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She needs space...where did it go wrong??

vatoloco

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I'm gonna be kinda harsh. I know you just got dropped and you're feeling shitty but it's the most crucial time so that your skin becomes thicker. Become stronger.

Sandow said:
She completely flips out, saying it’s ridiculous that I think something is going on between them.
Translation: "It's ridiculous that you're onto me! And yes, I'm fucking him."


Btw, I really don’t think there was anything between she and her boss, he felt bad for what happened on Friday so he payed her her to go skiing, he didn’t go with her.
How do you know this? Are you 100% sure? If the guy is loaded enough to be paying for ski trips for girls, I'm sure he has the means (and most definitely the motivation) to join her. ;)


She starts laughing, acting VERY casually. You can tell I was pissed, but she was very laid back.
Because she was already planning to bail. It was already in her mind the thought of swinging to a newer, better branch.


So now, I tell her to be honest with me about everything since we’re broken up now.
Dude! You were doing great up to this point. Never, EVER ask her "Why?"


She was doing everything so casually and non chalant, it drove me crazy how she told me she loved me more than anyone just a week ago and how crazy she is about me, to not caring at all. I mean not at all fellas. It was like she was a completely different person.
Again, because she was already planning to bail.



She then asks where the Nutcracker tickets are, and I tell her I threw them away. Ok here is where she really flips out! She tells me to go find em, go in the trash if you have to. I tell her that’s your bad, you should have never left your stuff here, especially when you have this 3 month rule. That’s not my problem. I then tell her about disnleyland, and what the hell I’m going to do about that!! She ignores it, at this point all she is interested in are the Nutcracker tickets and she won’t leave till she gets them.
I had a suspicion earlier but this now confirms it. The boss gave her those tickets: "Here you go, go have fun with your friend..."


And that’s it. The whole time during the interaction, I wanted answers because I was so confused on what happened. I asked her how this could happen? She never really gave a good answer, all she said was that it was too much too soon and how she gets over it in 3 months.
Again, never ask her why. Come to us. We'll explain things.


I figured, if she still wanted to be with me, she would refute my decision. But she never did, so apparently it was mutual??
It's never mutual. One party always drops the other. Unfortunately, she was already in the plans of dropping you...


This morning, a part of me wondered if she still wanted to be with me? She denied saying she wanted space, so that got me wondering. However she admitted to not saying I love you back. I’m wondering if I did the right thing, maybe there was still a chance and I blew it, after all she denied she wanted space.
This is just wishful thinking, the fear of the unknown and for the uncertainty ahead. "Will I be able to bang another hot one like this? What if I never, ever get sex again!?" Trust us. We've been there.


(she’s definitely a branch swinger) and her new job (wanting to change, move on to new things)
Hot women usually are. That's why you have to have extremely tight game with them.
 

cordoncordon

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Sandow said:
Ok...not a 9.5, but for sure very attractive. Nice body, face looks ok. Congrats on laying her over and over and over again.

Solid 7-8. How tall is she? Looks 5"10" or so.

You can do better bro!

And thanks for posting the pic, always nice to see a face to a story.
 
Last edited:

nismo-4

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Judge nismo has to take this case for sure!

Opening argument is that when a woman says she needs space, it is a way of saying "I have a new man and/ or I'm tired of you!"

Regardless, GET THE F**K OUT OF DODGE!!!

Sandow said:
Story: I met this girl (HB 9.5) through a friend and it was an instant connection. I played all the dj rules, she ate it up, everyday she became closer to me. Heck, I was falling for it too. We were moving pretty fast, but she said she had never felt like this before, and honestly, either have I.

Perhaps she knew that you loved her. It was written all over your face plain as day. Dammit, why did you fall for it? This is bad for you. Now I know she had the upper hand!

So after about a month, she is over all the time, I mean she is practically moved in. I have my own place, so I didn’t mind. I mean, come home after work and have a gorgeous babe come over every night and have amazing sex. Who’s gonna say no to that? I know what you guys are gonna say...you were too available, you spent to much time together....but c’mon, if things are going perfectly, why mess with it? I know I was going against the dj rules but nearly every night was awesome. She would cook for me, clean my place, buy me stuff all the time. It was almost too perfect.

You were too available, you spent too much time together and the problem is that it was almost too perfect! Take this girl on a rollercoaster soap opera type thing. You just walked a straight path. That's a bore motherf**ker! And the funny thing is you admit you're guilty by going against the DJ rules! The same set of rules that would've saved your ass! When you get a girl, you have to keep her attracted to you. There's another offense you will be charged for!

Here is where things started to change. Previously she was a server, but was tired of serving and wanted to get a more “real” job. About two weeks ago she started doing event planning for this company (family friend offered her the position) on the weekends. She was digging it, making good money, got along with everyone there. The owner even payed for her to go skiing last week for a couple days. Mind you, we are still getting along great, she would text me all the time telling me she missed me, how much she loved me, all the time.

Oh my. Taken with a grain of salt I hope.

This weekend rolls around and we had plans to attend my company xmas party on Friday. She said she had someone cover her shift, so she can get off early. Well, she never got off, saying there was a mess up in the schedule and had to stay the entire night. I was pretty pissed but I just blew it off. She continually apologized and felt horrible, she reassured me how she was so pissed and how much she loved me. No biggie.

Sh*t happens. Or she's getting railed by her boss.

I see her Saturday night, everything was fine. Leaves my apt, tells me she loves me and goes to work Sunday. She said it would be a slower day and would probably get off early. That day I go out with my buds to have a few drinks...She texts me later and says the day is super busy and she wont get off til 10. I’m ok with it...until it’s 1130 and I still haven’t heard from her!

Now I'm getting a funny feeling that her boss is giving her more excitement than you! In more ways than one! Her boss has got to be super busy tearing her pu$$y up!

Then I get a text saying,
“my boss is paying for stacy and I to go skiing tomorrow, I’m going to go home tonight and leave early tomorrow, is that ok baby?”
So I was pretty drunk at this point and was really pissed. Usually I’m cool about this, but her actions have been pretty shady lately. Yea I could’ve kept my cool, but this is the second time she has done this, so I texted her some stuff I shouldn’t have said like, “that’s cool, just don’t come here.” Did I overreact? Was I putting too much pressure on her? Maybe I wasn’t stern enough?

If you stuck to following the DJ rules, this wouldn't have happened!

She never texted me or called me until tuesday night. Mind you, I never caved in and called/texted her. So there was no contact for 2 days, until she texts me we need to talk. I say ok.

This is not good. I applaud you for NC, but it's all downhill from here.

She comes over Tuesday night, I’m super nervous, I feel like she is breaking up. I basically apologize for texting her that message and not calling. She apologized also for not calling and asked why I never called. I simply said I felt like was being too possesive and so I gave you space, expecting you to call.

Calling her BS is usually not very effective or nil. Why did you apologize? Oh no!

I tell her that I love her, I want to be with her, but she has been acting weird, so I don’t know what’s going on.

Motherf**kin' Goddammit! An Iluvyou charge if I ever saw one! I smell desperation all the way here in Georgia! You're giving her more reason to get away from you!

She says she is overwhelmed with her job and getting a lot of pressure from work (they offered her a full time spot so she is working the week now). She continues to say she is worried about her income, her bank account is dwindling, she mentions that her grandma passed away a year ago on this date. So she is going through a lot and really stressed out. I told her I completely understand and I will always be there for her.

Oh hell no! I need to come smack my gavel longside your head!!! Dammit! How much desperation spray did you use?! That's another count of desperation and excessive availability!

We end up making out a lil bit and played around. I told her I love her, she says she loves me too, but very softly. This whole time she is acting very quiet and distant. She’s just going through a hard time, that’s all.

Guys are supposed to say I LOVE YOU TOO!!!

She calls me this morning asking for something she wrote down, and as we get off the phone, I tell her I love her...and it goes silent. She’s gets flustered and doesn’t say anything. Then she says we need space and we’ll talk tonight. WTF!!

You're too available. You're giving excessive love. Abuse of the words I love you. Another charge. You should know why it goes silent. You killed her attraction and interest by these actions. BTW, you creeped her out.

At this point I am totally perplexed and confused on what happened. Everything was perfect, I had a dream girl, she was crazy about me. Yea we spent a lot of time together but we were having a blast. How can she just wake up one day and completely change the way she feels about me? I understand that she got a new job, but why should that affect our relationship? I’m not really buying it. If I got a new job, yea I would be stressed, but that’s not going to make me want to break up with my gf. Again I’m amazed how she can just throw everything away because she is “stressed” and how she can’t say I love you anymore.

Simple mathematics; You being too interested plus her being creeped out by your actions equals her going to another man who treats her like sh*t while leaving you to ponder this situation. In reality, it's over, no matter how anyone looks at it.

I remember Pook pointing out that transitions will make us get out with the old and start with the new. Getting a new job, moving to a new area, any kind of transition for some reason makes us start off fresh and ready for change. Could this be happening here?? Or did I f*ck up somewhere??

You f**ked up. Read the above.

And should I stay by her side while she transitions, or just move on?? I’m completely perplexed and confused how she can change so fast. I’m crazy about this girl and would hate to lose her. Any kind of advice appreciated.

Aww, move the hell on! Staying by her side is the crime of oneitis development. You already lost her. (Insert Super Mario 1 Game Over Theme) Then you got her on a pedestal! Another crime!!!
Read be- Damn. Judge nismo is very ups- no. Judge nismo is very disappointed in you. Now I have to give you your punishment.

You have been found guilty of;
1. three counts of I love you
2. multiple counts of creeping her out
3. attempted oneitis
4. failure to DJ
5. failure to maintain attraction
6. possession of a pedestal
7. pedestal use
8. multiple counts of excessive availability
9. desperation displaying
10. failure to eject
11. giving up your power.

I had to throw the book at you. This is the only way to wake your ass up! These carry a hefty fine of blue balls, days of lost time, lots of stress, a confused mind, and a trip to Loveless Creek, Iowa. You are also going to be sent to Unwanted Wood, Alabama and Crushedego, Michigan. Your only escape is to get this girl out of your head, move on, and spin more plates. Let this girl go. The sooner you do this, the better.

Your princess is in another castle.

Case closed. Very disappointed.
 

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Rubirosa

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I really can't improve on some of the advice here, so I'll just add......
I no longer accept "I didn't have time to call or text" as a legitimate excuse.
Before our egos push our rationalization aside, we all know that it's possible to sneak in a call or text sometime over the course of a given time period.
 

frivolousz21

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Falcon25 said:
If that's a 9.5 in Los Angeles, CA then my covk is a 6.

You should ask the Mods if you can change your screen name to Rick James.
 

Buddha_Mind

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I really don't know why you would want to post a pic of your ex-gf to be validated by a bunch of strangers you've never met. She probably knows you better at this point than anyone on this website. Who cares how hot she is to other people?

Is your only value in a woman her physical? If this was your only basis for being with her, you cannot be surprised at how quickly things might change -- women can be intense and crazy as it is, maybe if you had given it a bit more space and let things flow out rather than go so extreme on her things would have leveled off...but there really is no telling; we make our choices and we go with it.

I understand the idea of space without relationship termination -- you can't be around a single person night and day 24/7...sometimes you need a few days, or even a week, of "self" time. So many relationships put such intense pressure on constant engagement (ie, constant contact), I wonder if this alone isn't part of the detriment. Space can be healthy because it gives us time to address our own selves. I'm not sure every request for space means *I hate you* or *I'm fvking this guy* or *I'm plotting my exit*. Sometimes I need space even from my greatest friends...because maybe I'd like to read a book...doesn't mean I don't care.
 

Kailex

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Her 3 month rule.

I can't believe you bought ANY of what she told you Sandow.
I honestly can't even fathom what made you want to ask her WHAT HAPPENED.

You think she's going to tell you the truth?
Even after all of what WE told you, you wanted to ask her?

Well, guess what... she still didn't tell you the truth.
It was her job, even if she doesn't want to admit it.
There is NO 3 month rule.

You said: Pre-job = Awesome
Post-unemployment = Terrible

So you tell me, do you REALLY need to ask her what was going on wrong?

She said she didn't know what the problem was... guess what, she knew EXACTLY what the problem was: YOU.

That's right, I said it.
She strategically positioned herself in a place where she could benefit off of you but as soon as she got her footing solidly on the ground, she abandoned the "relationship". She used you for emotional support and "housing" and you still wonder what went wrong?

Pre-job = Awesome
Post-unemployment = Terrible

All you should have done is said to her: "Hey, this isn't going to work, I need you to come back and pick up your stuff." THAT'S IT. You drug out the drama and I can bet she loved every second of it and after leaving your place, she called her boss, told him that there was the Nutcracker thing she'd like to take him to (you know, to thank him for the ski trips) and then he told her to come over and she banged him.

Sorry to be so graphic, but the point needs to come across... men need to stop asking women "WHY"... because women are never going to give you the TRUTH. She's not Cluster B... she played you like a fiddle.

I just hope you take this as a learning experience.
 

squirrels

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cordoncordon said:
Ok...not a 9.5, but for sure very attractive. Nice body, face looks ok. Congrats on laying her over and over and over again.

Solid 7-8. How tall is she? Looks 5"10" or so.

You can do better bro!

And thanks for posting the pic, always nice to see a face to a story.
In Baltimore, that'd be a 9. Although I guess a boob-job wouldn't hurt, and if you're into more thick/toned girls she's a little skinny...but that's really nit-picking. I would screw either one of those girls, no problem.

Either way, when I see a tall skinny blonde girl doing a cutesy-pose out in front of Tiffany's in LA, my immediate assumption is that she's looking for a sugar-daddy type of guy. She is either f**king her boss, or her boss is wishing she was.

Now she may be different as far as HBs go...maybe she had the personality to go with it. I can't tell...I don't know the girl besides what you told us. But I WILL tell you this...she knows she's in-demand.

As soon as you pulled your "stunt" (snapped at her via text, then started getting apologetic and cuddly), she saw straight through you...she KNOWS you estimate yourself as inferior in dating value.

I've had this happen before...and I didn't even SAY anything, it was just a moment of hesitation during foreplay where I thought to myself, "what am I DOING with this beautiful a woman??"...and from there the whole house of cards just toppled instantly and I never saw that girl again.

I'm not saying you were wrong in being pissed off, but yeah, you moved WAY too quick on this one. You should've given her more time, but you were so anxious about "finally nailing an HB9" that you let her move in and everything.

I can tell just from looking at her...and maybe I've got a misread, but a lot of girls who fancy themselves to be the most beautiful thing on Earth (because that's what they've been told by everyone from Daddy on up through the thousands of guys that have tried to get in her panties) also fancy themselves to be wasting themselves if they settle for anything less than a C-level exec, movie star, or royalty. (again, because that's what daddy's princess has been taught from day one)

What you were dealing with was likely a 10-year-old girl in a 20something-year-old's body. You gave her too much credit because you were dumbfounded by her looks, in the same way a girl can be dumbfounded by "Don-Juannery", and you shoved all your chips in way too early in the hand.

On the bright side, look at it this way...you know you CAN get women of that caliber looks-wise, so you have nothing left to prove. Now search for a girl who's WORTH keeping...tapping as much ass along the way as possible. :D
 

grayclif

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squirrels said:
On the bright side, look at it this way...you know you CAN get women of that caliber looks-wise, so you have nothing left to prove. Now search for a girl who's WORTH keeping...tapping as much ass along the way as possible. :D
^^^ WORD!
 

MC Easy Rider

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I think a little bit different than some people. My opinion where you went wrong is thinking that you went wrong somewhere because she's leaving you. No, she's the one who's going wrong if you were good to her and why would you want to stay with someone like that? Who the **** cares about appearance on that emotional of a level, if you were wealthy you could afford to sleep with hookers that probably look as good as her or better every night and from the sounds of it she's no less shallow. Would you be in love with the hookers as well? Where you went wrong is not loving yourself. But don't beat yourself up for it, start now and learn to do it. And don't be nice to this girl, just get rid of her as people have previously said. For some reason you seem to think that that's 'mean' or something. No, she's the one leaving you. Also in my experience if you let a girl go completely after she loses interest she'll sometimes become attracted to you again because of it. But leave the door closed and find a new one or a few.
 

vatoloco

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Dude, that's not a 9.5! Sure, it's an 8 or an 8.5... maybe a 9 but no way a 9.5!

I actually dig the friend better. Last girl I had an LTR with looked like her (the one in the picture is shorter and has bigger boobs). FUCK! She was hot!! But not long-term material... :cry: ;)

squirrels said:
Either way, when I see a tall skinny blonde girl doing a cutesy-pose out in front of Tiffany's in LA, my immediate assumption is that she's looking for a sugar-daddy type of guy.
Yep. That's the first thing that came to mind. If this picture was from before you guys started dating, it should have been a major red flag for a very high-maintenance woman. ONS or FB material but definitely not for anything long-term...
 

betheman

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you have been played! i really doubt there was any longevity in this relationship anyway, whatever your game, she would have been on the lookout for the next best thing and she would have found it...the boss wil be next, he will have the good time you have had until a) he finds the next prettiest thing to buy or B) the pretty thing finds a wealthier, yonger versio of her boss, it doesnt natter what you do or did, it wasnt going to last, what you failedto do was hang on to your balls!
Im not preaching from a higher place, just experience, ive been there, learn and move on
 

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vatoloco

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Jamo

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Falcon25 said:
You should re read my post. I told you everything she told you last night. Without even knowing or meeting her. There is no other guy (until the boss). What she means by the 3 month rule is that she still hasn't met a strong man who DOESN'T fall in love with her in the first three months of a relationship. She still hasn't met someone who says NO to her. She hasn't met someone who GIVES HER THE TIME to fall in love with someone. Not vice versa. There's nothing wrong with this girl, she just needs a guy who can control her. People on here blaming her, calling a her sluvt, branch etc. that's not what happened. She was a great girl you said, YOUR actions made her change. We have all been there. This is where you lost your anal cherry. Welcome to the life of dating.

Fatal mistakes. Learn from this. I will repost my first one so you can read it for the next 45 days, till you memorize it. Lot's of guys can get women, but can you keep her? Can you control her? Make her fall head over heels so she robs banks for you? That's the ultimate man's man. ANY FOOL CAN GET LAID.

1) Why would you let someone literally move in with you in 30 days? Is she homeless? Is she an orphan?
2) You said I love you to her? You keep saying it? You are no longer a challenge buddy. She knows she got you.
3) The boss has already fuvked her. Twice. That's why she was late from work. Men don't pay for ski trips, unless they're fuvking them. He's got money, you don't. He's dangling the career carrot infront of her, you don't. You don't even have challenge with you. That is why she is feeling guilty of leading you on. She loves it too. She exchanges sex, for attention and trips. This is not your typical bartender that bangs her, this is a professional. She loves it.

4) You lost control of this situation when you became too available. You say "c'mon she was always there willing and ready" You don't do that stuff of sex every night, dinner every night, until at least six months to a year in a relationship. Even then, I would recommend against it. THE ONLY TIME YOU SEE A WOMAN EVERY NIGHT IS WHEN YOU MARRY THEM. Even then, you should hide in the bathroom for a few hours so you can have some peace and quiet. Absence makes the heart go fonder.
5) She is not coming back, she's gone. You lost the most important aspect of the relationship. Challenge.
6) When I was reading your post, I thought a woman was writing it. That's how far gone you are.
7) Read this very carefully. A WOMAN FALLS IN LOVE WITH YOU IN TIME. You gave her no time. You rushed, you lost. Move on.
8) Depending on her age, motivation, and how hot she is, sometimes they're just wired wrong. Some girls are just born to love covk for money. Some girls love to be sluvts, attention *****s, etc. I put those in the ten percent category. But, most of the time, it's the man's fault for going too fast and not making her work for you.
While I agree with Falcon25's analysis of the situation, I however think that there is everything wrong with this girl (and she represents a growing percentage unfortunately).

Who wants to waste their time to try and control someone who is innately a gold digger or is constantly looking for an upgrade? You will wear yourself out, and sooner or later lose something that was not worth the investment of time/energy. She WILL flake on you in hard times - and whether you like it or not everyone does go through those. The fact that she wanted to move in so quickly (and acted so cool when you were breaking up with her - all preplanned and pre-meditated), and the fact that she was accepting gifts from her boss (while fvcking you in a "relationship") are damning enough! She played you like a violin. She is hazardous waste - one night stand at most!

She is best served on a webpage that says: "yes I fvcked her! Here is her number, you can fvck her too with a pair of Nutcracker Tickets!" :crackup:
 

Sandow

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Haha, vatoloco, your pretty funny. Harsh, but funny. Dude, if you see them in person, you would be the only person in the world that would rather f*ck her friend. There’s no comparison, trust me.

That’s a ****ty picture on purpose fellas, I’m not going to post a portrait of her, I just wanted to give you an idea.

Buddha_Mind: Man, this is not what I need to hear right now! All I can think about is how perhaps she was really telling the truth. Shyt, everyone goes through rough times, maybe all she needed was space after all? Not everyone has to be f*ckin their boss or f*ckin somebody else when things are getting overwhelming and stressful right?...We can’t assume all girls are like this guys...

For the most part, I’m taking everyone’s advice with a grain of salt. Everyone seems to be giving me different advice, but I’m siding with Kailex, squirrels, jophil, cordoncordon, danger and everyone else that has a similar view.

Like I said earlier, I wasn’t total AFC. SHE was the one that told me she loved me first. In fact we were in bed messing around. When it turned midnight on December 1, she tells me, “I’ve kept waiting till it turned twelve so I can tell you those three words...”
I said, “And what are those?...” And she replied “I love you baby... I’ve never felt like this before.”
I was actually taken back by this, I never thought she would say it so fast, nor did I ever think about saying it to her. I guess I was caught in the moment, and so I said it back.”

When we were laying on the couch, she asked what I told people what we were. I said, “You’re my friend. Why? What do you say?”
And she gets pissed, “Really, my friend?!? I say your my boyfriend.”
I reply, “Well yea I do say your my girlfriend sometimes.”
The point is that she had to bring it up for us to be official. Can you now see how it was difficult to reject all this?

SHE was the one who bought the Nutcracker tickets. In fact, she bought it next to me watching TV. SHE was the one who wanted to get a tree and decorate it. SHE decorated the place, and put up the stalkings. SHE always said I love you first, and I always replied I love you too. I think you guys get the point. I didn’t do this, this was all her.

Here’s the problem with my availability issues. I have a great job as a Financial Auditor (boring at times but pays well), I have my own pad, and so during the week I don’t go out as much. I’m sorry, but my career is more important than going out and getting drunk every night. I’ve worked my ass off to get to the managerial position, my career and making money is very important to me.

So, the truth was I was available a lot during the week after work. I would get home, often after long days of work, and wouldn’t feel like going out. I’m not gonna go out to the bars, hit on random girls and be unavailable. I would rather go home and spend time with my girlfriend and be responsible with my job, otherwise I’d lose my job. Plus if she found out I was going out spinning plates, she would break up.

Yea I was home a lot after work and it was hard for me to be unavailable. If she wanted to come over, what was I going to say?, “Umm, sorry hun but I have to rearrange my sock drawer tonight!”

She would see right through my B.S. I guess I could go to the gym, but it doesn’t take 4 hours to work out! And my friends? Well all my friends ( I don’t have many because I recently moved to a new area for the job) have girlfriends, so they barely go out. So here I am, I have my own pad (somewhat of a chick magnet I might add; dim lights, nice furniture, beautiful paintings), with all this time. Because I didn’t feel like bull****ting, I was thinking with my dyck and wanted to get laid. Like I said before, I’m not 23 anymore, I’m not going out every night and be hungover the next day( I’m over the player phase in my life, did it, done it, it was fun for ten years, but I’m looking for more substance and meaning).

Another thing to add, I’ve always been labeled a player my entire life. The first thing girls ask me, “You’re a player aren’t you.” In fact, I’ve had a lot of girls refuse to date because they have heard about me (Which is true, I was a huge player). So my girl, HB 9, also heard about me, ( “Oh don’t date him, he’s a player!”) so I wanted to show her that that phase was over in my life, that I wasn’t like that anymore. So I showed her more attention and availability than I normally would. I almost felt like I had to prove I was a “good guy.”

I hope all this explains why I made the decisions I did, and maybe a little insight on my rationalization. You can see how anyone could make these mistakes, especially in my position.

Again appreciate all the help!
 

Boilermaker

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Sandow said:
So my girl, HB 9, also heard about me, ( “Oh don’t date him, he’s a player!”) so I wanted to show her that that phase was over in my life, that I wasn’t like that anymore. So I showed her more attention and availability than I normally would. I almost felt like I had to prove I was a “good guy.”
DUDE

Read more Rollo Tomassi!...

What you achieved by saying this was just to show her how grand a BETA you actually are...


You almost felt like you had to prove you were a "good guy"...

Gosh, I feel like throwing up
 
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