Social competition

Trump

Master Don Juan
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if you have this relationship with friends, how can you trust them and what is the point of the friendship?
Who said you should you trust them? The point is to do something with them. Hockey game, poker, pool. The point isn’t to reveal your finances or your wives pregnancy.

if it’s about one-upmanship and rubbing people’s noses in it, what happens if you get a wasting disease or your child dies, or you are wrongfully convicted, or any number of things? People obsessed with this dynamic would have a little smirk on their faces as you piss yourself or weep for your bad luck.
Of course they would. You don’t think your friends would love it if your wife dies? Or your kid dies? Or if you go bankrupt?

They are compassionate to your face, behind the scenes they are loving it.

someone who rejoices when your business fails isn’t a friend, it’s ah enemy. I’d rather keep away from enemies who are in this dynamic with you.
Your enemy would show up to your funeral faster than your friend.

life is a more mature experience than one upmanship. It’s the lowest tier of human experience. Some people, believe it or not, get more fulfilment out of helping people than driving a top end BMW. I could afford a really nice car but don’t choose to. I did once, I found it did nothing for my life, other than give slightly better prestige with the people described. So I’m winning acclaim with people who would be happy in my downfall.
Yep.

perhaps I’m finding my higher purpose, to achieve success for those around me while shunning and opting out of the backstabbing.
Good job. Go for it.

I remember, before I achieved success I thought like you Trump, once you’ve had it and been able to live the life, you find what’s waiting for you isn’t what you expected.
True. That’s capitalism.

Look at Warren Buffet. “Oh gosh golly me, I live in the same house I bought in 1953, I play the ukulele on my porch, I drink Coke like your average everyday 9-5 American.”

Behind the scenes, he buys companies who destroy the Amazon rainforest, or whose products cause cancer, or he will support the firing of several thousand workers if he gets more money. Yet the media loves him.

Everything is corrupt.
 
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mrgoodstuff

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Who said you should you trust them? The point is to do something with them. Hockey game, poker, pool. The point isn’t to reveal your finances or your wives pregnancy.



Of course they would. You don’t think your friends would love it if your wife dies? Or your kid dies? Or if you go bankrupt?

They are compassionate to your face, behind the scenes they are loving it.



Your enemy would show up to your funeral faster than your friend.



Yep.



Good job. Go for it.



True. That’s capitalism.

Look at Warren Buffet. “Oh gosh golly me, I live in the same house I bought in 1953, I play the ukulele on my porch, I drink Coke like your average everyday 9-5 American.”

Behind the scenes, he buys companies who destroy the Amazon rainforest, or whose products cause cancer, or he will support the firing of several thousand workers if he gets more money. Yet the media loves him.

Everything is corrupt.
I never thought about the one were a friend could be happy that your child died. Ridiculous but reality. Many of thrm behind your back are excited about misfortune in your life.
 

samspade

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openness and honesty cause issues, because often you will say things others don’t like. As an example, I’m strongly in favour of an independent UK (that means pro-brexit) but I am surrounded by pro EU remainers. I’m often provoked into defending my points, and because I have integrity, I either just side step it or argue the point. If I side step, with something like “nobody is going to win this, we all hold our views, let’s concentrate on what we do agree on”, these cvnts keep going....pushing it further. So I either argue and cause a stink, or just fold, which I can’t do.
I usually couch my views with words like "but hey, that's just my opinion." Essentially it's to signal that I'm not emotionally invested in some never ending argument. If people persist I say "I've said my piece, you know where I stand." Or to make them feel better, "well, who knows, maybe you're right." The key is simply not getting angry or emotional as some of these yahoos tend to be when discussing any issue.

As for your larger question...I think what people said above about having a higher purpose is key. It gives you inner peace and leaves you less consumed with keeping up with the Joneses. These people are often sick with consumerism and a lack of purpose themselves. I've noticed since I left the USA I've seen it less. It still exists, but where I live people are more into the simple day-to-day satisfactions of family, friends, nature, good food, music and dancing, etc. A car is a thing that gets you to work and a TV is what you watch the ballgame on. Sounds cliche, I know. A job can be an ambition but it's not an identity.

Personally I tend to deal with consumerists politely but with honesty. "Good for you, man. I haven't owned a car in years, and I don't even know which brands are any good. But it sounds like you made the right choice." Or, "You fellas enjoy your ****tails, I'm having a Guinness." If you want to be more direct, when they brag you can always say "that's terrific. You must be very happy." If they are, they are.
 

Fruitbat

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Who said you should you trust them? The point is to do something with them. Hockey game, poker, pool. The point isn’t to reveal your finances or your wives pregnancy.



Of course they would. You don’t think your friends would love it if your wife dies? Or your kid dies? Or if you go bankrupt?

They are compassionate to your face, behind the scenes they are loving it.



Your enemy would show up to your funeral faster than your friend.



Yep.



Good job. Go for it.



True. That’s capitalism.

Look at Warren Buffet. “Oh gosh golly me, I live in the same house I bought in 1953, I play the ukulele on my porch, I drink Coke like your average everyday 9-5 American.”

Behind the scenes, he buys companies who destroy the Amazon rainforest, or whose products cause cancer, or he will support the firing of several thousand workers if he gets more money. Yet the media loves him.

Everything is corrupt.
No, neither I, nor anyone I know who is sane would be happy if their friends loved ones died.

I just lost my best friend. I certainly bawled my eyes out for weeks. You have to be unhinged to enjoy that.

if I’m being honest, like everyone I like to think I’m doing better than anyone around me. That’s natural. Do people exist I would feel happy if they had misfortune? Definitely. I’m not a saint.

the world you describe is exactly the one I detest. If anything, it’s strengthened my resolve to resist it.
Some folks believe in making the world better, nurturing others, building a better world. Fellowship, fraternity. Integrity and honesty. Perhaps it’s a british thing. I doubt it. I’m sure the world has men and women with good intentions the world over.

the attitude you describe is kind of the rapists charter. Who cares if you do wrong - they’d do it to your daughter or sister so get ahead when you can.
 

mrgoodstuff

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In my opinion those games waste your time and are methods of attention whoring. Many who perform them are a paycheck or two from being on the street. Its a stupid competition. The same time can be used for getting better.
 
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BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

From 48 Laws of Power by Robert Green recall law 38:

Think as you like but behave like others.

Wise words. It is better to conform outwardly so people are comfortable with your company. People feel disrespected or that you are arrogant if you are a nonconformist.

I notice this too (about the bragging and so forth. Hell. I’ve been accused of it here but I do not apologize for my reality.) People resent me some. I am rarely showy around people who are less successful or sophisticated. People will feel shown up and that breeds a certain contempt that is better avoided most of the time.

It’s hard to hide though. When I show up at the bank midday in jeans, a t-shirt and no makeup with a pony tail...and most everyone is dressed for work? It’s self evident that I’m not average. Or, well that I’m different. And that’s ok but it has to be managed in the sense that people do get envious.

I’ve learned to become more quiet as I’ve become more successful. For a number of reasons.

Stay below the radar. Become more interested in others and less interested in puffing out your own chest. You’ll learn more, reveal less, and be better liked by others. And those are all advantages.

Cheers
 

Fruitbat

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If its a d1ck measuring contest you are no friends.

Friends are those you can say that you fail to get an erection with that girl the previous day or that you are stressed cause the mortgage is kinda demanding.
I have 2 people I could say that to. One of them is dead!
 

ubercat

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Find more. The others are just drinking acquaintances. generally I find the wider your interests the more you're going to bump into people have wide interests and open minds themselves
 
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Trump

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Advice from the old lady:

From 48 Laws of Power by Robert Green recall law 38:

Think as you like but behave like others.

Wise words. It is better to conform outwardly so people are comfortable with your company. People feel disrespected or that you are arrogant if you are a nonconformist.

I notice this too (about the bragging and so forth. Hell. I’ve been accused of it here but I do not apologize for my reality.) People resent me some. I am rarely showy around people who are less successful or sophisticated. People will feel shown up and that breeds a certain contempt that is better avoided most of the time.

It’s hard to hide though. When I show up at the bank midday in jeans, a t-shirt and no makeup with a pony tail...and most everyone is dressed for work? It’s self evident that I’m not average. Or, well that I’m different. And that’s ok but it has to be managed in the sense that people do get envious.

I’ve learned to become more quiet as I’ve become more successful. For a number of reasons.

Stay below the radar. Become more interested in others and less interested in puffing out your own chest. You’ll learn more, reveal less, and be better liked by others. And those are all advantages.

Cheers
+1. Good points.

That’s exactly how leaders of free world, heads of state, CEOs, billionaires, rich actors, act. Ever wonder how much Putin, Trump, Xi, and the Iranian ayatollahs have in oversea bank accounts? Conform in public, behind the scenes steal millions from their country for their families and relatives.

Got to read that book again.
 
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