hopefully she likes the man she's sleeping with

The DJ bible says to call the woman the day after they had sex, which is a MUST if you want to keep the Interest Level up.

Don't bring anything - red lightbulbs, scented candles, or X-rated videos - to enhance your sexual experience. If you have to use these things to get him excited, something's wrong (Yeah, you're goddam ugly!)
Nov 15, 2004
Rule #16: Don't Tell Him What to Do

Pretty much the "don't b1tch" chapter.

If he'd rather go camping with his friends on the weekends than be with you, either let him or break up with him, but don't tell him what to do.

Rule #17: Let Him Take the Lead

Now that the Rules Bytch has her AFC, she expects him to take the lead. Yeah right.

Remember, let him take the lead. He declares love first, just as he picks most of the movies, the restaurants, and the concerts the two of you go to. He might sometimes ask your for your preference, in which case you can tell him.

Straight forward. The Don Juan should be doing this anyway because women naturally can't make up their damn mind. They are also attracted to men who are natural leaders.

Rule #18: Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him

We have two categories!

If he is fanatically neat, chronically tidy, hates Chinese food (your favorite) and disco dancing (you love it), or he won't part with his childhood baseball card collection, but he loves you to death, consider yourself lucky. These are annoying but relatively harmless vices, which we classify under category A.

On the other hand, if he flirts with other women in front of you at parties, exhibits violent behavior at times, pays no attention when you are telling him something important, or forgets your birthday, then he is into category B (bad) behavior and you have some heavy-duty thinking to do.

Rule #19: Don't Open Up Too Fast

Basically, she's supposed to remain a mystery by not talking about her personal 5hit. After a guy says "I love you", she's free to bleed all her problems into your absorbant core.

Rule #20: Be Honest but Mysterious

Basically the same crap as rule #19

Before he comes to your apartment, tuck this book away in your top drawer and make sure any self-help books are out of sight.

That's right, hide your baggage and your textbook to dating!

Rule #21: Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads

Even though Personal Ads are going the way of the dodo, I'm including this for the sole purpose of Online Dating. In case you didn't know, there's a Rules book for online dating as well, but I don't feel like spending another $10 yet.

Now, how the Rules Bytch writes a personal ad:

Thus, The Rule is that as long as you don't outright lie, you needn't be honest to a fault either. Just leave things out - for example, don't say you're slim if you're fat. Simply leave out your weight entirely and accentuate your blue eyes and long blond hair.

I love those dating websites that give the option "No Comment" or "Not Saying" when it comes to physical appearance. Face it, she's fat if she checked that option.

How the Rules Bytch answers an ad:

Just start out with "Your ad caught my eye."

Yeah, make it sound like you accidently read it instead of spending 3 hours searching for Mr. Right.

The photo is actually the most important part of the package. Most men decide to call you based on your photo, not your note. They either like your looks or they don't, so spend the extra time getting the right photo.

Well the authors got something right. If she's an ugly bytch but has a nice personality, she's not getting laid. Choose a very dark photo.

Rule 22: Don't Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)

The Rules answer is: "Move in only if you've set a wedding date."

In my opinion, men should follow this advice as well. Saves a lot of money and a lot of bull5hit if the two of you aren't getting married.

Basically, this rule tells the Bytch that he'll get comfortable and not want to spend money for a wedding, since they're acting married already.

Rule #23: Don't Date a Married Man


Dating married (or unavailable) men is not only a waste of time, but also it's dishonest and stupid.

If you have recently met a married mant that you are mad about, then you must practice self-restraint. If he is everything you ever wanted in a husband, be friends with him and hope he gets divorced

Anyone see double talk here? What a dumb book.

Rule #24 (Christ, we're still not done): Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children

Who could forget the Single Mothers who didn't use birth control (or fvcked the wrong guy by accident)

When you meet a man at a dance or social situation, it isn't really necessary to mention your children at all. Let him take your phone number, then wait until he calls for you to gently weave it into the conversation.

On your first few dates, it would be wise to meet your date in the lobby of your building or a restaurant so you don't have to introduce him to your children.

Yeah, waste his time and then say, "Oh by the way, I have 6 kids all from different fathers".

Rule #f***ing 25: Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules

In other words, don't forget to brainwash yourself often.

Rule #26: Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules

Brainwashing is a lifelong commitment, and you need to buy the other Rules books to pay for Ellen Fien's divorce.
Nov 15, 2004
Rule #27: Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends and Parents Think It's Nuts

Here's the key for every Don Juan. If you wanna know if she's a Rules Bytch, ask her parents or her friends. They'll probably tell you if they don't follow this book themselves.

Rule #28: Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in High School

The chances of you meeting a Rules Bytch in High School are quite low. How many teenagers are going to date by a bunch of rules? Yeah, me neither. Also, if a teenage girl is wanting to find Mr. Right so she can get married, there's something wrong with her. Therefore, I won't even touch on this chapter.

Rule #29: Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College

See Rules 1 throrugh 25

Rule #30: NEXT! and Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection

You know, I gotta wonder how much of the DJ Bible is based on this book. In case you were wondering, the book was released in 1995.

This rule is pretty much the same as the one in the DJ Bible. If he's an a55hole or he rejects you (because your an ugly Rules Bytch), NEXT him.

Rule #31: Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist


....and here's why:

1. Some therapists will think that The Rules are dishonest and manipulative.

2. Some therapists don't realize women's capacity for forcing themselves on men who don't want them and/or trying to make relationships happen.

3. Another reason not to discuss this book with your therapist is that you don't want to debate the merits of doing or not doing The Rules.

Rule #32: Don't Break the Rules


Rule #33 (my favorite): Do The Rules and You'll Live Happily Ever After!

Just like Ellen Fien who is now happily divorced from Mr. Right!

Anyway, here's what "Happily Ever After" is made out of:

1. The biggest payoff first: he wants to marry you!

2. When you are seated at a booth in a restaurant, he slides over and sits next to you. Sitting opposite you is just too far away when he's truly in love.

3. He sends you roses after you have sex.

4. He writes love notes or poetry for you and tapes them on the refrigerator door.

5. He finds your idiosyncrasies harmless rather than annoying.

6. He calls to see how your doctor's visit went

7. He gives you little presents, jewelry, and flowers on every possible occasion

8. He gets angry when you don't pay attention to him.

9. He is always ready to make up after a fight.

10. He gets involved in every aspect of your life.

11. If you call him at work, he'll always want to talk to you even if he is busy.

12. He doesn't like to work late because he wants to see more of you.

13. When you have a cold or become ill, he still wants to be with you.

14. He always wants the phone number of where you are so he can get in touch with you.

15. He watches out for you.

16. He doesn't like it when you go to bachelorette parties.

17. He listens when you talk to him

18. When you walk around the house with very little on, he whistles, as though you werer a babe on the beach.

19. Your picture is on his desk in the office and in his wallet.

20. When he loves you, he loves your kids.

Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. Let's see what's avoided by being a Rules Bytch:

1. No messy divorce. Instead, you have one of those made-in-heaven marriages (except for Ellen Fien)

2. No outside counseling

3. No anxiety

4. No physical abuse

5. No cheating

Here's my list:

1. Bull5hit
2. Bull5hit
3. Bull5hit
4. Bull5hit
5. Bull5hit

Rule #34: Love Only Those Who Love you

To say it more LOGICALLY, respect is a two way street. However, here's a little gold nugget:

The kind of men who once nauseated you because they were open books, called too much, wrote mushy cards, and told their parents and friends about you long before you said anything to your friends and parents, you now find attractive and desireable.

So there's hope for AFCs after all!

Rule #35: Be Easy To Live With

In other words, don't be a b1tch.

And now, we've FINALLY come to the last chapter...
Last, But Not Least - 12 extra hints

1. When he asks you out, silently count to five before saying yes.

2. Don't call him even when you feel mean about not calling him. If he loves you, he'll call anyway.

3. When he asks you out for ice cream, a drink, to a football game when you wish you were going out for a fancy dinner, say "Sure!" Remember, you're hard to get but easy to be with!

4. When walking down the street, drop his hand first, ever so slightly.

5. The Rules are written in stone

6. If he's being a bad boy, taking you for granted, or you want to shake things up to make him propose faster, book a trip for a week

7. If you are unsure about him, double date with a Rules-minded friend. She will tell you whether he's planning to marry you or not.

8. Even men who are in love with you and want to marry you will occasionally say things to irk you...

9. Don't let him know that you're afraid to be alone, to be without a man.

10. Don't get angry if he's taking longer than you'd like to propose.

11. Don't get sloppy about your looks. Continue to exercise.

12. Read the newspaper and books so you can talk to your life partner about things other than your work issues or dirty diapers.
(Personally, I wouldn't want to marry a woman who wears diapers for bladder control).

Anyway, that's it. Hope you enjoyed reading this. Now you don't have to spend $10 on the book.


Master Don Juan
Mar 6, 2004
good work. but i don't really get why you bought this book, place the focus on yourself not on women.

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Nov 15, 2004
Originally posted by Double
i don't really get why you bought this book, place the focus on yourself not on women.
I bought it to educate myself about these types of women. This place is great for those who want to learn more about themselves, and get educated on how a woman works. Most women aren't textbooks, but Rules Girls are. I've pretty much given the basics of the entire book (I left out the examples and the parts where the author was just rambling). I hope it at least helps when one of you encounter a Rules Girl out in the field.


Master Don Juan
Jun 7, 2002
everytime i go to barnes and noble, i always see this book on the shelves. Im glad you picked it up and dissected it for us. It was a great and insightful read. Thanks very much.


Don Juan
Feb 9, 2004
just goes to show when women try to do something right, its not gonna work cuz the men are 8 steps and a skip ahead
Nov 6, 2004
I've always been curious about that book. It's not as bad as I imagined it would be. Rules 16, 17 and 18 are good rules every woman should follow.
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!


Senior Don Juan
Dec 31, 2004
thats the funnies thing since jim carrey in pet's detective coming out of the animal's behind. and grossed too.

Blue Phoenix

Master Don Juan
Jul 23, 2004
Another Dimension
Actually I expected more from this book.

Overall it preaches that the girls should not sound desperate, just that.

About the fact that one of the girls is divorced, I don´t see it as a problem because we all make mistakes. Who knows what happened in her marriage.

Thanks for posting it.


Don Juan
Apr 5, 2003
Now we can learn from The Rules and adopt it to our game:

- A Gentleman unlike any other: You don't grovel. You are not desperate or anxious. You don't date women who don't want you. You trust in the abundance and goodness of the universe. If not her, someone better. You don't chase anyone. You don't use sex to make women love you.

- Women are nauseated by men who are open books, call too much, write mushy cards, tell their parents and friends about them long before they say anything to their friends and parents.

- When she asks you out, silently count to ten before saying yes.
- When crossing the street, drop her hand first.

Guys, if a girl follows The Rules -- rule her out :)


Senior Don Juan
Mar 19, 2003
Phoenix, AZ
Hilarious. I must've laughed out loud 10 time while reading that BS. Anyone know of any woman under 300 pounds and with 3 kids in tow that actually follows these rules?
Nov 15, 2004
Anyone know of any woman under 300 pounds and with 3 kids in tow that actually follows these rules?
No, but the "Rules girls" that I've met are pretty much in their 30s. Single women in their 30s will feel their biological clock ticking. Some of them actually weren't bad looking.
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!


Master Don Juan
Dec 30, 2004
this is so fukking funny.

AND FUkked up

Here's my comments:

Rule #2: Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)
I think it's cool if a chick introduces herself to me or asks me to dance, especially if she's goodlooking. Thats a turn-on

Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
Fukk this. And is rule #80940 to buy the man a gift too or just leech off him?

Rule 22: Don't Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)
fukk this bull sh1t too. I'm not gonna propose to a girl until after we've been living together and i know the b1tch isnt psycho

Rule #31: Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist
AUTHOR'S NOTE: "We are not licensed to practice psychology, psychiatry, or social work, and The Rules is not intended to replace psychological counseling, but is simply a dating philosophy based on our own experiences and those of thousands of women who have contacted us."
But someone who is licensed to practice psychology or psychiatry isn't allowed to tell you you're being brainwashed. Ah, I see.

7. He gives you little presents, jewelry, and flowers on every possible occasion
Thats golddigger bull sh1t who thinks men should pay women to date them


Master Don Juan
Nov 3, 2004
Wow, girls who read this sh1t are going to be UNHAPPY in their relationships with the crap this rule book advises. I know a couple women who flat out tell me that by acting mysterious/disinterested the SMART guy will avoid her.. while the AFC most likely will be interested. So does a REAL WOMAN want a REAL MAN or a CHUMP?