Tests

[VeryBadGirl]

Women test guys. That is a fact. Why? In most cases, it is because we don't want to date some dumbass. In other cases, the woman just might enjoy jerking guys around - this is probably a type of woman you want to stay away from.

In my mind, there are good tests and bad tests. Chances are the crazy psycho/immature girl is going to pull some bad tests on you, so here are a few to watch out for:

1) The "blatently flirting with another guy in front of you test"
2) The "getting mad at you for no reason to see how you react test"
3) The "yelling at you for checking out another girl to see how you react test"
4) The "canceling a date for no reason test"
5) The "getting you really horny while making out but then saying no test to see if you really "respect" me"

There are probably more that you guys know more about, but those are the ones that pop into my mind right now. But, feel free to make your own list. I consider most of these either pink or red flags.

Now, here are some of the tests I use. I call them good tests, some others might disagree. The reason I think they are good is because I think they are a main reason why I've almost only dated really good guys. Sure, I have asked out/was asked out by some real duds, but they were weeded out during the tests. Personally, I would recommend these types of tests for both sexes.

These tests usually happen early on - often during the first conversation:

1) The "are you a crazy conservative test" (Because I don't date conservatives)
2) The "do you actually read books test" (Because I don't date guys that don't read)
3) The "are you going to freak out if I ask you out test" (some guys really like to be in control and don't deal well with a woman asking them out)

During the first few dates:

4) The " no inner monologue test" - This one might need explaining. At some point during the first few dates, I blurt something totally weird or innapropriate out - not always on purpose, I just often have no inner monolougue, so I say things like "Wow, I really want to kiss you" or "Have you ever noticed that the word "plate" has a lot of different meanings" or something else really weird. This often proves to be a key test - can they handle my weird indiosycracies and the fact that I most often just say whatever come into my head.
5) The "kid test" where I gauge how he feels about children and having them - don't want to get serious with a guy that doesn't want any.
6) The "MJ/other drugs test" to make sure he is on the same casual user track as I am.

When I think it might get serious/when it is getting more serious:
7) The "meet my friends test." This is important because my friends are very important to me and some of them are men, which some guys can't handle.
8) The "past relationship test" is also an important one for later - is he capable of committment? Has he cheated in the past? is he still pining over his high school girlfriend? (Sometimes this happens earlier on as well)

There are others, but these are most of the main ones.

I'm not claiming that all woman have these same tests, but I know quite a lot that have very similar ones.

Chances are, you know when you are being tested. If you are looking for a serious relationship, there is no "right" or "wrong" answer - the truth is the best way to go. Because, if you don't want kids, you shouldn't waste your time with someone who does. But, if you are just looking for something casual, and you feel like being an arsehole, you can probably lie, say what she wants to hear and maybe get in her pants.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

No pee test? I'm surprised VBG, ya test a brotha for everything else here.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Originally posted by InLawsHateMe
No pee test? I'm surprised VBG, ya test a brotha for everything else here.

The pee test comes right before we move in together. Just kidding - but I am a selective woman, what can I say?

 

[GirlCrazy]

Men test women as well, although on the average they seem to be more awkward and tentative about it, worried about scaring the woman away (and thus getting no sex out of the deal). A true DJ is not worried about scaring her away, and feels free to talk to her about anything that is on his mind. If she bolts at the first difficult question, she's probably not worth your time anyway.

Some people like staying in their "comfort zone", and will only stray from that zone when you put them in the "hot seat". Some folks thrive in the hot seat, some get freaked out, but most are in between. I personally tend to choose lovers (and friends) that thrive in the hotseat. These are the people that are self-confident, cool under pressure and think well on their feet. People that are not afraid to leave their comfort zone behind, and venture into new territory.

Myself, I look at the questions in my mind about this person, and don't use any set tests per se. As VeryBadGirl points out, no "inner monologue", as there is no way that you can be prepared for every single test that comes your way. It's the way that you react to something that catches you off guard that shows your true colors, not some scripted questions.

What I want to know about people that I like is:

1.) Are you a good person?
2.) Are you a totally wacked out nutcase?
3.) Are you a loser?
4.) Are you intelligent / funny / witty?
5.) Do we have anything in common?

Bottom line is test us, but know that you are being tested as well.

 

[GirlCrazy]

Ouch, pee test?

Pfffft well I guess we won't be shooting up together then!

 

[Ubermensch]

I usually have no clue ...

whether or not I'm being "tested" until well after the fact. And every time I've "failed" it's been for the better and saved me a lot of grief, not to mention the ability to sit down without great discomfort.

As for me, I don't consciously test women. No need, really. I'm too preoccupied with having a good time.

 

[vectorz]

I only give out a few tests and usually they don't have to say a word:

a) Do you have big tits?
b) Do you have a nice body?
c) Do you have a nice face?
d) **This one requires more in-depth analysis** Do you give good head?

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by GirlCrazy
Ouch, pee test?

Pfffft well I guess we won't be shooting up together then!

LOL!!

 

[icepick]

4) The " no inner monologue test" - This one might need explaining. At some point during the first few dates, I blurt something totally weird or innapropriate out - not always on purpose, I just often have no inner monolougue, so I say things like "Wow, I really want to kiss you" or "Have you ever noticed that the word "plate" has a lot of different meanings" or something else really weird. This often proves to be a key test - can they handle my weird indiosycracies and the fact that I most often just say whatever come into my head.

Um, are you my sister or something? This sounds like what I do! Only it is not really a "test" it is just who I am.

Anyway, this probably weeds out the people that are "no fun". Right? I find that it does for me, you can look at the reactions and the conservative/boring people will act all strange.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Originally posted by icepick
Um, are you my sister or something? This sounds like what I do! Only it is not really a "test" it is just who I am.

Anyway, this probably weeds out the people that are "no fun". Right? I find that it does for me, you can look at the reactions and the conservative/boring people will act all strange.

I do have a brother, but I don't think you are him.

When I first started dating, this wasn't a test, it was just part of who I am. (Which, it still is, since I do it whether or not I am on a date or not.) But, I found that some guys would react really weirdly to this - and give me a look like I had 7 heads or something. But other guys (aka the ones I wanted to date) would laugh, agree, keep the conversation going on that topic and/or ame something weird themselves.

I think it does weed out the "no fun" people.

 

[USSOCOM]

I don't know what boys you girls are going out with that test you. I, being a man, don't have time for BS tests. Its the womans job to show interest so she can get asked out by the man. Men don't like games and don't play games. Although I do think it is essential for a woman to test males to sort out the men from the boys. It really is childish....

 

[GirlCrazy]

I don't know what boys you girls are going out with that test you. I, being a man, don't have time for BS tests. Its the womans job to show interest so she can get asked out by the man. Men don't like games and don't play games. Although I do think it is essential for a woman to test males to sort out the men from the boys. It really is childish....

Have you ever interviewed somebody for a job? How about 100 people? Candidates that are unqualified can be easily screened out so they don't waste too much of your time. It's the same with dating (except you can ask dates questions that would get you a lawsuit in the business world). It's because our time is valuable that candidates are screened. Putting somebody in the hot seat can let you see their true colors BEFORE they waste your time by jerking you around and causing you grief.

Interviewer: So [name], how long have you worked in the industry?

Candidate: Who cares, I don't have time for your BS games!

Interviewer: Thank you for your time.

Success in life means at some point you gotta play the game. You either play the game, or you get played.

 

[davelmn2003]

I'm quite interested in knowing how to past the original test:

#5) The "getting you really horny while making out but then saying no test to see if you really "respect" me"

I don't know if "A" is testing me this way, because we were making out on a couch and I was getting quite aroused, so I asked if she wanted to go to my place or go to her room: She said "it requires some walking [to my place, several blocks away]" and "no [to going to her room]".

By "respect" does the girl mean that you just keep on kissing without further mentioning about sex?

 

[GirlCrazy]

I also wanted to add that EVERYBODY has a filtering process, whether they acknowledge it or not.

If you're at a bar and you look to your buddy and say "Dude these chicks suck, let's ditch them and find better ones", then they failed your test

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Originally posted by davelmn2003
I'm quite interested in knowing how to past the original test:

#5) The "getting you really horny while making out but then saying no test to see if you really "respect" me"

I don't know if "A" is testing me this way, because we were making out on a couch and I was getting quite aroused, so I asked if she wanted to go to my place or go to her room: She said "it requires some walking [to my place, several blocks away]" and "no [to going to her room]".

By "respect" does the girl mean that you just keep on kissing without further mentioning about sex?

For some girls it does.

Unfortunetly, we have all encountered the guy who told us he wanted a relationship ("I really like you") only to sleep with us after a few dates and never call again. Often girls who have dealt with that a few times use this test to make sure you are interested in more than just a f*ck. Personally, I think there are other ways to figure out what a guy is interested. As you get older and wiser, it is easier to distinguish the guys who are looking to date from the guys who are just looking for a f*ck.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

And yes, everyone, even men, have a filtering process. I see my guy friends do it all the time. They go on a date with a girl, he brings up a certain topic, and she answers his questions wrong. I ask why he decided not to date her anymore and he says "Oh, we were talking about our last relationship and she said she has never dated anyone for more that 3 months. That is a huge red flag." When she is 32, it IS a huge red flag - so I agree with him, I would have done the same thing.

If their wasn't a filtering process, you'd just be dating anyone who was relatively attractive who you happened to meet. Now, for some guys, that is the case - they date any hot girl who comes their way because well, she is hot. But smart daters (AKA, DJs and others who have standards) understand that they don't want to date a psycho/needy/boring/dumb woman.

 

[USSOCOM]

GirlCrazy, dating and business are two different things, apples and oranges

 

[GirlCrazy]

GirlCrazy, dating and business are two different things, apples and oranges

Yes, indeed, but they have more in common than most people are willing to admit. It really all comes down to cultivating relationships. Relationships come in many forms. Show me somebody that feels completely relaxed and comfortable in a job interview setting, and that person is probably the same way on a first date. If you look at the big picture of human interactions than this shouldn't be surprising.

 

[cynetix]

Originally posted by GirlCrazy
Yes, indeed, but they have more in common than most people are willing to admit. It really all comes down to cultivating relationships. Relationships come in many forms. Show me somebody that feels completely relaxed and comfortable in a job interview setting, and that person is probably the same way on a first date. If you look at the big picture of human interactions than this shouldn't be surprising.

I disagree with almost everything you've said.

First, your analogy in another post about wanting to leave because "the chicks here suck" reveals, obviously, a filtering process, but does not mean you've administered any tests. At least not in the meaningful sense of the word "test" in the way that VBG, the poster of this thread, intends. You're playing with semantics and losing.

Second, I have always been relaxed and comfortable with business interviews, but not until I came to this site and started learning here did I really gain success with women. Dating is not an interview process; for if it were, I doubt we would be so passionate about these issues. The key difference is the presence of intuitive emotional risk. I for one do not engage in any emotional risks when applying for a job (and I'm very good with job interviewers, btw). Notwithstanding solid Anti-Dump-school advice, which recommends as little emotional investment as possible (I apologize for the slight semantic confusion here as well for those who recognize it, but that's beyond the scope of this post), this means that the dating world and the business world are not analogous enough to warrant your comparisons.

So you've said nothing meaningful.

Onto the main subject...

I used to test women, but not anymore--not after I realized the tests I was administering were a result of my own insecurities. Testing in the way VBG means it is like going fishing for red flags. I don't go fishing for red flags, because if the girl has problems they will reveal themselves to me at the appropriate time. If she is a psycho nutcase, you find that out almost immediately. If she has problems with intimacy, you'll find that out soon after you start undressing. I don't need to "interview" a girl because everything we do together is part of the filtering process. (note to GirlCrazy: that was a prime indication that the "filtering process" is inherent but tests are not.)

I used to give tests to make sure the girl I was with liked me, liked the way I dressed, and what I did, or what I would say, etc. Soon after coming here I realized and understood that it was a horribly AFC practice, because I wasn't secure with myself. It also drives away the person you're with because people can smell that shìt from a mile away.

The kinds of tests that VBG administers are not necessarily from insecurity; their purpose is rather to quickly determine compatibility. I don't really have a problem with girls doing that, but I don't do it.

And VBG is right in that there are tests themselves that are just plain bad and reflect negatively on the tester.

I had a date with this chick a year ago or so where everything went really well. She seemed funny and cool (and she was beautiful I thought), and we got along super. She laughed at my jokes and played back, too, and complimented me throughout the evening about my sense of fun AND good looks. Lots of KINO. Going for a kiss felt so natural, when dropping her off, that I didn't even think twice about it. But she stopped me. She smiled seductively and said, "It's all a test, you know." I, surprised, smirked, and said, "Of course it is," thinking to myself, as I turned away knowing I wouldn't call her again: And you just failed it.

cynetix

 

[GirlCrazy]

You're playing with semantics and losing.

Who said this is some sort of contest to be won or lost? When we understand life, of which dating is just one aspect, we all win.

So you've said nothing meaningful.

I'm not here looking for any kind of validation. However it's still my opinion that most relationships, whether they be friendship, dating, or business have a high degree of commonality. It's been my experience that successful people are successful in all aspects of their lives and their relationships to other people - not just business or dating or whatever. The people I look up to could approach anybody for any reason and cultivate any relationship at any time. I've seen many people use love and sex to their business advantage. You obviously don't agree and that's fine. But just because you don't agree doesn't mean I haven't said anything meaningful.

Dating is not an interview process; for if it were, I doubt we would be so passionate about these issues.

Just because you are unaware that an "interview" is taking place, does not mean that you aren't actually being interviewed. What's so wrong about "interviewing the interviewer"? And what's wrong with having passion about all aspects or our lives, including work?

The key difference is the presence of intuitive emotional risk.

You take an emotional risk potentionally with all human interactions. You've never seen a friend angry or upset that he / she didn't land that dream job? I have plenty of times, and the sense of rejection from the person struck me as being very similiar to romantic rejection.

but does not mean you've administered any tests

On the contrary, the test was unspoken, but the filtering process was still there. I like friendly outgoing people and my date was pouty and kept complaining. I don't like pouty women. I didn't need to ask my friend why his date didn't pass the filtering process either, I could see it in his face. Just because the test isn't a standardized mutliple choice type doesn't mean we don't all have a filtering process in all our dealings with others. Again I stick to my opinion that we all have a filtering process.