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Should I break no-contact and if so how?!

pancakepalace

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 23, 2004
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Hello there,

Here is a quick resumé for those who don't want to read it. I had a girlfriend for three months, that I knew for 2 years as a friends/aquaintance (somewhere in between), and we found out she was pregnant after these three months. I moved in with here and things were great for two weeks. Things were also fabulous before (we made a beautiful trip together - I met her parents and she met mine). After two weeks of living together she started acting more and more reclusive and basically built walls between us. I had a little freek out of anxiety that caused this. I tried to talk with her for about three weeks. Impossible. Finally, she announced she was moving to another city to live with her parents. She was leaving me without having talked 1 minutes about what was making her feel bad. I begged and pleaded for her to stay and asked her to talk about it. She didn't want to. We than lived together for three weeks and didn't talk much since she was always in a bad mood. I did everything A1 in those last weeks. Cleaned and paid for everything. The appartement was always flawless. This is the basic version.

It's been three weeks now and she hasn't called me. Neither have I called her. She told me I would be invited for the first ecography which should be due very soon. I received a letter yesterday in which she took care of some bills (her cell etc...) and in which she gave me her phone and adress. She also said I could call if I had questions. (She hadn't left a note when she moved out and I had no idea of her new adress - I figured it out from the net though).

My original plan was to not call her and wait for her to call for the ecography. Now, I have a potential roomate that might move in, but I need to ask her some details of her plans in order for me to know when I am leaving this flat and moving to the other city (want to be close to the baby).

I need to call her first and break no-contact.

Questions:

1 - Should I call? or try to find some way out (don't think it is really possible - only if calling is a big no-no)
2 - If I call, what do I say? Should I keep it really short and buisness like or is this too cold?
3 - Should I try to talk about our relationship or just avoid the topic?

I am really scared to break the no-contact. Everyday still I think of her and my heart hurts. I don't think I am healed enough to talk and am scared to blow it.

How would you guys go about it? Remember, she is pregnant so this isn't just some ex which I can keep away from.

Thanks guys,
 

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Desdinova

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5hit, are you ever in one hell of a tight situation. I can't believe the cvnt left you while she was pregnant with your kid!

What you'll have to realize is that this woman is going to somewhat be a part of your life for the next 18 years, whether you like it or not. Either you're going to get visitation rights with the child, or you're going to pay child support while she has full custody. Unfortunately, women get away with murder in this situation.

You might want to look into your legal options ASAP, since this is also your child.

My suggestion until the child is born is don't support her through her pregancy. She showed she doesn't want any support by fvcking off, but make damn sure you're there to support your child.
 

Maverick001

Senior Don Juan
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pancakepalace,

Keep it warm and friendly with her when talking on the phone, but don't spend too much time with her on the phone either.

Being warm and friendly means being relaxed and cordial. That's it.

Don't talk about the "relationship" on the phone. Once you see her in person, assess the situation as best you can and then decide. I would probably avoid this topic of discussion for the first few face to face meetings though.

Document everything that you do as far as being involved in the pre-natal care goes. If you can, get someone to go with you as a witness. This may not make sense to you now but if this girl acts crazy and tries to prevent your access to your child, then any and all verifiable facts that you have to prove that you were involved and devoted to your child will help.

Also, and this is VERY important, after leaving with you, get your witness to IMMEDIATELY write down and sign whatever they saw and heard THEMSELVES while they were there with you and the girl. This way your witness won't have trouble remembering anything later and can get things down while they're still fresh in their mind.

Get a lawyer pronto and make sure you fight for your rights to see and be a regular part of your child's life. THE CHILD IS THE PRIORITY NOW.

You're not the guy that posted something similar to this before and it was your reaction to first hearing about the pregnancy that scared the girl was it?

Cheers,
Mav
 
Last edited:

NewMan

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 29, 2003
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I think you need to make that phone call.

But you've got to keep it to the business at hand.

Don't talk about the two of you.

Don't question her on what she's doing or who she's with.

You've got to protect your a## to some extent - and if you want access to your child I'd suggest you make the call and find out all the info you can. You don't want anything brought up in the future regarding the fact that you had her phone number but could never be bothered enough to call her and find out how your kid is doing.

Be smart now.
 
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