Should I set the date or is she showing low interest?

ia1v1chem

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(Continuation from my last post regarding girl i matched with on bumble and got her #)

*Girl asked me when i was out of town when i'm returning, so i reached out to her once i came back*

Me: What you up to
Her: Just doing some spring cleaning and putting away winter clothes. What about you? Did you go to the parade?
Me: What Parade? What is your schedule like?
Her: Apparently there's a pride parade going on today
Me: Lol... are you implying something. Anyways let me know your schedule.
Her: No?
Her: Maybe tonight or tomorrow?
Me: Tonight :)
Her: Do you live in the city?
Me: Where else?
Her: a suburb near by?
Me: I fail to see why this matters ;)
Her:Just curious cause meeting could be a logistical challenge
(Convo of her trying to pry where I live, saying proximity is important in relationships blah blah)
Me: I find it at best flattering and at worst concerned that you're so fixated on this :p
Her: I am not, just trying to strike a conversation that's all (Makes no sense)
Her: So tell me where do you live?
Me: Still didn't answer my question , so I'm playing your little game :)
Her: -_-
Her: well player
Me: I am a direct person until i encounter very indirect people
Her: Oh Yeah?
Her: Is that a turn off?
Me: Haha , depends on the context
Her: Well I'm free tomorrow
Her: Just want to stay in tonight and take it easy
Me: Same, kinda getting jaded from going out all the time
Her: are you an introvert?
Me: What makes you say that?
Her: Trying to gauge if we'd get along that's all
Me: Are you an introvert?
Her: Yeah I would say so
Me: Nothing wrong with that :)
Me: Anyways, why are you now putting your winter clothes away?
Her: I got a new dresser so was trying to reorganize my room
Me: That's cool, minimalism your thing now?
Her: Just trying to be more organized and do some spring cleaning
Me: Oh that's nice

I'm guessing she lost interest? Thanks in advance
 

stormrider

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How old is she? One problem with dating older women is that their egos have already solidified. She has this whole thing in her head where she thinks she has everything figured out regarding romance. And then she goes out and ruins every relationship she's in, based on horoscopes, compatibility charts, etc. Basically, she's insane. Something as simple as agreeing on a date turns into logistical challenges, personality conflicts, etc.

Even if you somehow meet all of her qualifications, she will find that ONE THING where you answered wrong and use it as a reason to reject you.

The best thing you could have done when she plays these frame games was to say "Oh, we won't get along then. I never get along with introverts." Show her that you have no need to meet her qualifications. At best, she will be impressed at the fact that you don't give a damn about her approval. At worse, you get to keep your dignity and the two of you part ways. Either way, you win.

Whenever a woman throws out qualifications, I purposely try to fail her qualifications just to show her how little I care about her approval.

For example, if she says something like "I hate guys who pollute. You don't pollute do you?"

My reaction would be "Yeah, I pollute all the time. I know it's bad. I'm trying to get better at it though. But sometimes I'm just very lazy."

Her: Well you shouldn't really do it!

Me: I know. I'm a bad guy ;).

Her; Ok. Maybe I'll make an exception for you.

Ironically, you are more likely to attract her by NOT trying to meet her qualifications. In fact, you should never try to meet anyone's qualifications unless it's a job interview. Trying to qualify yourself to people = living in their frames/reality.
 
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ia1v1chem

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ya when she asked what area of the city i lived in, i told her the worst part of town (where the projects are ). haha! Also she's 26

How old is she? One problem with dating older women is that their egos have already solidified. She has this whole thing in her head where she thinks she has everything figured out regarding romance. And then she goes out and ruins every relationship she's in, based on horoscopes, compatibility charts, etc. Basically, she's insane. Something as simple as agreeing on a date turns into logistical challenges, personality conflicts, etc.

Even if you somehow meet all of her qualifications, she will find that ONE THING where you answered wrong and use it as a reason to reject you.

The best thing you could have done when she plays these frame games was to say "Oh, we won't get along then. I never get along with introverts." Show her that you have no need to meet her qualifications. At best, she will be impressed at the fact that you don't give a damn about her approval. At worse, you get to keep your dignity and the two of you part ways. Either way, you win.

Whenever a woman throws out qualifications, I purposely try to fail her qualifications just to show her how little I care about her approval.

For example, if she says something like "I hate guys who pollute. You don't pollute do you?"

My reaction would be "Yeah, I pollute all the time. I know it's bad. I'm trying to get better at it."

Her: Well you shouldn't really do it!

Me: Well, I do it sometimes. Yup. I'm a bad guy ;).

Her; Ok. Maybe I'll make an exception for you.

Ironically, you are more likely to attract her by NOT trying to meet her qualifications.
 

Robert28

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ya when she asked what area of the city i lived in, i told her the worst part of town (where the projects are ). haha! Also she's 26
Oh you haven’t seen nothing yet. Wait til she’s 33-34. She will be 10x worse and it’ll be all men’s fault for her bad choices.
 

ia1v1chem

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hahaha, yeah the older they are the worse their attitude (even though they're uglier, have more baggage). Do you think she has high IL?

Oh you haven’t seen nothing yet. Wait til she’s 33-34. She will be 10x worse and it’ll be all men’s fault for her bad choices.
 

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stormrider

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ya when she asked what area of the city i lived in, i told her the worst part of town (where the projects are ). haha! Also she's 26
I once hooked up with a woman from KIK, out of all apps. I was just playing around with it and joined some BD.SM group and she was an admin and she kept trying to get me to qualify myself to her. The conversation went something like this...


Her: Please send me a live recent pic to verify yourself or you will get banned.
Me: I don't give a flying fvck about your group. Go ahead and ban me.
Her: Wow. What's up your a$$.
Me: Sorry I am just drunk and bored, that's all. I apologize if I came across as rude.
Her: It's okay. We are used to those types around here. But I still need to see your pic though.
Me: How about a d1ck pic?
Her: Sorry face pic only. I've already seen enough d1ck pics in this group.
Me: Well here's one more to add to your collection.
Her: Okay this is the last warning. Face pic or GTFO.
Me: Sure. Send me a pic first. So that I know I am not sending my pic to a gay guy.
Her: Honey I am far from a gay guy. Other guys here will tell you. *qualifies herself to me*
Me: I'm not easily impressed. I'll be the judge of that.

Long story short we ended up exchanging pics, I went into rapport mode with her by saying "I like to push buttons because people are so uptight these days." We related on how we both don't take anything seriously and that it's always best to act authentically than to kiss people's a$$es. Eventually she told me to text her and she came over the next day.

Moral of the story: Always go out of your way to show women you don't care about their approval. Even risk offending them. Not only does it help you get laid more, you also get to maintain your dignity in the process. You also improve your frame. And because most guys are so damn supplicating these days, it is not hard to stand out.
 

Atom Smasher

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Personally I think most of you guys try too hard to be c0cky/funny/smooth/detached in your texting. You're creating unnecessary tension and awkwardness for her.

That whole conversation conveys uneasiness and tension.

If she asks you where you live, for example, just tell her. No need to be a jokester in every single text.

OP, you're chit-chatting like one of her girlfriends. You're invested in the conversation until she ends it.

Her: are you an introvert?
Me: What makes you say that?

Bad answer. You're answering her question with an accusation and creating more negative tension. You night consider saying, "Well, what would you say about that?" or something like similar. This forces her to clarify herself.

I would probably say, I'm pretty balanced. How about you?

Ball's back in her court.

Than get back to nailing down a meetup and tell her you've got to get going. You're too busy to be chit-chatting with a girl, aren't you?

Too much trying to be c0cky/funny turns one into a performer who is obviously trying to elicit favor. She is supposed to be qualifying herself to you, never the other way around. Her qualifying herself to you should be the very underpinning of your interactions.
 

AJ84

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Female perspective: when she said she’s free tomorrow (your opportunity to set a meet up) but tonight she’s going to chill at home, you replied with a comment about being jaded from going out. Instead of suggesting a meet up for the day she said she’s free, you basically told her you’re jaded. Then went on to ask her about her winter clothes like you totally missed the fact that she was telling you when she was free to meet up.

If it was me I would think ‘ok, so he doesn’t want to meet up I guess?’

If she texts you again just set up a meeting and be direct with your texts in a upbeat and positive way (not the psychological profile Q and A you had going in that text).

Get to the point of the whole reason you are texting her. To meet up.
 

ia1v1chem

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Thanks , you’re right . Do you think this is a lost cause ?

Personally I think most of you guys try too hard to be c0cky/funny/smooth/detached in your texting. You're creating unnecessary tension and awkwardness for her.

That whole conversation conveys uneasiness and tension.

If she asks you where you live, for example, just tell her. No need to be a jokester in every single text.

OP, you're chit-chatting like one of her girlfriends. You're invested in the conversation until she ends it.

Her: are you an introvert?
Me: What makes you say that?

Bad answer. You're answering her question with an accusation and creating more negative tension. You night consider saying, "Well, what would you say about that?" or something like similar. This forces her to clarify herself.

I would probably say, I'm pretty balanced. How about you?

Ball's back in her court.

Than get back to nailing down a meetup and tell her you've got to get going. You're too busy to be chit-chatting with a girl, aren't you?

Too much trying to be c0cky/funny turns one into a performer who is obviously trying to elicit favor. She is supposed to be qualifying herself to you, never the other way around. Her qualifying herself to you should be the very underpinning of your interactions.
 

greatsnake

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Currently going through a chick I met a couple of weeks ago. I’ve asked her once to go on a Second date and she has pushed it off. Going to ask her once more and if she doesn’t answer again I will just bail. No ifs and buts.

Do the same. You are the person that’s on demand, not her.
 

marmel75

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Are you trying to meet this woman or trying to be her personal clown? She is trying to work out logistics and you keep being a clown...looks like she got tired of it. Can you blame her?
 

Epic Days

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How old is she? One problem with dating older women is that their egos have already solidified. She has this whole thing in her head where she thinks she has everything figured out regarding romance. And then she goes out and ruins every relationship she's in, based on horoscopes, compatibility charts, etc. Basically, she's insane. Something as simple as agreeing on a date turns into logistical challenges, personality conflicts, etc.
Yeah this is true. I’ve just never thought about it. I will just say nice meeting you and end conversation.
 

sazc

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(Continuation from my last post regarding girl i matched with on bumble and got her #)

*Girl asked me when i was out of town when i'm returning, so i reached out to her once i came back*

Me: What you up to
Her: Just doing some spring cleaning and putting away winter clothes. What about you? Did you go to the parade?
Me: What Parade? What is your schedule like?
Her: Apparently there's a pride parade going on today
Me: Lol... are you implying something. Anyways let me know your schedule.
Her: No?
Her: Maybe tonight or tomorrow?
Me: Tonight :)
Her: Do you live in the city?
Me: Where else?
Her: a suburb near by?
Me: I fail to see why this matters ;)
Her:Just curious cause meeting could be a logistical challenge
(Convo of her trying to pry where I live, saying proximity is important in relationships blah blah)
Me: I find it at best flattering and at worst concerned that you're so fixated on this :p
Her: I am not, just trying to strike a conversation that's all (Makes no sense)
Her: So tell me where do you live?
Me: Still didn't answer my question , so I'm playing your little game :)
Her: -_-
Her: well player
Me: I am a direct person until i encounter very indirect people
Her: Oh Yeah?
Her: Is that a turn off?
Me: Haha , depends on the context
Her: Well I'm free tomorrow
Her: Just want to stay in tonight and take it easy
Me: Same, kinda getting jaded from going out all the time
Her: are you an introvert?
Me: What makes you say that?
Her: Trying to gauge if we'd get along that's all
Me: Are you an introvert?
Her: Yeah I would say so
Me: Nothing wrong with that :)
Me: Anyways, why are you now putting your winter clothes away?
Her: I got a new dresser so was trying to reorganize my room
Me: That's cool, minimalism your thing now?
Her: Just trying to be more organized and do some spring cleaning
Me: Oh that's nice

I'm guessing she lost interest? Thanks in advance
Tldr: she was interested in meeting you but you got combatative and difficult over text and you caused her to lose interest.

IMO you're difficult.
She IS trying to be respectful about distance, she IS trying to make conversation with you, and you keep challenging her at every turn.

Just answer her questions, what's so difficult about that? You come off as closed off, difficult and very guarded. I would have ghosted you too, I'm not looking to date anyone that makes a simple text conversation difficult PRIOR TO EVEN MEETING THEM!

Women want dudes who are going to be easy to get along with. If you approach every interaction thinking it's a sh1t test and trying to control frame in a very heavy handed way, like you just did, she's going to move on, looking for a more relaxed, easy going guy.

I'm not saying go beta, or roll over for her, but fvck, we want the interaction with the ppl we spend time with to be pleasant. Out the gate, over text, the interaction wasn't pleasant, why would she want to spend time with that?
 

sazc

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Are you trying to meet this woman or trying to be her personal clown? She is trying to work out logistics and you keep being a clown...looks like she got tired of it. Can you blame her?
Yep!
 
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DEEZEDBRAH

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(Continuation from my last post regarding girl i matched with on bumble and got her #)

*Girl asked me when i was out of town when i'm returning, so i reached out to her once i came back*

Me: What you up to
Her: Just doing some spring cleaning and putting away winter clothes. What about you? Did you go to the parade?
Me: What Parade? What is your schedule like?
Her: Apparently there's a pride parade going on today
Me: Lol... are you implying something. Anyways let me know your schedule.
Her: No?
Her: Maybe tonight or tomorrow?
Me: Tonight :)
Her: Do you live in the city?
Me: Where else?
Her: a suburb near by?
Me: I fail to see why this matters ;)
Her:Just curious cause meeting could be a logistical challenge
(Convo of her trying to pry where I live, saying proximity is important in relationships blah blah)
Me: I find it at best flattering and at worst concerned that you're so fixated on this :p
Her: I am not, just trying to strike a conversation that's all (Makes no sense)
Her: So tell me where do you live?
Me: Still didn't answer my question , so I'm playing your little game :)
Her: -_-
Her: well player
Me: I am a direct person until i encounter very indirect people
Her: Oh Yeah?
Her: Is that a turn off?
Me: Haha , depends on the context
Her: Well I'm free tomorrow
Her: Just want to stay in tonight and take it easy
Me: Same, kinda getting jaded from going out all the time
Her: are you an introvert?
Me: What makes you say that?
Her: Trying to gauge if we'd get along that's all
Me: Are you an introvert?
Her: Yeah I would say so
Me: Nothing wrong with that :)
Me: Anyways, why are you now putting your winter clothes away?
Her: I got a new dresser so was trying to reorganize my room
Me: That's cool, minimalism your thing now?
Her: Just trying to be more organized and do some spring cleaning
Me: Oh that's nice

I'm guessing she lost interest? Thanks in advance
TL;DR!

Its called cliff notes. Use it.

You got the ball. There's 1sec in the game. What do you do?

Obviously, you shoot. Anything but is cuck and low testosterone.
 

VladPatton

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That's a fvckload of texting in any context, damn.
 

VladPatton

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Personally I think most of you guys try too hard to be c0cky/funny/smooth/detached in your texting. You're creating unnecessary tension and awkwardness for her.

That whole conversation conveys uneasiness and tension.

If she asks you where you live, for example, just tell her. No need to be a jokester in every single text.

OP, you're chit-chatting like one of her girlfriends. You're invested in the conversation until she ends it.

Her: are you an introvert?
Me: What makes you say that?

Bad answer. You're answering her question with an accusation and creating more negative tension. You night consider saying, "Well, what would you say about that?" or something like similar. This forces her to clarify herself.

I would probably say, I'm pretty balanced. How about you?

Ball's back in her court.

Than get back to nailing down a meetup and tell her you've got to get going. You're too busy to be chit-chatting with a girl, aren't you?

Too much trying to be c0cky/funny turns one into a performer who is obviously trying to elicit favor. She is supposed to be qualifying herself to you, never the other way around. Her qualifying herself to you should be the very underpinning of your interactions.
Agree 100%
 

sazc

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I found it utterly hilarious that OP was asking HER if she was an introvert, considering he was constructing the conversation in a manner that would directly push her away.

Introverts create situations, they craft interaction, where they can remain safe and introverted - this is exactly what he did
 

Mike32ct

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It read too much like the old PUA "Never give a woman a direct answer" stuff.

Put another way, this is a textbook example of "over-gaming" or trying to raise interest level on someone who is already interested in you.

Re-read Sazc's first reply on this.
 
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