Three Sarges FR
I appreciate the feedback fellas.
"1. you can't run around doing 10 cold approaches day like you would in the city. everybody knows everybody & you will get a bad rep fast.
2. since everybody knows everybody, people are friendlier & more connected, so use that to create openings. go out to local cafes every night, attend local events, be involved in the local scene. it's easy to meet people."
---Booga, I definitely agree that you have to either limit the total number of approaches, or better yet, engage in stealth approaches. That is, fly below the radar by simply opening up conversations in a 'neighborly' manner, rather than spitting out David D or Mystery material designed to overcome shields in large cities.
"I would say there is not a dating culture here, as opposed to somewhere like SoCal. Yes, there are exceptions and players here and there who have had success. But I know some of the biggest ladies men who haven't had success in the NW after living other places."
---WC, it's definitely a different culture up north no doubt. The way I see it is as follows:
1. Everyone up here is very polite. That is, you will get an extremely friendly initial response, but this is no indicator whatsoever of how the conversation will go beyond that point.
2. It really, really helps to get an introduction, be a friend of a friend, or have a class or place of employment in common in order to break the ice. It seems like the rule is: 'be very polite to your neighbor, but don't get involved with your neighbor unless your friend can vouch for your neighbor.'
I've only been here a week and a half so these are just my initial impressions, which may or may not prove correct in the long run. Onto the "field report", which is a bit more sketchy and hazy than I'd like, since I'm summarizing activities over the course of two weeks.
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Sarge #1 (about a week ago)
I enter the laundry room of my apartment late Monday afternoon at our apartment complex. There is a beautiful (HB9) brunette, about 5' 7" in a brown skirt and black blouse sitting at a table reading magazines with her feet on the opposite chair. I look at her intently as I enter the room. She returns my stare, without breaking eye contact. I look around and ask her if they sell small packets of laundry soap in the laundry room.
her: "I don't think so," she says looking around.
I ask if I can buy some of her soap.
me: "I should give you some money for that."
She insists I simply take some of her soap:
her: "oh no, it's ok, really!"
I start, very gingerly, with some small talk. I ask her if she's going to the local U, what her major is, etc. I try to hold eye contact with her, and she will only hold eye contact up to a point: a couple of seconds before she looks down. She asks me if I am a student, and I tell her I'm a grad student. She gives me a big smile and stares, so I guess she likes this a lot. She asks me a few other questions about myself and we chitchat for about three or four minutes as I do my laundry before leaving. I ask her if she knows anyone in the complex. She pauses for a bit, apparently slightly startled by my question.
her: "um, I have a couple of girlfriends who live here." Her tone is both enthusiastic as well as guarded.
I tell her that the complex is going to have a bbq next week and that might be a place to meet people. I tell her I'm going since there's going to be free food. She stares at me silently, with what I believe is a slight frown/pout after I mention this. She looks apprehensive at this "invitation" for whatever reason. I feel slightly embarrassed for "asking" her to the bbq at this point, in this way, as result of her apprehensive, silent stare.
I return a half hour later, she's still there. She's on her cell phone now and this time looks up at me apprehensively, or at least in a guarded fashion, rather than with a look of interest, as she talks. I just can't read her interest level or even her reaction to me quite frankly. I take my time putting my laundry into the dryer, as I'm waiting for an opening to continue my conversation with her. She finally finishes up her phone conversation:
"....say hi to mommy for me! bye!"
Wow. I thought she might be talking to a boyfriend or whatever. Instead, she's been talking to a family member all this time. I start up with the conversation again, asking about what magazines she's reading. She asks me about how to use the dryer. She says she's been waiting the whole time thinking she has to put a quarter in every ten minutes. I tell her she could've just put in a bunch of quarters at once and just left. I decide to run some C&F on this '9':
me: "are you sure you're in college?"
She looks at me blankly, with her mouth wide open. For several seconds, she just stares without saying anything. Then, she runs over to the dryer to put in another quarter:
her: "oh, I didn't know that. That's good to know for next time," she says, without a trace of anger, irony or embarrassment. She takes everything I say at face value.
I talk to her a bit more and tell her it was nice talking to her. I shake her hand goodbye as a kind of kino test, and ask her name. She's comfortable shaking my hand, but doesn't squeeze my hand, or make an issue of this initial physical contact.
Conclusion:
This was one of my first few attempts to "sarge" in my new town. It was weird. I just could not read this girl. The orthodoxy of PUA is that a '9' is going to have her shield up since she gets hit on all the time. In this case, there was no shield. The orthodoxy is that in order to bring the girl's value down therefore, you have to run some ****y and funny on her. This girl was unfailingly polite and seemed shocked and/or uncomprehending when I ran some ****y and funny. The orthodoxy is that a girl asking questions about you might be a sign of interest. Maybe this is true, but she didn't seem terribly enthusiastic about the minor kino (although she didn't seem reluctant either). Also, she seemed 'weirded out' or seemed anxious or seemed to withdraw when I casually mentioned a social event at our (very large) apartment complex.
So, this situation was very hard to read. The '9' was very polite, perhaps a bit more than polite, but also apparently apprehensive at the prospect of further intimacy. I don't know if she wanted me to move more slowly, if she was just being polite, or what.
***
Sarge #2:
I go to the small gym in our apartment complex. There are two girls (I learn later they are visiting friends but go to school in another town. Both girls are freshmen at their school, I also learn later) hanging out. One girl is working out on the treadmill, the other girl is kicking back on the exercise bike watching tv. The girl on the exercise bike turns around immediately and stares at me hard as I pass through the rec room. I come back into the gym after a couple of minutes, recognizing that the girl has given me a definite IOI. I start chatting her up. She smiles as I ask her questions. Then, I get greedy and decide I want to try to close both girls, not just the one who's given me the IOI. The girl on the bike looks back when I ask a question to see if I'm asking her, or her friend the question. She looks away looking slightly miffed when I'm looking at her friend, but smiles if I'm looking at her and asking the question. I just can't help chatting up the friend of the girl giving me the IOI since her friend is wearing a sports bra and is getting sweaty. Sports bra girl is a 7.5 blonde. Bike girl is a 7 with brown hair. She's about 5 8", has a thin/athletic figure, a relatively pretty face and has wavy brown hair.
I number close the 7. I linger for a bit. Then I decide I want to number close the 7.5. I say goodbye and shake the hand of the 7. The 7 looks up at me and stares and smiles as I approach and hold her hand. The 7 then places her other hand on top of mine and stares into my eyes. In retrospect, I can tell she wants me right away, but I fail to capitalize. I shoulda Gunwitched her. Oh well.
Later, I learn the 7.5's number is no good. The 7's number is good. I only reached her today by phone. We only talked very briefly. She asked me how school was going. I told her things were very busy. She said she was extremely busy too and said she didn't have time to talk since she was on her way to a meeting (hmm, no time to talk but you had time to pick up the phone?).
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Sarge 3:
I'm with a co worker at orientation at the start of the year. We chitchat and learn we have an alma mater in common. At the end of the orientation, I ask her if she wants to get lunch. She says she's busy. She volunteers her phone number however. She says she wants to get together later. She's slightly nervous as she's talking, as she is stuttering as she talks to me. She actually only writes down her email, rather than her phone. I tell her to give me her phone number too, and she writes it down immediately (only after I ask). This lady is older, perhaps mid 30's and is about a '6' or so. Fairly cute, but older.
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To be continued....
