Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

So shy

777boy

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Hello everyone ! My 1st post here so please bear with me and please dont shoot me down.

Well my problem is a bit of a weird one.Im 27 and totally shy.I can relate to one of the posts here Chancer 357 whose never had a date and too shy to ask anyone out.

Ok i have had dates but all the time its the girls who have asked me out.My last 3 gfs all asked me out.Its a bit embarrassing not being able to go ask a girl out and instead waiting for them to
take the initiative.

However now i want to ask a girl of my choice out and am gathering the courage but am not too sure about her.

Let me explain :-

Theres this girl ( think shes 19 ) who lives in my neighbourhood and i have fallen for her big time.The only thing is i dont know if she feels the same about me.

A couple of times as i have driven by her we have made eye contact and she doesnt seem to break it.Me like a nutter cant even manage to smile and i end up breaking contact.

Also once in a while when im tinkering with my car i have caught her staring in my direction but she turns away when i look.

The other day i passed her and i so badly wanted to smile but she was staring at the ground...ouch

Since i have gathered enough courage to go try ask a girl out all i needed to know from you experts out there is if any of her actions show she could be interested.

I know its not a lot to go by but at least ill feel more confident if i think she may be interested.

Hope someone can help

Thanks

Oh yes i do have a nice car so please dont tell me shes staring at the car....
 

Desdinova

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Don't try and figure out a woman by her actions if you've haven't even made contact with her.

i have fallen for her big time.
You're already off to a bad start. You've developed one-itis for her.

If you want to break your problem with being shy, I suggest working on your conversation and approaching skills. Approach women, men, old and young. Work on starting a conversation with a complete stranger. It'll make you more comfortable approaching any woman, beautiful or ugly.
 

urbanwhite

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There's nothing wrong with being shy. You were actually doing something right by letting women ask you out. I would try to be friends with this 19 year old but I wouldn't expect anything. Let her chase you. If she doesn't say, 'next'.
 

777boy

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Thanks guys...

I shall definitely try and at least strike up a conversation with her.

Its just that since i have never asked a girl out im a tad worried about being blown off especially since i have developed this crush on her - yes yes one-itis

I know girls asking you out is not a bad thing but sometimes maybe you want someone else rather than them.Dont know if im making sense.Sorry

So now heres a girl i like but am worried about being rejected.Anyway guess most guys go through this at some time so ill give it a shot.

Will let you know how it goes

Cheers
 

Walden

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Originally posted by 777boy
Thanks guys...

I shall definitely try and at least strike up a conversation with her.

So now heres a girl i like but am worried about being rejected.
Deep breaths Walden.

I got rejected 3 times in an hour today. And I didn't die. (Also got a # of a hot HB of my choosing too).

Mate , there is so much out there , once you get your house in order. Imagine being 37 and not having any skills and having only laid another 3 girls in your life. That's gonna suck man.

read the DJ bible , do the DJ bootcamp , then go fcuk ten other women and then try sarging this oneitis girl.
 

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cave dweller

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shy???????

Hey,

I used to be shy.----got over that.

List some of your pluses and good points here and we will help you become more outgoing.

There is not reason for you to walk around for the next 27 years in a shell.

cave dweller
 

chancer

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Originally posted by 777boy
Since i have gathered enough courage to go try ask a girl out all i needed to know from you experts out there is if any of her actions show she could be interested.

I know its not a lot to go by but at least ill feel more confident if i think she may be interested.
Alright... Whenever in doubt. Let your ego take over. For example, I'll start telling myself, damn, remember, this girl? The last time I saw her she had this wonderful smile... Damn i must bring happy thoughts to mind. With a positive mindframe, you begin to tweak and control the situation. Am i analyzing anything? No. I've already have the conception in my head that she's feeling me. The real answers are found by asking her out. Make up or review, (for a quick second), all of the reasons she may be interested in you. What you need to do is motivate yourself to talk to her. You've realized that you like a lack of courage. Good. Now make that fear a goal to over come.

Whenever i saw a girl i liked, I told my friends and everyone i knew, that i was going to ask that girl out, the next time i saw her, no matter what the situation was. Make a promise to yourself and your friends. I've caught myself asking a girl out in a classroom full of 30 students, all gathered around the front desk (ended up going out with her a couple of times). Grab your balls, and talk to her.

I'm personally very shy myself. Sometimes you just need to challenge yourself.
 
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777boy

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Hello again....

Sorry was away for the last few days and so was unable to reply.

Firstly i just want to say im really amazed how nice you people really are to actually spend time trying to help
others out when you dont even know the person.Looks like there are some good people out there.GOOD ON YOU.

I think like it was suggested maybe i can give you a brief rundown about myself and so possibly make it easier for
you guys to be able to try and help me.

Ok as you may have guessed from my sign in id im a Pilot with a major carrier.Now now before you all start saying we pilots
get all the hosties let me clarify LOL

I do get along with the hosties but the prob is its cos i know im not interested in them for a relationship.I dont want to be rude but hosties
and pilots for that matter arent really the best people to have relationships with.

So i have no prob chatting with the hosties etc on general chit chat etc and i guess cos i see familiar faces i am more comfortable.
However after posting on this forum and getting your responses the other day on a flight it so happened that there was this drop dead gorgeous
hostie and shed changed her hairstyle...

I KNOW YOU MUST BE WONDERING WHERE THE HELL MY STORY IS GOING BUT PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME

So i went up to her and told her ( something id never have even dreamt of before ) that she looked really nice with the new style.I honestly
expected a dirty or annoyed look or some sarcastic remark from her.Imagine to my surprise when she gave me a huge smile and rubbed my hand and said thanks.
I know its no big deal but for me it was.I felt so good.

However after landing that evening going through the terminal i saw a cute chick coming towards me.Am sure you can guess what i did.I stared at the ground and walked by.
Can you believe it ? Even after the episode with the hostie.So its like i cant face a stranger or something funny like that.Its so depressing.

Forgot to mention im only 5'4 so i think being short also makes me afraid to approach girls.When i was younger my height bothered me but now i feel im okay with it but prob at the back of my mind
that is a hindrance.I am not bad looking and people say im cute but that annoys me too cos i feel guys are supposed to be handsome not cute.Anyways.I love my job and all i want now
is to find a girl i want and settle down ie marriage So it really hurts when i cant even get someone i want

Think i read in chancer357s thread someone saying usually a good way of starting to chat with chicks is to look for someone not very cute and start from there.The weird thing is if i cant even look up how do i even begin.
I dont think even the ugly ones would talk to me.Sometimes i walk by a girl and i know shes like average and she wont even bat an eyelid...like i dont even exist as i pass her.So
it confuses me even more that why wouldnt an average looking girl even try and make eye contact or something.Is it cos im not worthy of them.

Totally perplexes me.

Am really sorry for this long and chaotic reply but theres so much i want to write but its so hard writing stuff about yourself when youre feeling low...

Hope i get some more replies and ill be happy to add anything more youd like to know if need be.

All i want is your help to make me more outgoing and able to communicate with girls adhoc and find myself a partner

Thanks so much
 

chancer357

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Originally posted by 777boy
Think i read in chancer357s thread someone saying usually a good way of starting to chat with chicks is to look for someone not very cute and start from there.
Good luck with any of that advice. None of it helped me.
 

777boy

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Hi.

Chancer 357 !! I think you and i should hang out together cos 2 -ves should make a +ve..What do you say ?

Honestly though i think you arent trying hard enough..ive gone through your thread and i know you probably have tried
but not enough or not wth enough entusiasm.

I know im in no position to give advice cos im here in the same sort of situation but i am going to try really hard.

Since i posted in this forum i have started trying to be more outgoing..meaning i try and look people in the eye and smile instead of into the ground.
you must have read my thread and you probably realise i dig this particular chick and i am going to try so very hard to get her.

I decided to wait a few days and build up my confidence before speaking to her cos i dont want to end up freezing with her.So i have been
walking around the malls aimlessly trying to make contact with strangers and see their reactions.

In one day i got 2 girls to smile at me and one said hello and then kept walking.It isnt much but believe me it felt so cool especially since i wasnt expecting such
responses.Later i saw 2 other cute chicks but my nervousness returned and i started staring at my shoes duh

Anyway at least i am headed in a direction which i think is forward and not reverse.It will take time but hey what do i have to lose.

You say you have lost already.You may as well go all the way and then say youve lost and im sure people here will be able o help you then.
However without making a realistic effort off course youll fail...So buck up and lets go try alright??

I have been feeling the same as you lately but now im going to go down fighting rather than just falling apart and basking in self pity.

Think of it this way.There must surely be some guys not as good looking as you and they have chicks.So why cant you and i ??

Its all in the mind.
 

Chrispy

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Two things:
First, don't put a girl on a pedestal before you've even met her. She's too far up there in your head, and you will certainly fail...you'll intimidate yourself from approaching the girl
Second, remember you never know until you ask. It doesn't cost you anything. You should aim to be shot down many times as it only gets easier after that.
 

disciple

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To overcome your shyness, you need to get to the root of the problem.

Have you ever asked yourself why you're so shy?

Do you think you aren't good looking enough, cool enough, have enough money, or whatever to attract a hot chick?

Is it that you want to say something when you see an attractive woman but are afraid of looking stupid or saying something stupid?

Did you try to approach a hot chick once and got turned down so you stopped trying?

You have to ask yourself what is it that is stopping you from approaching women you want.

Until you know what your mental block is, anyone else or myself telling you to be confident or don't worry about rejection isn't going to help you.

Once you know exactly what your problem is, then you can take steps to specifically address it.

For example, I used to rack my brain trying to figure out the perfect thing to say when I approached a girl and it used to f*ck up my flow because I became too analytical and that prevents you from being spontaneous and creative which is essential in approaching women.

For some guys, maybe they aren't used to interacting with women and especially hot women on a regular basis and so they aren't socially competant around a good looking chick.

The answer to that problem would be to get out and find activities or places where you can practice interacting and conversating with different kinds of women so you lose your fear of interacting with them.

Then you begin to see that they are just people like you and me and that demystifies them and they are no longer some mythic goddess but rather a potentially desirable but flawed human being just as we all are.

So you need to do some self-analysis and pinpoint why you are shy and do something that will correct that problem.
 

Walden

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Originally posted by urbanwhite
There's nothing wrong with being shy. You were actually doing something right by letting women ask you out. I would try to be friends with this 19 year old but I wouldn't expect anything. Let her chase you. If she doesn't say, 'next'.
What the fcuk advice is that?
If you want to catch fish sit by a river until one of them leaps into your tackle box and starts rummaging around for hooks to swallow...
 

Georgio

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Yo dog

I'm not no master DJ but I know enough to know, that your way of thinking isnt working for you...

Your seem very insecure, Just go out there and do YOU, dont worry about what other people think..

Your in control.

If you think negative about yourself, people will do the same.. If you think positive about yourself, people will do the same.

As the DJ Bible says, you have to learn how to look in the mirror and say

"I absolutely love this guy!!!!!!!!!"
 

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Georgio

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Try this!
Get yourself a new outfit, and go out.. When your walking, your posture right.. Chest out, shoulders back, suck ya stomach in and keep your head up.. (A new outfit and posture help with confidence) When you pass a girl, if she makes eye contact with you, give her a little smerk, but whatever you do.....

DONT LOOK DOWN, the more you look down the more its gonna kill you slowly inside.. TRUST ME

I use to have this case the worst.... The SOLUTION is learn to be happy in every way with who you are, and dont let anybody/or anything put you down. Out of all things I bet this attracts women the most :)
 

777boy

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Hello,

Georgio youre absolutely correct..

I am totall insecure and have ZERO confidence when it comes to females.

I just cant seem to have that confidence i see other guys possessing.

Yest i went to a function where there were like hundreds of girls all dressed up and looking fab and i couldnt even look up.Its like i was overwhelmed.Im pathetic.

What makes me feel even worse is seeing some other dudes who arent very good looking in my opinion having a good time with the chicks and all i can do is manage to feel horrid.

Worst of all the chick i liked in my neighbourhood has a bf as i saw her holding hands with a guy the day before.

So looks like im stuffed in every way possible.

NO CONFINDENCE and NO GIRL :-(
 

777boy

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Its so weird but i think all the cute chicks live in my area and i cant do anything to pull them

Today a chick ive never seen before just walked by my place whilst i was standing outside.I had seen her coming and she had seen me too but as she approached she looked down and walked by and coughed which i think was put on.She didnt look up again herefore i never got the opportunity to smile or even say hello

Was she just trying to indicate that she wasnt even interested in looking up or what the hell ???

This is so hard
 

chancer

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Stop trying to analyze the situations! STOP IT! You're making it harder on yourself. There could be a million reasons she looked down and started coughing... Why not smile and say hello anyway? What's it going to hurt?

There is no antidote to fix any problems here... It all lies within yourself. YOU have to do something. Reading posts on this board only go so far.

disciple had a really nice post, read it again.
 
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