Staying on Top (For Guys in Relationships)

[Boodrow]

After reading this forum for awhile, I've seen alot of advice on how to get girls, but not really anything on keeping them. I want to go ahead and give my two cents on a few situations that arise from time to time in a commited relationship.

#1. The Magic Phrase
Ever have a situation where you're significant other is not happy about something you're doing, or have done? There is a magical phrase that you can utter to alleviate her troubles and still allow you to stay on top.

Example: You're working on your car, or watching tv, or playing Quake, etc.. The girl comes to you and expresses her need for attention, i.e. "You're not spending any time with me!" *pout*

Now at this time most guys do either one of two things.
1. They concede and spend time with their women. SUPPLICATION
2. They tell the girl, in no uncertain terms, no way in hell. OVERBEARING

There is a 3rd answer that will keep you out of the doghouse, and still allow you to do what you want.
Your answer: "Honey, you have every right to feel to way you do about this, but I'm stil going to do what I'm doing.".

This answer is twofold. It tells the woman that you validate her feelings (which is VERY important to a woman), but you still show backbone. You say no, but as a man, not a hurt child. It's worked like a charm for me. Let me know what you guys think!

 

[LittleDon]

hmm, well i agree about the importance of showing your girl that you recognize how she feels and that you understand why she feels that way, but the second part of the phrase i dont quite agree with.

When you say "Honey, you have every right to feel to way you do about this, but I'm still going to do what I'm doing." its basically saying that you see and understand how she feels, but you just dont give a crap cause your going to continue doing what your doing.

This all started with her thinking she's not important to you (your not spending time with her, what your doing is more of a priority), what you dont want to do is inforce this idea with showing that she is indeed not a priority because you are going to continue doing what it is your doing.

This situation is a trap for most guys. Why? Its simply because the whole situation is focused on how the girl *feels*, and it will be quite tricky dealing with this situation if it remains focused on how she feels.

Solution: Re-focus the situation on how YOU feel. When you do this she can't use her feelings as leverage, and more importantly, this will diminish her initial feelings because she will forget them by focusing on your feelings. How is this done? Well just begin with recognizing how she feels, showing that you understand why she feels the way she does, and even throw in that you apreciate that your time together is important to her. Then, to change the focus onto YOUR feelings, say something like "i wish you would realize that this is important to me", or "i wish you would be happy for me when im doing something i enjoy", or "i wish you could understand that i need to get this done" After you say something like that give her a kiss and continue doing what your doing. It will be hard for her to press you further because it will show that she doesnt care that your doing something you enjoy or that is important to you.

In the end you turned her trap for you concerning her feelings into a trap for her concerning your feelings.

LittleDon

 

[MaMo]

Good info LittleDon! It's interesting how all the things you do to get a girl go right out the window once your in a relationship. Things get tricky!