"Stay Single"

RKTek

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Were a young man to ask me, "To marry perchance, or remain forever single?" I would, given the
hostile circumstances today of law and love, urge caution. "Marriage is a commitment of several years
of your life, plus child support," I would say. "Do not make it rashly."

The question is simply, "Why marry?" As a young man full of dangerous steroids, your answer will
probably be, "Ah, because her hair is like corn silk under an August moon; her lips are as rubies and
her teeth, pearls; and her smile would make a dead man cry." This amounts to, "I'm horny," with
elaborations. It is as it ought to be. The race continues because maidens are glorious, and striplings
both desperate and unwise.

Note, incidentally, that by the time October rolls around, corn silk is shriveled and brown.

Why marry, indeed? In times past, marriage occasionally made sense. Life on a farm required two
people, a woman to work herself ragged in the cabin while the man carried heavy lumpish things and
shot Indians. Later, come suburbia, the man did something tedious in an office and the woman did two
hours housework and stayed bored for six. It worked, tolerably. In the Fifties, nobody expected much
of life. It generally met their expectations.

And there was sex, though not enough of it -- the scarcity being the propellant behind matrimony. Back
then, before the miracle of feminism, women had not yet commoditized themselves. A lad had to pop
the question before he got laid regular. Women controlled the carnal economy and, in a world that was
going to be boring anyway, that was probably a good thing. At least kids had parents.

Times change. Some advice to young fellows setting forth:

First, forget that her lips are sweet as honeydew melon (though not, of course, green). It doesn't last.
One of nature's more disagreeable tricks is that while men are far uglier than women, they age better.
Remember this. It is useful to reflect in moments of unguided passion that, beneath the skin, we are all
wet bags of unpleasant organs.

Soon you will be a balding sofa ornament and she will look like a fireplug with cellulite. Once the
packaging deteriorates, there had better be something to get you through the next thirty years. Usually
there isn't.

Prospects have improved for the single of both genders. Sex is nowadays always available. If you don't
marry Moon Pie, which would be wise, you may get another chance when she comes back on the
market with the first wave of divorcees. It's never now-or-never. Getting older doesn't diminish your
opportunities. As you gain experience, you will recognize the tides, the eddies, the whirlpools of
coupling -- the urgency of the biological clock, the lunacy of menopause. Men by comparison embody a
wonderful clod-like simplicity.

As you ponder snuggling forever with Moon Pie, compare the lives of your bachelor and your married
friends. The bachelors come and go as the mood strikes them, order their apartments with squalid
abandon, drive Miatas or Harleys if they choose, and live in such pleasant dissolution as is consonant
with continued employment. The married guy lives in a vast echoing mortgage beyond his means,
drives sensible cars he doesn't like, and loses his old friends because he isn't allowed to hang out with
them.

Self-help books to the contrary, marriage does not rest on compromises, but on concessions. You will
make all of them. Perhaps it doesn't have to be this way. But it is this way.

Moon Pie has only one reason for marriage: to get her legal hooks into you. She doesn't think of it in
these terms, yet, and she has no evil intentions. She just wants a nice quiet home in the remote
suburbs where she can live uneventfully, raise progeny, and keep her eye on you.

If you think surveillance isn't part of the contract, try going out late with your old buddies. Marriage is
an institution founded on mistrust. If she thought you would stick around if not compelled, she wouldn't
need marriage. She wants monogamy, at least for you and, with some frequency, for herself. She knows
viscerally that you would prefer the amorous insouciance of an oversexed alley cat. You know it
consciously. Marriage exists to control the male, until recently a good idea. Now, however, she can
support herself, and doesn't need protection. She doesn't need you, or you, her.

She will, however, want to have children. Women do. At which point, God help you.

Given the schools, drugs, latch-keyism consequent first to working parents and then to divorce, and
the cultural pressure on children to be slatterns and dope-dealers, reproduction is a gamble. You may
not even particularly like them, or they, you. Nobody talks about this, but how many people do you
know who hardly talk to their grown children?

And you've just tied yourself into twenty years of raising them.

The moment Junior enters wherever it is that we are, Moon Pie will have you screwed to the wall. She
won't think of it this way, yet. She'll be delighted with the cooing bundle of joy, his little fingers, his
little toes, etc. But divorce usually comes. The chances are two to one that she will file: Women are
more eager than men to enter marriage, and more eager to leave it -- with the kids, the house, and the
child support. It won't be amicable, not after seven years. You will be astonished at how ruthless she
will be, how well she knows the law, and how utterly hostile to divorcing fathers the law is.

You don't understand how bad the divorce courts are. You probably don't know what "imputed income"
is. You think that "joint custody" means "joint custody." Think again. Quite possibly you will have to
support her while she moves with your kids to Fukuoka with an Air Force colonel she met in a meat
bar.

In short, marriage often means turning twenty-five years of your life into smoking wreckage. Yes,
happy marriages exist (I personally know of one) and there are the somnolent marriages of habitual
contentment or, perhaps, of quiet resignation. But the odds aren't good.

Permit me an heretical thought. In an age when neither sex economically needs the other, in which
women do not need protection from wild bears and marauding savages, not in the suburbs anyway,
perhaps marriage doesn't make sense, at least for men. The divorce courts remove all doubt. A young
fellow might do well to stay single, keep his DNA to himself, pick such flowers as he might find along
the way, and live his life as he likes.

The above was copied from:
http://www.fredoneverything.net/MoonPie.html
(c) Fred Reed 2002
 
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Iceberg

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Fred Reed, thou art my master! Command me!
 

BocaJoe

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You know, this makes a lot of sense. Almost all of my friends are married. At the last wedding I went to, MANY of my male friends there told me how lucky I was to still be single. I get this all the time. Sure, during the dry spells, it really sucks being single, but when you are getting more a** than a toilet seat, you do feel pretty lucky.

51% of all marriages end in divorce and divorce is painful - financially and emotionally. I watched two of my friends go through it before they were 30 and it tore them apart. It is even worse when kids are involved. So, right away the odds are against you AND the downside is one of the worst hells that you will ever have to walk through. AND, you never know. How many people have told you how nice she was before they were married, and now she is a complete beeoch.

Single = simple, uncomplicated. It means being able to pick up and leave whenever you darn well please. It means never having to say "honey, I'm sorry." It means being able to stay out until all hours of the morning without having to check in and hear crap about how late it is.

Give me the single life.


-Joe
 

GynecologyEnthusiast

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I've been best man at two weddings and both ended in divorce. One in six years, the second in three years.

I'm 32 now and I'm very glad everyday that I haven't fallen for the old marriage scam yet. I'm going to print this essay out and keep it in my desk at home.
 

Monkey

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No way! Its like saying 'why love?'

Even though my parents marriage is a scam I still do/want to believe in it.

If its with the right person its a very special offering to each other.
 
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GynecologyEnthusiast

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Even when her butt looks like a relief map of the moon and she's run up your credit card deby to $17,000 and has nothing to show for it?

Marriage is a just a dirty lie.
 

studmuffin15

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divorce court is a joke. whoever thinks this is a "man's world" is not familiar at all with the divorce court system.

for example,

my uncle is going thru a nasty divorce. after 25 years of marriage, my aunt turned lesbian and harrassed the f*ck out him. wrecked his clothes, wrecked his car, destroying personal property, throwing his food out of the refrigerator, and wishing that he was in the WTC on 9/11.

the man was forced out of a house he worked hard for and is now forced to drive 2 hours EACH WAY to work everyday. concerning work, he is forced to live on $50 a week, bcuz my aunt was awarded $700 per week in child support for children aged 21, 17, and 14.

my uncle must also pay taxes on 2 houses, and my aunts car insurance.

what is my aunt forced to do as a result of ruining the life of a dedicated family man? she is allowed to carouse with her lesbian lover at will, not having to work at all, while my uncle quickly works himself into the grave.

and y is this? cuz my aunt has a pu$$y. after seeing this situation unfold, i am giving serious doubts to marriage. at the very minimum, my mind is set on prenups without a doubt. if she wont sign, i wont commit. PERIOD.
 

Inspector Clouseau

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I refuse the idea of marriage, and many people think I am crazy. They say "Well what if you were in love with her?" A woman who is right for me will accept a long-term relationship without marriage; a woman who can't, isn't. Guys laugh when I say that if I were to go out of my mind and contemplate marriage, I'd require a prenuptial agreement.

70-80% of women cheat in marriages. I'm sure this includes many smart, loving women. It is Nature's cruelest joke that men want sex the most when women aren't, and women in older age just can't get enough of it, while their husbands would rather watch television.

Considering other statistics of marital problems, needless to say almost all marriages suffer from at least one marital dysfunction.

Ever notice how many young men are so optimistic to the idea of marriage, yet with many older, divorced men urging you marriage is a big mistake?

I came across this page: Top Ten Myths of Divorce, with the #1 myth that second marriages tend to be more successful than first marriages.
The question is simply, "Why marry?"
I agree.


Clouseau
 

StuartScott

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Originally posted by studmuffin15:
concerning work, he is forced to live on $50 a week, bcuz my aunt was awarded $700 per week in child support for children aged 21, 17, and 14.

my uncle must also pay taxes on 2 houses, and my aunts car insurance.

I think you're exaggerating a little. How could he live off of 50 bucks per week. I live with my mom and can't live off 50 bucks per week.
 
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Princess-Spock

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Originally posted by killah_mindz84:
You guys are scaring the $hit out of me. I WANT to believe in marriage and "living happily ever after." But these stats are freaky.


Look at it this way; slightly over half of marriages fail, yes, but that means that nearly half of all marriages LAST "until death do us part." Would you take a bet that offered you nearly a 50% chance of getting something wonderful? *I* sure would (and DID, to my everlasting joy).


Granted, some of the marriages that last "forever" do so out of religious beliefs or fear or whatever...... but MANY of the marriages that FAIL could easily have worked if those involved weren't spoiled, lazy, demanding, immature, easily-bored, selfish brats who ran away from "troubles" that our parents and grandparents wouldn't have given a 2nd thought to, much less ended a marriage over.


People continue to get married for a REASON; a REAL marriage, based on REAL love and commitment, is the best thing on this Earth.

------------------
To discourage flaming, I will NEVER return to a thread once I've posted there. To well-wishers; sorry!! To all others; :p

The truth will set you free..... but first, it'll REALLY p!ss you off.

"You make a living by what you get. But you make a life by what you give." -- Winston Churchill

"It is not enough to have great qualities, we should also have the management of them." -- La Rochefoucauld
 

tweeder

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Marriage is just to dang complicated. Some of my best friends married girls that even I thought would make good wives. Sweet, innocent, good-natured. Guess what? Two girls just like this were humping another guy behind my friend's back within 3 years of the marriage. Personally something like that would kill me, and I just don't want to risk it.

Divorce rate is only 50%, but I imagine the rate of women who cheat on their husbands is up and over 75%. Out of all the older women I know, many of them openly tell me about their affairs. A couple have offered me a chance at being their boy toy. I say don't do it. The only possilbe good reason would be if you want kids. But even then why would you bother?
 

dead_romeo

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There's nothing wrong with marraige in and of itself, women fûck it up.

As noted by clouseau most women will cheat on you in a heartbeat.

------------------
"Conclusions arrived at through reasoning have very little or no influence in altering the course of our lives. Hence, the countless examples of people who have the clearest convictions and yet act diametrically against them time and time again; and have as the only explanation for their behavior the idea that to err is human." Carlos Castaneda - The Fire From Within

"It is the responsibility of the strong to help the weak become strong" - Harlan Ellison
 

Jake Steed

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One thing you always have to remember is WOMEN WANT TO GET MARRIED, NOT MEN. Women love marraige so much because it's to their advantage to convince a guy to marry them--it's a signed contract forcing the man into monogamy with her and to support her as she grows fat. If it were up to the men of this day and age, there would BE no marriage.

Always remember, when you marry a girl, you are doing HER the favor. Most guys forget this and allow the woman and society to brainwash him into thinking he "got lucky".

Jake
 
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studmuffin15

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Stu:

that is my whole point! no one can live off $50 per week, but that is what the courts ar doing to him bcuz they need to follow "proper policy".

he is basically tapping into his little bit of savings to make ends meet, and once that's gone, he will probably retire on disability.
 

STR8UP

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Originally posted by Princess-Spock:
but MANY of the marriages that FAIL could easily have worked if those involved weren't spoiled, lazy, demanding, immature, easily-bored, selfish brats who ran away from "troubles" that our parents and grandparents wouldn't have given a 2nd thought to, much less ended a marriage over.
Life is too short to have to worry about wasting your existence dealing with a spoiled, lazy, demanding,.......blah, blah (male or female). Unfortunately we don't always realize what we are getting ourselves into in the beginning. If you end up just being able to tolerate the other person after a few years you've beat the odds. You never know when the other person is going to throw you a curve ball.

Another thing. How do you keep from being easily bored? Someone who finds themselves needing MORE than the other person can give usually can't change their feelings.

Bottom line:
If it's too much damn work, it's just not worth it.
 

Transformer

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I just called a buddy of mine last night, and we ended up discussing this very thing.

First off, he's an unbelievably happily married man. He and his wife have a two-year-old boy. They are both extremely devout Christians. You must understand that my friend is a true Biblical scholar and a thinking man's man, and isn't the sort of fire and brimstone guy that most of us think of when we think of Christian. He is my spiritual counselor.

He knows of my deep distrust of the institution of marriage. I've told him about all of the things that disgust me about it, and I've cited examples like the ones that have been discussed here. Of course, when I speak to him about this, I must always keep in mind that I come from a broken home and have only one positive model of marriage (my friend's marriage).

Anyway, after all of my objections to marriage (limits freedom, nagging wife, possible inability to chase dreams that arise later in life, extreme financial risk), Greg found a way to explain things to me in a way that made sense. I'll try my best to sum up his opinions, though I don't yet think about this stuff the way he does (I'm working at the Christian thing with limited success).

Greg told me that of course 50% of marriages end in divorce, and countless others are just a show shrouding a great deal of misery. Most people aren't practicing marriage the way God intended. He told me that most people marry for the wrong reasons (sex, lust, looks, money, social pressure, etc). He said that finding the right mate (Christian, positive, loving, unselfish, intelligent, thoughtful, etc) can take a long time. He said that most people marry without much attention to these important issues, and then run the marriage the best they can without the guidance of true, eternal wisdom.

Of course, I raise all kinds of objections, and "buts" and "what abouts," but each time, he argues that while these people aren't bad people, they aren't focused on the right things. He constantly brings me back to who the people are who are serving as my models of marriage. At this point, I thought of my father, who is a very important model of marriage for me, and is a man who got screwed by the justice system in his most recent divorce from my step-mother. When I evaluate the real reasons he married her (she was hot and liked sex and thought this meant he was in love) I realize they were flawed from the start.

You must understand that all of Greg's arguments lead to the same place. He is a pastor, and he believes that all of the world's misery is caused by a separation from God.

I told him I never want to marry, but that I like to have sex. I asked him if my choosing to remain single meant I could never have sex if I were practicing good Christianity. He said, "unfortunately, yes."

Look at all of the long-term misery that sex out of marriage causes people both in diseases and unwanted pregancies, he said. Consider all of the things a single person must do to avoid all of the negative ramifications of sex without marriage, Greg tells me.

Greg is not trying to convert me. He thinks I'm already converted (I have my doubts). He is trying to provide a good model and an explanation of why most marriages suck that will lead me to wisdom and truth.

In the end, though, it still seems like a really ****ty deal. Greg tells me that when it's done right, it is so much more great than anything that may be given up. And he says the sex, when marriage is true marriage, is unbelievable. I don't know.

At the end of the day, when I imagine myself as a future DJer, and I've got the option of chasing my ambitions and dreams unimpeded, dating the women of my choice, having some wonderful sex, and keeping the indepdence I so cherish, I doubt I'll ever take the risk.

I mean, who wants to catch hell for wanting to hang out with your buddies once in a blue moon? Even Greg deals with this, and he has a wonderful marriage. In the end, she still wants to control him at all costs.

Personally, if I can't be married to a woman who is interested in growing mutually in our lives, exploring new things and supporting one another in those efforts, even if they take us away from each other at times, I don't want any part of it.

When life's so short, who wants to be held back?

Matt

If any of you are still reading my pointless ramblings, I'm impressed.

[This message has been edited by Transformer (edited 08-23-2002).]
 

studmuffin15

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Matt:

great post! I have often wondered myself about the morality of premarital sex, or just plain old sex outside of marriage. basically, i view it this way:

1.) it is well known that god wants us to make the most of our bodies and use our gifts to their utmost potential. personally, i think sex falls into this realm as well. life is soo short. if sex makes us feel good, why should we chose to deprive ourselves of it? when it comes down to it, we are all animals, and thus, we cannot suppress these very strong emotions. i think the real test concerning sex is how we actually go about handling these emotions, which leads me to my second point.

2.) if u go over the 10 commandments, what they all basically boil down to is deception - lying, cheating, stealing, killing, etc. to me, god really seems to have a problem with deception - it's like his big thing.

therefore, when it comes to sex, i believe this: if u r going with a girl, and it is clearly known between the both of u that each of u are in for it for personal gratification by use of the other, and both are cool with it, then things are good.

however, if u lead the girl to believe that u love her, etc., while u r really just using her for sex, u DECEIVE her and use her body for sex, which i believe is the worst sin possible, aside from murder. this is the only situation where i really feel that sex outside of marriage is wrong.

also>>> i have also heard die-hard catholics profess that "there is no such thing as rape in marriage". supposedly, it has something to do with wedding vows or something like that, where when u get married, u voluntarily give urself up. whatever it is, it's stupid. rape is rape. anyway, my point here is that just because peeps are married, doesnt necessarily mean that sex will be proper in all scenarios.

i would be interested to hear ur friend's take on these opinions.
 

Sir_Chancealot

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Originally posted by Transformer:
... Greg tells me that when it's done right, it is so much more great than anything that may be given up. And he says the sex, when marriage is true marriage, is unbelievable. I don't know. ...
Listen to this guy. I have been saying this on this very board for quite a while. Greg is pretty sharp, and has it right.
 
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