Social Circles

[Walldorf]

I guess when you get older (after university) (and sometimes maybe more mature ) it gets more difficult to make new friends (or wingman). I think this is especially valid, when you move to a new town due to a new job. What is your favourite way to build up a new social circle in that situation?

What I usually do is to join a sports club (e.g Basketball..), but most often this results "just" in getting to know a few people, but not necessarily wingman... any other ideas?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

This is true - you lose many to marriage or they move away to another town. I would think that you would want guys that enjoy the same type of music and would hangout at the same places as you. Playing group sports is the best way to meet new guys in town that have the same interests as you in pursuing the same kind of woman.

 

[locrian]

There are sports/activities clubs all over the place, look for sports that are male-dominated like rock climbing or hang-gliding if you want to find guys to hang with, look for things that are gender-balanced if you want to find girls to hang with like running or swimming (or yoga ).

Almost all my friends are married and completely useless, they have to get home to the wife/kids and can never do anything, I'm slowly building up a network of reliable available people who are also cool.

 

[Jay Gatsby]

Much of your social circle in the post-education world will come from work. Likewise, as previous posters pointed out, your college and grad school friends will eventually disappear due to work transfers, work committments or marriage (with the attendant wife and kids). The problem I see with all of the foregoing is that a part of you dies each time a member of your old friendship circle departs. You can replace them with new friends, but sadly, it's not the same.

As we get older, close and personal friends become far and few between, if any are left at all. Most of the people you may call friends are really acquaintances, who will come and go from your life at a moment's notice, with no explanation. If you're in business, your utility/money will dictate how many "friends" you have. If you're in a less demanding working environment (e.g., government, education, the arts, etc...) you may end up simply being a shoulder to cry on for the married/divorced types that have no true friends left. Neither proposition is very appealing, but at least the former can result in better quality "friends," as long as you know where their loyalties lie (with themselves, of course).

 

[Survivor]

The dilemma goes both ways.

Since getting engaged and moving in with the future wifey, I can't go out as much because of the additional responsibilities. I still keep in touch with my single friends, but obviously I can't go skirt chasing like in the past. They understand that, but it doesn't change the fact that things have changed.

In the meantime, my fiance and I are slowly building up a network of married/engaged/serious LTR friends. Such friendships has its own sets of drawbacks too, but at least its a start.

 

[Walden]

Jay , I disagree. Go to one of your female freinds and ask her about her best mates and how she keeps in touch with them.

Chicks have great strategies for keeping their frinds close. They make a point of getting together for socialising on a regular basis, they go to dinner or movies or the beauticians or have pillow fights followed by hot lesbain sex.

The male equivalent is to make a point of calling your crew together for a pool game or the rugby or a visit to a strip bar a couple times a month.

 

[gentleman193]

Walden,

You miss the point on the married guys. They have revereted to AFC status and going out with them is painful, depressing, boring, will drag you down, etc. You have dinner with them and their wife now and then or talk on the phone once a month or whatever but they're no longer part of the game.

I think what you really do is learn how to make any available guy into your wing in 30 seconds or less. It's actually more interesting than hanging with the same old crew anyway. There is less c-ck blocking this way, too. Strangers show more respect.

How many of my college boys were actually on my side? None, they were selfish slimy loyalty-free b*stards when it comes to women. Looking back I shoulda f-cked their gf's, sisters, etc. when I had the chance. What a waste of loyalty. But I digress . . .

 

[gav]

Originally posted by gentleman193


I think what you really do is learn how to make any available guy into your wing in 30 seconds or less. It's actually more interesting than hanging with the same old crew anyway. There is less c-ck blocking this way, too. Strangers show more respect.

How many of my college boys were actually on my side? None, they were selfish slimy loyalty-free b*stards when it comes to women. Looking back I shoulda f-cked their gf's, sisters, etc.

interesting!

so far my uni m8s have shown themselves to be nothing but jealous AFC pr!cks (serious cases as well - running hand and foot to please women)

i think i'll try asking some single acquaintances if they want to come out to a club with me. ure probably right about strangers respecting me more

cheers, gav

 

[Jay Gatsby]

Originally posted by Walden
Jay , I disagree. Go to one of your female friends and ask her about her best mates and how she keeps in touch with them.

Chicks have great strategies for keeping their frinds close. They make a point of getting together for socialising on a regular basis, they go to dinner or movies or the beauticians or have pillow fights followed by hot lesbain sex.

The male equivalent is to make a point of calling your crew together for a pool game or the rugby or a visit to a strip bar a couple times a month.

Walden,

In the U.S., the reason women socialize with other women is not for friendship, but rather for the sake of comparing themselves to one another. A woman would just as soon as stab her friend in the back over something petty than be completely honest.

Likewise, women don't believe that the same rules apply to their behavior as those they apply to the behavior of their husbands. When a man wants to get together with his friends (if he has any left), his wife will call at least once to check up on him. If his wife doesn't call, then one of his friends' wives will call for a briefing on who's still hanging out, and who's left (and where that person went -- you can bet the information will get back to his wife). If a man were to call his wife with the same intent, she'd get offended and accuse him of not trusting her. By the way, good luck with going to a strip club in the U.S. without your wife getting completely bent out of shape.

On the subject at hand, that is, making or keeping friends after being in the working world for a few years, most men don't. Either a man gets married or all of his friends do. Either way they stop hanging out together.

 

[Big Pappy]

A wingman. What a novel concept. When I was in college for my first degree, I hung out with my friends. They came in useful in the sense that when I would crash and burn, they would be sitting at the table marveling at my boldness. I almost looked at my attempts to rut about as a performance for them. I was always more effective womanizing when I was among friends.

As stated, friends move away or marry and I was left to play the game alone. In retrospect, I prefer it this way. I decide when to go, when to leave, how long to stay.

Social proof? I don't need it. I have it in abundance due to my jolly, outgoing nature.

In your case, since you want a wingman, why not check this forum for DJ's in your area?

I'd suggest joining a dart league or something in your community that will get you out of the house. After a few meetings, if you let your personality shine through, you'll have plenty of folks to hang out with.

 

[dietzcoi]

Gentleman193

You are right. I have watched a party animal type friend of mine from way back slowly spiral down to super AFC over the past 12 years of marriage.

Horrible but what can you do? Seems like everybody is bent on self destruction (Marriage) and we cannot stop them.

Even I did it as an AFC but I woke up, thank God.

Dietzcoi